Today’s weather forecast (Melbourne CBD, 3000): min - 19°C, max - 29°C. 90% chance of no rain
the exhaustion from field work after not doing it regularly has hit me like a ton of bricks, but it is lovely having a few more days of fresh air and slow, quiet life with company, off my phone most of the time. I definitely need an extended break from the city once I’m done with things.
Having a tense moment with sibling who wants to split the annual health insurance for mum by 3 and saying how he’s just dropped 17k on his kids overseas uni fees…
rant
My two other sibs outearn me by 3-5x and are also significantly older. This insurance costs a bomb (11k AUD/ year and growing - in a country with universal healthcare), and was richest sib’s idea back when he earned a lot more. Eldest sib has always financially supported mum the most (he has always been a high earner). But he is also the most emotionally distant and meanest to my mum and doesn’t recognise the health impact that has on her (or that his contempt is obvious). His own kids have been spoiled most of their lives and he had a very cruel divorce and now needs to fork out a lot to keep his kids going. I feel an unspoken expectation to be catching up to their high earning jobs and shouldering the financial burden equally. I steadfastly refuse however to accept this. It has made me rather upset 1. I chose not to have kids partly because they’re so expensive. I hate being guilt tripped into now having to pay up more than I can afford because i chose not to reproduce. The insinuation that my choices are less noble is low-class and narrow -minded. 2. I refuse to be dragged into the unhappy trap of flogging myself to earn more, at the cost of energy to attend to the more fundamental and important things in life like being present for others. It has taken over a decade for me to be ok with not reaching the heights of others and wanting to craft a simpler life that focuses my energies better. I am not about to be conned out of this by those whose lives I never ever want to lead. 3. My mum is no saint and she has had trouble with emotional relationships much of her life due to her own brain quirks and traumas, I don’t hold it against my sibs for being cold to her if they feel no love. but it is utterly despicable to me that the eldest then claims the upper ground for financially supporting her as compensation. 4. Mum is happiest being frugal and taking care of her own health, she herself questions the need for this insurance. My sibling comes up with horror stories of how she would end up in a shitty hospital ward without it and how miserable she would be. Meanwhile she is feels lonely and low NOW partly because he’s the only one in the same country as her and is totally contemptuous of her, and that’s no concern to him. I refuse to relate to my mother the way he does, and reject the expectation that I should cough up otherwise I’m heartless and selfish… I worked hard to move here and escape the narrative from our home country that life is a miserable slog and money matters above all else in the real world. I won’t be pulled down by crabs in the bucket.
StudChud@aussie.zone 1 month ago
Hello, I am here. Never left just stopped posting. I was quitting smoking, since new years. I’ve been withdrawing, and all the lovely symptoms that go along with it have been wrecking me.
I made it to today and relapsed.
I don’t want to die of cancer.
I WILL try again after this pouch. 💪🏼
MeanElevator@aussie.zone 1 month ago
Ditch the pouch and pretend it didn’t happen.
Quitting cigs is ridiculously hard. Can’t remember how many tries it took me. Finally kicked it, but the first relapse isn’t the end.
StudChud@aussie.zone 1 month ago
I’ll try to.
This is the second time I tried. First time I made it 9 months. Just 9 days this time. But I can do it. It’s only going to be healthier for me and my household.
Baku@aussie.zone 1 month ago
Glad you’re still around. I must admit, I was getting worried about you as well
I’ve never been in your position, so I don’t want to offer useless advice. But I’m glad you’re working on it as best you can. It’s a hard habit to kick
Also, if I might insert my 2c: you made it 10 days. You’ve just proved to yourself you can do it. Sometimes it just takes a few goes. When my mum was trying to quit, the first time she made it 16 hours. The 2nd time she made it 2 days. Then 4. She “failed” every time, but AFAIK she’s managed to break out now, and no longer smokes
StudChud@aussie.zone 1 month ago
Thank you Baku. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I thought losing weight would be hard, but that only took cutting out soft drinks and OMAD. This shit is insidious.
I’m really happy to hear your mum quit! That’s fantastic! Besides, we only fail to quit when we stop trying to quit. She never failed, she succeeded!! Your advice is not useless and neither are you 💜💜💜💜
Bottom_racer@aussie.zone 1 month ago
ooh it’s hard to kick.
I tried with vapes but realistically just replaced one addiction with another heh.
You got this but don’t beat yourself up if there’s a cheeky accident along the way.
Eagle@aussie.zone 1 month ago
Sending strength to Spud! A step forward, no matter how small, is still a step. The patches worked for me, just enough to take the edge off so smoking wasn’t my only thought. It changed it to an every 5 second thought instead. 12 years free in April this year, and if I can do it, you can too.
PeelerSheila@aussie.zone 1 month ago
Hey good to hear from you! hugs quitting smoking is the hardest thing I ever did (I smoked for 20+ years). Mr P finds it too hard, refuses to quit and keeps smoking (he’s been smoking for 50+ years). Good on you for getting this far, it’s often a case where you quit in sort of fits and starts before you quit for good. One thing I found really helpful was cutting down with a view to quitting. Over time I went from a pack a day to half a pack, to 6 cigs a day. Then I started to view it in terms of time. It took me 10 minutes to smoke a cigarette, so 6 smokes = 1 hour of the day spent smoking. I told myself, “stop complaining about not having enough hours in the day when you’re wasting an hour every day!” Whatever works, the most important thing is to keep trying. Every time you try and don’t succeed, you learn more about what your triggers were and what made you start again, so the next time you try I find you’re more mindful and prepared and more likely to succeed. It took me about 15 goes before I was successful, so please don’t beat yourself up too much about it. You’ll get there!
StudChud@aussie.zone 1 month ago
This is so comprehensive thank you! I really appreciate your understanding.
The first time I made it 9 months, but this time only 9 days. I relapsed the first time when I went to get some drinks with mates and I had one of their ciggies 🤦🏼♀️
This time it’s just my mental health, but if I can quit I can put that money towards actual therapy instead of this bullshit lol. But I will try until it fucking sticks. I want to be here for my cat and my partner.
TinyBreak@aussie.zone 1 month ago
Pouch? Bruh I say this with love: You fell off the horse and thats totally fine! but throw the rest out. Start now. every extra one you have after the relapse makes it so much harder to quit.
I STILL want a smoke 8 years later and I only ever smoked when drunk.
StudChud@aussie.zone 1 month ago
This is a great idea, I’ll try! I’ve only had one so far and just had a cry in the bathroom 😭 lol
I really appreciate your support and understanding.
Taleya@aussie.zone 1 month ago
nope. don’t’ do the full pouch. Cut that shit, smoke your day, then JUNK IT. give it to a neighbor, toss it on bin night, get rid of it.
You will slip up. it happens. Dont’ keep it around when you do. it makes it easier to keep slipping
RustyRaven@aussie.zone 1 month ago
Quitting is hard. Every attempt teaches us something we can use for the next attempt, eventually you hit on the right thing that works for you.
Just don’t use my Dad’s method. He tried to quit once. It didn’t work, so instead of trying again he just pretended he didn’t smoke and spent years furtively sneaking off to smoke and buy cigarettes like a teenager. He somehow seemed to fool himself into thinking no one knew, even though it was incredibly obvious. It was bizarre, and meant that when he was finally forced to quit (when he was physically incapable of accessing cigarettes on his own) he had to go through the withdrawal alone and unsupported because he still couldn’t admit he had been smoking the whole time.
Duenan@aussie.zone 1 month ago
I can’t speak as if I’ve had any experience with smoking but all the best and good luck!
Keep at it and never give up!
Bottom_racer@aussie.zone 1 month ago
Hol’ up.
dumblederp@aussie.zone 1 month ago
Took me a hundred goes to quit, keep at it.
melbaboutown@aussie.zone 1 month ago
It’s ok, you can try again.
Potentially unwanted 2 cents/how I managed it
I had a terrible time quitting and what worked to get me off the cigs and then completely smoke free was a cheap reusable vape. I mixed my own liquid or used 0% liquid and very slowly diluted the strength down until I was completely off nicotine. Vaping is not without risks. And the long term effects haven’t been studied. But with a view to quitting if you do try this - get a prescription for the nicotine - buy reputable supplies, including pure glycerin (or premade 0% liquid) - use a dedicated online calculator for the dilutions and measure accurately - keep everything clean - avoid butter flavours (diacetyl) or use unflavoured - don’t use your device with too little liquid in the tank or dry - drip the liquid into new disposable coils/filters to soak them fully before use (so the cotton doesn’t burn) - replace coils the second they get burned or dirty you shouldn’t have too many issues in the time it takes you to quit. Stay away from the black market vapes. You don’t know the strength or what’s in them. And the breathing issues that were reported on in the news were very likely lipid pneumonia, which happens when there’s oil in the liquid. Probably some dodgy black market operator used glycerin intended for the beauty industry containing vitamin e oil.
Seagoon_@aussie.zone 1 month ago
so many hugs
You can do this. 💪🏻
LowExperience2368@aussie.zone 1 month ago
Good to hear from you, Spud.
The first step to change is realising that it would be good to change something. You can do it. 💜