Why is this a shitpost?
This is good stuff
Submitted 4 months ago by MashedTech@lemmy.world to [deleted]
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/393a0ca5-343d-4c10-b90f-5468b705ee42.png
Comments
Braindead@programming.dev 4 months ago
snooggums@midwest.social 4 months ago
I chuckled at the good advice coming from porn-alt2 but think it is more wholesome but funny than a shitpost.
henfredemars@infosec.pub 4 months ago
The alt speaks most honestly without fear of retribution.
Cryophilia@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Every guy: shit it’s so difficult to find sex, love, companionship, or any of the above, it’s actually depressing
Every girl: just be yourself lol idk all that stuff just naturally is available to me
GiveMemes@jlai.lu 4 months ago
I was literally the every guy in the comment then this past week I went to a totally new type of music festival and got out of my comfort zone and I have a prospective new friendship/relationship already and made tons of new friends to make plans with for the winter! Sometimes it just takes getting out of your comfort zone, but as a super socially anxious person, I know how hard that can be.
orcrist@lemm.ee 4 months ago
It’s been a couple decades since I heard anyone say “just be yourself” as a message for how to take someone to bed. From a practical standpoint, either find a professional to employ, or hit the bar scene and don’t give up, and you’ll probably meet success.
Another piece of advice, if you’re not only looking for sex, is to try to do things that will make you a better version of yourself 2 years from now. Whether that’s going to the gym or volunteering or getting a part-time job or walking the dog more, whatever it is, that’s something everyone can decide for themselves.
I think everyone knows that if you aren’t getting action now, and you keep doing the same things tomorrow, you probably won’t get any action then either. But this all gets conflated when people mix sex and love together, when they really want one of the two but won’t bother to tell us which one.
Cryophilia@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Hell, I AM just looking for sex and I’m still trying to improve myself. It’s just a good thing to do in general.
Sabata11792@ani.social 4 months ago
just be yourself
Says the people that tell you to hit the gym because you are unacceptable.
JackbyDev@programming.dev 4 months ago
When people say “be yourself” they mean don’t fake your personality. You can be genuine about your personality while still putting forth an effort to improve yourself physically.
HipsterTenZero@dormi.zone 4 months ago
Believe in the porn alt 2 that belives in you.
Thteven@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Sex is like emotional support, I’ll take it where I can get it.
Katana314@lemmy.world 4 months ago
The true path of faking it till you make it isn’t to gain a significant other, but to become emotionally settled enough that you don’t even need one.
saigot@lemmy.ca 4 months ago
Which, when done in earnest, is ironically usually the best thing you can do to raise your chances of getting a partner.
lightnsfw@reddthat.com 4 months ago
But now I don’t want a partner because they’ll throw off the delicate level of being okay with myself that I’ve achieved.
PenisDuckCuck9001@lemmynsfw.com 4 months ago
I stopped caring about romance a long time ago. Rich guys like Elon Musk get to fart around on billion dollar yatchs all day and I don’t. Some people have the neccesary social intelligence to have healthy relationships. The idea that other people can have things that I can’t isn’t a difficult concept to grasp.
LowleeKun@feddit.org 4 months ago
This sad determinism is bullshit. While it is unlikely that i will find a partner, for reasons i would rather not talk about, it may happen very fast ‘oit of the blue’. Nearly happened to me, but it did not work out in the end. Which was again pretty random and surprising. What i am trying to say is, do not beat yourself up about a future that is literally unpredictable and try to enjoy life as much as possible with what you have got.
Melvin_Ferd@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Girls are dumb. Build RC cars and kick ass dudes
occhionaut@lemmy.world 4 months ago
i think girls are actually kinda goated tbh
Melvin_Ferd@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Then explain this
Boys go to school to get more smarter
Girls go to Jupiter cause they are stupider
ICastFist@programming.dev 4 months ago
Missing: context of the kink. My educated guess: scat?
sfxrlz@lemmy.world 4 months ago
The name of the person answering
Nuke_the_whales@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Fake it till you make it is legit good advice
archonet@lemy.lol 4 months ago
Oh please, I tried that “fake it til you make it” horseshit and it was worn away through years of constant shitheads using me for their entertainment, all the while trying my hardest to believe it would come eventually.
The hard facts of life are this: life is not a fairy tale. Not every story has a happy ending. As you read this, there are kids out there catching bullets in Gaza who will never even get to finish puberty, let alone find love. Nothing is guaranteed – you can try as hard as you want at something, and sometimes you simply will not have it for factors entirely outside of your control. Some people will never be able to serve on submarines, because they are too tall. Some people will never be able to be a commercial pilot, because they are colorblind. Likewise, some of us just aren’t destined for love, be it for any myriad constellations of psychological and physical factors.
In my case, I have mild autism, and I can never mask well enough that someone decent won’t see through my facade. Oh, sure, I’m apparently fun to be around for brief periods at a time, but I guess the novelty of a spastic wears off for them and they quickly make their exit, ghosting me soon enough. But more upsettingly, all the horrible people who stick around to use me for their entertainment, I can never see through theirs before it’s too late.
It’s not fair. But sometimes that’s just how things are.
And now, knowing what I do, I’d not put effort towards something as hard to find and keep as love. At least when I put my efforts towards other pursuits, I can see measurable progress in some way. Trying to find love was like ramming my head against a brick wall and hoping the wall would break before I did.
LesserAbe@lemmy.world 4 months ago
You’re right, life isn’t fair, and isn’t ever going to be everything going the way you want.
I would still challenge you about the attitude that everything is completely outside your control. You’ve heard the quote, “the harder I work the luckier I get”?
Yes, our opportunities are constrained by the world around us. If you tell a kid they can become president, that’s almost certainly not true. But by working on yourself, by recognizing your strengths, by focusing on what’s important to you, you can position yourself to take advantage of the opportunities you get.
In the dating world that could look like participating in activities you enjoy that also involve other people (tabletop games, bird watching, skydiving whatever). You might never meet someone at those things, but by increasing the volume of human interaction, you’re improving your odds, while also honing your social skills if the occasion arises.
It doesn’t require trying to be someone you’re not, and will also be counterproductive if you do. In sales sometimes they’ll tell you to “go for the no.” If someone isn’t going to buy you want to find that out quickly so you can spend your time on someone who will. In a relationship, if someone is going to reject who you are, you want to find that out quickly, not pretend to be some other person.
archonet@lemy.lol 4 months ago
I never said everything is outside your control, don’t put words in my mouth. There are some things you can change, and some things you can’t. And after spending long enough trying different things and taking stock of what I’ve tried in the dating game, and not a single human being has ever had any genuine interest in me, as I approach my 30s – I have come to this conclusion not through flip “woe is me” bullshit over a night of binge drinking, this is years of depression and deep thought on it. I accept the reality that is presented to me, and the reality is that whatever drives others away is simply not something I can change, and my best going theory is I’m just an annoying fucking spastic who can’t see through bullshit. That’s not to say I know that for certain, just that I’ve tried changing up everything that I can (and am willing to) change to attract another person – from small things to large – and it’s never helped, and I’ve tried for long enough.
Some of us just aren’t meant to have certain things in life.
BugleFingers@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Sadly and unfortunately true. Though the reality is that it’s still bitter and acidic eating away at someone who craves connection. Luck, it seems, is really the determinate factor in much of life.
Still, I hope you get lucky and find what you want from life as much as I hope for it myself.
archonet@lemy.lol 4 months ago
Oh, believe me, I spent long enough being upset about the lack of human connection I have. It was a bitter pill to swallow. Now I’m mostly just numb to it – but selling someone a fairy tale ending “if they just believe in themselves!” that might not exist is just cruel.
It is what it is.
snooggums@midwest.social 4 months ago
Fake it till you make it is a mindset and approach to overcome self doubt. It not a guarantee of success.
DV8@lemmy.world 4 months ago
I don’t mean to give you unrequested advice so apologies if I come across as dismissive of your experience. I just feel like I can add some points that people in your situation might benefit from.
And that is to not chase love in itself. I found that as I got older I also accepted that I would grow old without a romantic relationship. Though I did invest time in my friendship relationships, and that did work.
While being somewhat saddened by it, I accepted that the chances of me finding love through dating apps was low, in particular because I don’t want to have kids, which obviously is a deal-breaker for many people. So my approach there was to just try to enjoy the moment without expectations and without judgement. If I got a match I’d try to have a fun conversation, if it was fun I’d try to set up a date, and if that was fun I’d keep it going. Just going for having an enjoyable time at that moment without expectations. It made even the dates that weren’t going anywhere long term enjoyable experiences, with the occasional opportunity for physical intimacy with someone who was on the same page about expectations. I could have lived like that but just got plain lucky this year I think. For me it still feels amazing to have happened so I’m not going to type lies and say it will happen for everyone. But I went into this relationship with no expectations either so regardless of what happens in the future I will treasure what is happening now, as I’m a relationship with the most amazing woman who adores aspects of me that would often be things other dates told me made me seem immature and obsessive.
So, you and people that relate to you, I genuinely wish you happiness and good things. In all aspects of life. But please don’t give up on meeting new people if you can, you might make someone else happy just by existing. Or if not you could at least give them a nice date.
mycodesucks@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Not sure why you’re being downvoted… You nailed it, man.
Bearsquad@lemmy.world 4 months ago
For me that post wasn’t about “faking it”, but truly finding something in yourself you can take confidence in. So I guess, as you said, putting effort towards other things seems like it could work, and also having interests and projects is attractive! At least to me it is.
And i get being bitter and defensive if you have been hurt, but that is only going to push others away. I don’t write this to give advice so apologies if it sounds like that. What you wrote just reminded me of a guy I know with mild autism who has a similar view on life and relationships. And he is cool, fun, knows a lot about interesting topics, and yeah is also oblivious about social clues but that is not a problem. What is a problem is when he is bitter, defensive and blames everything on others while not seeing what he does wrong (probably related with his condition but still). When he is like that, he is a chore to be around, and when people try to tell him he only feels attacked so he won’t listen. As I said, no advice, just wanted to share, maybe it’s not that similar to your case. Best of luck to you
LouNeko@lemmy.world 4 months ago
I know exactly how you feel. At one point while reading I thought “Did I write this and forget about it?” It’s sad that you and I and many others are living in a world where being called “funny” is an insult to us. We don’t want to be funny, we want to be “dependable”, we want to hear “You make me feel safe” or “I’m glad you’re here for me”. We want to be good listers but nobody ever talks to us. “Haha, you’re such a funny guy.” Is all we get.
What people answering you don’t understand is the difference between fighting for love and fighting for the CHANCE for love. This is like the difference between struggling to win at a slot machine and struggling to get in the casino. Then people try to convince you that there’s a system to it. Please, as if we don’t know the rules - shower, groom yourself, be assertive but not pushy, read the room, show interest in their interests but don’t interrogate, complement their efforts, be charming and make them laugh. We can follow all this to the tee but all we ever hear is “Yes, but not you”. And don’t get me started at the cowardism. There’s never constructive criticism, at best there’s a " no" at worst there’s a lie. How many times have I heard “Sorry, I’m not really interested in a relationship right now.” only to find the same person dating somebody 2 weeks later. Must have been a life changing 2 weeks to change your mantra like that.
The problem is that there’s an appropriate time for trying and to be picked. I understand what you’re saying about people I Gaza, but this is a fucked up situation in general and outside the norm. I got raised in a normal household, went to a normal school, had normal hobbies and normal friends yet still, nobody ever saw any romantic value in me. And now I’m old, I don’t have the safe environment of of innocence but I’m also not allowed to make mistakes. I have zero experience yet I’m expected to outcompete everybody. That’s the issue. If I’m interested in someone, that someone will always have options beyond me. What others are basically saying is that you’ll find love only if someone comes along that is so cornered that you’re their only option. I don’t want to be someone’s only choice, I want to be someone’s first choice, but people like us aren’t even second, third or fourth - we are not even on the list. There will be always younger, better more successfully and better looking options. And the older we get the more baggage and expectations people were interested in have.
I feel like a car that hasn’t been sold by the dealer, then new models came along and nobody wants the old one anymore. And the longer it sits in the lot, the more people start to wonder what’s wrong with it and why it hasn’t been sold. It becomes a loop of people seeing your lack of worth and assigning even less worth to you. And then at some point you become a write-off, a statistic - cars not sold, lives not lived.
archonet@lemy.lol 4 months ago
this.
I’d not be so resigned if I’d had some genuine interest turn up at some point. But the only person I’ve ever gotten a second date from (and a brief relationship for a few months), later told me he meant and felt nothing of what he said he did, over text, on Christmas morning 2020. Even he couldn’t articulate why, he just didn’t feel anything for me despite everything I’d done up to that point to be up to par for him. Everyone else disappears like a fart in the wind well before then.
I know love is not all sunshine and roses, and work and effort is involved, but I suppose we can’t all have what we want out of life.
I am reminded of the quote by Stephen Gould, “I am, somehow, less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein’s brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and died in cotton fields and sweatshops.”
likewise, there will be plenty of people who live and die alone who are just as good a partner as anyone else can hope for, but who just don’t get lucky. Me, I’ve had my relationship woes, depression, cancer, losing my job recently because of cancer, all kinds of fun hints that I am just not meant for the things I want out of life. And I guess I just have to learn to be okay with that.
HelixDab2@lemm.ee 4 months ago
I’m on the autism spectrum too. I’m on my second marriage. My current partner knows I’m n the spectrum, and (mostly) accepts it. We’ve been married for eight years. My prior partner and I married before I was tested; they kept expecting me to change.
Here’s the secret: NT people also have to put in effort to find and keep love. There are no fairy tales for anyone, and it requires effort from everyone. If you’re not willing to put in that effort, then no, you’re never going to find and keep love. And there aren’t guarantees, because you’re talking about another person, one that has their own internal life, and is making their own choices. When I practice shooting, my improvement in that area is entirely on me; my gun doesn’t have it’s own will. It is an extension of me. When I’m working on connecting to my partner, they still have their own agency. So if I don’t seem to be making progress, that may not be me at all, but due to their choices.
archonet@lemy.lol 4 months ago
Good for you, I’m glad you have better luck than I do.
You seem to think that because I’m not willing to put in effort anymore,, that means I never did. Allow me to correct you. I spent long enough putting in extraordinary amounts of effort for a very long time and merely got shit on in return, but I’m glad it worked out better for you, really I am. But in so many words, I’m the one who gets to decide when I’ve had enough heartbreak, not you.
orcrist@lemm.ee 4 months ago
They were talking about sex, not love. Many autistic folk have sex, so if that’s your excuse, it’s not a great one.