If it's black, panic. If it's brown, panic. If it's white, panic.
Always panic.
On Bears
Submitted 8 months ago by fossilesque@mander.xyz to science_memes@mander.xyz
https://mander.xyz/pictrs/image/618a7c36-28b7-4c7c-8fdb-fcd1629c3d67.webp
Comments
Nougat@fedia.io 8 months ago
chevy9294@monero.town 8 months ago
What if it’s black and white? And what about the gray one with a bag?
Nougat@fedia.io 8 months ago
ALWAYS PANIC
GoofSchmoofer@lemmy.world 8 months ago
This video while long does a great job teaching you how to act in active bear territory.
The TLDW is: -
- In active bear territory carry bear spray and be ready to use it
- You can’t out run a bear don’t try
- bear bells don’t work
- playing dead makes it easier for the bear to maul you
- when hiking with a group and encounter a bear stand shoulder to shoulder wave your arms and prepare your bear spray
- let the bear decide how they want to leave the encounter (if they are not attacking you)
- outside of a momma bear, most “attacks” are bluffs but can be scary as shit.
- guns work but you better be a good and quick shot cuz bears run fucking fast
onwardknave@lemmy.ml 8 months ago
My chance at pedantry! Also, some black bears are brown, and some grizzlies are black. If you live in overlapping territory, it may be easier to know them by shape… but if you’re close enough to discern shape, you’re already in a bad spot.
ShurtBert@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
I’ve heard the best way to tell the difference is to check your pants. If you crapped your pants it’s probably a grizzly.
ThisIsAManWhoKnowsHowToGling@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 months ago
Ooh bear facts! My favorite bear fact is that there is no grizzly bear species. Sure, there’s regional genetic variation, but they are all genetically brown bears.
What they are named for is the grey hairs on their pelt, which are caused by the stress of malnutrition. This is why they are so much more aggressive than the other bears: they are literally starving because there is not enough calories in their environment to keep so many land sharks happy and healthy.
Xanis@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Part of me wonders if the gunshot helps whether it would be worth the trouble to carry an air horn.
GoofSchmoofer@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Maybe, but really when you are in bear territory, and close to areas where bear congregate (rivers being one), just a few loud claps and a couple of loud “HEYS” is good enough to flush most bears.
BarbecueCowboy@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Rhymes don’t matter if it’s a polar bear.
KoboldCoterie@pawb.social 8 months ago
“If it’s white, goodnight.” is the way I learned it.
Hotspur@lemmy.ml 8 months ago
So are polar bears considered more dangerous and aggro than grizzlies? I mean it wouldn’t be too crazy, particularly since it’s probably rare to encounter one, compare to grizzlies. But just had never really heard that.
ekZepp@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Curious_Canid@lemmy.ca 8 months ago
My sister lives in Alaska. The locals say that you can tell if you’re in grizzly territory by checking any bear poop you find. If it contains bells and smell like bear spray, you know there are grizzlies nearby.
qjkxbmwvz@startrek.website 8 months ago
When I visited Alaska, they said you should always take the sights off your rifle. That way it doesn’t hurt as much when the grizzly shoves it up your ass.
cheesymoonshadow@lemmings.world 8 months ago
PsychedSy@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 months ago
Pet it. Boop that snoot.
captain_oni@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 months ago
If you boop the snoot, will it droop?
scutiger@lemmy.world 8 months ago
You could try, but odds are it would run away before you could get close enough.
Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 8 months ago
Shou@lemmy.world 8 months ago
This the one the women chose?
bingbong@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 months ago
Give it a tootsie pop and see how many licks it takes to get to the center
Kolanaki@yiffit.net 8 months ago
Ask for a BJ.
southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 8 months ago
Ask it for head
RedAggroBest@lemmy.world 8 months ago
My first instinct was “small, will probably run into the nearest tree at light speed” but I did some reading and they common thought without much science behind it is that sun bear are pretty fuckin aggressive and even tho they’re small, they’d still probably fuck your shit up.
Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 8 months ago
Lul, yes, indeed.
“The smallest bear” but still just a lewder wolverine.
And with a fancy necklace.
2pt_perversion@lemmy.world 8 months ago
I’ve actually heard that with black bears the best method is to ditch it in central park with a bicycle.
bingbong@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 months ago
That only works if you have brain worms
RedAggroBest@lemmy.world 8 months ago
But what if I was out falconing with friends, had a dinner at a super bougie steak house go late, and REALLY have to get to the airport? Surely THAT makes it less insane?
dogsoahC@lemm.ee 8 months ago
Ursaring, Pangoro, and Beartic are all weak to Fighting. So, just make sure you’ve got your Lucario at hand and Calm Mind-ed up, and pummel them with Aura Sphere. That way, you can also keep your distance.
(Yes, I know Pangoro is a panda and not a black bear. But, uhm, uh… shut up!)
PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 8 months ago
Strangely applies to American police, too
sparkle@lemm.ee 8 months ago
Allonzee@lemmy.world 8 months ago
If it’s white, stick try to lunge your head into the bears mouth to make it quick.
hopesdead@startrek.website 8 months ago
Localhorst86@feddit.org 8 months ago
If it’s white, chances are I already died of hypothermia.
Mango@lemmy.world 8 months ago
southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 8 months ago
Im so glad I’m not the only one that thought of that
LibertyLizard@slrpnk.net 8 months ago
Response to a bear attack depends on the type of attack, not the type of bear.
If it’s a defensive attack, play dead. If it’s a predatory attack, then fight back.
Anticorp@lemmy.world 8 months ago
If it’s a defensive attack then stop being offensive towards bears. If it’s a predatory attack then start being more offensive towards bears.
ApathyTree@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 months ago
What do you think would be the most offensive thing to say to a bear?
I just want to be prepared in case I ever need to know.
hOrni@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Sir, You were almost mouled to death, You are lucky You only lost one arm. Why the hell, did You try to punch that bear? I saw it in a meme once…
Crozekiel@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
I read the title as “Oh beans” and somehow it still fits, lol.
Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 8 months ago
So racist.
Do you even know the whites are the least privileged?
/s (but also really sad)
jadelord@discuss.tchncs.de 8 months ago
Fight back? O rly?
MajorHavoc@programming.dev 8 months ago
Black Bears mostly want a nice berry, or a poorly placed bear cooler.
Most Black Bear attacks seem to be because, in their mind, they’re buying time for their cubs to run away.
An average Black Bear is not looking for a prolonged fight. They’re still quite good at if, if they get the idea they need to.
So the prevailing wisdom, for Black Bears, is do whatever it takes to avoid them. But if attacked, do whatever it takes to make the bear think twice about whether they really want to fight.
CptKrkIsClmbngThMntn@hexbear.net 8 months ago
The real answer for a black bear is make yourself look as big as possible, back away slowly, and tell it to fuck off in a deep voice. If it charges you it’s hopefully feinting, but if not whack it right in the snout with whatever you have.
Kuori@hexbear.net 8 months ago
give 'em dinner and a show!
peteypete420@sh.itjust.works 8 months ago
Is laying down really a thing with a grizzly? What’s that do?
Maven@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
They will fight you back and aren’t afraid… But if you’re dead/they think you’re dead, they probably won’t bother and will continue what they were doing.
boatsnhos615@lemmings.world 8 months ago
Yes, they will fight to the death
stupidcasey@lemmy.world 8 months ago
If it’s white good night.
Who taught you to rime?
Anticorp@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Vanilla Ice. Now stop. Collaborate and listen!
noseatbelt@lemmy.ca 8 months ago
No no no, I have it on good authority that it is hammer time.
tigeruppercut@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
The ancient mariner did
MagnyusG@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Ice pun you got there.
Polar bears.
dumbass@leminal.space 8 months ago
No thyme for that when a polar bear is on you.
fmstrat@lemmy.nowsci.com 8 months ago
Taught me about ice?
wewbull@feddit.uk 8 months ago
Unless you’re Brian Blessed.