ExtremeDullard
@ExtremeDullard@piefed.social
- Comment on everyone knows we don’t poop. it’s all flowers and rainbows. 3 days ago:
Jungkook of BTS
I have no idea who Jungkook or BTS are. It’s either a cultural thing or an age thing. Probably both 🙂
- Comment on everyone knows we don’t poop. it’s all flowers and rainbows. 3 days ago:
This one I sorta get. Let it grow all the way out or shave it daily
I believe this old funny post is on point:
WARNING!!!!
Don’t Shave That Hair!!!I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting.
No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can’t-Be-Flushed threshold.
was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. “Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don’t I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!” I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. “How many Indians could there be?” said by General Custer. “Looks like a good day for a drive!” by JFK. “There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!” by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.
I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.
Little did I know.
I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.
Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic shit- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.
Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: “It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks.”
Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.
As if that wasn’t enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn’t just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.
Friends, DON’T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR!
- Comment on everyone knows we don’t poop. it’s all flowers and rainbows. 3 days ago:
Women celebs are human. Shocker…
- Comment on The Trump Administration Is Coming After Birth Control Access in a Terrifying New Way 3 weeks ago:
MAHA - Make Abortion with Hangers Again
- Comment on So... is Iran blocking the Strait thing and then the US is also blocking it? So is it like... double blocked? Is it like "no you can't close the Strait, I'm closing it"? 3 weeks ago:
Iran lets Iranian ships and ship from Iran-friendly countries through and nothing else.
The US lets all ships through apart from Iranian and friends’ ships.If you’re into electronics, think of it as a band-pass filter followed by a notch filter. And it’s just as fucking stupid.
- Comment on hmm 3 weeks ago:
I wish ratemypoo.com still existed. I best a photo of Donald Trump would have scored high.
- Comment on I guess I'll shit on the floor. 3 weeks ago:
You misread the sign: They just want you to leave your business in the bowl.
- Comment on These Chimps Began the Bloodiest ‘War’ on Record. No One Knows Why. 4 weeks ago:
Meaning, the orange utan in the White House also starts wars and nobody knows why either.
- French government says it's ditching Windows for Linux — country accelerates plans to ditch US-based software in digital sovereignty pushwww.tomshardware.com ↗Submitted 4 weeks ago to technology@beehaw.org | 0 comments
- Comment on As a soil scientist, I don't recommend this one neat trick that doctors hate 5 weeks ago:
Borax cures chemtrails?
That’s exactly what I need tonight: I had refried beans for dinner and I’m creating a friggin microclimate inside the house!
- Comment on Pressure mounts on Kanye West to be pulled from headline role at summer music festival in London 5 weeks ago:
Does this nincompoop realize Adolf Hitler considered people with his skin complexion animals?
- Comment on The reason for egg season. 5 weeks ago:
If you’re questioning that one, you might also wonder why a flying fatman in a red coat distributing cheap Chinese toys to children is the symbol of Jesus’ birth.
- Comment on What are the most confusing false friends from your language to another that are spelt exactly the same? 5 weeks ago:
It’s not just in different languages, but sometimes in different variants of the same languages.
For instance, in Belgian French, “tournante” is any task in which people take turn, like a card game. In French French, it’s specifically gang rape.
And then you have words that aren’t spelled exactly the same way but seem like an obvious translation (actual false friends, which aren’t usually exact matches), like the Spanish “constipado”, which means to have a stuffed nose and not what you think.
- Comment on 5 weeks ago:
Leaded paint no doubt.
- Comment on 5 weeks ago:
- Comment on [deleted] 5 weeks ago:
Those
concentration campsICE detention facilities are really visible from the sky. - Comment on Average cig 5 weeks ago:
That reminds me of the 3 parts of the cigar in French, which I learned when I lived in France and I was a cigar smoker:
- The first third is hay ("le foin"): it’s light and not very good
- The second third is divine
- The third third is manure ("le purin"): it’s tarry and gross
Two third of a cigar is not really enjoyable. Considering the cost of a good cigar, that’s not good value 🙂
- Comment on How come I can vote a yes or no vote for new taxes or bonds? But cannot choose where the money I give goes to? Should that also be my choice? 1 month ago:
You can choose where your money is spent: it’s called elections.
For instance, vote for orange pedophiles and your money is siphoned off and given to billionaires, Gestapo-like paramilitaries, middle-east forever-wars, fuck-flights and Barbie advertisements for the DHS Secy, and personal jet-setting for the FBI Director.
- Comment on If you're fond of restoring 30-year-old PCs, but then you see some old PC parts being obliterated by scrappers just to get small pitiful pinches of gold. 1 month ago:
It’s not hoarding as long as it doesn’t impair your ability to lead a normal life in a livable home. Beyond that, to each their hobbies.
- Comment on If you're fond of restoring 30-year-old PCs, but then you see some old PC parts being obliterated by scrappers just to get small pitiful pinches of gold. 1 month ago:
…now
You have to be very patient and have an awful lot of storage space - and bet that the junk you’re storing will be worth something some day - to even bother keeping crappy stuff in any large quantity to turn a profit when the stuff is still crappy and not worth a damn.
The reason 386s are getting rare is because nobody in their right mind made that bet when they were still around and completely deprecated.
The only person I met who made a similar bet and won big money was a Brit who bought 6 Jaguar E-Types sight-unseen when they came out, and put them in storage for 30 years (prepared professionally for long-term storage too). When those cars came on the market, brand new with no mile on the clock, they sold for millions, the guy bought a nice house in Hampshire and retired in comfort.
He told me he just knew that model would be highly desirable classic the minute he saw a picture, and almost bankrupted his family to buy them as an investment. Ballsy.
- Comment on If you're fond of restoring 30-year-old PCs, but then you see some old PC parts being obliterated by scrappers just to get small pitiful pinches of gold. 1 month ago:
My Mom had a saying when I was young(er): vintage is all the crap we couldn’t wait to get rid of and couldn’t throw away fast enough.
Decades later, I totally get what she’s saying: 30 year old PCs are utter crap in my eyes. Good riddance. Who wants to restore that junk: it was cheap-ass commodity hardware at that point. A PDP11 on the other hand… 🙂
One man’s trash is another man’s treasure I guess. I can’t count the number of PCs I brought to the recycler simply because I literally would have had to pay someone to take them back in the days. I wish I had kept them to sell to today’s enthusiasts and get back some of the insane money that stuff sold for when it was new.
- Comment on What happens if an instance gets down? 1 month ago:
The idea is to migrate the community to Piefed (which I suppose simply creates a local copy from the content in the remote community) then tell all the members that the community has moved.
That’s why I haven’t done it yet, because it’s a massive inconvenience to everybody, and I’m sure Piefed will lose content in the process. And the SDF instance is just functional enough that it’s not worth doing. But I’m really, REALLY close to pulling the trigger.
- Comment on What happens if an instance gets down? 1 month ago:
We’ll soon find out: SDF’s Lemmy instance seems to have snuffed it permanently. It’s been performing really poorly - and been inaccessible - for as long as I’ve known it, but now I think SDF just doesn’t care at all anymore.
Unfortunately, I have 2 communities there that I was planning on migrating to Piefed soon, and it might be too late. Hopefully it’ll come back online long enough for me to save them at some point 🙁
- Comment on [deleted] 1 month ago:
Being in a shelter hardly qualifies as having a home. Unless you like shelters maybe…
- Comment on [deleted] 1 month ago:
Have you been to Finland?
6 months of the year, homeless people would freeze to death in short order if they were left outside.
Finland has homeless people, just not on the street.
- Comment on How do wealthy people know if the people they meet are wealthy or not? 1 month ago:
Then don’t be ostentatious with your wealth. Don’t advertise it. And if you can’t do that, then maybe don’t get so wealthy.
- Comment on How do wealthy people know if the people they meet are wealthy or not? 1 month ago:
Wealthy people don’t mingle with the rest of us. They literally live in a totally different world, and you ain’t invited unless you can clean their toilet or give them massages on a private Caribbean islands and shut your trap.
- Comment on Put the shoes on 1 month ago:
your MD believes you’ve healed. book says you should have years ago.
If your doc thinks that, change doc.
In my neck of the woods, doctors are so aware of phantom pains that I can literally walk into any doctor’s office, even one I’ve never met before, and ask for a prescription of Gabapentin or opioid of any denomination at any strength no questions asked. If I was still addicted, I would have no supply problem.
- Comment on Put the shoes on 1 month ago:
Well, I still have both my hands, so no 🙂
My feet however… Well no, I don’t have phantom limbs. Never had. Not everybody gets them. And I have very little phantom limb pain - which is a different thing. When I do get it, it’s either in the form of mild electric shocks, which are easy to deal with and possibly even pleasant like a TENS session, or in the form of terrible itching I can’t scratch that can last for up to 3 days.
- Comment on Put the shoes on 1 month ago:
Or get amputated.
The first times I went to the swimming pool in rehab, I remember feeling “more than 100%” naked in the changing room - if that makes any sense - because bits of me that used to be deep down inside of me were now only skin-deep. It’s a very strange feeling to feel even more naked than naked. Hard to describe.
