fartographer
@fartographer@lemmy.world
- Comment on halal paintball 15 hours ago:
Fuck. I guess you’re the one attending paintball with a Claymore.
- Comment on We're doing radishes now 16 hours ago:
I just wanted to say good luck, we’re all counting on you.
- Comment on The developers of PEAK, explaining how they decided on pricing for their game. 1 day ago:
Sorry, I meant an extra $70. I was irresponsibly drowsy-posting.
- Comment on The developers of PEAK, explaining how they decided on pricing for their game. 1 day ago:
You just reminded me of a time when $70 felt like nearly unlimited opportunities. Now, $70 means that I might get to buy groceries AND restock on spices.
- Comment on 2 days ago:
~Okay~ ^55%^
- Comment on Naughty birds 4 days ago:
Seems weird to brag about everything you own being covered in bird poop
- Comment on Naughty birds 4 days ago:
They’re pining for the Fjords
- Comment on I took a couple of years of Spanish in middle school 5 days ago:
My grandmother’s first language was Spanish and she’d often fall back on it as default, my grandfather would say phrases such as “much grass,” and “hasty banana.”
- Comment on I'll take 20 5 days ago:
Stupid UnEmpathicVagrant!
- Comment on When you know your boss is an insane moron 5 days ago:
That’s why I always CC their supervisor. But usually with fewer direct insults in my request.
- Comment on When you know your boss is an insane moron 5 days ago:
Good morning Sharon,
I apologize for leaving three minutes early yesterday. In my day-to-day, I tend to focus on completing my tasks efficiently and effectively. Labor is the force that turns the gears in our company, and productivity is the grease that makes our labor fruitful. While I spent 7 hours and 57 minutes yesterday ensuring high productivity, unfortunately, I found it difficult to keep track of every minute that passed during my highly effective contributions.
To my great fortune, you prioritize monitoring clocks. That is your great value-add to this company: you observe the segments of each hour, and provide a human-generated report that cross-references the passively generated output from a clock with identified employees and include a general description of start-stop milestones. Yes, we already have software that features this exact function, and one could argue that you most likely leverage these generated reports to send your findings and summaries to employees who made the same observations during their interactions with the software. But that’s an impressive and unique quality of yours! Where others see plagiarism and redundancy, you’ve strived to prove that persistence and insistence can justify your attendance at this company.
Others may ask, “What value does that bring?” Or, “How does she still work here?” But they lack the imagination to see your amazing potential! Because you’re known for your expert timekeeping and ability to synthesize truths about value-loss based on arbitrary observations, you must also be able to identify value overages from other such arbitrary observations during your daily efforts to observe the passage of time!
While you’re obviously busy generating evidence of your value to this company, I ask for your assistance within your area of expertise:
“Find a way to cover this from one of the days that I accidentally took a short lunch or left late, you useless fuck.”
Much appreciated,
TheFartographer - Comment on I'll take 20 5 days ago:
That’s what happens when you wire from a fixture instead of from a switch.
It’s so annoying when people do stuff like that. Like that time that someone who looks and sounds just like me wired in a combo switch/outlet off of a heater in my bathroom. You’d think someone would have fixed it by now, but I’ve grown complacent.
- Comment on I'll take 20 5 days ago:
I think it’ll actually regrow someone else’s foreskin
- Comment on It's my toxic trait 1 week ago:
Talking to people or having doctors take care of my ingrown toenails?
- Comment on They're perfect 1 week ago:
What do you think the horse is for?
For pooping, silly
- Comment on It's my toxic trait 1 week ago:
Realizing that “winning” doesn’t feel as good as I thought it would when my new acquaintance turns white and said he’s gonna be sick because I was telling him about the time that performed surgery on myself with a Leatherman, and unwittingly tried pulling my ingrown toenail out the side of my toe, and neglected how infected my toe looked a few weeks later, thus giving myself sepsis.
I’d gotten to the part in the story where an urgent care doctor, seeing me for something unrelated, looked at my multicolor toe and said, “that’s the most infected thing I’ve ever seen.”
- Comment on They're perfect 1 week ago:
Texan here: the phrase is “Relatives is okay.” And then yee your haw and marry your sister…'s horse.
- Comment on Totally 1 week ago:
- Comment on This kid gets it 1 week ago:
Vent eye a graham
- Comment on I liek tudles 1 week ago:
All squares are turtles. All circles are turtles. It’s turtles all the way down.
- Comment on I liek tudles 1 week ago:
I told my dog these jokes and she said, “that’s scute.”
- Comment on Your GF has always wanted to know the answer 1 week ago:
Instructions unclear: pooped on a friend and became a children’s entertainer
- Comment on Imagine the farts 1 week ago:
You reminded me of a poem that my cousin recites:
A fart a fart, it’s good for the heart
It sets the body at easeIt will warm up the bed, you can set it alight,
And it fumigates all of the fleas - Comment on Imagine the farts 1 week ago:
Lemme grab my camera!
- Comment on [Video] Australian attorney-general Michelle Rowland confirms it is now illegal in Australia to say Israel is committing genocide. 1 week ago:
American here: we played this game leading up to our last election. Don’t let them get away with this. Remember the power of truth in your words. Keep calling this a genocide.
- Comment on Check mate, Libertarians 1 week ago:
More human than human?
- Comment on Check mate, Libertarians 1 week ago:
It’s really easy to make your heart stop beating. Getting it to start again is the real trick.
- Comment on Check mate, Libertarians 1 week ago:
I asked my doctor about this once, because my leg didn’t move very much when he’d do the test. He said “I can see a very small movement, which I confirm with a second gentle thump. I could hit you harder, but it wouldn’t be very nice.”
And then he hit me harder and it wasn’t very nice.
- Comment on Mandola effect 2 weeks ago:
No, the quote am I isn’t your father:
!!!
- Comment on Mandola effect 2 weeks ago:
Covered in The Joker’s blood, Batman lights a cigar