Asking a girl out for comic book store date?

Submitted ⁨⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨chrischryse@lemmy.world⁩ to ⁨[deleted]⁩

I met a girl that I’m interested in and enjoys comics like I do, would something like asking her out to a comic store be dumb? I have a hard time talking to girls so not sure if this would be a dumb idea.

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gregorum@lemm.ee ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
not a dumb idea. just say something simple like: “Hey, i’m going down to [comic book store name]. wanna come with?” or “Wanna go to [comic book store name]?” be chill when asking, and smile. if she says yes, just say, “cool,” and make arrangements for when to go.

the best way to avoid getting all nervous, etc. is to keep it very simple.

good luck!

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- otp@sh.itjust.works ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  That works for a hangout, but not for a date. That’s a good way to end up in the “friendzone” if he’s looking for a relationship.
  
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  - gregorum@lemm.ee ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    I disagree. It’s not so binary, and taking the this approach can show that you’re not too eager, more motivated by exploring shared interests and getting to know the person, and, in doing so, thinking about more than your own motivations. All of these are critical to developing a relationship.
    
    And if she’s interested in more, that’s up to her. While on the social outing, there will be plenty of opportunity for the verbal and non-verbal expiration and expression of further interest, and patience will pay off. “Jumping the gun” by being too aggressive is always a tune-off.
    
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  - Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    The best and longest lasting relationships start between friends.
    
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  - hudson@sh.itjust.works ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    When you raise the stakes this high before you even try, you’ve already lost. THAT is how you end up in whatever this “friend zone” is…
    
    I wouldn’t know…
    
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  - umbrella@lemmy.ml ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    I kind of agree. I think its important to give a hint at what you want. Women pick up on this and it will save you some grief if for some reason expectations are misaligned. Its common for wires to cross if you are a newbie, and its not a demerit to be clearer about it.
    
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FlightyPenguin@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
"Hey, wanna go on a comic book store date with me at [store name] on [day of the week]?

The ask, the expectation of a date (and admission of romantic interest), and a specific time and place. Don’t leave the question open-ended or vague. Then she can respond in a few ways: 1. Yes. 2. I’m not free that day; is there another day that we could go? 3. No thank you.

This makes everything as clear as it can be, with little room for misunderstanding. And it’s not a dumb idea at all to have a comic book store date. If you have a hard time talking to girls, don’t talk to girls. Talk to humans who happen to be girls. They’re people, and you’re a person too, so you don’t need to overthink it.

You got this! Good luck!

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- lemmy_at_em@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Being clear and specific is great advice.
  
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- JustZ@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  This is the way. Maybe add in “I was thinking of going there and shop for [comic store merch], and maybe getting one of the famous [food items] they make a few doors down at [food establishment].”
  
  Maybe she says no. Great! You can then mentally break up with whatever image of the two of you that you had in your mind, and go ask the next person. And if only one in ten says yes, that’s great.
  
  She’s probably going to say yes and be super excited.
  
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- pineapplelover@lemm.ee ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Thank you, now I need to find a girl without being weird.
  
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skulkingaround@sh.itjust.works ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
It’s a good idea. You may want to plan a second activity like lunch or a walk in the park as well.

And just be direct. Something like “Hey, do you want to go on a date with me? We can grab something to eat and go to the comic store.”

If she says no, don’t push it. Just say okay and wish them well.

I too was terrible at talking to girls. I still am but my girlfriend doesn’t seem to mind lol

Whatever you do, just don’t try any pickup artist or smooth talking tactics. It’s gross and cringey, doubly so if you don’t have the confidence to pull it off.

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- angrystego@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  I think the asking for a date right away strategy doesn’t really work with everyone. You can be already sure you want to date her, but she can feel she doesn’t know you well enough yet and asking directly like that could feel like you’re too fast for her. And it could close the door for you. It’s ok to get to know one another a bit before you go out officially.
  
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  - Akrenion@programming.dev ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Getting to know someone is what dates are for. If that closes the door they were never gonna work out. Don’t force love on people by disguising it. Life is too short for games.
    
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  - Reucnalts@feddit.de ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    It is not like you start a romantic relationship if you ask for a date. The date is the opportunity to learn more about you two. Dont ask to meet at your or their place. Make it a public place so it is no problem to end the date and just walk away.
    
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  - skulkingaround@sh.itjust.works ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    From what OP wrote, they aren’t total strangers given he knows she likes comics. He sounds fairly young so I’m guessing she’s in his social circle or someone from school. If they were total strangers or just met for the first time, then yeah I’d say it would be a good idea to strike up a casual conversation or two before asking them out. You just really don’t want to develop strong feelings for them before you ask them out. It’s a recipe for pain if she says no, and can make things pretty awkward if they’re going to have to keep seeing each other regularly.
    
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  - EatATaco@lemm.ee ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    But also being wishy-washy can close the door for you too if you, such as if you end up in a friendzone from which you can’t escape. The difference is that if you are forward with your intentions, you are being honest. If you mask them because you are trying to build some rapport first before to get what you want, you are trying to manipulate them.
    
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Shelbyeileen@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I’m a girl who likes comics. Do it. If you can find a nerdy shop with snacks, even better. Ask her about her favorite characters and have her pick out one for you to read, if you don’t know it. That would be an awesome green flag for me. Be careful not to get too serious/gate-keepy, though. An open mind is the best way to approach this.

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ShunkW@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Sounds like a good first date idea of she’s into comics. Meet in public, you have plenty to talk about - which comics you like, dislike, certain artists you might like the style of, etc.

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scarabic@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I once plucked up my courage to ask a girl if she would like to go see a particular show with me the following night. She said “I would, but I am already doing something tomorrow.”

I was totally unprepared for this answer and just heard “no.” She was probably a little surprised to be asked out suddenly, and didn’t take the initiative to suggest another day.

We didn’t go out. That was that. Huge mistake by me. So my advice is: be open to complications in her answer. And listen closely. If she says “I have plans.” that’s a polite decline. If she literally says “I would like to go, but I have plans,” that’s quite different.

It’s hard to hear the differences and react smoothly if you’re nervous about asking, like I was. Best of luck!

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VelvetStorm@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Go to more than just the store. Like go hang out at the store and have fun, then go someplace for a light lunch or even a walk in a park.

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thisbenzingring@lemmy.sdf.org ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Do it! My wife was reading over my shoulder and she though the whole idea was super cute.

Good luck :)

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Catarinalina@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Yeah I think it’s a good idea, meeting in a public space would make her feel more comfortable, and maybe if things go well you can head to a coffee shop later.

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nandeEbisu@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
If you only talked to her once or something and didn’t know her that well, maybe just ask her to hang out at the comic book store and mention you enjoyed talking with her, or something you genuinely liked when you last talked to her (other than her looks).

This sets up a low expectation meeting where you can figure out if it’s a crush or you actually like her and if it’s not mutual you can just hang out as friends if both of you are comfortable with that. The goal should be to feel out of you like her and not to try and convince her to go on a real date, just be yourself and see if there is compatibility in a one on one setting.

Just be honest with how you feel at the the and respect her feelings as well.

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- EatATaco@lemm.ee ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  While I respect your opinion, I couldn’t disagree more here.
  
  It doesn’t sound like he’s looking for a friend, he’s interested in her romantically. Playing it “safe” might send mixed signals and just end up with him frustrated in the friend zone. More importantly, it’s deceptive about his intentions and starting their relationship, whatever it ends up being, on a foundation of dishonesty. That’s a recipe for disaster.
  
  He should approach it as if it’s a date, because that makes his intentions clear, and allows the whole accepting/rejecting play out much more quickly. If he really wants to be friends with her after the rejection, they can work on it.
  
  I’m not saying he should come on strong, but this wishy-washy approach that “is it or isn’t it a date” thing just likely isn’t good for anyone involved.
  
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peopleproblems@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Ok, so for your confidence:

Had I asked my ex wife on a date when we met, I probably would have lost my virginity that night. Just to give you an idea of how good of an idea it is.

Now, your results may vary, so don’t expect that. But if she likes comics the answer is hes

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bigbadmoose@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Not dumb

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- gregorum@lemm.ee ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  So dumb. Super cute.
  
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UrPartnerInCrime@sh.itjust.works ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Thing is, for some people it would be dumb. But why would you want to date or even be friends with them? Sounds like the chick you want would want to go on a comic book store date so go for that chick till you find her.

Here’s to hoping you already have

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AlternatePersonMan@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
The hardest part of meeting girls is talking to them. It takes guts to put yourself out there and resilience to handle the rejection if it doesn’t go the way you want.

Ask her out. A public option is good. Something she likes. Comics are a good start if that’s her thing.

If she says ‘yes’. On your date:

Be very hygienic (shower, clean clothes, brushed teeth, gum)

Ask courteous questions and listen. I have yet to meet someone that doesn’t enjoy talking about themselves (yes, I know they exist). This also makes your end of the conversation easier. Favorite music, food, places to visit, hobbies, etc.

Have a next place in mind if things are going well, but the comic shop has gotten stale (coffee, dinner, a walk somewhere well lit, etc.). Be open to her suggestions.

If she says ‘No,’ be respectful, and try not to take it to hard. It wasn’t meant to be. Take pride knowing you had the guts to try.

Good luck. Be brave. Be respectful.
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- AmidFuror@fedia.io ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  I like how you guessed that a guy who is really into comics and doesn't know how to talk to girls might have a hygiene problem.
  
  Not saying you're wrong, but it was pretty bold.
  
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  - AlternatePersonMan@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Nah. I’ve heard plenty of horror stories from women. None of which were about comic guys. I’ve had coworkers that were painful to be around. So that wasn’t really the assumption.
    
    … That said I’m pretty sure I’ve read about conventions and ccg tournaments where they had to start making rules because hygiene was so bad.
    
    Either way, best to cover your bases.
    
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jeffw@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
The only issue I’d see is that there ambiguity as to whether it’s a date or just shopping with a friend. But that happens with a lot of dates unless you’re doing something classic like asking them to dinner, which isn’t always the most exciting date

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- wesker@lemmy.sdf.org ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  I’ve never understood this dilemma. You’re gonna find out if there’s chemistry and interest by the end, either way. And if it’s just friendship, it’s just friendship. You gained a new comic shopping buddy.
  
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  - jeffw@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    It’s true, at worst you get a friend, but I do think your perception going into something can shape an experience. I’m not gonna sit here and say stuff like that”you’ll get stuck in the friend zone” and other incel bs, but I do think expectations matter.
    
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- PP_BOY_@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Agreed. I’d maybe ask something like “do you want to go to a comic book store then grab a coffee afterwards?” Just to clear up any ambiguity, but this is 10x better than just asking someone to dinner.
  
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FuglyDuck@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
If she’s into comics, then it’s probably a brilliant first date.

it’s public, you can arrive separately and leave separately (a safety thing; for both of you, but especially her.) it’s probably quiet enough to have a convesation without being too quiet. and if things are going well, you can maybe go on to coffee or whatever. (unless they have a cafe in the shop. then that’s even better.) then, it’s reasonably assured it’s interesting to her, so you’re both engaged.

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- odium@programming.dev ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  
  so you’re both engaged
  
  Engagement speedrun. What’s next, they get married that night and have two kids the next day?
  
  /s
  
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  - FuglyDuck@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    engaged in the conversation; not… you know.
    
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some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
One of the best first dates of my life was going to the Comic Museum in San Francisco. You could do worse than a comic book store. @skulkingaround has the best advice. Good luck!

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Kinglink@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Ok dude… I’m going to go back and time and tell 15 year old me what to do. You can come and listen if you want.

First off, let’s not rush shit. You always rush shit, so you need to play it cool. Don’t say date… even if it’s a date, don’t say date. You asked two girls you liked as friends to go to see a movie you wanted, and one got mad you asked the other one first because she thought it was a date. So you gotta be cool.

So basically say “want to go to the comic book store?” She likes comics she’s going to say yes, if she asks “like a date” say “what ever” play it cool dude!

Second do a little research, find some place to eat that’s cool. If it goes cool at the comic store, suggest going to grab a bite. Don’t choose anything too pricy, casual just two friends chilling out. If she thinks it’s a date, it’ll work, if not it’s just a hang out. Great. Then play it by ear. She might suggest “What do you want to do?” She might just want to go home and even if she doesn’t want to eat that’s not the worst thing.

Now dude, I’ve given you the plan. Let me tell you the other side. You’re a fucking idiot, you’re going to flub that, but don’t freak out. If you say something stupid it’s not the worst thing in the world. You’re a nerd, but if she’s the one for you, she’ll like that about you. Just don’t rush shit… You got this.

Good luck Young kinglink ( Spoiler, never worked, didn’t find my first girlfriend until I was 24… ehhh now married and happy so you get there eventually ). And good luck Chris, but take it easy my friend, and don’t push the date aspect too hard unless she’s given you signs, and I’m guessing she hasn’t… yet.

Others are saying make it clear it’s a date, but if you do that, it’s binary. She wants to date you and says yes, or she doesn’t (and that might hurt your friendship)… she probably doesn’t know you well enough to date you yet otherwise you’d know for sure if this was a good idea.

Oh but to answer your question. For the right girl? A comic store date would be perfect, especially if you know she likes comics.

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- jjjalljs@ttrpg.network ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Counter argument: unclear communication is a road to sorrow and anger. Be clear with your intentions. You may suffer some losses up front, but you won’t waste your time with someone who’s not interested in what you’re interested in.
  
  Also, if someone isn’t excited to go out with you, you can do better.
  
  If the other person thinks it’s just a friendly hang and you abruptly context switch into a sexual/romantic thing, there’s good odds she’ll be mad, and rightfully so. She may read it as you weren’t actually interested in her or the activity, but were being deceitful to try to get in her pants.
  
  Be honest. Be prepared for rejection. Don’t mislead people.
  
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  - Kinglink@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    And you burn bridges pretty quickly.
    
    Listen, I get the modern mentality of “If women don’t want to date you who cares if you scare them away.” but having friends is more important to dating someone so maybe building a social network is better than just rushing to date every girl you meet.
    
    If the other person thinks it’s just a friendly hang and you abruptly context switch into a sexual/romantic thing,
    
    Yeah the key is you don’t treat it as a sexual/romantic thing at first, if you’re both interested, there will be SOME clue or at least get to know her first., rather than trying to date her immediately. This isn’t a speed run competition, you can take some time to get to know people.
    
    There was 8 years where I “tried to be clear”… guess what, I ended up with 1 female friend because most women don’t want someone who tries to date them to hang around with them. And that was long before this whole incel.friendzone shit was popular. If you meet a girl and immediately try to date her, that’s the biggest of red flags.
    
    But go do you, just don’t be surprised that “Being direct” keeps biting you in the ass.
    
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jbk@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
holy shit, big bang theory

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jjjalljs@ttrpg.network ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
As I said in a reply to someone else, I highly recommend you are clear in your intentions. If she thinks it’s just a hangout, lots of things can get wrong. She might get mad when you bring up date stuff. She might invite other friends.

Don’t take your cues from romcoms.

Also, how old are you, approximately? Is this urban, suburban?

Have some ideas for what to do next if she accepts your date, because you don’t want to be bored in the shop after an hour and fizzle. Know some public places nearby for food or drinks.

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gedaliyah@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I think it sounds like a great idea! Some people treat dates like they’re supposed to be impressing the other person. The best dates are the ones that are just about getting to know someone.

Of course the usual date rules apply. Listen more than you talk. Be considerate. Don’t criticize her interests. Have fun!

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