Well thatâs finally one saga over. I have wheels again! I think Iâve grown grey in my eyebrows from the stress.
Tomorrow I shall start organising insurance, put in a dashcam, look up places to get quotes for a new head unit, set up direct debits for rego, shop for seat covers and all the rest. And tidy my godawfully messy carport with months of dead leaves and crap accumulated. My neighbours will probably be rolling their eyes and sighing, âat lastââŠ
RustyRaven@aussie.zone âš6â© âšmonthsâ© ago
Iâve mentioned a couple of times recently having some âreal lifeâ problems, but I havenât really wanted to talk about it much here while I was still processing everything.
My Dad has been diagnosed with lung cancer and does not have much longer to live. My Mum also has a fair few health problems and our current plan is for her to move back to Melbourne and share a house with me so I can provide more assistance. I feel a bit like Iâm in the eye of a hurricane at the moment, everything seems perfectly normal right now but Iâm constantly on edge waiting for that to change.
It feels like I should be doing something but thereâs not really anything to do at the moment, so Iâm researching and making plans for every likely future possibility I can think of. Which probably means something completely unexpected will happen instead.
wscholermann@aussie.zone âš6â© âšmonthsâ© ago
I know itâs an unpleasant thing to think about but has the will and funeral been sorted?
RustyRaven@aussie.zone âš6â© âšmonthsâ© ago
They have. Everything was updated for both Mum & Dad last year after some health scares. The timing and details might have been unknown but it is not really unexpected at this point.
Gibsonisafluffybutt@aussie.zone âš6â© âšmonthsâ© ago
Iâm so sorry for that youâre going through â€ïž
Catfish@aussie.zone âš6â© âšmonthsâ© ago
That is a great deal of shite at once. Net hugs.
Bottom_racer@aussie.zone âš6â© âšmonthsâ© ago
So sorry to hear that.
TinyBreak@aussie.zone âš6â© âšmonthsâ© ago
Iâm really sorry. This sounds like a lot to take on.
With kindness, I disagree. I think you should be spending as much time with your folks as you are comfortable with. Bugger everything else right now.
RustyRaven@aussie.zone âš6â© âšmonthsâ© ago
I have been spending more time with them, but Dad canât do anything now, he canât really speak and is basically just sitting in his armchair with the TV on 24/7. Itâs not a very pleasant environment unfortunately. Iâd love to be able to take Mum out to get away from it for a bit but she doesnât want to leave him alone for any length of time. Weâve pretty much all said our goodbyes because he could go at any time and now we are all just waiting.
Seagoon_@aussie.zone âš6â© âšmonthsâ© ago
agree, spend time :)
melbaboutown@aussie.zone âš6â© âšmonthsâ© ago
Iâm very sorry to hear it.
If he doesnât feel up to talking or is unable to interact much, perhaps you might help mum with any practical tasks? Such as cleaning out storage spaces, paring down non-sentimental belongings, or starting to put away/make decisions about his stuff.
She might have trouble managing after he passes and it might be emotionally easier to do it more gradually, whether you do it together to support each other or you do the practical stuff while she sits with him.
Please ignore this if it comes off as insensitive.
I just thought it might take something difficult off mumâs plate.
RustyRaven@aussie.zone âš6â© âšmonthsâ© ago
We will definitely be going through stuff to downsize in future. I donât think there will be many decisions about his stuff, most of it is going straight in the dumpster. I think we will all take special joy in finally being able to toss the broken toaster in the shed that he for some reason decided was valuable enough to take when they moved house đ€Ł Fortunately the worst of his junk hoard was dealt with before they moved, but he did manage to bring over a surprising amount. Mum mostly has an oversupply of linen.
I have been helping with the cleaning a bit too, she is supposed to have a fortnighly cleaner through aged care every fortnight but they are not very reliable and if the cleaner canât make it for some reason it ends up being a month.
So far Dad has refused to use any sort of mobility aids. He looks incredibly unstable and has already had a couple of falls but unless heâs completely physically unable to get there I donât think heâll accept any sort of assistance.
Duenan@aussie.zone âš6â© âšmonthsâ© ago
Iâm really sorry to hear.
Sometimes there isnât anything you can do for the moment until the moment finally arrives.
You can do some forward planning but it might also cause you additional stress of all sorts.
Perhaps spending time with your dad while you can might be something you can think about with the time he has left if that is something you can do. Time is precious sometimes and unforgiving so making the best use of it while you can will never be a mistake.
Llabyrinthine@aussie.zone âš6â© âšmonthsâ© ago
Iâm also sorry to read what youâve been going through. đ€