A person recently said to me that they sometimes feel gaslighted around me because I so effortlesly make them question their own beliefs and feelings. As someone whose been wondering the question in the title for quite a while I didn’t like hearing that.
I’ve for a very long time been quite critical of myself. I don’t think of me as a very nice person. When I find out that someone doesn’t like being around me I don’t blame them at all. It’s not like I’m intentionally mean, abusive or anything like that. Quite the opposite; I have very strong morals. This however icludes things like not lying which means that I always speak the truth and not everyone likes hearing it. I don’t follow many of the social norms expected of me.
Despite all of this there’s several people that I have very deep relationships with and especially the elderly and for example parents of my past girlfriends all have liked me a lot. I just can’t help but wonder why they don’t see me as I see myself. I’m worried I’m hiding the true me so well that people don’t actually like me but the facade I unknowingly maintain. Then again a true psychopath probably wouldn’t be second quessing themselves in this manner.
KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 months ago
as someone who contemplates my seemingly sociopathic demeanor in general. This is something i think about quite a bit from time to time.
Personally, i’ve sort of disassociated from myself and other people in regards to a lot of socialization. In order to explicitly prevent manipulative tendencies from cropping up. Generally i refer to it as giving other people explicit free will in my interactions. That tends to be through pretty vague non descript statements. Though you have to be careful to still say things that you stand behind as well. It’s kind of a thing.
A lot of people would say that’s not the correct thing to do. But it is what i do. It makes me feel better about interacting with other people. Also it’s sort of a performance art type of thing for me, i can leverage it pretty weirdly to engage in some interesting interactions.
You should sit down with them and talk to them about it, in a mostly one sided manner (you’re trying to see how they feel, not convince them of anything) and also bring up your thoughts about yourself. Gauge where they are, see if they have any similar thoughts on their end that are tangential to yours (do they feel like they easily get gaslit, or that they aren’t keen on interacting with very “forward” (for lack of a better word) people. It’ll give you a perspective into them, and them a perspective into you.