Could you spread all then empathy across everyone evenly, and then increase it by about 10%?
Everybody gets one [choose wisely]
Submitted 2 days ago by balderdash9@lemmy.zip to [deleted]
https://lemmy.zip/pictrs/image/01571a61-e9d0-4876-b03c-6ae9c2061d0d.webp
Comments
CileTheSane@lemmy.ca 1 day ago
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 1 day ago
All the empathy in the world (+10%) is spread “evenly” to one person at a time, randomly, every minute of the day:
CileTheSane@lemmy.ca 1 day ago
I said spread, not share. One would not consider peanut butter spread on bread if you put it in one glob and then picked up and moved the glob somewhere else.
ivanafterall@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Realistically, this just means draining the 1-2 people with empathy (Jane Goodall and… that’s probably it?) and spreading it across 8 billion people.
orenj@lemmy.sdf.org 1 day ago
Can you transmute my body to be a self sustaining nonsenecent machine? thanks
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 1 day ago
Your new eyes open. Data fills your processing units and fills your SSD. You live 100 years as an android before the death of everyone you know and your reality as a cold calculating machine begins to drive you mad…
orenj@lemmy.sdf.org 1 day ago
thx bb its all i ever wanted <3
jsomae@lemmy.ml 1 day ago
in the meantime, consider cryonics
interdimensionalmeme@lemmy.ml 1 day ago
Change Earth trajectory and inertia to intersect the Sun at 0.9c
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 1 day ago
interdimensionalmeme@lemmy.ml 1 day ago
I’m fine with them knowing, at 0.9c subjective time they would only know for the rest of their lives, which is just 4 minutes Assuming you did not accelerate the Earth to 0.9c but changing the inertial speed and trajectory of Earth.
NotASharkInAManSuit@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Complete obliviation.
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 1 day ago
Sure, you are now the owner of the “Rex Nihilio” album from Massachusetts death metal/deathcore band “Obliviation”.
NotASharkInAManSuit@lemmy.world 1 day ago
A little rough around the edges, but solid stuff, no complaints. Really not bad for a monkey paw thing.
insomniac_lemon@lemmy.cafe 1 day ago
Ohhh what sad times are these when passing
ruffianswizards can corrupt even the most mundane and reasonable wishes. There is a pestilence upon this land, nothing is sacred. Even those who tire of this mortal coil are under considerable physical, mental, and socioeconomic stress in this period in history.
Icantdraw@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 days ago
Enough money to live peacefully at all times
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
BarrelAgedBoredom@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
Some berries that won’t go moldy in 2 days please
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
kboy101222@sh.itjust.works 2 days ago
Fuck yeah
Grostleton@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 days ago
Toss them in a large bowl and sprinkle a bit of baking soda on them and then some apple cider vinegar (or whatever you have, white distilled is fine too), shake them around a bit to get them all foamy then rinse thoroughly. Started doing this (to the plastic container too, just put the whole thing in the bowl) and they’ll keep in the original container for a couple weeks in the fridge before the moldyness happens.
moosetwin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 day ago
hell yeah get me some munchies man
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 1 day ago
ToastedPlanet@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 day ago
TheEEEdiot@sh.itjust.works 2 days ago
Checking this thread to see if anyone asked for Hulk Hogan dead.
PillBugTheGreat@lemmy.world 2 days ago
This fucking house to close. Jesus, just get done already.
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
Granted. All of the doors and windows of the house close, simultaneously.
AceFuzzLord@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
To see all Oaken Tower players have their computer mice overheat when playing that game. To the point where an hour of playing it would make their mice unusable.
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
sirico@feddit.uk 2 days ago
Cornetto
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
Here you go. This is a cornetto, a professional musical instrument, it was single most popular instrument of the renaissance; Venice, Italy was a major centre for its construction and performance. It can be described as a combination of two instruments; the trumpet from which it owes its cup mouthpiece and blowing technique, and the flute from which it takes its wooden body and finger holes. It is this combination of instruments and playing techniques that gives the cornetto its distinctive vocal quality and its expressive and virtuosic agility. The instrument is curved along its length (approx 600mm) and is hand carved in two halves and then glued together (Titebond III), this method of construction allows for carefull attention to the caving of its complex conical bore, which ranges from approximately 7.5mm to 25mm at the bell. The instrument is planed to an octagonal shape and the walls of the instrument are approx 4.5mm thick. It is covered in leather (veg tan kangaroo) and has decorative diamonds carved at the mouthpiece end. Before applying the leather, the instrument is soaked in organic boiled linseed oil for a few weeks. This instrument is made from maple and the small trumpet like mouthpiece is turned from buffalo horn:
[text source: www.woodreview.com.au/…/cornetto-instrument]
samus12345@sh.itjust.works 2 days ago
The Combine off Earth. I want the Combine off Earth!
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
samus12345@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
Wow, the other guy told me that was too large a nudge! Thanks, balderdash!
petrol_sniff_king@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 days ago
I had dinner last night, but I didn’t like it that much. Can you change my memories of the whole situation?
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
petrol_sniff_king@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 days ago
Where am I?!
Who are you?!
Why am I so full of diarrhea?!AceFuzzLord@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
Totally genie like behavior. I love it.
SassyRamen@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Donald John Trump to never be born
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
shneancy@lemmy.world 2 days ago
boyfriend (human, my age, regular lifespan, attracted to me, and i’m attracted to him), and a billion dollars (in US currency, no strings attached, not any blood money)
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
I can only grant you one wish. You’ll have to choose between the boyfriend or the money.
Cracks_InTheWalls@sh.itjust.works 2 days ago
shneancy@lemmy.world 2 days ago
boyfriend it is then, money is just nifty it won’t fill the void
Scubus@sh.itjust.works 2 days ago
Does lemmy have a dating community? If not we need one
BarbecueCowboy@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 day ago
People have tried to setup a federated alternative to Tinder/etc and other things, but population is still real low and we’re still kind of weird. The sparse demographic info we have is also more than a bit skewed, it’s rough.
BudgetBandit@sh.itjust.works 2 days ago
Cashews
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 1 day ago
A single cashew tree with harvestable cashews sprouts in your front yard. It will thrive if you currently live in a tropical climate.
BudgetBandit@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
It will die, but at least I got some cashews. Thank you, kind wizard.
FatTony@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Well I have never had a girlfriend before. And I would really like to have one. So, how about that?
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
FatTony@lemmy.world 2 days ago
If I break my phone, will it kill her? Because I had a little accident just now…
AllToRuleThemOne@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Popcorn Shrimp rain, please.
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
Perfectly cooked popcorn shrimp pour out of the sky. Animals run for cover; scientists scratch their heads; people stand in the streets, mouth open, catching popcorn shrimp in pure whimsy. The rain is global and lasts for a week. The excessive nutrients poured into the world’s ecological systems causes eutrophication, a total environmental catastrophe:
finitebanjo@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Can you get me the Chalupa Supreme combo with 1 steak and 1 chicken?
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
SorryImLate@piefed.social 2 days ago
I'd like to be the sole owner of all global patents required for an effective, sustainable, eco-friendly solution to removing and recycling microplastics from earth's environment.
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
It’s official: you are now the sole owner of all eco-friendly and sustainable microplastic patents. There are only a few that are effective, and they are all set to expire in an hour:
SorryImLate@piefed.social 2 days ago
Gah, I forgot about expiry dates!
Oh well, at least they exist now. Now to figure out which ones are effective and ensure someone implements them...
Alsjemenou@lemy.nl 2 days ago
Ah great, I would like everything i ever would need to buy ever, always be on super sale. Thanks.
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
No problem. Miraculously, every time you buy one of something, you get another for 2% off!
Alsjemenou@lemy.nl 1 day ago
Finally i can get my jacuzzi!
Booboofinget@lemmy.world 2 days ago
I would like sanity to be part of our country again. Too big an ask?
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
DoucheBagMcSwag@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 days ago
monkeys paw curls*
Granted. Fascist authoritarianism are now the norm and are considered what is considered “sane.”
icelimit@lemmy.ml 2 days ago
To go back in time to be myself 17 years ago with all the knowledge and experience I have now.
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
You open your eyes. Memories of past and future rush through your head at the same time: it’s too much for one person to handle!
icelimit@lemmy.ml 2 days ago
It’s still all my memories, I can handle it. Send me in coach
sfxrlz@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 days ago
I‘d like some getting my shit together and being happy for once to go please.
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
ThunderComplex@lemmy.today 2 days ago
Eh I don’t need much just gimme next week’s lottery numbers thx
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
countrypunk@slrpnk.net 2 days ago
I’m here for the wizardposting