How I have better social interactions?

Submitted ⁨⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨zerozaku@lemmy.world⁩ to ⁨[deleted]⁩

Sigh. I don’t know where to start or what do I need to ask here even at all.

So, I have joined a new workplace and I just don’t know how to interact with people. Most of the time I don’t feel the energy to interact. But being shutdown feels not very socially accostable behavior nor I feel it would do any good to me.

First two weeks, I didn’t talk with anyone at all. Only one or two interactions here and there that’s about it. After I did manage to get into small group of employees who’ve joined recently and they allowed me to join their social circle.

At this point, I thought I was gonna be okay and will improve at socialising. But even after a month, I still feel this feeling of being subhuman level at socialising. I feel so different, I feel so not normal. I feel everyone are just better at socialising. They got this nailed down somewhere down their lives but somehow I just missed it.

I just don’t know what to do. I don’t have confidence in my voice either so most of the time I try to end conversations with few words. Idk anything really.

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BassTurd@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨hour⁩ ago
Something that I remember reading many years ago has stuck with me. In general, people like talking about themselves. Ask questions about what’s going on in their lives. If they have pets ask about those. People love their pets. Ask about their family if they have one. The harder part may be that you need to show interest. If you want to connect to these people, try to get to know them to some degree. You don’t have to know everything about them, but if some is married and has kids, get a pulse on the situation. If someone has a dog, try to remember that and ask about it. As a person with dogs, I could provide hours of stories and pictures.

Don’t be political or share strong opinions, at least until you know your audience. Find out what interests they have them ask questions about that stuff. I know something about everyone on my team that I can talk about. Maybe not tons, but enough to get a conversation started that I can pivot on. When you find common ground, share something about yourself related to that.

I keep using dogs as an example, but half of my team has at least one dog. That’s an easy ice breaker. From there you can pivot many directions.

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AskewLord@piefed.social ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
play pretend.

seriously. stop being you, be someone else. look at how other people interact and pretend to be like that.

it works.

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Kyrias@lemmy.ca ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Just listen and ask questions.

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- zerozaku@lemmy.world ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  I do that if a person wants to have a conversation with me. But real problem comes when they don’t initiate a conversation or when more people are involved.
  
  When people involved I just shutdown, I only listen and barely add anything to the conversation.
  
  When a person I know comes around me and doesn’t initiate, I feel awkward I just don’t say anything and ignore them which I feel is giving off a very rude image to them, but I can’t help. “I’m not the extrovert between us why don’t you initiate :(” is only thing I think of there.
  
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  - 52fighters@lemmy.sdf.org ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    I would recommend scheduling a one-on-one lunch together. At lunch, think of yourself as a news reporter who needs to find all about this person. Where are they from? What was their family like? Why do they work here? What are their hobbies? See if you can get them talking about something that they have a strong opinion about.
    
    See if you can do one of these every week.
    
    I also think you would highly benefit from Toastmasters.
    
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tigermountain@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
I have a few questions. How old are you? Are you male or female? And exactly what do you do for work?

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LordMayor@piefed.social ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
You, and pretty much everyone else, are a poor judge of how people see yourself. Nine times out of ten, if you were to tell someone that you are socially awkward, their response would be, “what? No. In the the socially awkward one.”

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Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Like anything else. Practice!

All those people that are good at socializing have been doing it since they were curious little kids talking to anyone they met and saying silly things.

Seek out low consequence interactions and practice with them. When a cashier is ringing you out, all how their day is going. When you pass someone in public, try out the phrases that you’ll say to co-workers as you pass each other at work.

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ashenone@lemmy.ml ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
You have to take initiative sometimes. On Mondays ask someone how their weekend was and ask what they did. Towards the end of the week ask people what their weekend plans are. If your American it’s Halloween time ask people about their favorite scary/haloween movies. Just ask people about themselves and ask follow up questions. Don’t wait for people to ask you and don’t go in expecting everyone to ask questions back. If your asking questions and follow up questions you don’t have to worry about feeling normal or different because the focus isn’t on you.

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danekrae@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Why Some People Are Instantly Likeable - Alain de Botton

www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2O4tL_lFgQ

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Flamekebab@piefed.social ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
I kinda question the basic premise - whilst it’s nice to have friends at work, it’s better to build a social life outside of work. If you’re not gelling with people socially at work, oh well, it’s just work, it’s what you do to pay the bills.

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MonaySimpson@lemmy.ml ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
How was the old workplace?

Maybe this one sucks.

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it_depends_man@lemmy.world ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
So. There are two issues here.

One is finding topics to talk about. This is what small talk is for. “The weather” is a dumb topic, but it leads to all sorts of things. “Nice weather, did you do anything cool outside on the weekend?” “Bad weather, how did you cope?”

Socializing is like throwing balls back and forth as a game. You try to do something with the “ball” they throw at you and throw a question or a comment or a little story back at them. But also, if you initiate and they don’t want to play the socializing game (because they’re tired or busy or something), that’s it, no socializing.

The voice and speaking thing is something else. Not sure how to advise on that. I don’t understand having “no confidence in your voice”. Do you mean you’re too quiet? Sounds like more of a therapy thing. Maybe a choir or theater hobby group could help you? It’s probably just practice, so you should seek a place where you get that practice and train your voice?

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rollmagma@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
I’ve been in your shoes before. Been there for a long time, years. This is not about knowing how to ask questions. It’s about anxiety and self image.

Maybe you’re seeing yourself as the new guy or as the introvert, the weirdo, the different. Try to not fixate on it.

I have two tips:

1- Accept that you have a personality, some will like it, some won’t. Instead of asking or faking interest, look for the people you find genuinely interesting and share your stuff with them. Small stuff, don’t need to overshare or be egocentric. “Today I saw something on youtube, …” “I don’t drink coffee because one time I…” “This new project seems interesting, I wonder if…”. That’s how the conversation picks up and you develop a connection.

2- There is a hyper-extrovert in the group. Just avoid him. It’s impossible to be around these people, they get frustrated when someone is not engaged in the conversation enough and they’ll start to be mean.

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someguy3@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Read How to win friends and influence people.

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deHaga@feddit.uk ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Pub

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DagwoodIII@piefed.social ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Just ask them questions about the things they like.

Say they like football. “What’s the best game you ever saw?” “What player would you have liked to meet?”

Cooking. “What’s worth spending money on?” “What kind of knives do you like.”

If you listen 90% of the time you’ll get a reputation as a great conversationalist.

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- AskewLord@piefed.social ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  yeah but people liking you doesn’t mean you will like them.
  
  being good at socializing isn’t the same as having socialization you find worthwhile or fulfilling.
  
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  - DagwoodIII@piefed.social ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Unbelievable as it sounds, it is possible to learn to like all sorts of people.
    
    Even more incredible, it’s possible to learn things from all different sorts of folks and enjoy their company.
    
    Most astonishing of all? For thousands and thousands of years, human beings used simply socialization as their primary form of entertainment and enlightenment.
    
    I
    
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