Where do you even meet people anymore?

Submitted ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨HEXN3T@lemmy.blahaj.zone⁩ to ⁨[deleted]⁩

I previously made a now-deleted post somewhat related to this topic ~~in the wrong community SHHHHHH~~. This is more broad.

Barring friends of friends, I have not made a new friend ever outside of school. As someone with a really niche personality, it’s hard to be brave enough to approach new people–nobody’s as weird as I am. I actually used to have a friend group that fit my personality, but it dissolved due to more drama than I can even comprehend. That’s why I’m in this situation, was all of that.

I’ve chosen not to go to college. That’d be my best outlet for meeting new people, but I simply don’t want to deal with debt. So, my time to meet as many people as possible has been cut somewhat short.

There’s a saving grace, though. I’m a furry–this is the niche personality part. Cons would be great, but, to keep it short, I just don’t have that capability right now. I’m not even IT yet, but my fate is sealed.

In the meantime… I am very bored. Thanks for reading.

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jeena@piefed.jeena.net ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I moved a lot during my life, living in the 4th country now, stayed in each one for about 15 years. Therefore I had to find friends from outside of school.

Here is a list of how I found them:

20's:
- through my cousin, he was a coworker with my future best friend
- started a band with a friend and his cousin, then we kicked out the friend and got a better drummer. Through the band we met a ton of other musicians while playing life and became friends with them
- after moving countries I made a house warming party and asked my (now ex) wife's brother to invite his friends, I brought 50 liters of beer from Germany to this party in Sweden. This group became my core group of friends even after the divorce

30's:
- work, I became very good friend with one of my coworkers, we even started a new company together because I was the only one who wasn't afried to try it
- university, yeah normal
- one uni friend pulled me in to the company he worked for where there were very many super cool guys and I became friends with many of them. Even now like 7 years after we don't work together we still meet regularly for grill parties, etc.

40's:
- after another move, to South Korea, this one is tough because I still don't speak the language, but after we got our son, my fiancé opened a public group on the Internet for couples who have a small child and one of the parents is a foreigner. Many of them don't quite fit me as friends but we still meet some of them for play dates and so on so our friendship is growing
- I was on the playground and there was another foreigner dad and we started talking about the kids and everything else, then we exchanges phone numbers and are meeting regularly and it's fun because conversations are easy, so he is the clothest thing to a friend I have here. But I have no idea how it would go if I need help in some bad situation, etc. because we didn't have any yet.

So yeah, this is kind of where I found my friends outside of school. Perhaps it can be some inspiration for you.

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scytale@lemm.ee ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Go to eventbrite or meetup and check out all the free events in your area that are interesting to you, then just show up.

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200ok@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I met a few good friends by joining a local, free run club in the area. We were all the slow people at the back 😂

I moved and the friendships didn’t last, but I think that’s just part of life. The older I get, the more stars need to align to maintain relationships.

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ContrarianTrail@lemm.ee ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I’m meeting all the single women on my are (mostly moms and elderly widows) by setting up a company that does plumbing, home improvement and property maintenance jobs.

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- TheBat@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Big fan of your work. You’re a very talented and modest guy to not mention that you’re also a doctor and a teacher.
  
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Rolando@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Do you have a religious affiliation? A lot of people go to the social events of their local church/mosque/temple to meet “safer” people. You don’t even have to be that religious, it’s often just a cultural thing.

Are there any team sports you are interested in? A lot of places have amateur or informal leagues. Similarly, martial arts classes can be fun. If you have a local rec center (local government, not private), check it out.

What kind of music you like? Local bars, cafes, even some restaurants may set up musicians, and since they’re not some huge concert they can be free or cheap. Support your local music scene!

You aren’t going to college, but you may want to check out community college. They’re usually inexpensive and you might as well take a class in something you’re really interested in.

Check out your local public library, a lot of times they have free talks or movies or reading groups.
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- HEXN3T@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  I’m not religious, but I do love philosophical discussion. It’s a major passion.
  
  Can’t tolerate sports. Parent drama stuff.
  
  I’m into 50s-80s. Going on a tangent here, but practically everyone I know is into kpop, jpop and rap. Meanwhile, I like cassettes. There’s this nearby CD store I could try for a job at…
  
  I’ll consider a community college.
  
  I’ll locate a nearby library. I moved last month, and I’m still orienting myself.
  
  This is pretty good advice, overall!
  
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  - Rolando@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    
    I do love philosophical discussion. It’s a major passion.
    
    Most community colleges have a couple good Intro to Philosophy classes you might be interested in.
    
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half_built_pyramids@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I’ll be your friend.

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dharmacurious@slrpnk.net ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Similar boat (sans furry), and I’ve recently decided I’m tired of being lonely. I’ve started going to a trivia night at a local bar that someone from my church hosts, even though I end up playing alone each week*, and I found a MCC church (basically, gay church) and went there, where I found a gay men’s discussion group I’m going to attend on Monday. I have two friends, both straight, but I’m hoping to get them and some people other people either through them or through trivia/discussion group to help start a bowling team.

*Even though I’m the only one playing without a team, I’ve come in second twice!

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Bubner@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
If you’re interested in making friends with furries online, DM me I know of a telegram chat specifically for that purpose.

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friend_of_satan@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

it’s hard to be brave enough to approach new people

I was talking to my wife yesterday about how I gained social skills as an adult, and part of it was making a deliberate effort to start conversations with at least a few strangers everyday. Not hold a conversation, merely start one. Doing this for a while helps you get comfortable making chit chat and feeling out of its worth continuing a conversation, and breaks down the idea that every conversation has to be meaningful.

Not sure if this helps you, but it really helped me.

As for where to go, look for gatherings like flea markets, car shows, street fairs, anything. Even if you don’t care about the topic, be there for the people, and keep an open, curious mind. Maybe even make a game out of it, like the meow game, or some other goofy phrase, or try to ask a variety of people the same question. Or bring something that is a conversation starter like a dog, or juggling balls, or something small related to your furry hobby. The idea is to be around people in a mode that makes interaction easy.

Meeting people is just the first part though. Moving on to friendship obviously takes more work and time.

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- xigoi@lemmy.sdf.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  In what settings is it socially acceptable to talk to strangers?
  
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  - Bo7a@lemmy.ca ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    All settings if you don’t act like an idiot/creep.
    
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  - Cracks_InTheWalls@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Most settings, the key is paying attention to indicators of interest/disinterest. If someone isn’t engaging with you beyond grunts, looks visibly uncomfortable, etc. that’s your cue to gracefully exit.
    
    This is the hard part for a lot of people, properly gauging interest after initiation and knowing when to move on.
    
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  - booly@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    Anywhere strangers tend to be around each other long enough to where small talk might be a welcome distraction: waiting in lines for something, sitting at a community table or bar/counter with mixed groups (especially while waiting for the rest of your respective friend groups to show up), sitting next to each other at a public event like live sports or a concert with downtime, volunteer events where you might be set up next to strangers doing the same thing, etc.
    
    It’s easier when there’s a natural end to the interaction (your turn in line, the start of the sporting event), too.
    
    Smartphones and headphones have made it harder, but there are still opportunities when people are bored and sitting around.
    
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Mango@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I’m as weird as you. Fight me.

I’ve met a friend at a Reddit trees meetup in Chicago, one through League of Legends, and a whole group through Minecraft!

Very recently I decided to touch grass and go do my flow arts in a club in my city, and I get all kinds of attention for being a badass, but nothing particularly personal. It probably doesn’t help that I keep turning girls down because I don’t really know how to engage with them. If I were someone else, it would probably be a good way to meet people. For me though, it’s all about that dance!

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artichokecustard@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
dear onlookers, i swear i am not a furry, dear op, there is this app called Barq that i haven’t made any lasting friendships on, but the people i’ve connected with are weird enough that their interests are usually more likely to line up with mine, my most reliable pokemon go raid buddy i met through it, also i used an app for a bit called Meetup that had a lot of weekly events and stuff on it, went to a few game nights in random cafes around my town through it, so depending on your area that can help

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finley@lemm.ee ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
So those Duolingo toons count?

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ryven@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
My friend seems to have good success meeting people in Discord channels about his niche interests, with the caveat that there is a lot more video calling than there is hanging out, because nobody lives in the same state. Maybe join a furry chat and say hello?

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thawed_caveman@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I was reading this like “this guy should be a furry, it’s what fixed me”

And then you reveal that you’re a furry. Bro, that’s more than a saving grace, that’s absolutely the solution.

Now in most contexts, just being a furry already makes you a subgroup, so you get so socialize off that alone; but when you’re in a furry space, it can get awkward integrating into a new group because the commonality you have is not as relevant. In those contexts, it’s easier to socialize in a sub-subgroup within furry. Like we have this group of 5-viewer streamers that all hang out with eachother on and offline. Being able to draw will make you popular just in general. And then there’s the dancers, hackers, programmers, gamedevs, suiters, activists, kinda subgroups within furry that make it effortless to integrate socially.

The above is true online and off. As far as IRL things go, your local convention will be once a year and that’s probably not enough, if you’re in the US there should be a local scene that will make it a lot more regular. Online and offline feed into eachother.

That’s all i can think of, if you’re a furry you have a chance to not be lonely for long

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- HEXN3T@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  This is why I consider being a furry a saving grace. For as much as it casts me out of mainstream groups, the furry fandom is known for its diverse, social nature. The issue is just finding those groups that’re right for me, in an absolute sea of groups.
  
  That’s why I said it’ll take time. I’m new to Linux, new to drawing, new to game dev, not new to music, but still new to most things.
  
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thatsTheCatch@lemmy.nz ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Meetups and clubs based around certain interests have worked well for me.

Examples: writing clubs, chess clubs, book clubs, hiking clubs, debate clubs, etc.

I have trouble at parties where I have to find things to talk about with people I don’t know, but at interest clubs then we’re all there for the same purpose and there’s a clear thing to talk about! If you hit it off with anyone, then you can begin hanging out outside of the club

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FuglyDuck@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Have you considered finding events at your local public library?

they may not have anything necessarily furry related, but mine at least has a lot of incredible events and social meetings. Yours probably has something that piques your interest.

What you’re looking for is a “Third Space”- and libraries are a great third space.

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- HEXN3T@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  Third spaces. An important factor of city planning ~~that the USA has elected to ignore~~, I’m aware. I’d just forgotten the term.
  
  I like the idea of going to a library. I really need to get back into reading. I have a good few interests not furry related–philosophy, for example–that probably have a home in libraries. I’ll give it a shot.
  
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angelmountain@feddit.nl ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
In my country it’s possible to join clubs, for instance for a sport you like. I also like it as a way to meet new people because there is time to talk but also an activity to avoid awkward silences.

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Matriks404@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Start to learn a language and join a speaking club of some sort. You will definitely meet some new (and open-minded, well mostly) people there.

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Goodie@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I’ve had… thoughts on this lately.

I do social dance (wcs) as one of my several hobbies. And I kind of compare ot to church now. We go once a week, we do the thing, and we have a community around it, with community leaders.

The world might be slowly leaving religion behind, but I have to wonder of we’re losing something else in the process.

(Find some WCA classes in your area, we’re all weird as fuck, it’s a often a community of introverts with a niche interest in common, and set rules of interaction (would you like a dance?))

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200ok@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
I met my best friend while we were both volunteering to help kids with some stuff we’re both really good at.

We’re both nerdy about the same things. I made a few friends from that activity but only one has stood the test of time 🥹

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swordgeek@lemmy.ca ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
OK, I know nothing about furry social interactions, but non-furry cons - comic, scifi, etc., are all generally quite welcoming.

The best advice I got as an introvert who moved to a different country was that I don’t have to be outgoing, I just have to pretend to be outgoing. Acting, essentially. It was surprising how easy it was to fake sociability, to the point that I made a few friends.

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AdNecrias@lemmy.pt ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Don’t you have masks you use to meet people? Slowly warm in and try to find out what they’re like?

Before remote work, that was one of the adult avenues of meeting new groups of people. Friends of friends are cool when you get involved in stuff they do and you don’t. Dare say, met cool people on the more questions focused dating sites where we didn’t have romantic interest but the conversation was cool.

Sometimes rekindling relations also gets you to meet the people they hang around nowadays…

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Resol@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Find people with similar hobbies as you on a particular community online. Back when I was active on Reddit, I had made two friends this way. Unfortunately, after the whole API shaboink, I left Reddit, and lost contact with one of them.

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Knuk@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Try Barq since you’re a furry

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- HEXN3T@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  I can’t remember why, but I don’t remember making it past signup. Something with the app is busted? I can try again.
  
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  - Knuk@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    It used to require a telegram account, it doesn’t anymore
    
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Zerlyna@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Furry is definitely niche. Is there a local group where you can meet others? Facebook or meetup.com?

Do you work? That’s the next place to meet others.

And then there’s online friends! Digital pen pals. OOOOhhhhh I just dated myself.

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- KingJalopy@lemm.ee ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  I date myself regularly. But one night stands are getting old…
  
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  - Rolando@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
    “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” -Oscar Wilde.
    
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- HEXN3T@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
  I’d have to do some digging. As for work, my workplace is very much not the kind of place you’d meet furries. It’s a senior wellness place, and I suspect the employees are all Trump supporters…?
  
  My job is to mask up all day, regardless.
  
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200ok@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
The longest friend I’ve ever had is someone I met in school that lives on the other side of the continent… I haven’t seen them in maybe half a lifetime now.

Buy we send each other funny stuff and random updates. I don’t know why it has lasted, other than that there are low expectations and it’s mutual. It’s actually really refreshing.

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MojoMcJojo@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Go to where you first learned how to make friends. Go back to school, take a night class. Found a wife there once.

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Boozilla@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
Check out the Peace Corps.

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