In my experience HR speak comes from one of two places: either she’s actively controlling her emotions, or she’s scared of you. Usually the former, but I’ve seen the latter in friends. “Dude is mentally unstable, armed, and bad at boundaries, time to word an email like HR explaining very clearly what you’re allowed to do and not”
"I wish you well in your future endeavors"
Submitted 8 months ago by ickplant@lemmy.world to [deleted]
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/90403680-b2c5-45f4-9797-a2e23114643b.jpeg
Comments
captainlezbian@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Potatos_are_not_friends@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Literally 3 days ago, twins who were being cat called, one was stabbed to death because she rejected him.
captainlezbian@lemmy.world 8 months ago
I hadn’t heard but I desperately wish I lived in a world where incidents like this were surprising
vulgarcynic@sh.itjust.works 8 months ago
“Here’s a box for your personal items, Steven will show you out.”
Tyfud@lemmy.world 8 months ago
“Dave”
"Dave will show you out.
LANIK2000@lemmy.world 8 months ago
In my experience they just stop talking to you, as if hoping you’ll stop existing or something. I’m the one doing the “best wishes” shit, just to get some closure for my self.
nifty@lemmy.world 8 months ago
I think it’s important to remember that everyone has different levels of emotional intelligence, and people like me who are mildly autistic are slow at learning appropriate responses. But more importantly, if someone treats you less than you’d like, it’s not a reflection of you.
rottingleaf@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
In my experience they just stop talking to you, as if hoping you’ll stop existing or something. I’m the one doing the “best wishes” shit, just to get some closure for my self.
While I just remind that I exist from time to time until too lazy, by sending links to some articles or something via DMs once in a few weeks or so. This is a bit similar to stalking, so don’t do that.
BTW, one reason I love the idea of emancipation of women is that not behaving like that isn’t some male psychology natural trait. Men just learn it, and women don’t learn it because of being treated differently.
Liz@midwest.social 8 months ago
Your first paragraph is a bit confusing. It’s technically a fragment (replacing “while” with “meanwhile” would fix this), there’s too many implied words, the the ordering of ideas is a bit jarring. As a result, it took me a few tries to figure out you were referencing your own behavior with the second sentence. I’m saying all this because I think it’s the reason people down voted your comment.
Try this:
WhileMeanwhile, I just occasionally remind them that I existfrom time to time[ ]until I’m too lazy,by sending links to some articles or somethingvia DMsoncein aevery few weeks or so until I’m too lazy. This is a bit similar to stalking, so don’t do that.Without editing markup:
Meanwhile, I just occasionally remind them that I exist by sending links to some articles or something once every few weeks or so until I’m too lazy. This is a bit similar to stalking, so don’t do that.
I hope this wasn’t too annoying, but difficult writing can turn allies into frustrated enemies. I can go into detail about each change, if you want.
gmtom@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Completely tangential, but why are the ‘s’ at the end of words starting to get cut out “She start talking ot you like she work for HR” should be "she starts talking to you like she works for HR
its not like it saves you time, and it just sounds awkward and clunky to say.
ComradePorkRoll@lemmy.world 8 months ago
It’s African American Vernacular English. Calling it “uneducated and improper” can and will be perceived as racist as it’s a legitimate dialect of the English language.
quindraco@lemm.ee 8 months ago
“African American Vernacular English” sounds like an awfully racist term for it.
Chrobin@discuss.tchncs.de 8 months ago
It’s afro American sociolect.
remer@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Yup. Sounding educated and well spoken will get you mercilessly bullied in a lot of placing in the US. Here in Florida we call it “crabs in a bucket” because if one starts climbing up the others will pull it back down.
ieatpwns@lemmy.world 8 months ago
If you still got the point of the post does the language matter if it doesn’t sound exactly the way you speak?
CoolMatt@lemmy.ca 8 months ago
And using three periods instead of one comma
HopFlop@discuss.tchncs.de 8 months ago
They just use the infinitive, like for example in “I swear she be doing that” (instead of “I swear she is doing that”). Thats just a dialect some people have.
Smoogs@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Yes it is a tangent and it wasn’t appropriate to derail.
It’s really not as kind as a person thinks they are being when no one asked them to correct their grammar. It doesn’t show respect to the topic or the person speaking. Something about not letting perfection prevent progress. And honestly it wasn’t hard to understand what the OP was saying so even going the ‘hard to understand’ excuse wouldn’t fit for a grammar troll to stretch their legs out on here.
gmtom@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Does it not get exhausting to constantly get butthurt over the most trivial bullshit you read online?
Im_old@lemmy.world 8 months ago
And then call you a week later when they need something
VinnyDaCat@lemmy.world 8 months ago
I’ve played this game before, although not entirely as formal. It’s basically when you don’t want to ghost each other, and you’re both being or attempting to be polite about it so that you can keep them as a possibility for later.
I’m not saying to be uncivil, but that’s usually what’s going on, and it’s really obvious when you don’t have any long term commitments between each other that won’t need to be resolved in the future.
Excrubulent@slrpnk.net 8 months ago
It’s almost like she’s trying to be polite because she knows that sometimes guys turn violent when they’re rejected.
Tyfud@lemmy.world 8 months ago
This. And I’m a guy. I completely understand why women are “overly” nice.
Seasoned_Greetings@lemm.ee 8 months ago
Woah now, you better not be insinuating that men and women are anything but exactly equal in their temperament. The salty dudes on Lemmy won’t let you get away with telling them otherwise.
I’ve been in a handful of conversations over the last couple weeks with men on this platform that don’t understand the concept that women have to treat men a specific way for fear of the few of them that can be violent.
Apparently watching out for your own safety as a woman by treating men differently is sexist and completely unacceptable.
Excrubulent@slrpnk.net 8 months ago
Men killing women and women being afraid of being killed by men is apparently exactly the same thing, and we’re sexist for even noticing it. How dare we make them aware of an uncomfortable truth that they were successfully ignoring?
As always, noticing bigotry is the real bigotry.
MentalEdge@sopuli.xyz 8 months ago
No, no, you’re supposed to treat everyone fairly, the exact same way and always assuming they are the best, most stable people who would never react adversely to a “no” or any other negative occurrence.
And then when you run into that statistically inevitable crazy person, just let em beat you to death! You wouldn’t want to hurt the feelings of all the perfectly decent people you met before then, would you?
Big giant /S
This is unfortunately one of those cases where the mere existence of damgerous individuals makes being a little unfair with the rest of us completely warranted.
Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 8 months ago
I’ve honestly been taught that blanket statements about sex/gender are usually not fine. So this sort of shit feels wrong in that sense and of course hurtful when you’re at the receiving end of a negative blanket statement.
I mean treating all men different is sexist and prejudiced. There’s really no way around that. Whether this sort of blanket prejudice is justified in this case, could be. But also that’s not a great look, to justify statistics or stereotype based prejudice.
quindraco@lemm.ee 8 months ago
Bear in mind Lemmy is an overall very leftist platform. Claiming an outside observer can tell a man from a woman is going to attract downvotes, let alone going on to list alleged specific differences.
Note to readers, because I am used to Lemmy: Anyone assuming I agree or disagree with any given take on gender differences can fuck off. My actual post conveys no opinion on them.
dejected_warp_core@lemmy.world 8 months ago
I’ll back you up.
Guys, we have to suck it up. I’ve talked with my wife about this very thing, a lot. She’s really helped me process a lot of relationship trauma in my deep past, including bad/weird breakups.
Men, by and large, have the ability to utilize violence in ways that women simply do not*. Especially towards women. This shapes a lot of inequity and abuse in society writ large, no matter where you are. Forget the law, forget about the rest doing the right thing, forget all your bias, and forget any logical fallacies you are clinging to right now. Just look at the stats above.
One in four. 25%. If knew you were doing anything in your day-to-day life that came with a risk of bodily or psychological harm a quarter of the time, every time, you’d probably just stop. Or, as OP is pointing out, screw social pretense and improvise a solution with a better shot at safety.
To flip that around, consider all the women you know and then think about how 25% of them have been abused in some way.
Women learn from their peers or otherwise adapt to be non-confrontational, passive, indirect, avoidant, or just plain not present. Sometimes that lesson is learned proactively, sometimes first-hand. Why? Because 25%, that’s why.
(* As someone who has been abused by women, yes, there are outliers. But since we’re talking statistics, that’s another discussion.)
Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 8 months ago
“If you are bothered by blanket statements and sexism towards you, it’s just because your ego is bruised and you might actually be the violent person I’ve painted you as.”
Incredible logic.
MentalEdge@sopuli.xyz 8 months ago
No. The point is we can’t ask vulnerable people to throw caution to the wind when around those who have the ability to harm them.
Part of being one of the good ones, is not taking it personally when someone who doesn’t know you are safe, takes steps to try and make sure you won’t harm them. Because they can’t know for sure that you wouldn’t.
ComfortableRaspberry@feddit.de 8 months ago
Some countries in Europe started to look more into this topic since the number of femicides is growing and becoming more newsworthy it seems.
A lot of people are biased since sexism is deeply rooted in our society and many don’t realize what’s happening around them if they are not directly affected.
Just this week I had to discuss with a rather aggressive delivery person who berated me (unprovoked and for a made up reason) until my partner came from another room. As soon as he had to discuss his issue with another man he started to believe the facts and stopped. Actually kinda glad this happened since my partner is also very biased regarding “everyday sexism” since it doesn’t affect him and this was the first time he was able to see it first hand.
Excrubulent@slrpnk.net 8 months ago
I didn’t want to relay this while the thread was still so hot, but I’m a large scary-guy-shaped person - I really doubt any of the guys in this thread would say any of this to my face - and I didn’t understand this until my sister asked me to tell our dad something she needed him to hear because “he’ll listen to you because you’re a man”. I said I didn’t think he was that sort of person, and she just said, “No, it’s normal for people not to listen to women.” So I told him the thing and he listened to me where he hadn’t listened to her.
I was pretty shook by that, so I asked my partner if that was normal and she said “Oh, yeah,” without having to think twice about it.
That’s where my journey started. After you start seeing it, you can’t stop.
I also started noticing at a certain point how often women would randomly apologise for existing near me in public. Like they are clearly afraid of me. It doesn’t feel nice, but it’s never once occurred to me to yell “not all men!” or “I’m one of the good ones!” at their retreating backs.
I’ve discovered - through being NB - that I can completely reverse this by even slightly feminising my appearance. I actually get random women smiling at me in public, not politely, but openly and genuinely. It makes me think of what a trans man said about how lonely it is to be a man, how he misses the camraderie of women looking out for each other. From my perspective when I’m fully man-coded I agree, men absolutely do not openly smile at me. That’s too gay, or something.
I’m not worried that any bad actors will abuse this info to get women to let their guard down though, because a consequence of this is getting an absolutely appalling amount of disgust and hate from random dudes, but I consider the trade absolutely worth it when I have the energy for it.
asteriskeverything@lemmy.world 8 months ago
I was just ranting to my husband about how I got tired of being polite to men in my personal life who don’t take “no” for an answer the first time. I am exhausted after years of finding 17 different ways to politely say no to a stranger who wants something from me on any given day. I am absolutely fucking done wasting time pussyfooting my words, with the men I am safe with (for whatever reason) and uh often men I am not safe with but I have been VERY lucky to have positive outcomes there. Pure luck
prole@sh.itjust.works 8 months ago
I was with you until that last paragraph… Kind of a shitty thing to say.
Excrubulent@slrpnk.net 8 months ago
Then you weren’t with me. These are shitty people.
gmtom@lemmy.world 8 months ago
Genuinely not trying to be that guy, but it seems like you’re saying that because it happens to men less often than to women, we can just ignore when it happens to men. Which im sure isnt what you’re trying to say, but its the insinuation you present whenever you bring up stats like these.
Excrubulent@slrpnk.net 8 months ago
Why would that be the insinuation? You’re inserting that, not me.
feedum_sneedson@lemmy.world 8 months ago
God, yeah, all women are wonderful and all men are bad. That’s certainly been my life experience.
MentalEdge@sopuli.xyz 8 months ago
That’s not really the point.
If a good man has a woman turn violent on him, odds are he has a physical advantage and will be able to deal with it. It shouldn’t have to happen that way but he can probably keep himself safe.
Flip that around, and as a woman, even if 99.99% of men will take it completely calmly, the small chance that you’re dealing with that 0.01% who will flip out and try to hurt you the second things don’t go his way, is fucking terrifying.
Especially if you’re smaller than average and dealing with someone bigger than average, the smart thing is to not just risk it. No, it doesn’t feel good when a girl assumes the worst about me, but I get it, so I don’t take it personally.
I can know I would never turn my strength and size to hurting to someone, she cannot.
rottingleaf@lemmy.zip 8 months ago
“n in m women said that they …” and “p in q men said that they …” would be more correct.
You are comparing apples to oranges. If women and men were treated the same by the society and thus would report actual events with the same probability, then you could compare these.
How many men would admit they experienced emotional abuse were that the case? A rhetorical question. Like a half of them or more wouldn’t.
Excrubulent@slrpnk.net 8 months ago
Ah, yes, emotional abuse, the only thing on this list.
JoShmoe@ani.social 8 months ago
I believe this is directly related to many women being more empathetic. Many guys are not violent.
Excrubulent@slrpnk.net 8 months ago
This is a repackaging of “not all men”.
The problem with “not all men” is that there is an obvious follow up question: “which men?”
If you can’t answer that fast enough to determine if you’re dealing with a violent man, then “not all men” is meaningless to a woman who is trying to not get killed.
Also, you’re basically saying women don’t think about this. I wonder what kind of answers you’d get if actually aske any about this.
wesker@lemmy.sdf.org 8 months ago
Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 8 months ago
From the pic I didn’t assume this was gender specific