just take the L and move on, don’t embarrass yourself. people can see through that bullshit.
THIS is always the correct response
Submitted 3 weeks ago by Mickey7@lemmy.world to [deleted]
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/a8e73a3e-fdcd-4ad5-9c4b-aa19dd44179c.png
Comments
pyre@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Lucky_777@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Cut losses. If you find yourself hung up on her, go no contact until you’ve gotten over it. Too many other partners out there to be hung up on one that is having different feelings.
Stay frosty out there, kings and queens.
Speculater@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
I was way into a girl and said, “I like you a lot and enjoy our talks, would you like to date me?” She said, “No, not really, but I’d like to still be friends.” And I said no thanks. Not because I was being a dick or anything, but I was too in to her to be friends. We drifted apart and both found someone else that was a better match for each of us.
CosmicTurtle0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
Honestly, this is the best response. If you’re out dating to find a partner, it doesn’t make sense to stay friends with someone you were interested in, unless you have other interests.
warbond@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Sometimes it be like that.
Lucky_777@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Exactly. Then you can reconnect and be friends. By that time the feelings are done, but if not. Keep up that no contact!
Tracaine@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Lol imagine talking to other people. Pathetic.
ShaggySnacks@lemmy.myserv.one 3 weeks ago
I only talk to my cat. Everyone else on Lemmy is just a figment of my imagination.
UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml 3 weeks ago
I thought we were all dogs using the internet while the humans were away. Yall are dogs to right?
UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml 3 weeks ago
Some just haven’t met enough people it seems.
swagmoney@lemmy.ca 3 weeks ago
idk man that’s just petty
Agent641@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Just say 👍 and move on.
If you want to hedgehog your bets, add “If you’re not married by 40, call me.”
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
one of my besties, she confided in me that she had like six different people come up to her with that and she was tired of being people’s second, third, fourth, whatever choice. so one day at our biweekly lunch date, i told her “hey, if we’re both still single at 35, mudrer suicide?” and she about lost it laughing.
Echolynx@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
Don’t have to move on platonically, though. More friends is always nice.
juliebean@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
could you explain that? i don’t get how it’s petty.
vivalapivo@lemmy.today 3 weeks ago
You gain nothing from this lie. Maybe you will look a bit cooler for the girl who doesn’t want to be with you
zzx@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Idk man it’s lying? Why not just take the L. Posturing is exhausting
Schmoo@slrpnk.net 3 weeks ago
I did this after my first girlfriend broke up with me… in middle school. This is insecure adolescent boy behavior, anyone doing this kind of thing as an adult is maladjusted.
salacious_coaster@infosec.pub 3 weeks ago
Middle school dating strategy
moseschrute@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
A girl I had started dating friend zoned me. I played it off cool saying “wanna just be casual?” (I didn’t wanna just be casual). Almost 4 years later and we’re still together :)
Sc00ter@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
Girl tried to friend zone me. I wasnt having it. I had already fallen hard. I told her that i didnt think i could be friends because my feelings for her would be in the way. If she ever wanted to pursue, give me a call and ill be right there.
That was 14 years ago. We’ve been married almost 10 years now
SatansMaggotyCumFart@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Are you still friend zoned?
moseschrute@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Nope! The friend zone only lasted like two weeks.
sundray@lemmus.org 3 weeks ago
Sorry, only choice is to become a goblin.
Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 3 weeks ago
i mean that’s the only way to get a partner anyways
Draegur@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
“just be friends” can often be a way to euphemistically say “fuck off and leave me alone” because a girl who actually says “fuck off and leave me alone” out loud for real runs the risk of a fragile, shallow, unhinged, emotionally unstable man going berserk and MURDERING her.
Obviously nobody likes to hear this but it DOES happen–not every time but if doesn’t need to be every time in order to factor as a risk; like how “every gun is ALWAYS loaded–ESPECIALLY a gun that ‘Isn’t Loaded’!”
The list of people who are murdered for refusing a romantic advance gets longer every day, and the unfortunate truth is that the majority of the victims on that list are women, and that the majority of the perpetrators on that list are men. Statistically speaking, it is simply a matter of common sense precaution to hedge the possibility of a violent reaction by offering “friendship” in the hopes that the other party will be de-escalated enough to not flip out.
That said, I have managed to maintain friendships with some of the people I’ve previously had romantic feelings for, but it took me bridging the honesty gap FOR them: actually offering them the chance to clarify; that they face no danger in being direct with me and that I both CAN and WILL in fact peacefully go fuck off forever if that’s what they actually meant. Thinking back, there’s only two ex partners who didn’t want to talk to me at all anymore after the romantic stage crashed. The fact that it’s non-zero though, that there was even ONE person who was initially lying when they offered “consolation prize friendship” (although forgivably because they were just protecting themselves), tells me all I ever needed to know.
ThirdConsul@lemmy.ml 3 weeks ago
Disclaimer: Am not an USian but European.
shs.cairn.info/revue-francaise-de-sociologie-1-20…
This is French journal about fear in women and how it affects their mobility. Whenever someone says
the risk of a fragile, shallow, unhinged, emotionally unstable man going berserk and MURDERING her.
it pops in my mind. The data they gathered suggests that women fear of violence is unrelated to actual rates of said violence happening, but is correlated to past smaller transgressions (“anticipated violence”). Long story short, if you were ever catcalled, or given a [clumsy] compliment, you’re likely to imagine (“anticipate”) out-of-proportion violence in multiple contexts.
The actual crime rate and crime gender proportion (in the US) - counciloncj.org/womens-justice-by-the-numbers/ - violence victims rate is 60-70% down since 1984 and since 2009 men and women are as likely to be the victim [before that men were most likely]; and the number of women perpetrators grown up. Oh, and the homicide rate by spouse is also closing the gap (although some studies suggest that the increase in women killing their husbands should be attributed to them not being dismissed as potential perpetrators by the police force)
I’m not dismissing your feelings OP, and your strategy seems very prudent, but I want to add to this discussion that it’s much much safer than you or the social media will try to paint, despite the fear you feel.
And that you’re not more likely to be a victim of a violent crime than a man (counciloncj.org/womens-justice-by-the-numbers/).
Draegur@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
Honestly thank you so much for your enlightening insights! It’ll be helpful for me to digest!
ReiRose@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Wasn’t there a subreddit r/whenwomenrefuse
Draegur@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
Indeed! I don’t use Reddit much anymore but I can’t un-see what I saw in there…
HexesofVexes@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Honestly, I’ve used “hey, can we keep it to friends” a lot over the years. Partners I’ve more earnestly turned down have sat there and quizzed me nonstop as to why, some have turned violent, and then there are the quiet ones that just slander you continually. Emotional blackmail is the bare minimum I’ve expected over the years.
The amount of absolutely insane women out there is beyond frightening.
UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml 3 weeks ago
Tell her you have a boyfriend.
s@piefed.world 3 weeks ago
Dark blue scribble
razorcandy@discuss.tchncs.de 3 weeks ago
That’s like saying “you can’t fire me, I quit!”. Better to either accept it and be happy to have a good friend, or limit contact with that person if you find it hard to be around them knowing that they’re not romantically/sexually interested.
cRazi_man@europe.pub 3 weeks ago
Honest reply is always best:
“I’m crushed and devasatated and will never recover from this. I shall now retire into obscurity, quiet reflection and resentment.”
HeyJoe@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
I wish I could have told my late high school self this.
Mac@mander.xyz 3 weeks ago
We all wish we could go back and coach ourselves. All we can do is guide the younger generations.