Submitted 3 weeks ago by Stamets@lemmy.dbzer0.com to memes@sopuli.xyz
https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/pictrs/image/f40dc7ea-5ff3-44e3-8a62-9cabe4f886a8.webp
I have an honest followup question to this meme (because I lived it): how long do you expect the girlfriend to stay?
At age 23 I was in a great relationship, we were in love, then I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. I stopped being able to do physical things, I dropped out of school, I was bedridden. She went from being my girlfriend to being my nurse. She cared for me for a year, one long miserable year, then she left.
Is she at fault for leaving?
In a scenario like this, I don’t know that there’s fault to be had.
Big picture (my opinion as a 53yo) 23 is still young and it’s not uncommon for people and their priorities to change as they find direction in life. Even if you remained healthy, there’s other growing and changes occurring that may have eventually lead to the end of the relationship - it’s the risk we take when we make ourselves vulnerable to someone.
Is it unfortunate? Yes. Sad? Absolutely. Depressing and entirely unfair? No question. But you both lost the future you were hoping to have together. Wishing you better to come.
I try to go around life believing that nobody owes me anything in any way shape or form. Thus, I should be thankful for anything that I have.
She gave you a year, then she decided to leave. Technically, that makes it her fault. But exactly what does determining this accomplish for anyone or anything? Life will just randomly kick the shit out of you and tear you a new one. We all have to adapt and survive and negotiate. If that means leaving an optional strenuous situation, then that’s what has to happen. It’s life.
My problem isn’t necessarily with her leaving. Assuming she left with tact. Which I doubt.
But the audacity to leave someone and then feel entitled to thier time when it suits you, is insane.
What happens if he gets sick again, will she again leave? Will she come back when he’s better? How many times is she entitled to this cycle?
This person needs therapy, she is outrageously selfish.
Dunno, man. Its hard to say. When you marry you take vows. Breaking those vows is a massive no-no in my eyes.
Unmarried couples have never vowed to take care of each other in sickness and in health. On those grounds, I think its fair to say that leaving is not unethical. Doesn’t change the fact that its absolutely devastating and worthy of scrutiny regardless.
Sorry you had to go through that.
A fancy ceremony doesn’t change how people feel about the other person, nor the level of obligations they actually have (emotionally, financially it can get complicated). If you’re unhappy and they reason cannot be changed (like chronic illness requiring significant care) then you fucking leave if that’s what you want. Staying only creates two miserable people instead of one, and your partner will definitely understand even if it hurts.
It’s not so black and white. It really depends. There needs to be communication between both parties.
It’s perfectly fine if one person says, “I can’t do this. I can’t go through with this.” Asking someone to stay by you until you die, or to carry the burden of your disability or sickness is a lot. If there’s a conversation held about it and one person wants out then it’s fine.
One person simply leaving the moment it’s announced is a bit much though, especially if they decide to come back. As someone else said, it’s called having tact.
fault?, gf no if a wife yes
but regardless a shit human being
Should she have stayed and essentially worked as a nurse until he died?
Just because they where in a relationship early in life?
If the illness didn’t happen, they might have fallen out eventually, but because one is ill the other is morally bound for decades?
If that’s your moral standard, you better spend every free minute of your life volunteering and every spare cent on charity, otherwise go fuck yourself!
Good question, I’ll get back to you in a year
Hey, person in the meme, if you read this, just tell him the truth, i’m sure he will appreciate it and be back together with you. You’re welcome!
Honestly this is the best advice. It doesn’t have the highest chance of success, but it’s the only path that could really result in healing and reconnection. Some people do dumb things when confronted with mortality or serious illness, especially if they’re young and inexperienced. If she could be honest and sincere it would demonstrate awareness and potentially growth.
Was the serious disease a lack of money?
I’ve been dying of that one since I was a teenager.
How my mother views her children.
Did your mom downvote you lol?
Brutal
Jaysus Christ, I laughed with respect. Hope you’re doing well my man.
I feel bad for you man. Hope you’re living your best life now
I became too crazy for my wife.
I was pretty crazy when she took me in (also hella creative and hella horny), but the COVID-19 lockdown did a number on me everyone, including me, and then I couldn’t get back into therapy because it’s impacted.
TMI
On one hand, yeah, so much for in sickness and in health and on the other hand I know I can be batshit insane and fucking scary a bit of a burden sometimes.
Also I’m really, really big on consent and (only) what the girl wants, the girl gets. When she wants out, she gets out. (I’m jealous of the new beau, but more because I’m desperately lonely than a need to possess and contain her). Also she pushes herself to move on after loss (say when we lost our dog, we got a new puppy pretty quickly), where as I want to squeeze all the grief out for a year or two before unfurling my sails once again.
Being human is just hard.
Hey now it didn’t get everyone, Covid barely affected me. Mind you I’m an insular bastard who is living up to a bunch of 1800s and 1700s stereotypes about American-Scots being insular mildly violent bastard who want to be left alone.
Bro I miss the lockdowns. I miss the 6ft separation.
You sound like a good person
Spit on That Thang
I have seen couples react when one of them is given a genetic diagnosis of a fatal disease. It’s about 50/50, but more women leave.
You’re not excused fucking me. I mean, you’re not fucking excused. Probably.
She’s not a “in sickness and in health” girly .
More of a “in health and wealth” kinda girl
She can try. Hopefully, the guy won’t be dumb enough to fall for that.
MyDarkestTimeline01@ani.social 3 weeks ago
I work in a hospital (not a nurse or medical staff) and you’d be fucking appalled by how common this is.
UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Serious illnesses can be horrifying to watch someone go through and poverty routinely seperates loved ones.
Standing by someone in a terrible - perhaps terminal - condition is absolutely an incredible challenge and shouldn’t be dismissed as anything less than that.
A big reason you want to stand by your partner in perilous circumstances is because you want them to be there for you. And another big reason is because you might not get any more moments together than this, so make them last.
In a place like America, where sick days are a luxury and health care can still bankrupt you, being at someone’s bedside is a cross to bare. Be happy when you’re not carrying it. Don’t be so quick to judge when someone else can’t.
YtA4QCam2A9j7EfTgHrH@infosec.pub 2 weeks ago
I literally was a caregiver for ten years (full time six of those years). My wife recently died. I was astonished by the number of people who told me to leave her. wtf is wrong with people. You don’t abandon people who are suffering.
codexarcanum@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
Yeah, I hate these stories for the amount of Big Ethical Talk it beings out in people. “I would stand by my partner no matter what” is the “I could fight a bear” of emotional labor. Unless you’ve had a serious illness or been very close to someone who has (not parents or siblings, a voluntary relationship), then you just really don’t know what you’re talking about.
MyDarkestTimeline01@ani.social 2 weeks ago
Well as an argument I can agree with you. There is a lot to be said for “you don’t know until it happens”.
That being said, we aren’t discussing the broad strokes, we’re looking at this meme. And from context and wording shows not pragmatism, but self centered behavior(please note the intentional distinction between selfish behavior and self centered behavior).
red_bull_of_juarez@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
Yeah, exactly. I don’t see this as black and white as it’s made out to be. Where’s the point in cancer or another serious disease ruining two lives? Sure, sometimes people leave for selfish reasons. But protecting yourself is not selfish, it’s essential for survival. If you stay and support a sick person, that makes you a good person. Leaving someone because you cannot handle dealing with the disease emotionally or financially doesn’t automatically make you a bad person.
WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
I think if someone had to take care of me like that in this world, I’d just off myself to be honest. I mean, I was already contemplating it some months ago, and seeing how my job stops me from doing anything, it’s on the table, obviously.
notsure@fedia.io 2 weeks ago
...i am not excusing this, but it seems that animalistic behaviour tends to leave the sick and wounded behind, humans are still deciding whether to be animals or something more...
TeamAssimilation@infosec.pub 2 weeks ago
I don’t think it’s instinct, but a calculated selfish decision. Will I profit from spending energy, time, and money in this person? If they die, it’s a net loss, so they bail.
Zephorah@discuss.online 2 weeks ago
No, this is more common, or at least it’s more talked about, than 30 years ago.
Worse, if we can get some hard data on this, it may reinforce the trend that humans have way more stress than they should regarding unfiltered things. No, not stress, stress in general is normal. Capacity. They have no capacity, or willingness, to process through it, they’d rather run away and hide so they do that instead.
Similar to MurderBot diaries, in that MurderBot struggles with his human interactions, thinks eye contact is the absolute worst, and so, instead of using his own eyes to interact, he uses the eyes of his little drones to watch the humans in his life.
Faydaikin@beehaw.org 2 weeks ago
Nah, we’re not even close to deciding anything. We just like to think we’re all that.