Does anyone struggle with spending money foolishly on prostitutes?

Submitted ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨God1st@lemmy.zip⁩ to ⁨[deleted]⁩

I (32m) started seeing prostitutes when I was 20 and have done it on and off up to my current age. I find the lack of sexual and emotional connection lures me into to seeing them even when I say I’m going to stop. Whenever I am doing decent financially I end up going back to seeing them. I try to be a spiritual person and read the bible and not lust over women but it can be a struggle and mental battle. Does anyone else have this same bad habit?

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Mediocre_Bard@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Giving money to prostitutes is charitable.

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Glent@lemmy.ca ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
Cart before the horse. You may want to get your dangerous addiction to toxic christianity under control before addressing your perceived sex worker problem. Perhaps you have salvation and vice inverted. Best of luck.

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- 1rre@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  There’s no need to instantly hate on Christianity without further context. If you’re going to one of the cultish hate-spreading or profit-driven churches, sure, but there are also many community-focused denominations which are good to go to as a place you’ll be welcomed at a low point in your life. I don’t attend any and am not particularly religious, but I imagine if I felt truly alone and had nowhere else to turn that an Episcopal/Methodist/similar church would be quite high on the list of physical places it’d be good to go.
  
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  - scarabic@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    It looks like you just heard a swipe at Christianity out of the blue and took offense to it, but there is actually a significant amount of context here. OP’s conflict is framed very much as a Christian struggle between “being a spiritual person” according to the bible and “lusting after women.”
    
    I don’t think we need more information from OP to label Christianity’s attitudes toward sex and even women generally, and absolutely sex workers, as toxic. You don’t have to agree with that but it’s not exactly out of the blue.
    
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  - Inaminate_Carbon_Rod@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
    I’m a Christian and attend church weekly.
    
    Thank you for this. Unfortunately too many people on the Fediverse seem to think people are perfect angels until they get corrupted by religion.
    
    It’s sad.
    
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  - AwesomeLowlander@sh.itjust.works ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    They’re seeing prostitutes as a problem because of lust over women, that’s enough context to know it’s problematic.
    
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Flax_vert@feddit.uk ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Ignore the people criticising you for your faith. They are demons trying to bring you deeper into a hole. I’m praying for you brother.

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- Maeve@kbin.earth ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Well I'm confused. I thought you said you're not a believer!
  
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  - Flax_vert@feddit.uk ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    When?
    
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JackbyDev@programming.dev ⁨17⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
No, but I was a victim of Christian purity culture that led me to believe exploring my body safely and consensually before marriage was evil. If you don’t want to do this because it’s a money sink or dangerous then you should stop, but don’t think it’s wrong morally unless the prostitutes you’re hiring are victims of sex trafficking.

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- Flax_vert@feddit.uk ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  How can something be morally wrong if there is no God?
  
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  - Kickforce@europe.pub ⁨34⁩ ⁨minutes⁩ ago
    How can someone be a moral person if they only act out morally out of fear of a gods wrath?
    
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  - AngryRobot@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨hour⁩ ago
    Do you think only the religious can be moral? That morality only comes from religion? That people cant simply respect others’ lives and live their licpvss according to a moral code?
    
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  - Cracks_InTheWalls@sh.itjust.works ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Because morality exists independently of any diety figure. It is ultimately a set of ideas about what constitutes good conduct between humans and the environment around them.
    
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  - JackbyDev@programming.dev ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    I don’t need a god to tell me hurting people is bad.
    
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  - socsa@piefed.social ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Because my god can beat up your god.
    
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TheLeadenSea@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
The problem is not your ‘lust over women’. That’s a perfectly natural human impulse. The problem, if it exists, is that it’s negatively impacting your relationships and finances.

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- God1st@lemmy.zip ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  I haven’t really been lusting over women so yes I agree and I think boredom and hypersexuality might play a decent role
  
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  - captainlezbian@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨hour⁩ ago
    Are you in a cycle of shame and binge?
    
    Lust is natural. Bottling up natural urges rather than processing or redirecting them can lead you to a cycle of shame and binge. At that point it’s valuable to work through it, whether that’s alone or with a professional.
    
    Hypersexuality is complicated because it’s often not a biological thing but a relation to your shame and denial, or it’s a means of pursuing something else
    
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MisterNeon@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
I don’t know where to find them, I’m broke, and my spirituality says it’s ok. Have you thought about getting a religion more conducive to your values?

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- Flax_vert@feddit.uk ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  
  I don’t know where to find them, I’m broke, and my spirituality says it’s ok. Have you thought about getting a religion more conducive to your values?
  
  You shouldn’t choose a religion because you agree with it. You should choose a religion because it’s convincing.
  
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- JackbyDev@programming.dev ⁨17⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  
  Have you thought about getting a religion more conducive to your values?
  
  If you think like this it makes me wonder if you’ve ever fully bought into a religion before. When I was growing up and still believed in God, I believed in my religion so I held its moral values. There was some wiggle room insofar as what type of Christian I could be (like which denomination) but the idea of just converting to a different religion because I liked their moral system better would be silly because I didn’t believe in that religion.
  
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  - MisterNeon@lemmy.world ⁨15⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    
    If you think like this it makes me wonder if you’ve ever fully bought into a religion before.
    
    You’re close to the mark on that. When I was a very little kid I remember being creeped out by all churches. I went to Catholic kindergarten and my grandfather was an Episcopalian reverend. At the age around 12 I realized nobody was answering my prayers so I became an Atheist by default. Now I’m somewhere between “Through science we can explain the nature of the universe” and “Tezcatlipoca has a claim on my soul and Tlatecuhtli thirsts for my fetid blood”.
    
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- God1st@lemmy.zip ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  You don’t wanna know where to find them. Im a Christian and have been reading the Bible pretty frequently as of late and it does have me think negatively in paying hookers. I’d just say curiosity on what new girls are on the page and what their asking donation is. I can go without sex but after awhile it gets frustrating being in a dry spell
  
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  - MisterNeon@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
    You keep repeating “I’m a Christian” so much I think you’re a troll account.
    
    If not then answer this question, “Why are you a Christian?”. I’ve got no use for the foreigner god, why do you?
    
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- WeirdGoesPro@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  Do you want to know? There are whole subreddits dedicated to the subject.
  
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  - OutlierBlue@lemmy.ca ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
    Oh god what kind of sick perverted fuck would do that?! Use Reddit?
    
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  - MisterNeon@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
    Not particularly. I don’t drink, I don’t gamble, I don’t participate in pre-marital sex, I don’t steal, I don’t gorge myself, I don’t physically attack people, and I’m pretty honest also. I contribute all of that due in fact I’m the furthest away from the light of Christ I’ve ever been in my life. The more I disregard what Abrahamic religions hold in importance the more pious I become.
    
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Kolanaki@pawb.social ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Nah. You see, I am the prostitute. Other dudes waste all their money on me. 😌

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WeirdGoesPro@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
First off, there is nothing wrong with seeing a prostitute other than the financial burden it may place on you. Play safe, get tested, treat people with respect, no guilt necessary.

Ironically, I have the opposite problem. I have met sex workers and ended up dating them because we got along so well. My point is that the struggle is real. Every relationship has a price. Prostitute are just more up front and clear about what that price is.

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- God1st@lemmy.zip ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  As a returning christian it’s against moral code and values. Plus it gives me false ideas of women and yes it does kill my wallet for sure
  
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  - WeirdGoesPro@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
    The Christian values are a limitation you place on yourself, not an objective measure of right and wrong. It sounds like the feeling of transgression is part of what has got you hooked—like your own moral code is fuel for the addiction. Maybe, if you accepted your own hyper-sexuality and found an affordable outlet for it, you would be less driven towards prostitutes.
    
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yaroto98@lemmy.org ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
I haven’t seen anyone in the comments try to justify your actions from a chrisitian point of view. I’ll try and likely fail. I’m a former chrisian.

There is no “thou shalt not lust after a woman” commandment. There is a “thou shalt not commit adultary” commandment. And there is the admonition from Mathew that if you lust after a woman you’ve already committed adultary in your heart.

But here’s the rub. How do you define adultary? ANY sex? Or cheating on a spouse? If you define it as cheating on a spouse, then I can see where Mathew is coming from. A married man lusting after a woman who isn’t his wife HAS emotionally cheated on her already. But by that definition, a single man CAN’T commit adultary with a single woman. There’s no cheating. Prostitute or not, two single consenting adults don’t break that commandment.

I believe extremists like to push the commandments to encompass more than they really do.

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- Flax_vert@feddit.uk ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  That’s moot considering prostitution is already specifically condemned.
  
  1 Corinthians 6:15-18
  
  Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.” But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.
  
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- ShankShill@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  Whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. Hebrews 13:4
  
  Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, … they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. Galatians 5:19-21
  
  Also former christian
  
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  - Eheran@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    There are so many direct contactios in the Bible. So if you actually care, which side do you pick and why is that side correct but not the other?
    
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- sem@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨21⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  
  I don’t think adultary means “sex outside of marriage” I think it means “sex outside of marriage”. Big difference.
  
  Maybe I’m dumb but I don’t see the difference here?
  
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  - pulsewidth@lemmy.world ⁨21⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    I think that they meant to write something like:
    
    I don’t think adultary means “sex while unmarried” I think it means “sex outside of your marriage”. Big difference.
    
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  - yaroto98@lemmy.org ⁨16⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Yea, sorry. “No sex outside of marriage” was a phrase I’d heard a lot growing up inside Christianity. I was making a joke that this particular phrase could be interpreted either way. As in no unmarried sex. Or no sex with people you’re not married to.
    
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SatansMaggotyCumFart@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
Jesus liked the prostitutes too.

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- Flax_vert@feddit.uk ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  True, but He didn’t advocate for people buying them and sleeping with them. He advocated for them to be free from their vice.
  
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Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
Don’t treat the symptom, treat the cause.

What’s preventing you from forming a meaningful relationship with someone?

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- God1st@lemmy.zip ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  A couple things. My status in life such as job and living situation. My confidence to approach women although that’s getting fined tuned lately. My physical appearance of being out of shape. That’s all I can think of rn. Actually never been in a relationship before
  
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  - Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
    You’d be surprised how little most people actually care about most of that stuff.
    
    Practice talking to people especially women. Ask a random person at the grocery store what kind of spaghetti sauce they recommend. If you’re awkward, who cares? If they think anything bad about you because of it, you never have to see them again. People aren’t as scary as we make them out to be. It’s just that inner monologue that makes you doubt yourself.
    
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  - GrayBackgroundMusic@lemmy.zip ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
    
    Actually never been in a relationship before
    
    You need to be bad at something before you’re good at something, in almost every thing in life. You have to go thru bad relationships before you’ll understand what’s a good one. Just be willing to learn and end things when it’s time.
    
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Siegfried@lemmy.world ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Yeah, i struggle… cause i don’t know where to find them

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sunzu2@thebrainbin.org ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
It is a biological impulse. It has what it is, obviously getting somebody to love is the hard solution but it is more rewarding over medium to long term.

Personally, sex wouldnt cut it, I would have to pay for extra hours for her to hear my shit 🤣

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- Maeve@kbin.earth ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  You may be surprised to know a lot of people who book time with sex industry workers pay for the companionship, and sex never happens.
  
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  - driving_crooner@lemmy.eco.br ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Companion is still a biological need.
    
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db2@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
Sure don’t.

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- God1st@lemmy.zip ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  Props
  
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  - db2@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
    By the way, what is this “doing well financially” thing? Those magic words don’t seem to work for me.
    
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notaviking@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
Vices are a natural part of being human. But vices can easily become difficult to manage in a healthy manner. But it sounds like you are lonely and your religion and the service from adult workers is trying to fill the void. I get it, life is hard and tough and very lonely.

Why not try to take it easy on yourself. We are all fallible, but we should strive to better ourselves, look it seems that is exactly what you are trying and wanting. This might seem stupid but I started jogging last year. I fucking sucked, but someone told me try moving half an hour a day 2-3 times a week and in a year you would have succeeded in something to further build upon. So I jogged a block and basically died, but almost a year later it changed my life, I joined a jogging group at work, made new friends and running partners, and comradeship. I am not a jogger, still doing a 5km at 57 minutes yesterday, a parkrun with friends. But my point is not to start jogging, but maybe find a hobby or activity that allows you to interact with people, no matter how stupid, and if it is something to be active then there may be a double benefit.

This will not solve your issues or vices, but I learned little by little it becomes a lot, and maybe working on yourself physically or socially, even if you are a fish out of water, will yield results in different ways. It sounds like you are working on yourself spiritually, I hope since you started you have seen a difference. But changing yourself will require work, that is what makes it so satisfactory because you worked for this change, but there isn’t a quick fix or and shortcut, but the answer is easy, small efforts everyday, results in big hard worked changes after a while.

Good luck on your journey, I hope you are able to deal with your vices and issues in a healthy but productive way.

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- God1st@lemmy.zip ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  Thank you dude. Appreciate your words
  
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adhocfungus@midwest.social ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
Are you masturbating at all? I can imagine being so horny that a porn subscription seems tempting, but masturbating would clear that up. It seems like you’ve skipped several levels and gone straight to the most expensive masturbation enhancement.

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- God1st@lemmy.zip ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
  Been a couple days but yeah. Another habit I’m trying to stop
  
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  - Flax_vert@feddit.uk ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    I’m going to be honest with you, as a Christian to another Christian. I think you’re best weaning yourself off of the prostitutes first, then focus on the masturbation issue. That’s if you cannot quit cold turkey.
    
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  - adhocfungus@midwest.social ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
    You should do it more, not less.
    
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BryceBassitt@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
Sounds like your problems are coming from religion, get rid of that.

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BeatTakeshi@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
A book to read:
Out of the Shadows - Patrick Carnes

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Maeve@kbin.earth ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago
IMO, you can't experience union with God until you are in union with yourself. Jesus said a house divided can not stand. Maybe don't look for answers/validation outside, because those aren't the opinions with which you sleep, do your work. When you come into union with self, you'll realistically sort what you can change and what you can't. What are you willing to sacrifice to unite yourself with your Self (ideal)? If it's easy, it's not a sacrifice.

For me, going through that process brought me into union with God, what that idea means to me. And what that means to me may not be what that means to you. That's something to explore as you sit with yourself, good, bad, ugly, indifferent.

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- Flax_vert@feddit.uk ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Proverbs 3:5-7
  
  Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.
  
  Jeremiah 17:9
  
  The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?
  
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  - Maeve@kbin.earth ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Psalms 4:4
    Stand in awe, and sin not: commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be still.
    
    Ecclesiastes 3:1
    
    To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven
    
    One thing I've learned: on the spectrum of hateful to kind, and everything therein, people are religious, atheist, agnostic. I hope you find healing on your path.
    
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