Submitted 3 weeks ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to greentext@sh.itjust.works
https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/becd513c-68cd-4b35-9239-54072a16ba9f.jpeg
Sometimes it takes a while. Run your own race, not theirs. I didn’t figure out what I wanted to do till I was 30. Before then I was absolutely anon, living in a room with a mattress, a PC and a pile of empty vodka bottles i sold plasma to pay for. Now I’ve got a career, a family, a home.
Dont compare yourself to others. Everyone has their own course to follow and their own struggles to get through.
I started transition in my early 30s, before that my plan was to kill myself. Now I’m trying to live the life I want, to be who I want.
I’m about to have my first child at 48. I wasn’t ready before now.
Pardon me asking (and feel free to ignore): Isn’t that scary to have a child so late in life? I’m worried about the impact my age will have on my relationship with my kids and I’m roughly a decade younger.
I’m 29 and definitely nowhere near ready yet. This gives me hope
I feel the same. I don’t have everything I want in life but I heard somewhere, “Some are late bloomers, but everyone, blooms.”
you can compare to some people to a good wine, the longer it matures the more taste it develops …
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Comparing your real, everyday life to someone else’s highlight reel is so much worse. I have been so much happier since getting rid of most social media. All the people I love, I can catch up with via phone calls.
that’s bedbugs
Bro thinks Facebook is real life. Lmao
Yup, people only post the flattering moments.
That said, if OP wants kids, they don’t seem to be on a path to get there.
He is likely stuck in a depressed cycle that makes it hard to do any of those things
I’m married with a newborn, to the envy of my friends, who are all either single or in casual relationships. At the same time, I’ve got a shit job with shit pay and no education beyond high school, while all my friends are either working good jobs in their field or working on their masters degree. I’d love more than anything to have a steady job with good pay, even if it was a boring job, but with no education I don’t think that can happen. I’m very jealous of my friends and wish I could have what they have, meanwhile they look at me and say the same.
All that is to say, no one has it perfect, even if you think they’ve got everything you want, I can guarantee they wish they had something different, possibly something you’ve got. Don’t be so hard on yourself, comparing yourself to others.
Grass is always greener and whatnot
Offer them a 10% share of your newborn. They get a tenth of a kid (better than nothing), you get ~7k$ @ year. /jk
Don’t waste your time on jealousy
Sometimes you’re ahead
Sometimes you’re behind
The race is long, and in the end
It’s only with yourself[…]
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life
The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives
Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t
Everybody’s Free (to wear sunscreen), Baz Luhrmann
The race is long
and in the end is death. don’t race your life to “get ahead”. Take as much time as you desire.
The “Wear Sunscreen’ speech by Mary Schmich:
“Ladies and gentlemen of the class of ’97:
Wear Sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they’ve faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.
Don’t worry about the future, or worry, but know that worry is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind. The kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts. Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don’t waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long and, in the end, it’s only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t.
Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You’ll miss them when they’re gone.
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else’s.
Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.
Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents. You never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They’re your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you’ll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you’ll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.
Don’t mess too much with your hair or by the time you’re 40 it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen.”
-Mary Schmich
One NPC believes he has failed at Life ™ , as brought to you by Meta Corporation, believes other NPC is ‘main character’.
Meanwhile, ‘main character’ quite likely is laboriously and neurotically curating and self-censoring his corporate social media profile precisely to present the appearance of succeeding at Life ™ , as brought to you by Meta Corporation, and in reality is likely in financial arrears, isn’t satisfied or happy with his job, feels like it is mostly bullshit work, and is probably overtired most of the time, having little ability to develop any skills or interests not directly related to his job.
In summary, the NPC management system continues to work as intended, convincing everyone that everyone else is more happy and succesful and fulfilled than themself, ensuring the vast majority of NPCs are too demoralized to be able to consider meaningfully changing the system.
Sure, if the race is to be a normie, then Anon NPC 1 missed the starting gun.
But if the race is to live a genuine, authentic, intentional life, to define what that even means, and then to pursue it, muchless be in control of it, with ‘main character’ levels of plot orientation and plot armor?
Chances are high that neither NPC has even figured out the location of the venue for that event.
The worst thing I ever did was get married and have kids. Now all grown and left, cept the special one, and I realize every day I could have pulled this misery and isolation off all by myself and would be surrounded by French Bulldogs and not regrets.
Yup, a wife and kids aren’t for everyone.
I’m happily married with kids, but I tell people who ask to not have kids. The ones who want kids will ignore me, and the ones who don’t won’t guilt themselves into having them. Far too many people have kids they don’t want.
Yeah bro, how you spend your days is how you spend your life.
Clean and decorate your home. Develop a sense of style. Go out and do things and meet people. Challenge yourself to do something interesting every week. Talk to people, get out of your shell.
Sincerely, the first of her childhood friend group to get married
Clean and decorate your home. Develop a sense of style. Go out and do things and meet people. Challenge yourself to do something interesting every week. Talk to people, get out of your shell.
literally every single one of these things are things that i don’t like
Sounds like some defeatist bullshit. Playing games all day is no way to live.
Doing things is a way to be happy. I used to go out every week in my early 20’s, still do but not as constantly now that I’m in my 30’s. I love meeting people, making friends, falling in love, playing and seeing live music, working with my hands as an electrician, renovating my home, taking care of and loving my dog, traveling, exercising, biking. Hell I volunteered and planted trees with my city’s local government just because I was kinda bored the one summer. I’m engaged to the love of my life and my future and career is bright. I do all of this for my own fulfillment and for those that I love, the “contribute to society” stuff sounds like a 13 year old’s idea of the Joker. I don’t even have social media, unless you count lemmy I guess, so it’s not to “show off”
Style is more often than not just grooming yourself and looking presentable. Nobody is saying buy a t shirt every week.
“Never be happy with the situation” is also just a pessimistic viewpoint. If you put yourself in new and interesting situations, then you’ll be surprised how much fun or fulfillment or challenging mentally physically whatever they can be. If you don’t like it, then change it and don’t do it. Or don’t, and sit inside all day. It’s your life.
Counter points:
I don’t have a counter point. This is just a matter of opinion.
Buy fancy clothes from a yard sale or something. I like to get old time formal wear because it just looks well put together.
You can go out and do things without spending money. Have a walk in the park, go to the library.
I don’t know why you associate challenging yourself with not being satisfied. I think challenging myself is fun. It has the “put in the work, reap the rewards” kind of structure. I draw as a hobby, so I mostly challenge myself by trying to draw in unfamiliar art styles.
This is just kinda sad. You’re aware that having friends isn’t imperialist, right? Friends are a part of every human culture, imperialist or not. Humans are social creatures, and we are very dependent on social interaction. Talking to others is the main way we compare our thoughts and perception to reality–we get a second opinion.
If you really feel that way, I’m sorry to hear that. It can be really hard to try and function ethically in the modern world, so you have to put in some effort to find ethical ways to do things. I hope you get to a point in your life where you feel good about your situation and your role in the world.
Have a nice day.
If you stay at home all day, alone with bare walls and clothes that don’t express yourself or make you look good, never doing anything interesting or speaking to people, you finding friends and a partner as an adult are unlikely.
You should read some existentialist philosophy, man. L’Étranger seems like the book for you, my dude. Particularly, the bit about the guy and his dog.
I think a similar way to say this is to always be trying new things and do self care. If you like a decorated house, decorate, but if you don’t, do a different form of self care.
For me, it’s more like:
Make your own list, and make sure to include things that challenge and stretch you, because there’s no joy like accomplishing something hard.
Decorating your home is more than self care, it’s an extension of personal style that applies to when you hsve friends and potential partners in your home.
I think using the term self care will really backfire with someone like oop, as it has a connotation of giving yourself a break, when my intentions were more to say that if you want a family or people in your life you need to live a life that fosters such things.
Essentially nothing here sounds like main character. This could be the most miserable mofo in the world. Grass is always greener…
Possibly not fake
Might even not be gay
Looking up men online? Absolutely gay.
Fake: Anon cares about other people.
Gay: Anon stalks his highschool boyfriend long after breakup.
More often then not, the friend is putting on a performance. I’m not saying people don’t have happily ever afters, but I am saying that people mostly show the best part of whatever they do.
I don’t feel a need to show off whatever I do, don’t even have a social media account. Apparently I am the strange one because I don’t feel a need to broadcast everything I do to anyone I have met.
On the other hand: I have the money and free time to afford and play any games that I want.
I have kids, and I have the money but not time to play any game I want.
Everyone takes a different path in life, make sure you’re working in the direction you want to go and are comfortable with the consequences of that choice. I am happy with my chosen lifestyle, but I’ve met plenty with a similar lifestyle and aren’t happy.
I cheat my way through games, I may be losing some of the gameplay experience. But I like getting an hour to myself to play a game and not have to do repetitive in game tasks. Playing Roadcraft right now, and sure I could use the dump truck to drive back and forth to the sand pit 300 times or I could use a trainer, have unlimited sand and fill in anything that would prevent game progression. And increase the game speed so I can actually get things done in the small 60 minute timeframe I have. I envy those who can spend hours in the game getting absolutely nothing done.
He got to play games and enjoy life his own way. No shame in that.
Doesn’t seem like he’s enjoying his life, though.
I would rather have a family than play fucking games. Wasted my childhood on that shit. it feels like I’m suffocating when I remember those times. He doesn’t seem to enjoy it very much. Neither do I. Nor would any sane person.
No sane person would enjoy playing video games?
On the other hand: I read about the lives of random terrorists, mass shooters, and I instsntly feel so much better about myself, at least I’m not that fucked up lol
I’ll bet you even regularly change your underwear!!
I also feel like I am still in the character creation menu. I have never developed, like, a solid self-identity due to having BPD; which feels like just constantly changing my character and never hitting the finish button.
Addressing that is the primary goal of a dialectal behavior therapy values assessment. Did a post about that fairly recently actually.
the more different characters you try, the more experience you gain in life, so keep trying.
My childhood friend of 20 years was much smarter than I am. He graduated with a college degree and landed a high-paying job, bought a house, got married, all that. He invited me to go on a European vacation that I simply could not afford, that’s when I realized I needed to walk away. It was clear he was heading in a direction I couldn’t follow. Life isn’t like it is in the movies.
I’ll be honest, if I was inviting a friend of a few decades to a vacation I would both check that he could afford it and if not just outright sponsor the whole thing.
Positive interpretation:
That means that you still have lots of potential inside you, while your friend already used up all his potential.
it’s not positive to bring others down to feel better about yoursefl
aaaaaaand now I’m sad because that is my life.
Make steps towards the life you want. I know that sounds big and scary but it’s small things and doesn’t have to (and shouldn’t) be all at once.
Are you allowed a pet where you live? Sometimes all we need is a little affection and responsibility.
I have a rescue cat. She’s the reason why I haven’t offed myself yet. She’s my life
yardratianSoma@lemmy.ca 3 weeks ago
ngl, this is partially why I enjoyed deleting facebook in 2012. The ability to just impulsively compare myself to others is far too common on sites like that, so the freedom of not even having to worry about mistakenly glancing too long at an old friends profile is never a concern I have.
B0rax@feddit.org 2 weeks ago
Same with LinkedIn. When you see someone who graduated in the same year as you, you will start comparing, it is not good…
RaivoKulli@sopuli.xyz 2 weeks ago
Tbh a reminder to get your shit together every once in a while might be beneficial to some