[deleted]
3 adults and only 1 cares about the child.
[deleted]
Submitted 1 week ago by thff@lemmy.world to mildlyinfuriating@lemmy.world
Comments
Deceptichum@quokk.au 1 week ago
jordanlund@lemmy.world 1 week ago
In America, in some states, that’s called “statutory rape”.
EvacuateSoul@lemmy.world 1 week ago
[deleted]Mog_fanatic@lemmy.world 1 week ago
It’s always crazy to me how frequently this is overlooked. If you went out and asked 1000 random ppl what the legal age was in the country, I feel like pretty much all of them would say 18. I could’ve sworn it was 18 nationally like my entire life until a few years ago when I found this out.
kamills@sh.itjust.works 1 week ago
That’s beyond mildly infuriating. I’m pretty sure that borderline illegal and definetly sounds like grooming.
thff@lemmy.world 1 week ago
[deleted]Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 1 week ago
“Nooooo, c’mon, you gotta get outta here before the police or whoever show up. What do you have in Switzerland? Pikemen?”
“I don’t know. I am from Germany. Where the age of consent is 14…”
“What is it? The Alabama of Europe??!”
“In many ways, yes.”
Roflmasterbigpimp@lemmy.world 1 week ago
Ich glaube du kannst über das Aufenthaltsbestimmungsrecht entscheiden “wo” sie sich aufhält. Also ihr im Prinzip verbieten sich in der Nähe von dem Typen aufzuhalten.
KEIN ANWALT NUR SCHEIDUNGSKIND
ALLE ANGABEN OHNE GEWÄHR
adj16@lemmy.world 1 week ago
I’m really sorry. This is a terrible situation for you - and your daughter.
Free_Opinions@feddit.uk 1 week ago
Age of consent in Germany is 14 but for someone over 21 years old it’s 16.
peoplebeproblems@midwest.social 1 week ago
That makes it legal.
It doesn’t make it not gross.
barsoap@lemm.ee 1 week ago
Still 14 unless the over 21yold exploits an underdeveloped sense of sexual self-determination. Only prosecuted on demand, cases are very rare, and usually brought on by parents and then thrown out by the court after talking to the younger party.
17 is still young enough to fall under sugar daddying protections, “in exchange for money or money-valued things”, those apply until 18. That would presuppose a transactional relationship, though.
shadowedcross@sh.itjust.works 1 week ago
Definitely a lot more than mildly infuriating.
Sergio@slrpnk.net 1 week ago
This sounds like the beginning of a telenovela or a “Law and Order: Special Victims Unit” episode.
eran_morad@lemmy.world 1 week ago
What a cunt.
Zagorath@aussie.zone 1 week ago
I don’t suppose there’s any chance this could be used as grounds to get sole custody?
It’s difficult though, because she’s old enough that it’s not going to be very long before there’s nothing you can do to stop it, and even if you mean well, there’s a chance this could irreparably harm your relationship with your daughter. Especially if it takes lawyers to do…
kandoh@reddthat.com 1 week ago
My dad was the same way with my sister. Totally abandoned her to pedos, and I was the problem for having an issue with it.
j4k3@lemmy.world 1 week ago
TBH, it works for some people. I have a cousin that was happy for 30 years when he married a similar age gap in the other direction.
It really depends on the person. My boss from the bike shops was 20 years older than me and his wife was my age yet they made a great couple too. They were both pro amateur level cyclists and finding a good match like that is not common.
I was physically disabled at 29, and if I was somehow able to recover, I would likely be more interested in someone 10+ years younger because that is how long my life has been in limbo. I didn’t get a lot of the life experiences.
In the world of today, expecting the old normals is pretty much nonsense. Where I live, there is no chance someone in their twenties lives on their own and has any kind of financial stability unless their parents are creating it. Those types of people look to marry and date within their social class. Only fools at the bottom fail to see the social classes and caste systems in all societies. Your ex is likely right in my opinion. Most of our religious and cultural norms are little more than a tool to suppress the peasantry. Resisting the unfamiliar is common tribalism behavior but it has little to no value in the present world. The man’s age is irrelevant against the measure of the man. I’m against taking agency away from your daughter. Meet the man with a open mind and then make your case with your daughter if you need to, but don’t be dogmatic.
thepreciousboar@lemm.ee 1 week ago
You are not wrong, but age gap should be considered relative to the people age. 20 yeats difference between 20 and 40? I guess, still not the best thimg ever… Between 17 and 38? It’s very very different, people mature A LOT between 17 and 20. Then of course it depends on the person, maybe this 17 years old is mature for her age, but maybe she is just being taken advantage of.
Also, the wording of the mother really implies it’s an assimetric relationship, not really one between consenting adults, of course we don’t know, but still…
j4k3@lemmy.world 1 week ago
Not saying it is like normal or anything. Am saying society in general in the west has far too authoritarian mindsets that are just dumb. If you go telling this girl she doesn’t matter, at that age, you’re shooting yourself in both feet and likely the head as far as she is concerned. She will not stop because anyone said so. She might listen to some amount of reasoning, but dogmatism has absolutely no chance of reaching a better place. It has a very good chance of getting MUCH worse.
Sergio@slrpnk.net 1 week ago
I disagree, but your post is thoughtful. I’ll just point out:
Only fools at the bottom fail to see the social classes and caste systems in all societies.
In my country, people of all classes fail to see the social classes.
NastyNative@mander.xyz 1 week ago
Wtf dude! Mom should not be encouraging that.
Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 1 week ago
This definitely feels like a job for a professional family therapist.
needanke@feddit.org 1 week ago
Die zweite Hälfte ist ja auch mal … etwas
Senseless@feddit.org 1 week ago
Überkompensation.
shalafi@lemmy.world 1 week ago
Y’all would scream if you knew what it was like in the Philippines. This story wouldn’t rate a shoulder shrug, a 20-year gap is nothing and neither is 17. My wife is the only Filipino I know with a husband her age, rest are 20+ years younger than their husbands.
A 17-yo is a child and should have no choice over what she does with her body because she’s not mature enough. Oh WAIT! You guys didn’t mean it like that? Well, here’s your chance to practice talking out both sides of your mouth. Go.
hendrik@palaver.p3x.de 1 week ago
Naja, pauschale Ablehnung bringt aber auch nix. Damit stößt du deiner Tochter nur vor den Kopf. Wie wäre es, wenn du dir den Typen mal selber anschaust und dir ein selbst ein Bild von ihm machst?
thff@lemmy.world 1 week ago
[deleted]hendrik@palaver.p3x.de 1 week ago
Ja gut, das geht auch. Denke was ich sagen wollte ist: Dann passiert es halt hinter deinem Rücken. Also ich kenne keine der Beteiligten hier... Aber vielleicht sagst du deiner Tochter noch einmal, dass du für sie da bist. Also falls du das leisten kannst/willst. Ich weiß halt nicht ob man sich mit so einer Absprache traut etwaige Probleme auf den Tisch zu bringen. Und die Spekulation ist ja, dass die Situation zu Problemen führen wird. Da wäre es für deine Tochter vielleicht wichtig zu wissen, auch wenn du ihn nicht da haben möchtest, dass sie trotzdem mit dir reden kann, wenn etwas ist.
ddash@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 week ago
Baldiger Auszug wann? Außerdem wird sie sich dann wohl erstmal im Geheimen treffen. Hoffe du gibts nicht nur Verbote aus sondern redest intensiv mit ihr darüber, konstruktiv. Andernfalls wird die gute Beziehung bald darunter leiden.
Sir_Kevin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 week ago
If I had to guess, this is a daughter trying to fill the void of a father figure. I don’t see a problem with the pairing but the reason is unfortunate. The dynamic won’t be normal but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
The man will likely move on when he realizes he can’t get more than the physical aspect from this. He’s probably just reliving his youth for a bit anyway. It’ll pass.
possiblylinux127@lemmy.zip 1 week ago
This seems extremely phishy
BaroqueInMind@lemmy.one 1 week ago
Sounds like a chip of the old block. Good for you, OP, for sticking your dick in crazy and allowing that crazy to breed more crazy. You reap what you sow.
Only solution i can provide is save your message logs and hire a lawyer for full custody.
0x0@programming.dev 1 week ago
Why does this seem like trolling?
17 is underaged in large parts of the world. Period.hellequin67@lemm.ee 1 week ago
Uh, no. World wide average age of consent is 16.
PhobosAnomaly@feddit.uk 1 week ago
I mean, anything in the low teens is wild to me, but a single digit age?
The whole “must be married” thing as well made me chuckle. Partly for the religious interference, but mainly for the ease of which the clause could be abused.
In retrospect, it’s very little to chuckle about.
shalafi@lemmy.world 1 week ago
In only 10 American states and the only European state is Turkey. I’m guessing the rest of the world makes it even lower, 14 in China for example.
tfw_no_toiletpaper@lemmy.world 1 week ago
Jupp, das kommt in den Gruppenchat mit meinen Schwestern
Mothra@mander.xyz 1 week ago
Okay, most people here talking about “is it legal, is it gross, is the ex a cunt, all of the above”.
I’d just like to point out that regardless of all of that, since there is legally nothing you can do, the best you can do is support your daughter. Don’t engage with the toxic ex. Just let your daughter know that you’re not happy about it but that you respect her and support her no matter what. And behave accordingly, don’t get mad at her, show her your kindest side.
What your ex is doing feels like manipulation to distance her from you, in addition to rage bait you. Don’t fall for that.
Signtist@lemm.ee 1 week ago
Yeah, if (more like when) things go south for the daughter, he’s going to want her to feel safe and supported enough to call him. If she feels pushed away she might not reach out for help when she needs it, which is the worst case scenario.
Trainguyrom@reddthat.com 1 week ago
This is a good levelheaded response. I’ll also add I have 2 relatives who had similar age differences in dating. One ended in flames like most relationships do for 17 year olds (and honestly that whole relationship stunk of trouble from a mile away) but the other they’re still together almost 20 years later as she’s turning 35 and he’s approaching 65 (they’re at a similar emotional maturity level, and honestly could grow more as people in order to live more fulfilling lives but I digress)
Give your daughter the support she needs. Let her know you’re there for her and will catch her when she falls and maybe it’ll work out, maybe it won’t.