Its Over 😔

Comments

• Manjushri@piefed.social ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

  I had a friend that moved very far away. We stayed in touch for a while. But he was very busy running a business and raising a special needs toddler with his wife so contact became sporadic. At first I was very understanding and would repeatedly initiate contact that generally, but not always, seemed to well received. After a year or two, I pretty much gave up except for an occasional outreach. I thought that he must be mad at me about something though I couldn’t imagine what. After a year or so of minimal contact, I learned that he was suffering from, and hiding, crippling depression. I found out because he hanged himself.

  If you care for the person, put in the fucking effort. You don’t know what’s going on in their life. I will never forgive myself for not trying harder.

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  • Demdaru@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

    I am sorry for your loss but, you are not responsible for troubles of others. You tried for a year or two. That’s a lot. It seems you went further for that friend than most people would. Sometimes, we are not able to help others, no matter how hard we try.

    I know it’s not my place to say that but I’ve seen people I know get hit with the same kind of guilt, slowly but surely tearing at them and I don’t really want anyone else to be in this place.

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    • idiomaddict@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

      Plus, he was living elsewhere, running a business and raising a special needs toddler. Any one of those and it would be reasonable to think that he might just have too much on his plate to maintain the friendship.

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    • Darcranium@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

      You are right, but we shouldn’t compare ourselves to “most people.” The bar is WAY too low especially in modern day hypercapitalist, narcissistic, cold, uncaring countries. If we are going to compare ourselves to “most people,” at least recognize the context we are in. Most human earth citizens throughout history (and pre-history) are NOT AT ALL the same as the people of 1930s Germany or the late Roman empire, or this 250 year experiment we call the USA. Let’s compare yourselves to the good examples of people/tribes of the world, if we must compare ourselves to anyone.

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  • oddpixel@lemmy.wtf ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

    I’m sorry for your loss internet friend.

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  • BuboScandiacus@mander.xyz ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

    Thenk you, needed that

    You may have done something very good with this comment

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    • Manjushri@piefed.social ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

      I’m glad that I may have helped. I hope I did.

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• HikingVet@lemmy.ca ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

  There are like 3 people in my life who will initiate.

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  • DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

    Lucky.

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    • HikingVet@lemmy.ca ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

      No, I’m not. Just because you are mire isolated than me, does not mean I am lucky.

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  • Agent641@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

    The bank when my credit card is overdue, the nice man selling extended car warranties, and those Mormon missionaries I fed that one time.

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• eestileib@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

  You want your friend group to have a person with a strong back and a pickup, a white square looking person to talk to cops and bouncers, someone good with computers, someone who can cook, someone who knows where the parties are, and, most importantly, you need the glue person.

  Texting and organizing and remembering birthdays and who can’t eat gluten and stuff is effort and it’s easier for some people than others.

  Most people do not like making decisions. Having one person who does the deciding of “we will be friends who stay in touch” is actually really important.

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  • SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

    You need the music person too! The one that plays good music that everyone likes and is fresh, and hums or makes music themselves if there is none else.

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  • captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

    I’m all but two of those.

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    • ivanafterall@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

      As a one-person friend group, I have to fill every niche.

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    • Rooster326@programming.dev ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

      It’s taking to cops, isn’t it?

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• DmMacniel@feddit.org ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

  One sided friendships are not worth it.

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  • StarvingMartist@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

    I mean I don’t text or call my friends for months or years, I still consider us lifelong friends

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    • VitoRobles@lemmy.today ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

      Thats how it is when you’re mature and comfortable with your life. I’m in my 40s and text my buddy once a season and hang out every other year. We got lives.

      Honestly every time I see these posts, it just comes off like they’re young and used to that school life where their friendship was based on if they went to the same class or not.

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• Whats_your_reasoning@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

  Me: texts every so often, putting thought into each message

  Friend: responds with “thumbs up” or reactions, but no words

  Me, after the 15th time this happens: ”Well I guess we’re done talking to each other”

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  • SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

    Just start saying gradually more and more insane stuff.

    “The cutest puppy just ate my sandwich”

    “Omg I just lost my exclamation point”

    “The cutest puppy just ate my face”

    “I just met a leprechaun”

    “The cutest puppy and I just had dinner”

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    • LaunchesKayaks@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

      Gotta go more unhinged than that. Send shit like, “Homie and I just smashed hella antelope with the drive thru chick at an Arby’s in Montana”

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  • MutilationWave@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

    Image

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• taiyang@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

  It’s the 21st century, if your friend doesn’t send a meme without any context at random intervals, are they really your friend?

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• ordnance_qf_17_pounder@reddthat.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

  I’ve long had a problem with not wanting to initiate contact with anyone. People understandably get the idea that I’m not interested or have something better to be doing.

  I can’t help being evasive sometimes and not allowing myself to make real connections with anyone. I think I’m harbouring some deep shame about myself and aspects of my life that I don’t want to tell anyone about.

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  • yum@lemmy.eco.br ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

    Wow are you me?

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    • HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

      i’m just tired boss

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• cattywampas@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

  Now imagine if both parties thought like this

  Phone works both ways.

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  • Redacted@lemmy.zip ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

    Youve missed the point entirely

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• Jack@lemmy.ca ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

  If both are extraverts, then not initiating contact possibly means that person doesn’t want to be friends anymore. Which is fine, sometimes its better for a friendship to end.

  If one is an introvert, then them initiating much less might not mean anything.

  If both are introverts, then not getting messages or calls about banal things may be preferable for both, making them ideal friends.

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  • MutilationWave@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

    I am very introverted. Mostly happy by myself, got divorced last year. I rarely hit anyone up. But my friends call or text, sometimes a lot. Sometimes I have to hurt their feelings like I can’t talk for an hour on the phone, I got shit to do.

    My friends, a couple, showed up at my house yesterday and practically demanded I go to a park with them. I kept declining they kept asking. I’m so glad I went, it was wonderful springtime sun, barefoot in the grass, dirt, even the mud. I had been cooped up in the house for four days doing recertifications. Good people. I am lucky.

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• zaphod@sopuli.xyz ⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago

  It’s what? Over.

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