You want your friend group to have a person with a strong back and a pickup, a white square looking person to talk to cops and bouncers, someone good with computers, someone who can cook, someone who knows where the parties are, and, most importantly, you need the glue person.
Texting and organizing and remembering birthdays and who canāt eat gluten and stuff is effort and itās easier for some people than others.
Most people do not like making decisions. Having one person who does the deciding of āwe will be friends who stay in touchā is actually really important.
Manjushri@piefed.social āØ8ā© āØhoursā© ago
I had a friend that moved very far away. We stayed in touch for a while. But he was very busy running a business and raising a special needs toddler with his wife so contact became sporadic. At first I was very understanding and would repeatedly initiate contact that generally, but not always, seemed to well received. After a year or two, I pretty much gave up except for an occasional outreach. I thought that he must be mad at me about something though I couldnāt imagine what. After a year or so of minimal contact, I learned that he was suffering from, and hiding, crippling depression. I found out because he hanged himself.
If you care for the person, put in the fucking effort. You donāt know whatās going on in their life. I will never forgive myself for not trying harder.
Demdaru@lemmy.world āØ5ā© āØhoursā© ago
I am sorry for your loss but, you are not responsible for troubles of others. You tried for a year or two. Thatās a lot. It seems you went further for that friend than most people would. Sometimes, we are not able to help others, no matter how hard we try.
I know itās not my place to say that but Iāve seen people I know get hit with the same kind of guilt, slowly but surely tearing at them and I donāt really want anyone else to be in this place.
Darcranium@lemmy.world āØ1ā© āØhourā© ago
You are right, but we shouldnāt compare ourselves to āmost people.ā The bar is WAY too low especially in modern day hypercapitalist, narcissistic, cold, uncaring countries. If we are going to compare ourselves to āmost people,ā at least recognize the context we are in. Most human earth citizens throughout history (and pre-history) are NOT AT ALL the same as the people of 1930s Germany or the late Roman empire, or this 250 year experiment we call the USA. Letās compare yourselves to the good examples of people/tribes of the world, if we must compare ourselves to anyone.
idiomaddict@lemmy.world āØ4ā© āØhoursā© ago
Plus, he was living elsewhere, running a business and raising a special needs toddler. Any one of those and it would be reasonable to think that he might just have too much on his plate to maintain the friendship.
oddpixel@lemmy.wtf āØ7ā© āØhoursā© ago
Iām sorry for your loss internet friend.
BuboScandiacus@mander.xyz āØ6ā© āØhoursā© ago
Thenk you, needed that
You may have done something very good with this comment
Manjushri@piefed.social āØ6ā© āØhoursā© ago
Iām glad that I may have helped. I hope I did.