Can you live a fulfilling life with autism?

Submitted ⁨⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨AlissaSameer@lemmy.world⁩ to ⁨[deleted]⁩

I have autism and this fact has disturbed me greatly for some time, to the point its led me to some dark paths. I just want to know if I can actually live a normal life with it or am I doomed to be a weirdo forever?

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SturgiesYrFase@lemmy.ml ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Even “NT” people are weird. Just because you work different doesn’t make you sub-human, doesn’t mean you can’t have a “normal” life, or that you don’t deserve to be happy and to be loved and to have a fulfilling “normal” life.
Keep your chin up, and keep at it.

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- weeeeum@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Personally, I’m not really sure if a true “neurotypical” exists. Just people with traits that don’t yet have scientific/quantitative definitions or labels for. We’re all just people and our only common trait is that we’re all different and weird.
  
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  - Zachariah@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Neurotypical just means you’re in the bulge of the bell curve of traits and your traits are common. It doesn’t mean you’re normal, just average.
    
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  - SturgiesYrFase@lemmy.ml ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    ;) that’s why I put it in quotes. Totally agree, btw!
    
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- AlissaSameer@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Thank you. But Ive been bullied throughout my life and even my father called me a freak and such, to the point I moved out the minute I became 18. So part of me wishes I was nt so I could just be accepted.
  
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  - SturgiesYrFase@lemmy.ml ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Don’t let a few really shit people make you doubt that you’re worth being here.
    
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  - willya@lemmyf.uk ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    What actions are leading to these reactions?
    
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Kinglink@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Probably depends what level of autism you have or rather what type… But sure, just like you can live a good life with ADHD, having one leg, or just being an asshole.

The trick with it is managing whatever traits life has given you on your stat sheet. If you’re autistic understand your limitations, figure out if there’s anything you can do and work on it. If you have trouble in social situations, work on that. If you anxious at times, work on that. Don’t be afraid of using medication to help with your symptoms if you can, and working with a therapists to improve the quality of your life (if that works, not going to say there’s a catch all solution). Find people who understand and accept you as well. Not everyone is going to like you… and I say that outside of this. Not everyone will be your friend, and that’s ok.

Two things. Don’t let that be a crutch. Autism might be how you help people understand what you’re going through but don’t say “X is ok because I’m autistic” because you can always be better at certain things, it’s just that certain things may be harder. And always try to improve yourself.

Also don’t take someone else’s definition of a “fulfilling life” If you want to enjoy video games instead of going out to a bar or drinking, and you’re happy with that choice, do it. If you want to be social instead of playing video games, and you’re happy with that choice do it. Just like there’s no one form of Autism there’s no one form of a “Fulfilling life”. Find a way to be happy… similarly there’s no such thing as a “Normal life” there’s a life you want to live, and strive for that.

And besides we’re all weirdos on this planet, most of us just hide it better. You got this.

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- AlissaSameer@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  High functioning autism, which I guess makes me lucky. Still feels like a horribel crutch though
  
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  - Kinglink@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    I have ADHD, and probably some minor form or Autism. (Just too old for it to be called that back in the day). Learn to cope with it. It’s what makes you different, but like I said, figure out what is a fulfilling life to you first, and then try to strive towards it.
    
    And I don’t mean this as a negative but consider therapy if you can find a way to do it. It sounds like you might need to talk to someone about this and that can be a great help. That can take time too, it took my daughter 3-4 therapists and almost a year to find the right person for her and it’s definitely helped her.
    
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- classic@fedia.io ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  This post covers two key points that are integral to the question and worth really taking the time to absorb: first, fulfillment might informed by comparisons but is ultimately and ineluctably a personal journey. Second, acknowledge and work with your "stats" (i.e. autism) but don't identify with it
  
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nutsack@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
You can be a fulfilled weirdo I’m pretty sure

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Waldowal@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Autism, especially higher functioning, often comes with clinical-level anxiety. Definately talk to a psychiatrist and therapist. If you’re already on anxiety meds that aren’t working, try a different one. Keep in mind that the wrong one can cause suicidal thoughts. They vary quite a bit, and new ones are coming out all the time. You’ll eventually find one that helps take the edge off your anxiety. That will help you cope with the other things better. From my experience, things also get naturally better as you age, so there is light in the tunnel.

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- AlissaSameer@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Yeah suicidal and self harm thoughts often come in the middle of the night. And yeah the psych ward got me on certain meds Im still taking but don’t think they’re working
  
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  - BreadOven@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    They often take months to actually show a noticeable difference. Please keep it up if it hasn’t been that long, it’s tough though. Feel free to DM me if you have any specific medication -related questions.
    
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gerryflap@feddit.nl ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
That really depends on the how it affects you and what you consider fulfilling. I’m autistic and I think things are going pretty well. I work as a programmer, which I usually like and where my qualities can shine. Because of this I managed to buy a place to live and never really have to worry about money too much. Compared to many NTs my life may look boring, because I tend to stay pretty close to home and usually spend a lot of time at home, but it’s how I function best. I enjoy my hobbies and “charge” my energy for the occasional event where I do leave my “bubble” for a festival or something. I’m not sure how the future may look, and I definitely don’t have everything perfectly managed yet, but overall I think it’s definitely going well.

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- AlissaSameer@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Glad its working out for you
  
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voracitude@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Yes, it’s very possible to live a normal life, and even to be happy. You can learn to appreciate yourself for the things you’re good at. I’ve been lucky in several aspects, sure, but I’ve managed to shape my life around my needs. I found a partner as weird as I am, I have a remote job mostly working with computers, and I have a few very good very close friends.

I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety my whole life, without medication as I don’t want to rely on anything I can’t make for myself. I feel like I’m constantly falling forwards and only barely catching myself before I hit the ground, some days. But life is good. I enjoy walks in the sun and playing games with my friends and making my partner giggle. I didn’t get handed these things, I found them after years and years of looking. You can too, just don’t give up. It is worth it.

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BradleyUffner@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
My fiance and I are both autistic. I’m a software developer and woodworker. She’s a college professor and resin artist. We are both incredibly happy and productive weirdos, and proud of it.

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- AlissaSameer@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  I bet you wouldn’t want your kids to have autism
  
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  - morphballganon@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    That’s totally unrelated to the above posts, isn’t it?
    
    I’m not autistic, but I chose to get a vasectomy to avoid passing on certain other traits. So, that’s an option. I ended up marrying someone with a child later. So now I have a kid who doesn’t have my genetic predisposition for certain qualities. Win/win?
    
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  - Garbanzo@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    I wouldn’t have her any other way, and fuck you
    
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makuus@pawb.social ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
You say “weirdo” as if that’s a bad thing…

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- AlissaSameer@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Well it is a bad thing
  
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  - makuus@pawb.social ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Really? As a weirdo, I’m not sure I agree with that.
    
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  - erev@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    By whose metric? I’m a weirdo and by and large it’s seen as more of a good thing, usually.
    
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  - morphballganon@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Incorrect. To be “normal” is to be boring. To be “normal” is to have near-zero chance of making a difference in the world.
    
    The people who tell you being weird is bad are the people who are so dreadfully normal that they feel the need to put down deviance so they can convince themselves they are superior. And it sounds like it worked; they’ve suckered you into believing them.
    
    Are you going to stay under that cloud of perceived inferiority? The choice is yours.
    
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Azzu@lemm.ee ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I remember you from that psych ward post the other day :)

I think you can definitely live a fulfilling life. I have high functioning autism myself and I live one.

But you will not be “normal”. Yes, you’ll always be a “weirdo”. I’m also very much so a weirdo.

There are NT people in here that say everyone is weird, and they’re pretty much correct. But if you’re autistic you’re still “more weird” in many ways and faced with more challenges socially.

The trick is to figure out how to be fine with that reality. I assure you that it’s possible. But “figuring out how to be fine with it” necessarily implies that you have to change yourself, your mindset, what you believe is true. It requires constant evaluation of yourself and of trying out new things, new ways of thinking, new beliefs.

So yeah, I’m sure you can live a fulfilling life :) just try to be open to new things, try to seek them out as much as you can, and try to be open to change :)

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- AlissaSameer@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Ill try but I admit I am tempted to go get a gun and just blow my brains out
  
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  - Azzu@lemm.ee ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    It’s certainly a possible choice. I can’t really help you with that though, you got to know yourself if that’s right for you.
    
    For me, I felt terrible throughout a majority of my life. I don’t know if I was lucky or what, but I somehow never seriously considered ending my life. For me, that was really good, because I could have never imagined how good my life can be. If I look at today, it would just be extremely sad if I didn’t get to experience such a happy state.
    
    I don’t know what your future holds, no one does. But I personally think that there’s at least a chance that you’d experience the same thing.
    
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MyNamesNotRobert@lemmynsfw.com ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I mean… Usually the thing preventing this is other people being terrible in my experience rather than my own shortcomings. It’s theoretically possible.

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Vinny_93@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
It’s difficult but the harsh truth is that it’ll only get better once you find people that can accept you for who your are. For me, this was college. I found a lot of like-minded people and realised I tried to adapt to a world that was never made for me for 21 years. Then again, I only have a mild case of autism.

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- LunarVoyager@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
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  - Vinny_93@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    If I may ask, what country is that?
    
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nothacking@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I have personaly known a lot of people who have seemed super happy at first, but were putting up a facade over some real big mental health problems. Just because someone is able to socialize doen’t mean they are living a good life, and you can do lots of fulfilling things without in person interaction.

Don’t worry about being normal, just do fun and fulfilling things.

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HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I’m living a pretty fulfilling life with a different disability (not going into it). The only trouble is how literally everyone outside my family, even my doctor, are subtly trying to convince me to kill myself. Just today my doctor kicked me out of her practice because I asked to get an early refill on a couple prescriptions (not this month, next month) to go on a trip in two months. Planning that far ahead means I’m a drug addict. Go figure. So now I’m scrambling to see if I can find a doctor in time to get the refills that run out this month, because she’s a petty bitch and won’t fill those. Yaaaaay.

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Etterra@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I don’t see why not. I don’t have autism and I sure don’t live a fulfilling life, so clearly not having autism hasn’t done me any good there. So if it’s possible for someone to have a fulfilling life at all, then I can’t imagine autism being sufficient on its own to be likely to change that fact.

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FinishingDutch@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I’ve had a fair few colleagues with varying levels and flavors of autism. The answer is yes.

Also, weird people are fun. Normal’s overrated. I like weird people. Which is probably why I actually prefer the autistic colleagues over the ‘normal’ ones.

Sure, not everyone will dig your particular weirdness, but the same thing is true of everyone without autism too. Just live your life and do your own thing.

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herescunty@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Some of the most interesting people I know are weirdos.

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FuglyDuck@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Everyone is a weirdo. But I dont think you’re doomed to be defined by autism. I know a few people that you’d never know if they didn’t say something.

I would encourage you to find people who also have autism and get talking with them; I’m not going to pretend to be able to give anything more specific than that.

Having someone who’s been in your shoes; and can actually give real advice is invaluable.

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- AlissaSameer@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  I would love to get to know more autistic people but I dont think theres a lot at my uni or in social circles in my city. Ill have to look
  
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  - Risk@feddit.uk ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    There will no doubt be more than you think - if there isn’t a neuro divergent society at your uni, you could start one?
    
    At the very least there’s loads of neurodivergent communities on lemmy to get involved with.
    
    !autism@lemmy.world for starts
    
    Also worth checking out communities for ADHD and neurodivergence generally - there’s a lot of overlap to find stuff within.
    
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  - then_three_more@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    10%-20% of the population is neurodivergent. Probably more with how chronically under diagnosed both ASD and ADHD have been in women. Some of the people you know may well be in the spectrum and either don’t know it themselves or are masking.
    
    I’d reach out to your student services, see if there’s any groups.
    
    I’d also look for uni societies that relate to your special interests.
    
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Alsjemenou@lemy.nl ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I know several people with autism diagnosis. They all have ups and downs, problems and victories, joy and sadness. But they all are liked among friends and at work. It’s usually family (parents) that is the most likely source of shit.

A few things you would want to pursue are a healthy relationship and a curated friend group. That takes a while, as you can imagine.

The fear of not belonging or doing something strange and being judged, or fear of not seeing a hidden agenda… It’s something that you’re going to have to work on. You are the way you are.

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- AlissaSameer@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  I’ll def work on it and try to get more friends and get into a relationship that doesnt end quickly.
  
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abbadon420@lemm.ee ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
This might be a good read for you.

It’s written by Dave Plummer, retired software engineer for Microsoft who developed task manager, amongst other things. He discovered later in life that he was on the spectrum and wrote a book about all the things he wished he’d known sooner, regarding autism.

He also has a great youtube channel.

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Deestan@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Yes, you can live a fulfilling life.

But don’t be afraid to be a weirdo! You are different from the norm. Don’t let anyone make you believe it is a bad trait.

It can be rough in school settings as kids that age are fiercely trying to fit in and push others to fit in. As you get older, it’s easier. People are more chill with weirdness, you will have learned some adjustments to your own behavior to avoid the worst blunders, and you can gravitate to groups of people who are at least a little bit weird.

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FollyDolly@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
You can be a totally happy weirdo in the future for sure. I’m autistic as well, diagnosed as an adult. It might take you longer to find something you don’t mind doing for work, or to form lasting friendships, but it’s totally possible.

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yarr@feddit.nl ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
What do you consider normal? One thing that may aid autistic understanding, is many people who are enormously depressed manage to maintain a really happy facade over it. That smiley, goofy lady from work might actually be struggling with deep clinical depression. You may actually be one of the most fulfilled of your peers without knowing it.

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- AlissaSameer@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  I guess by normal I mean not having autism and all the behavioral issues that go with it
  
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Delphia@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
youtube.com/@DLstandup?si=OWSOsBRaa0Plldoi

Dan Lamorte An excellent standup comedian who is autistic, some very clever bits about the spectrum. Making a living off standup comedy, marathon runner and in a happy relationship.

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- AlissaSameer@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Nice, thanks
  
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leaveWitX@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
If you believe strongly that you are not autistic, you will not be affected

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- AlissaSameer@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  So its just a matter of belief?
  
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then_three_more@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
You absolutely can, especially if you have low support needs.

You’ve said you’re at uni so please reach out to your student services and seek help. Especially as you’ve been saying you feel suicidal. They have safeguarding responsibilities and should help you find professional help and support groups.

A big part of feeling fulfilled in think is owning your weirdnesses. Seek out clubs and societies that relate to your special interests and you’ll likely find people you click with.

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- AlissaSameer@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Only problem is last time I sought professional help I got stuffed into a psych ward
  
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  - vivavideri@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    You might have to game the system a little. Generally, make damn sure they can’t insinuate that you wish for harm to yourself [or others]. Bad behavioral health servicepeople cannot differentiate between mild ideation vs crisis. Fire them if they suck and ask to see someone else until you find the right one. And yes, you can fire them.
    
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Witchfire@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
My partner has it and is doing pretty well so yeah

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Bluefruit@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I know 3 different people that are on the spectrum and while they do experience life differently and face different and or unique challenges, yes, absolutely you can live a normal fulfilling life.

Like with any mental health condition, it can make things that are everyday or normal for most folks more difficult so its important to not only seek guidance from a mental health professional but also have a good support structure. People you can count on to help you when you need it.

Everyone is a little different of course so finding the right fit for each can be kinda hard but all 3 people i know are happy, healthy, and are living a good life.

Everyone is weird anyways. I know plenty of neruotypical people that do weird stuff. Humans are weird by nature so what “normal” is to one person might be “weird” to another.

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lemmyknow@lemmy.today ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I don’t really have much to say on the topic, even as someone with autism myself, but I hope things get better for you! Life has its ups and downs, and I hope brighter days will come for you!

Here, have a tune: youtu.be/UFtNhNuUN8Y

I hope it makes you feel a tad better or something. I know I like this song a lot, and this artist is one that I have listened to a lot when feeling more “down.” I hope it might make you feel better, or at least have some positive effect!

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GrayBackgroundMusic@lemm.ee ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Considering I didn’t think I had it (but everyone else tells me I do and I can see why they’d think that) and I’ve had a pretty decent life (I’m old), I think so. My kid officially does have it, so I guess they got it from me, and I’ll be damn sure they have a good life.

Also, I would wager a tooooon of historical figures had it but people just called them “weird”. I’d bet that a huge chunk of scientists and engineers in days past had it.

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kby@feddit.de ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
If you have ADHD and autism, it might increase the risk of substance abuse/addictions in general.

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- AlissaSameer@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  I just smoke weed. Im suicidal at times though
  
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  - kby@feddit.de ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    I had a brush with both alcoholism and video game addiction before. Good to hear that you don’t have to deal with any addictions.
    
    I think what could really help is having a tight circle of friends. When you have nothing going on for you in life and you are not really looking forward for anything, it might get you in this circular thinking of “my life is ruined because my brain doesn’t work right” and really focusing on this thought and seeing your neurodivergency as the root of all discomfort in your life, which may then manifest itself as suicidal thoughts. I have been there and I sometimes still have such episodes because I don’t get what I expect from my friends. So yeah, this is of course no easy task, but try to find people that will enrich your life with new things. Try to find things you can look forward to. You can say that it’s just coping, and it is, you are trying to disassociate from the pain of living with autism, but there is no other way around it; you can’t solve autism, you can only cope with it. There is no shame in coping with something that you cannot change.
    
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