Hypothetically if I found a suitcase of money by the side of the road, is there a legal way to claim it on my taxes?

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Submitted ⁨⁨19⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨Redditmodstouchgrass@lemmy.zip⁩ to ⁨[deleted]⁩

I live in the USA, btw.

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Postmortal_Pop@lemmy.world ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
So I see a lot of the obvious solutions but nothing that actually answers the question. Let’s get practical.

Ground rules, in this hypothetical scenario I’m working under the assumption that you are not going to persue the obvious legal requirements and instead are looking to keep the suitcase money (we will be calling it S$ for short) without potentially getting trouble.

Step 1: Don’t fucking touch it

!First, verify that It’s an amount worth the trouble. If so, don’t spend it, don’t play with it, don’t even look at it. Put it, case and all into a vacuum storage bag, put that bag in a metal container with a lock, put that container somewhere inconvenient but accessible. You’re going to pretend it doesn’t exist for at least 3 months, Ideally 6. If anyone can connect it to you, it won’t take half a year for them to come collect. If they come, hand it over with absolutely no argument, no questions, minimal conversion. You don’t know what it’s about, you don’t care what it’s about. Inform them that storing their money in vacuum bags between clothes and transporting them via generic hiking style backpacks will prevent this from happening in the future. It isn’t as stylish as they briefcase of bills, but it’s harder to steal, drop, or spot in a crowd and healthier for your posture.

Be amicable with their demands, let them count it there, answer any questions they ask honestly, offer them food or alcohol. You were keeping the money safe to see if anyone was coming for it before you kept it. You can’t call the police when they leave because then you’d have to explain why you had the money and didn’t report it, they have the money and killing you would just increase the risk of getting caught. Everyone walks away and forgets this happened. The food and drink will calm your nerves in the stressful moment and works as a social lubricant, theyre less likely to kill you for this if you’re cool, friendly, and hospitable.!<

While you wait, you don’t have to be idle. 6 months is plenty of time to establish a cover story and a budget. The cover story is how you prove this money isn’t a suitcase full of bills you happened upon, it’s money you earned legit. A budget is a budget, you should already have one at home this is just bigger.

Step 2A: Money is math

!The method we will use here depends heavily on the amount of money so we start with budget because it’s basically the same any way we cut it. There is a big caveat. Depending on your income, there is only so much you can excuse before someone takes notice. We don’t need a rags to riches story catching the attention of interested parties. Most of us can disappear between 10k and 100k, but if you’re not already in the big bucks, explaining a million dollars in your lifetime is not convenient without a rich uncle to bump off. Fortunately, at that kind of money you can just find a quality lawer and financier. So do that and pay them to turn your egg into a golden goose.

Start by figuring your income and expenses. We’ll be using this to establish realistic projections for your new “income.” After all, if you’re making minimum wage working 80hr weeks, it’s going to look bad to report a sudden double in your income that’s straight cash. If it’s a job that pays equal for the same hours, that only leaves you 8hr a week to sleep. If it pays better for less hours, why aren’t you working there instead? Ideally to start you want to allow for a quarter of your income in suitcase money. You won’t need to explain having a side hustle that gives that. Put it in the bank and try to save this money, we’re building a papertrail to legitimize your new “career” move.

The idea here is simple, but it takes research and math. Based on your cover story in the next step, you’re going to establish a modest trajectory. Average out the kind of money you can make doing the thing, divy the S$ into monthly amounts that are slightly below that trajectory. Do not make them even amounts, do not make them consistent amounts, do not make them silly patterns. If you’re up to it, break it down to change. Seal these in vacuum bags with printed labels for the date each one is meant for. You don’t want to accidentally deposit a higher amount than projected. Ideally, transport each one individually to a safety deposit box, store them in a fire safe, burry them in a trunk in your crawlspace, just make sure they’re safe and hard to find. The worst thing would be nosy family finding your stash or losing it all to a random electrical fire. !<

Step 2B: Find a clever disguise…

!Now that we know the shape of the beast, we need to find its name. You’re going to want a very boring or even cringy side hustle that is cash oriented. Landscaping, basic car maintenance, collectables, vending machines, these are things that don’t have a high overhead, don’t need good records, and can scale realistically to the values we’ll be using. Equally important, it needs to be something you’re interested in. If someone audits you, you have to breathe, sweat, and bleed this topic. It’s going to look pretty bad if you grassroots a business based on antique toys and you can’t tell the difference between Fisher Price and Playskool.

The next big step, actually do the thing. You don’t have to make a profit off of it, 80% of your monthly “earnings” is vacuum bagged and waiting to be deposited, but you fo have to engage in it. How’s it going to look if you made 2k mowing lawns and no one can say they’ve hired you? You own 40 vending machines and no one has ever seen you refill them? That’s dubious. !<

Step 3: Establish ownership the easy way

!Ideally after 6 months you can safely say you’re in the clear. Now you can start the hard part. If the money is around 10k-40k and you don’t have any pressing needs you can play the slow game for an easy score. The IRS allows you to claim 10k annually as Hobbies before they tax you as income. Do the hobby, deposit it like a side hustle, claim hobby and in the next 3-7 years you’ll have put all of it in your bank account without ever having to explain your sudden interest in Alpha edition magic: The Gathering cards. Just follow a steady curve of profit until your “declining interest” leads to a pittering out at the end of your S$ or you actually make it onto a profitable venture.

Now if the money is bigger than that but not quite buying a senator money, you’re going to do exactly the same over a longer scale with bigger amounts by establishing an LLC, operating a business with low expenses and cash heavy transactions, and claiming the S$ as your monthly incomes. You’re going to be looking at gas stations, small theatres, car washes, laundry mats, smoke shops, home repair, cleaning, or no tell motel, avoid anything with more expense than you have S$. Incorporate after the second year, that way if the business never manages to float without the S$ you can write it off and burn it down when you’re done!<.

Now obviously I can’t condone this kind of thing in real life, but if you’re ever looking for a business partner in a hypothetical scenario, jit me up.

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- SirW00talot@lemmy.world ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  This is the single best response I’ve seen on lemmy so far
  
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  - Redditmodstouchgrass@lemmy.zip ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    I agree, “postmortal” indeed, Bros been around a few times.
    
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schwim@piefed.zip ⁨19⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
From Turbo Tax:

Found property and money is considered taxable income and needs to be reported on tax returns. Both cash and tangible property are taxable, and the fair market value of the property should be reported. It’s important to document the discovery of found property and keep detailed records of any subsequent sale or transfer of ownership for tax purposes. Donating found property to a qualified charity can be a way to lower the tax burden.

So yes, you claim found money on your taxes. As for the legality of keeping that money, that would never be a blanket correct answer, it would always depend on the particular conditions in each instance.

https://turbotax.intuit.com/tax-tips/general/what-to-know-about-taxes-on-found-property/L9BfdKz7N

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mycodesucks@lemmy.world ⁨18⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
I saw this movie. It doesn’t end well for you

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- SpruceBringsteen@lemmy.world ⁨18⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Image
  
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  - whotookkarl@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨17⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Sam Raimi’s A Simple Plan
    
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- Redditmodstouchgrass@lemmy.zip ⁨15⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  I suppose it goes without saying that these days checking the cash for trackers and dumping the original container asap would be the first priority.
  
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  - ReverendIrreverence@piefed.social ⁨13⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    
    checking the cash for trackers and dumping the original container
    
    And, for sure, do that before you go anyplace that has any connection to you
    
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SayJess@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨17⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Why would you let the government know you found a suitcase full of money? So that they can take a cut?

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- Redditmodstouchgrass@lemmy.zip ⁨17⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  I can’t really pay for everything in cash these days. And if it goes into a bank account the IRS is gonna start sniffing around at some point.
  
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  - SparroHawc@piefed.world ⁨17⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    The usual solution is to use the cash to pay for things that you can pay cash for - stuff you buy at a brick-and-mortar store like groceries, electronics, et cetera - while continuing to use your card to pay for the rest. It means you have the cash longer, but you’ll get through it eventually, and your regular income will stretch further in the meantime.
    
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  - uuj8za@piefed.social ⁨15⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    
    I can’t really pay for everything in cash these days.
    
    Walmart and McDonald’s accept cash. What more do you need??
    
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- SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  because if they find out about it, they will jail you for evasion.
  
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  - SayJess@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨9⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    If I buy my groceries each week, and pay with cash, how would the IRS know about that?
    
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phdepressed@sh.itjust.works ⁨19⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
The IRS has a section for paying your taxes on illegal/criminal money lol. Claiming it on taxes isn’t the problem. There are other property laws that come into play. Generally, you have to turn it in to the police and let an appropriate waiting/notification period pass before it is considered unclaimed and then legally yours.

The only real exception to this are bearer bonds which the US effectively outlawed in the 1980s so it’d have to be older than that and the issuing entity still exist.

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- Janx@piefed.social ⁨18⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  
  you have to turn it in to the police
  
  NAL, not legal advice, but don’t do that. Consult a lawyer…
  
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  - phdepressed@sh.itjust.works ⁨17⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Unfortunately in much of the US, that is the law for found assets/property above relatively nominal amounts. At the least a reasonable attempt to find the owner is common law almost everywhere. Cops of course runs into potential issues with civil forfeiture and the like but I’m not sure of a way around that.
    
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- SparroHawc@piefed.world ⁨17⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  And of course, by turning it in to the police, it ensures that neither you nor the original owner of the money will receive it.
  
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bizzle@lemmy.world ⁨15⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
You’re supposed to put ill gotten gains on your 1040 under “other income”

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ExtremeDullard@piefed.social ⁨19⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
You want to check your state’s laws on treasure trove.

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RodgeGrabTheCat@sh.itjust.works ⁨17⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
I believe legally speaking, you take the money to the cops and if no one claims it after a certain amount of time, it’s yours.

Of course, I’d be worried the drug dealers, for example, would come knocking for their lost money.

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dhork@lemmy.world ⁨18⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
As I understand it, the way the IRS is structured, if you take in money from any source (documented or not, legal or not), that counts as “income” unless there is an explicit rule saying it does not, and they want their cut.

But, like anything else they do, they only care about significant amounts. If you find a $1 bill (or even a $100 bill) on the ground, nobody is going to audit you over it. But, if $10k drops out of the back of a truck into your lap, and they find out about it, you might expect some uncomfortable questions.

How would they find out? Well, banks are required to report large cash deposits and withdrawals. So if you show up with an extra $40k one day and put it into the bank all at once, the teller may ask you why, and report whatever your answer is to the government. (And if you space it out over 40 deposits of $1k, that is also suspicious and may be illegal if the authorities determine you were doing it specifically to avoid reporting).

Historically, this has been a way to get at organized crime syndicates. Al Capone was a famous monster who ultimately went to jail bit because of his illegal activities, but because of evading taxes owed on them.

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antlion@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨13⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Give it to your parents and wait until they die, then collect it tax free.

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- palordrolap@fedia.io ⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Depending on local laws, income and other assets obtained by a benefactor within a certain amount of time (perhaps up to a decade) before death may be subject to inheritance tax or higher inheritance tax rates before being passed to beneficiaries.
  
  And if the parents don't declare it, then the benefactor will have the same "bag of cash" problem but a few years down the line, because the government has no idea where it came from.
  
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PapaSkwat@lemmy.today ⁨16⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Claim it as hobby income.

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hobata@lemmy.ml ⁨19⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Let me quick hijack the topic. Why are there so many money-laundering schemes? Couldn’t the guys just call themselves lucky and find a suitcase full of money every month?

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- radix@lemmy.world ⁨19⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  In the same way a person could claim they were unlucky if their highly insured spouses kept dying.
  
  Nobody wants that suspicion on them.
  
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  - MajorMajormajormajor@lemmy.ca ⁨19⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Plus, you could maybe get away with it once. The problem is when they try to do it again. How many bags of money are they finding on the ground? How many highly insured spouses are falling down the stairs?
    
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- okwhateverdude@lemmy.world ⁨17⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  The problem is the stranglehold of control governments have over the financial system. The goal is to track all of the transactions in the system to validate they are legal (no buying drugs, slaves, hiring assassins, dual-use goods, or giving money to people the state has deemed “terrorists”). This control apparatus is vast and a mix of legal and quasi-legal (your Visas and Mastercards of the world have their own bullshit) rules on what is allowed to be transacted or not. So if you’re trying to fund your rebel group, buying chips to put in missiles, or selling illicit substances, you need to get creative to get around all the checking that goes on.
  
  This is why bitcoin exists. It was an attempt to side step all of this, but ultimately has been captured at the exchange points.
  
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wolfeh@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨12⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
I heard the guy who the suitcase belonged to went sailin’ right out there.

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homes@piefed.world ⁨15⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
In increments of less than $10,000 per year

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