Most people join cults for community and structure and answers. There’s resources like psychologytoday.com/…/the-definitive-guide-helpin… and www.peopleleavecults.com/post/help-cult-involved but I think the general idea is stay calm don’t crash out when talking about it, help them notice the manipulation techniques being used that are common to cults, asking questions that help undermine indoctrination and inspire more skepticism, and provide alternatives for the reasons they are wanting to join or stay in a cult without the manipulation and lies a cult requires to exist.
How to stop a parent from jumping into the nearest religious rabbit-hole to cope with a divorce?
Submitted 12 hours ago by velummortis@lemmy.dbzer0.com to [deleted]
Comments
whotookkarl@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 hours ago
Flax_vert@feddit.uk 9 hours ago
They’ve always been religious but like in the sane way.
They’re probably not in a cult if they’re still going to the previous Church. Likely a mental episode of somekind. If they got more involved with the Church that they were sane in, it might help.
antlion@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 hours ago
Judge not, before you judge yourself.
prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 hour ago
Wow, so insightful 🙄
Skullgrid@lemmy.world 11 hours ago
- Divorce is a sin, so if they are trying to get hardcore religious and lecturing people, they need to handle their hypocrisy first.
- Get them more involved in their current religious organisation instead of the cults
compostgoblin@piefed.blahaj.zone 9 hours ago
Isn’t divorce only a sin for Catholics who don’t get it annulled? I thought divorce was more acceptable among Protestants
Skullgrid@lemmy.world 9 hours ago
I’m assuming the more hardline you go, the harder the rules get.
OwOarchist@pawb.social 10 hours ago
Divorce is a sin, so if they are trying to get hardcore religious and lecturing people, they need to handle their hypocrisy first.
Some religious cults will pressure divorced people to remarry their original spouse, regardless of the reason for the divorce.
MerryJaneDoe@piefed.world 6 hours ago
Yes, divorce is often considered a sin. And….?
The great thing about Christianity is that sin is expected, anticipated and in some ways, even celebrated.
The forgiveness of sin is a foundational Christianity principle. IMHO, it’s also why that religions is so popular, especially evangelical Christianity.
Here’s the gist: Humans are evil beings, filled with sin, each and every one of us. You WILL end up sinning and at that point, you can ask forgiveness. If you are sincere, God will forgive you. YAY! The burden of guilt is now lifted and you can go about your day.
This is why Christians can do horrible things and then walk away unphased. They have a get of jail free card. When/if they start to feel guilty about their deeds, they just ask forgiveness.
I’m not being flippant - this process satisfies a deep psychological need that many people seem to have. They want to be a good, empathetic person - but they are greedy and selfish and jealous, just like the rest of us. The Christian religion taps into this common trait and leverages it to the absolute max.
Flax_vert@feddit.uk 9 hours ago
Would depend on their organisation, some wacky organisations do exist. It’s best to get involved in a mainline established Church - heck, even conservative offshoots in the USA such as the ACNA or the PCA would still try and level their head more.
slowtrain33@lemmy.ml 5 hours ago
Personally, I think your parents should be allowed to make their own decision about what religion and/or spirituality they want to adopt.
The reason they’re gravitating toward the religion is likely because the divorce has left them with an emotional hole. They’re finding love and compassion in the message of the religion, and probably some more compassion and companionship from fellow members of the religion.
While the message from the leaders may well be a ruse to hook people and get their money, the perceived benefits and actual fellowship are going to be hard for you to compete with. Especially so if you’re approaching it from the “all of you are batshit crazy” angle.
I think if you really want to help your parent, the best option would be to find a way to provide them even more love, compassion, and companionship than the church gives them. Then they might consider listening to your opinions on organized religion at some point later down the line after they’ve had time to heal from the emotional trauma that comes with divorce. This may also be a good strategy to help yourself if you’re feeling affected by the change too.
GalacticGrapefruit@lemmy.world 5 hours ago
Ex-cult member here.
The only thing that snaps someone out of that spiral is an internal realization. There’s nothing we as outsiders can really do directly. Engaging with their version of reality (Christian evangelicals specifically) feeds into the prosecution complex and perpetual victimhood that validates their position. It’s a self-defeating tactic to confront them directly.
Focus on positive, normal, consistent interactions. Share your regular, everyday triumphs. If your lifestyle comes up in conversation, express being satisfied with it. Decline going to church with them. Don’t debate their stances on doctrine if you share a root faith.
And above all, unless they are actively abusing you, don’t abandon them. That’ll seal them in and you’ll never get them back.
shawn1122@sh.itjust.works 5 hours ago
Spirituality is healthy when it isn’t exclusionary. Unfortunately it so often manifests that way.
Dont quote scripture at them. Approaching an emotional challenge with a logical solution is never well received. The other side just assumes you don’t understand them.
It what context are they lecturing? Is it due to people they’re directly interacting with or social media?
velummortis@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 hours ago
I can tell they want emotional support through all this and usually that’s really easy to help them through because all I need to do is sit and listen to them go through the grief while giving input if they ask and stuff but when they suddenly lurch into the Repent Session it’s like a completely different conversation is happening.
Any interaction, real-life or social media could trigger it. Like if they see a testimony of someone’s divorce story on tiktok, or if they got bad service at a restaurant, and especially when dealing with the legal process and settlement. And most of all when the televangelists are on TV or social media.
captainlezbian@lemmy.world 1 hour ago
You may want to deflect with a simple “I’m not going to judge someone for doing their best” or something similar
gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works 11 hours ago
Encourage them to seek therapy instead?
velummortis@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 hours ago
Tried that, they don’t like therapists because they don’t think any therapist could ever “understand them like God can”
CmdrShepard49@sh.itjust.works 10 hours ago
When I was looking at potential therapists, there were more than a few that slapped their Christian beliefs right there on their website and made it a point to state that they integrate their faith into their therapy, so there are probably options like that available to them.
dumples@piefed.social 11 hours ago
Agreed. And try to frame it as an addition to their church support not a replacement.
gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works 7 hours ago
Well, considering they’re leaving into the evangelical bullshit… I don’t know that i concur with the last bit.
MerryJaneDoe@piefed.world 6 hours ago
I don’t believe in any of this shit - but your mom does, so that’s how we have to approach the problem. If religion got her to this point, religion can dig her back out of it.
*
“Mom, I want to talk about God. Like, a serious talk about serious stuff. I’m concerned that you are trying shoulder a HUGE emotional and spiritual burden right now, all by yourself. It’s too big a load. You need to put some of it down.
All this sin around us? All this evil? It’s what God wanted, right? God created all of humanity and, through Satan, put sin in their hearts.
But after thousands of years, God saw that humanity needed a broader message, a message that could be understood by all people of the world, not just the Israelites. So he sent his son with an update. And Jesus tells us to take care of what we can and let the rest pass.
Mom, for your own sake, please think on this. Pray on it. Talk to your friends at church about it. God doesn’t want you taking the weight of the world on your shoulders. It’s too much to bear.”
*
Maybe grab a Chrisian bible and show her the following, she’d probably love it if you did a little bible study with her:
1 Peter 5:7 (NIV): “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you”.
Psalm 55:22 (NIV): “Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken”.
Psalm 81:6 (NLT): “I will take the load from your shoulders; I will free your hands from their heavy tasks”.
2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV): “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness’”.
Isaiah 10:27 (KJV): “…the burden shall be taken away from off thy shoulder, and thy yoke from off thy neck…”.
Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV): Encourages prayer over worry, promising that God’s peace will guard hearts and minds.
yesman@lemmy.world 11 hours ago
One of my core values is that people get to decide for themselves what to believe. And it sounds a whole lot like you’re disrespecting your parent’s agency.
Imagine the thread: My son is talking like an atheist, how do I make them change?
velummortis@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 hours ago
I’d gladly take them to church if that was all it was. But aside from wanting me to attend they bring the sermon into every conversation to the point where we can barely talk anymore. I’ve suggested seeking support even at the church if they don’t want a therapist, but they’d rather just lecture about the sinfulness of watching TV or how they regret not forcing me to attend church every week. I thought religion is a personal relationship with the deity in question? Why drag in people who don’t want to be involved in it?
MerryJaneDoe@piefed.world 6 hours ago
So…is this about how her religious beliefs are affecting HER life?
Or is it more about how her religious beliefs are affecting your relationship with her?
sad_detective_man@sopuli.xyz 6 hours ago
That’s kind of what people finding new meanings on life are like. Is there a power dynamic with your parent where they can still affect your quality of life? If not you can still be supportive of their journey while not letting them curmudgeon you with guilt. Not every Christian has to use their ideology to kill their empathy, though that’s usually what disenfranchised new converts are trying to do.
Either way, based on these statements they’re obviously too far into it for one person to pull them out. At that point the challenge is more getting them to still recognize your agency and personhood. Draw the boundaries where their faith ends and your life starts.
porcoesphino@mander.xyz 9 hours ago
I think you have your last sentence wrong:
My son is talking like a militant atheist, how do I make them change?
The request is for managing the way someone in their life is pushing their beliefs. You’re focusing on the tangential context, the persons specific beliefs (that was added as useful context for the people offering helpful ideas)
db2@lemmy.world 11 hours ago
Move out, change you phone number. Check in on them occasionally, maintain your distance until you’re comfortable. Neither of you owe automatic allegiance unless you choose to.
sefra1@lemmy.zip 9 hours ago
It’s their parent’s, OP is worried about them and you’re telling him to abandon them?
db2@lemmy.world 8 hours ago
They’re not OPs responsibility, nor should OP feel obligated to be traumatized by them.
Flax_vert@feddit.uk 9 hours ago
If they’re Christian:
Matthew 5:32 ESV
But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.
webp@mander.xyz 1 hour ago