Submitted 18 hours ago by Mickey7@lemmy.world to [deleted]
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/bd0ddf53-0751-4135-8f10-526d1465d81b.png
Story time: I once had an employer who had me defend myself personally because he saw my Skype go online a few minutes after the official start of work. That same boss was known to sleep half of the day in his own office.
A few months later I was fired and sued their asses. I got a nice compensation out of the settlement.
I guess this is a bit different to someone constantly being 10 minutes late and leaving 5 minutes early, because that sort of thing can get annoying.
Good morning Sharon,
I apologize for leaving three minutes early yesterday. In my day-to-day, I tend to focus on completing my tasks efficiently and effectively. Labor is the force that turns the gears in our company, and productivity is the grease that makes our labor fruitful. While I spent 7 hours and 57 minutes yesterday ensuring high productivity, unfortunately, I found it difficult to keep track of every minute that passed during my highly effective contributions.
To my great fortune, you prioritize monitoring clocks. That is your great value-add to this company: you observe the segments of each hour, and provide a human-generated report that cross-references the passively generated output from a clock with identified employees and include a general description of start-stop milestones. Yes, we already have software that features this exact function, and one could argue that you most likely leverage these generated reports to send your findings and summaries to employees who made the same observations during their interactions with the software. But that’s an impressive and unique quality of yours! Where others see plagiarism and redundancy, you’ve strived to prove that persistence and insistence can justify your attendance at this company.
Others may ask, “What value does that bring?” Or, “How does she still work here?” But they lack the imagination to see your amazing potential! Because you’re known for your expert timekeeping and ability to synthesize truths about value-loss based on arbitrary observations, you must also be able to identify value overages from other such arbitrary observations during your daily efforts to observe the passage of time!
While you’re obviously busy generating evidence of your value to this company, I ask for your assistance within your area of expertise:
“Find a way to cover this from one of the days that I accidentally took a short lunch or left late, you useless fuck.”
Much appreciated,
TheFartographer
She seems like the kind of person who isn’t capable of reading a paragraph so would just tune out when she sees one.
That’s why I always CC their supervisor. But usually with fewer direct insults in my request.
Tune out… entire paragraphs… at a white collar job?!?
Oh Sharon. If you are going to count the minutes early I leave, I’m going to count the minutes late I leave, and I promise you I will cash them in at the least opportune moment.
Or the minutes that I get in early. Or take a short lunch.
“no! this isn’t how you’re supposed to play the game!”
Take a dump that’s three minutes longer and think of Sharon during.
Or have a wank.
Both is good if Sharon is his wife
Ryan, you time stealing motherfucker. If you did this every day, for 1 year, barring any days off, holidays etc. Based on a 5 day work week, you’d have stolen 13 hours from your place of employment in the year. 13 hours, Ryan! If you’re paid, say $25/hr you just stole $325 pre-tax dollars from this poor company. How do you feel about yourself, Ryan? My goodness. Won’t you think about the company, Ryan… now they have to consider skipping raises the following year because of your selfishness. Jesus Christ.
Fake af
I’ve seen this. Knew a guy who couldn’t keep a community manager on staff while at the same time making them clock out when they went to the washroom. Literally paid them by the minute and all of those minutes had to be “work.”
Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door - that way Lumbergh can’t see me, and, uh, after that I just sorta space out for about an hour. Yeah, I just stare at my desk; but it looks like I’m working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch, too. I’d say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.
In the time since I last watched that movie, I’ve accidentally started living it, except I work remotely so it all sucks way less
I had a similar experience. I’d clock in from the mobile app while walking into the office, this way I could more efficiently make my morning rounds by starting from the entrance instead of going to the onsite terminal.
They pulled me in, showed me security footage alongside the time clock timestamp showing me clock in a full what, 15 seconds before I enter the building? Said I was stealing time and wrote me up. Put it “on the record”. And required I use the physical terminal to clock in unless make an oncall visit to the datacenter.
My daily routine changed from finishing the daily rounds efficiently in under 10 minutes to clocking in, going to the break room, getting a coffee, sitting down at my desk for half an hour catching up on work email and whatnot, then finally getting to the morning rounds, but I’d be extra thorough with the checks, so it’d take about half an hour instead of 10 minutes. Gotta be extra careful right?
For context that was the time I worked IT and morning rounds was checking each device in the building that wasn’t employee equipment, so the TVs with their signage, clock in terminals, printers, etc. I’d come in at the rear entrance and could hit each checklist item without backtracking before finishing up at my office.
Work teaches you to be in efficient as possible or you get more work piles on top. Or get in trouble.
Hey Sharon, how about you shut the fuck up?
This is easy don’t clock out
OMFG - quit now. Like today. Fuck these people.
Sharon, your name is Sharon right?
You see, Sharon, scientists have recently developed a microscope so granular in its detection capabilities that one can basically image singular atoms.
Now Sharon, if we were to use this machine on me, you would still not be able to see the level of give-a-fuck about you, your email, or your three fucking minutes that I have.
So, Sharon, do us all a favor, fold yourself in half 6 times and fuck off.
Holy shit, i would be so fucking lazy and difficult for the next week probably 2 if someone sent me an email like this.
My pettiness knows no bounds when it comes to power hungry twats like this one.
I would 100% look in the employee handbook and see exactly what time would be considered late for a disciplinary notice and start coming in at that time exactly. My last job it was 11 minutes after scheduled start time. And I would always tell people that whenever they’d say “you’re late”
Thats awesome. Malicious compliance.
I used to really dread working for shitty bosses, but the older i get the more i enjoy fucking them. They are like spoiled children, conpletely incapable of dealing with an employee that pushes back.
I like to imagine i’ve inspried other employees to also mess with their shitty bosses. one can dream…
“We are a team!”
Oh fuck off with this fake ass BS, you clearly don’t care about “the team”.
And the worst part is if you stayed 3 minutes too long they would chew you out like you just stole the crown jewels. It’s not about accuracy or doing your job, it’s about control of your life down to the minute. They would do down to the second if they could.
That’s how you know she’s a good manager
Hey Sharon I noticed you clocked out a few zeptoseconds before the end of your workday. Let’s try to be a little more accurate, hey?
Sharon is the new Karen
Funnily enough, if you actually follow “work to the job, not the clock” you get more work done, and you generally go home early.
You’re also less likely to quit, and more likely to develop and share good practice.
Shit boss alert!
Unfortunately the economy is even shittier or I’d say just leave and go someplace where you’ll be appreciated.
Just go for a 3 minute wee wee before leaving
Oh, oh no. I’m having severe flashbacks to working in a call center. Quick someone tell me the company pays me to turn around the customer within a reasonable time, and that I should be balancing my call metrics, having a near perfect FCR, NPS and hold time doesn’t excuse me having an AHT 40% higher than my colleague who is getting coached around dropping every call that seems more than middling complex.
I feel like Ryan isn’t getting the full experience unless Sharon has 2 levels of middle management over her in that office alone, all 3 levels trying desperately to justify their existence.
Unfortunately the call center statistics cage has infected other job types too, it’s fucking mad. If you want me to (not hyperbole) actually count every minute of the day I’d rather be homeless or dead.
I had a manager tell me that my unproductive time was right on the borderline once, like 1 more minute of unproductive time and I would be getting coached. Then casually mentioned that the timer resolution is down to 6 seconds, so I was actually 24 seconds off coaching. The same manager wanted to have a company representative (aka a company Doctor) present for my Doctors appointment when I got diagnosed with Shingles, since people in their 30s can’t get Shingles according to her Telco middle manager training. My Doctor offered to have his lawyer present at the same appointment and they backed off, I miss that guy.
You guys don’t have flexible work times and overtime?
Maybe in 1993
You can buy my effort or you can buy my time.
“In order for me to be at my station at 9am I arrived at 8:55am and got my work items arranged accordingly. I’ll take the extra 2 minutes during lunch. “
This is why I always showed up several minutes early and left several minutes late. No boss I ever had could accuse me of watching the clock or ducking out early. But some clearly wanted to.
This is normal, no?
Sad, but normal. I’ve never had an employer that would find it acceptable for their staff to leave two minutes early. They wouldn’t even accept us beginning to get ready to leave until our clock out time, because up to that point we are supposed to be working.
Two minutes doesn’t sound like a lot, but I suppose they see it differently to us, the wageslaves.
If 20 salaried staff members regularly leave work 2 minutes early, that’s 40 minutes of lost productivity/paying wages to staff that aren’t even there, per day. 3 hours 20 minutes per week, 10 hours a month.
That’s assuming they didn’t stop working a few minutes earlier in order to actually be at the door clocking out 2 minutes early. In reality, they were probably getting ready to go, packing their stuff, grabbing their coat, going to the loo, maybe 4 minutes before actually leaving.
So, it’s more like 6 minutes of lost time per person, and now that’s 2 hours lost PER DAY across all 20 employees, or 10 hours a week, 40 hours a month.
Obviously I wouldn’t nitpick about such silly things, but an employer, who is paying out of their own pocket (in as much as the stolen production value of the proletariat is their money), is going to be looking closely at the timesheets and finances, do long term calculations like this, and will dehumanise their employees to save money.
So, when they see one person leaving 2 minutes early, they see a slippery slope, and the potential for dozens of hours or more of wasted wages per month if they don’t nip it in the bud.
Shut the fuck up, Sharon.
Given that I make it clear that I personally disagree with corporate nitpicking over small time stuff like this, and point out that their imagined loss in company profits are stolen production value of the proletariat anyway…
can I take your swearing at me and telling me to be silent to mean that you yourself support the company in its demands that employees make up lost time by working late?
Or, do you agree with me, but Lemmy perhaps is more like Reddit than we would wish it to be, where sometimes we don’t actually read what people say, not taking on onboard the content of their message, unless it’s very short?
(I get that a lot to be fair, I’m told ADHD makes me a little verbose - I just like to lay my thoughts out with no room for misunderstanding haha)
I think I made my stance against this anti-worker practice clear. I began by laying out my own experience here in the UK with my previous employers (who I note consider us wageslaves) which, while it may not be your own experience, doesn’t change what has happened to me, and went on to explain their perspective (flawed and at odds with the proletariat as I show it is), then went on to make clear that their perspective isn’t my own.
…Is it a social crime to try to understand why our adversaries think the way they do?
…Should we all simply shout about how much we dislike the evils brought about by our late stage capitalist overlords, but never once pick apart why they do what they do, why they think the way they do, and discuss it amongst ourselves?
I’m not deep or particularly smart, nor do I stand out in any meaningful way in my understanding of worker’s history, laws, or how to fight for our rights.
But if I, an average worker who grew up in Manchester, a labour movement hotspot, one who reminds their colleagues of the Peterloo Massacre lest we forget those lessons, one who invites them to visit our People’s History Museum to see our history of unions, strikes, and fights for our rights, …if I can’t join the discussion with any allowed response other than “They’re evil, but let’s not try to understand why so that we might better fight for each other”, what have we, as a workers movement, become?
I’ve never had a manager complain about leaving a few minutes early.
It destroys more good will and motivation than the theoretical 40 hour a month. I say theoretical because the odds of anyone getting anything done in those 3 min are astronomically slim.
That employee is never going to stay later to help with anything if they don’t have the wiggle room to leave a few minutes early.
Exactly! Plus, I always despise having to stay after everybody else has left those extra few minutes (if I’m 3 minutes late in the morning due to the bus or such) to ‘keep working’, it does nothing but make me dislike the management.
That said, I’m also never staying late to help with anything, it goes both ways. If they don’t want to let me work with some leeway by a few minutes here and there, I’m not giving them an inch either. Especially given that it would be unpaid extra work!
Lmao imagine being such a wage slave that your first thought when looking at a clock with mere minutes left is how to be productive for your master.
Shut the fuck up bootlicker
If I’m clocking out 2 minutes early, you’re not paying me for those 2 minutes… I clocked out, in fact I just saved you 2 minutes of my wage.
They wouldn’t even accept us beginning to get ready to leave until our clock out time, because up to that point we are supposed to be working
Even the US outlawed that. What country do you live in where that’s normal?
In the US if you’re required to do something for work, at work, you’re on the clock. For example, if you have a uniform you’re required to wear, you clock in then out it on
Lots of employers break that law, which is why wage theft is by far the #1 form of theft in the US, but it is the law
Similar thing with responding to work messages outside normal work hours
The last 2 minutes of any day are not where productivity happens. In fact, I bet leaving 2 minutes early compounding into 13 hours over a year actually SAVES the company 13 hours of time paid.
Moreover, if I was productive up to 4:57 and left, I’d be productive up to 4:57.
If I have to stay until 5:00, not one minute early, I’m watching the clock for at least 20 minutes doing fuck all because I’ve been instructed that I have to run out the clock every day forever.
When you prioritize employees for their time, they give you their time. When you prioritize them for their work, they’ll give you work.
You’re a straight shooter with upper management written all over you, Sharon.
Fuck off, Donkey.
1984@lemmy.today 1 hour ago
Its not even real. I see people engage wirh fake posts here, and fake Ai channels on YouTube. Its like some people cant see what is fake.
MrRandom@lemmy.zip 1 hour ago
You mean ragebait?
I’ve read some talesfromthejob, amd had some personal experience with shitty management, it wouldn’t surprise me if it was real.
trashgirlfriend@lemmy.world 51 minutes ago
Corporate job haver here! This is real!