fartographer

@fartographer@lemmy.world

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨He'll arrest you with his nippies ❤️‍🔥⁩ ⁨⁨39⁩ ⁨minutes⁩ ago⁩:

  Your pun makes me Furya(s)

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨prudish mom⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago⁩:

  Charlie Sheen has entered the chat

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Push to eliminate sales tax on food and groceries in Missouri runs into resistance⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Bad news for ya. Texas checking in with tax-free food

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨oh no⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  I used to ask my anosmic mom if it smelled like roses. She uses that line frequently now.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨oh no⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Screenshat

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Fr🤮nch⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Fronch

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨i unapologetically love male pits⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Is it the poops and toots? I bet it’s the poops and toots.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Political leaning⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Meow. Mrow. FEED ME TO STRAY ATM.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Nice strong handshake, beautiful digital art⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  If can to might done probably

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨McBludda Please 😫⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Oh, fuck me, Cap’n! Don’t put me in the god damned Boo Box again! The last man went in, you forgot he was in there and he shit himself and died! No one’s cleaned it out yet. Even if I weren’t going into a box filled with shit and dead-person, I’m scared as fuck that you’re gon’ forget me in there too, and I’ll be added to your collection of shit-coated-cadavers. Why do you even have this collection??? I know there’s only 3, but that’s a really high number when dealing with cadavers, especially ones covered in shit! Please, Cap’n! I’ll do anything! You can do, literally, anything to me except that! To that I say, “NOT THE BOO BOX!”

  - Glenn Close- Hook: The Director’s Cut

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨My father the tween literary critic⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Sounds like this sweaty man has a shrine of every Twilight character, other than Edward, in his closet.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Rage for the machine?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  That’s why I had to specify, “singing racist lyrics.” Otherwise, I’d just say “Bob Dylan.”

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨my bf says sleeping with your balls out is the male equivalent⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Only twice. Separated by nearly a decade. I was gun-shy after the first incident, and decided it wasn’t worth the effort after the second.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨my bf says sleeping with your balls out is the male equivalent⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Every time I’ve tried sleeping in the nude in the past 15 years, I had explosive diarrhea across the bed. Fortunately, I’ve never shat on my wife, but she’s told me that if I ever try to sleep naked with her, that she’s moving to the couch.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Tune a fish⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  I laughed so hard that I drooled a little. Thank you

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Can't believe it's been renamed for a year now!⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

  Although, it’s a good change from Shithouse.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Good boy⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Me updating my dentist on what’s happened in the past year

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Rage for the machine?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  I keep trying to imagine the opposite of RATM, and all I can come up with is Bob Dylan singing racist lyrics.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Darwin was a real one.⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Bold to pick a date 70 years after his death. In that case, I’m 1993 Darwin, rolling in his grave at the launch of the Darwin Awards.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨The ultimate "flex"⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Texan here: born and raised. Comparing Texas BBQ to other styles of BBQ is like trying to compare dogs: they’re all wonderful.

  Although some look funny or smell bad.

  Other than that, trying to define one kind as superior to all others is just as asinine as dog shows. You might be there to see who wins, but I’m just there to eat some barbecue. Or pet some dogs. I’ve kinda gotten lost in my own metaphor.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨The ultimate "flex"⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  I’ve seen it here in Texas. San Antonio, even! It was at the old Natural History museum. At a diorama. In front of which, the tour guide asked us, “what do you see here that shouldn’t be here, if everything was accurate? That’s right! Saguaro doesn’t grow in Texas!”

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨ESL homework⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Lizbn grofBalmolhmon mind Peril!

  According to Google Translate, it means “Lizbn grofBalmolhmon mind Peril!”

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨cant take it anymore⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Wow, you’re really just suckling at the teat of Big Bird, aren’t you? No, wait, not like the Big Bird, but…

  Birds aren’t real, whatever.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨You earned some more dislikes⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Also, downvotes are fun to collect! All of you’re grandmother’s r poopieheads!

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  My Jewish Jesus appreciates your dedication to the cause.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Important Announcement⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Sally Struthers?

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Praise Be⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Hey, this coke tastes like Pepsi!

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨halal paintball⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Fuck. I guess you’re the one attending paintball with a Claymore.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨We're doing radishes now⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  I just wanted to say good luck, we’re all counting on you.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨The developers of PEAK, explaining how they decided on pricing for their game. ⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Sorry, I meant an extra $70. I was irresponsibly drowsy-posting.