Teenis

Comments

• victorz@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I just call it “my eight inches”

  Here’s hoping someone done seen that video of the courtroom.

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  • Chippys_mittens@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    I would strongly prefer if you specifically never interacted with any of my posts.

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    • victorz@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Sorry, I really am not able to assist with that. I would strongly suggest you don’t waste your energy with this request. 🙂

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• doingthestuff@lemy.lol ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  John Thomas

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  • HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Gay 90s kid.

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• Digit@lemmy.wtf ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I call him, by his name.

  Charlie, btw.

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• orenj@leminal.space ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Schmeat

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  • Someplaceunknown@leminal.space ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    jshlatt enjoyer

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    • orenj@leminal.space ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

      gats actually

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• Grass@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  but what about my little schmibble

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• Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Calling on Mister Boopsy

  It is a truth not universally acknowledged, yet keenly observed by those with leisure and inclination, that a gentleman improving himself within the privacy of his own home may nonetheless become an object of considerable interest to his neighbors, particularly when those neighbors are five attentive sisters with a view of his windows.

  The Misses Wrightie: Pinkie, Ringelia, Middlina, Indexa, and the youngest, Thumbelina, had long taken their afternoon tea in the front parlor, where the curtains were drawn back just enough to admit both light and curiosity. It was Middlina, the eldest and most decisive, who first remarked upon Mister Boopsy’s altered habits.

  “He did not always rise so early,” she observed, peering discreetly over the rim of her cup. “Nor did he, I think, once attend so earnestly to his correspondence.” Indexa, who prided herself on a more philosophical turn, inclined her head. “There is a seriousness about him now, a deliberation of movement. It suggests reflection, perhaps even resolve.” Ringelia, ever fond of particulars, added, “And his posture! Yesterday he stood at his post for nearly an hour. I am convinced he was composing something of consequence or else soliciting attention.” Ringelia laughed lightly. “Or merely attempting to stand straighter. Improvement must begin somewhere.” Young Thumbelina, who had no patience for abstraction, clasped her hands. “He looks happier.”

  This, though simple, was not disputed. For indeed, over the course of several weeks, Mister Boopsy’s demeanor had undergone a most agreeable transformation. Where once he had lingered in idleness, he now moved with purpose; where once his quarters appeared in disarray, they were now set in order, with books arranged and sunlight admitted. The sisters, though stationed outside, could not but feel themselves witnesses to a quiet triumph of character.

  “It would be a kindness,” said Indexa at last, “to call upon him.” “A kindness?” Pinkie echoed, amused. “Certainly. A gentleman so evidently devoted to self-improvement ought not be left without society. We might afford him a little diversion.” Ringelia approved. “Encouragement, properly administered, is a moral good.” And so it was settled. Their arrival the following afternoon was conducted with due propriety, though not without a degree of anticipation. Mister Boopsy, upon noticing the opening of his door and discovering not one but five callers, was at first quite overcome. His bow, though earnest, lacked precision; his expression, though welcoming, betrayed a flutter of astonishment.

  “Miss Wrightie, erm Misses…how very…what an honor,” he managed. Indexa, composed as ever, relieved him. “We hope we do not intrude, sir. Having observed…having heard of your industrious habits, we thought a brief call might not be unwelcome.” “Not unwelcome at all!” he exclaimed, with a warmth that seemed to exceed his own expectations. “Pray, do come in.” The sisters entered and were pleased, though not surprised, to find his rooms in admirable condition. Books were neatly arranged; a small writing desk stood by the window; and upon a modest table rested a single cup of yogurt, accompanied by a spoon placed with careful symmetry. Conversation commenced with ease. Middlina inquired after his reading; Ringelia praised the arrangement of his shelves; Pinkie supplied a gentle wit that soon put him at his comfort; Thumbelina admired everything without restraint, and Indexa oversaw the whole with quiet satisfaction.

  Mister Boopsy, for his part, grew increasingly animated. He spoke of his new routines, his intentions, his small but meaningful successes. There was, in his manner, a sincerity so evident that even Ringelia refrained from teasing it. “I have found,” he said, gesturing perhaps more vigorously than necessary, “that one must only begin. The rest follows, though not without effort, of course, but still, it follows!”

  In the enthusiasm of this declaration, he seized his cup of yogurt, as if it were an emblem of his newfound discipline. Unfortunately, his fervor exceeded his caution. The pressure of his grip, combined with the modest frailty of the container, proved too much. With a most unfortunate sound, the yogurt burst. The result was immediate and comprehensive. A pale cascade adorned his hands, his sleeve, and a not inconsiderable portion of the table. For one suspended moment, silence reigned. Then Thumbelina gasped. Middlina turned aside to conceal a smile. Ringelia reached instinctively for a cloth that was not yet in her possession. Pinkie composed her expression into philosophical neutrality. And Indexa, excellent Henrietta, stepped forward without hesitation.

  “No matter, sir,” she said, as though such occurrences were the most ordinary in the world. “A simple mishap.” Mister Boopsy, mortified, could scarcely speak. “I-I cannot express-this is most-” “Quite salvageable,” Middlina interjected calmly. Ringelia had by then secured a napkin. Pinkie, abandoning restraint, joined in the effort with brisk efficiency. Even Thumbelina, though giggling, assisted where she might. In a remarkably short time, order was restored. The table was wiped, the damage contained, and Mister Boopsy, though still flushed, was spared further embarrassment by the sisters’ unflagging composure.

  “You are exceedingly kind,” he said at last, his voice steadier. “I fear I have made a most ridiculous impression.” “On the contrary,” said Indexa, “you have made a human one.” Middlina allowed herself a small smile. “And an energetic one.” Encouraged, he ventured a laugh of his own.

  Their leave-taking, when it came, was conducted with as much grace as their arrival. At the door, Indexa spoke for them all. “We have enjoyed our call very much, Mister Boopsy. If you would permit it, we should be pleased to visit again.” His expression, though now more carefully managed, could not conceal his delight. “I should like that exceedingly.” And so the sisters departed, returning to their accustomed vantage with renewed interest; while within, Mister Boopsy, somewhat cleaner, slightly wiser, and no less determined, resumed his course of improvement, now with the agreeable prospect of future company.

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  • Chippys_mittens@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Image

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  • notabot@piefed.social ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Bravo! A delightful tale of the first meeting of Mr Boopsy and the Wrightie sisters. I do hope that we shall read more of their adventures and undoubtedly growing friendship in future.

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• trackball_fetish@lemmy.wtf ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Laphog, schlong, rod, pecker, snake, package, unit, johnson, richard, purple helmet warrior, willy, one eyed trouser snake, sinstick, prick, dink, pickle, sausage, lower horn

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  • FUsername@feddit.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Remember those fellas?

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    • trackball_fetish@lemmy.wtf ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Oh man, forgot about that earworm, going to be stuck for a bit

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  • FUsername@feddit.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Pimmel, Latte, Knüppel, Dödel, Nacktmull, Schniepel, Penis, Glied, Gerät, Sackkanone, Beglücker, Bestrafer, Prügel, Prengel, (Brat-)Wurst, Riemen

    Two things, roughly related:

    1. I couldn’t properly name as many colors properly.
    2. In my youth, a discounter sold tissues branded ‘Solo Talent’. Still love the humor.

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• musket528@sopuli.xyz ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  hot dog

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  • blargh513@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    not hot dog

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• Cracks_InTheWalls@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Manhood, throbbing, pgs 1-320

  (This is what I imagine indexes would look like in your trashier historical romance novels)

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• AdolfSchmitler@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Can’t believe peen didn’t make the list

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  • HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    I can’t believe “lil’ Adolf” didn’t make the list.

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• Sam_Bass@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Pecker

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  • chronicledmonocle@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    This name indicates you’re 45+ years old.

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    • Sam_Bass@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Yep lots of mileage

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• daggermoon@piefed.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I call it a hog and I hate the orange pumpkin fuck.

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• bizarroland@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Its my Mr. Bizarroland

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• Poppa_Mo@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Hell yeah. Punching the clown keeps me free from meme judgement.

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  • luciferofastora@feddit.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    It doesn’t keep you free from all judgement, just meme judgement.

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    • Poppa_Mo@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      If only you mattered. :(

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• pivot_root@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Popsicle - should take a seat over there
  One-eyed monster - a fan of Austin Powers

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• dwemthy@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  P33n0r

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• j4k3@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Optimus Prime

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• EyIchFragDochNur@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Po-tay-to

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• Snowman_sir@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Hi, I’m Lo Wang. I’ll be your acupuncturist today.

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  • hakunawazo@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

    You no mess with Lo Wang
    Image

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• MutantTailThing@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Schlong

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• jeniferariza@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  the d train = call the cops took me out 💀

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• starblursd@lemmy.zip ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Hey hey… Hog could also mean Bilmuri fan so careful with assuming on that one 🤣

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  • MrScottyTay@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    ABSOLUTELYCRANKINGMYF’INHOG

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    • starblursd@lemmy.zip ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Bil: muri’d

      Hog: cranked

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• synapse1278@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I call it my pee staff

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• addie@feddit.uk ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I call mine ‘little Elvis’, because that’s what Elvis called his, and it’s always struck me as a good name for it.

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  • Digit@lemmy.wtf ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Is your name Elvis too? :o

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    • addie@feddit.uk ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Alas, no.

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• ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  What about calling it Johnson?

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  • Hazmatastic@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Image

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  • chronicledmonocle@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    “Dear Humanity…we regret coming to Earth…”

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• agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Bepis

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• pneumatron@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  1-800-PP5-1DOODOO

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• MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  wears socks to bed

  You don’t?

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• heartpunk25@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  What if he calls it a wangdang?

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• Kowowow@lemmy.ca ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Huh I’ve never had to describe it to anyone before

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