cross-posted from: lemmy.zip/post/28090390
cross-posted from: lemmy.ca/post/35018512
Far more than c/mildlyinfuriating
Just 9.99 per month
This app requires access to your contacts
Submitted 4 days ago by annHowe@lemmy.zip to mildlyinfuriating@lemmy.world
https://lemmy.ca/pictrs/image/c0f5e842-cda9-49bc-8fcf-96ee1ab5fa23.jpeg
Comments
Agility0971@lemmy.world 4 days ago
pikmeir@lemmy.world 4 days ago
Until the company shuts down it’s servers and your toilet stops working.
Dungrad@feddit.org 4 days ago
And that’d be “only” a toilet. People out there euphorically buying cars like that.
CanadaPlus@lemmy.sdf.org 4 days ago
And it goes down mid-use, and the toilet has tamper-proofing that stops you from emptying it any other way “for security”.
pdxfed@lemmy.world 4 days ago
For the basic plan, based on usage though it looks like you’d save more with our premium tier that allows unlimited flushes per day and includes our smellfesh scent subscription.
phoneymouse@lemmy.world 4 days ago
The Japanese have already perfected smart toilets. There is no app, but there are loads of buttons, including for a heated toilet seat and some music or ambient sounds to help you relax and disguise unpleasant noises.
HoneyMustardGas@lemmy.world 4 days ago
What about a little fountain spritz of lit up water like in that one Simpsons episode?
SaharaMaleikuhm@feddit.org 4 days ago
Those would be clogged up in a few days. And I’m not even talking about shit, but limescale buildup. We have super hard water here.
AnUnusualRelic@lemmy.world 4 days ago
And fireworks for celebratory pooping.
captainlezbian@lemmy.world 4 days ago
The disparity in toilets in that country is insane. You have ones with full remote controls on the seat in some places then others that are squat holes that flush
hiramfromthechi@lemmy.world 4 days ago
Not just download the app, but sign up for an account (and the newsletter in the process).
Then grant permissions to your phone:
- camera (so it can watch you poop and train + analyze the footage with AI)
- microphone (so it can hear and analyze if your plops are optimal)
- contacts (to send out an invitation to all your contacts, along with a clip of your last poop sesh)
- photos and videos (to upload, store, and analyze your life since birth, along with everyone else who’s in your pictures)
- sensors (to see how you’re holding the phone, when, how much, how hard, etc.)
- notifications (to sell you the premium plan)
- location (for pinpoint accuracy of your 💩 locations)
- call logs (to see who you’re communicating with before, during, and after you drop your log)
- nearby devices (for accuracy and to silently notify with nearby devices)
- calendar (for full history and to schedule your next mondo duke)
Wogi@lemmy.world 4 days ago
Don’t forget all the health and biometric data, last used app, and Facebook access
DrDystopia@lemy.lol 3 days ago
Now we’re talking proper dystopia!
HoneyMustardGas@lemmy.world 4 days ago
“FlushMe: Have You Shat Today!?”
bstix@feddit.dk 4 days ago
Don’t worry. I’m on a streak. If I keep it going for 30 days I will unlock the flushing feature without having to pay for premium.
Old_Yharnam@lemmy.world 3 days ago
What happens when the company goes out of business? You no longer can flush?
cyberpunk007@lemmy.ca 3 days ago
Precisely ~~~~
Turret3857@infosec.pub 3 days ago
As long as they can convince their shareholders this will eventually make money and you buy into their eventual $30/flush subscription they won’t have to go out of business
Kuma@lemmy.world 4 days ago
I laughed a lot when I saw this and I sent it to my parent who laughed too. This is my parents house right now. They want buttons for their lamps but they were forced to get an app for most of them and had to fight the company to put in buttons. They also got a ventilation system without buttons and they could not get buttons except if they payed for a very expensive hub, so they went for the app. But only one person can be connected at a time and you have to unpair before someone else can pair, so the app act as if it is the hub… it is very strange
pearsaltchocolatebar@discuss.online 4 days ago
Set up Home Assistant on a Pi or something for them. It can likely control everything from a central app
lightnsfw@reddthat.com 3 days ago
My parents had a house built a couple of years ago and it’s the same with them. It’s real hard for me to say “I told you so” like every time I go over there and see them fighting with some app bullshit on one of their appliances. It pisses me off so much because there was nothing wrong with their old house and now I’m going to be stuck inheriting the new one that’s worse in every way. Probably right around the time all the cut corners in the construction start coming out as the place falls apart.
DrDystopia@lemy.lol 3 days ago
I’d love to inherit a house even if it had no appliances and was falling apart…
sexy_peach@feddit.org 4 days ago
too many household appliances need an app
IDKWhatUsernametoPutHereLolol@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 days ago
Android has this feature of “Work Profile” that allows you to put these shitty apps in a separate profile so they can’t accept any of your data. I mean it’d be better if we don’t have distopian apps to begin with, but here we are…
(I used an app called “Shelter” that sets up a “work profile” and put apps in there and the apps can’t acces my photos contacts, or anything basically)
NaibofTabr@infosec.pub 4 days ago
There’s also Insular which let’s you clone apps and run them in an isolated sandbox. It’s open source and available in F-Droid.
LifeLemons@lemmy.ml 4 days ago
Correct! I use it whenever I am forced to install some apps. I always loved the android architechture
Randelung@lemmy.world 4 days ago
Free trial exhausted. Subscribe now to keep using server infrastructure. After all, all you bought was the toilet, you can’t expect the server space for free.
philpo@feddit.org 4 days ago
Funnily enough, my toilet has it’s own app.(“Japanese style” shower toilet by a German company)
It’s non-cloud, Bluetooth only, all functions work without it,but it tells you when preventative maintenance is due and enables you to configure the user profiles easier.
So there’s that.
Wouldn’t have bought it otherwise.
myusernameis@lemmy.ca 4 days ago
Triple Flush Achievement Unlocked! Share with your friends?
Nollij@sopuli.xyz 4 days ago
Shares with all of your contacts by default. Also includes a sales pitch to each of them to sign up as well
sndmn@lemmy.ca 4 days ago
Enshitification intensifies.
ericatty@infosec.pub 4 days ago
NOOO!!! This is the Torment Nexus of toilets… now some company is going to do this…
SirQuackTheDuck@lemmy.world 4 days ago
Some company surely already done this.
OrganicMustard@lemmy.world 4 days ago
It tracks the quality of your shits, draws a graph of the daily amount that you can share on social media and recommends a list of sponsored foods depending on your needs.
Free_Opinions@feddit.uk 4 days ago
I know you’re joking but a toilet that analyzes your stool would be quite remarkable health monitoring device to go along with our smartwatches and stuff. I bet there’s loads of health markers you could see from it.
DrownedRats@lemmy.world 4 days ago
You jest but that’s literally already a thing that exists and you can buy it!
Atlas_ie@lemmy.world 4 days ago
People who greenlight these apps never heard of the cylons.
moosetwin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 days ago
yeah I have the toilet from this photograph, it’s really frustrating. good post OP, it’s definitely relevant to the community
Turret3857@infosec.pub 3 days ago
I believe it is making light of the fact that this is the direction we are heading in as a society. See the recent ford patent that listens to you while you are driving to serve ads over your stereo, the $800 child’s toy that will now be nothing but e-waste, BMW having you “subscribe” to your heated seats, or a more relavent to this conic example, the thousands if not millions of new “smart” devices that now require an app to perform functions that older technology could perform without needing a smartphone.
RageAgainstTheRich@lemmy.world 4 days ago
Is nobody gonna mention the blueberry pie sitting in the middle of the hallway?
Draghetta@lemmy.world 4 days ago
hendrik@palaver.p3x.de 4 days ago
What a shitty idea.
Kolanaki@yiffit.net 4 days ago
In an alternate universe where /u/shitpost is a place where users share images of their latest bowel movement.
CanadaPlus@lemmy.sdf.org 4 days ago
I’m pretty sure there actually was a community like that on Reddit.
Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 4 days ago
The remote bidet feature could be fun at parties!
B312@lemmy.world 4 days ago
This could legit be helpful for me. There are so many times when I think I flushed the toilet but it turns out I didn’t
Treczoks@lemmy.world 4 days ago
The first thing to be flushed down that drain would be the plumber.
Draghetta@lemmy.world 4 days ago
Funny how this is supposed to be absurd - upside down duck, cake, “bizarro” and all - but it’s actually pretty accurate. So many products out there that require you to download their shitty spyware in order to do the things they are supposed to do.
SaharaMaleikuhm@feddit.org 4 days ago
If you buy garbage products you get garbage products. That’s on you.
CanadaPlus@lemmy.sdf.org 4 days ago
Yep. Until you can’t find non-garbage products anymore because 95% of everyone else is dumb enough to fall for it.
Turret3857@infosec.pub 3 days ago
Find me a new car in 2024 that doesnt store every GPS coordinate you’ve driven at for eternity. Genuinely, I’d like to see the non-garbage option because my '04 is getting old.