Comments

• RIotingPacifist@lemmy.world ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  There’s no queer police coming to dictate who isn’t valid.

  Fuck/don’t fuck whoever you want, you’ll always be valid.

  #NoQueerCopsAtPride

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  • mech@feddit.org ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    There’s no queer police coming to dictate who isn’t valid.

    Yet

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• snek_boi@lemmy.ml ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Sometimes labels help. Sometimes they don’t.

  Also, Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Are could help!

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• DomeGuy@lemmy.world ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Sexualities are only useful as options on the dating app.

  Whether you describe yourself as “asexual” or “demisexual” (or "straight’ or “gay”) only matters when you’re looking for a new partner and need to choose how much “what do you mean by that” you want to put up with.

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• ada@piefed.blahaj.zone ⁨10⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Labels are meant to help you navigate and exist in the world. If it’s achieving that, it’s the right label!

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• mech@feddit.org ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  You can call yourself whatever you want.
  There’s no sexuality police (yet).

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• Jaegeras@piefed.social ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Right off the bat - Demisexual.

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• RamRabbit@lemmy.world ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Don’t worry about labeling yourself and over-complicating things. It’s not what defines you.

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• Resplendent606@piefed.social ⁨13⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  You are 100% valid.

  Asexuality is a massive spectrum, not a narrow box. Most of us see Ace as a big tent that covers anyone who experiences attraction differently, rarely, or only under specific conditions. It isn’t an all or nothing thing.

  What you described, needing a romantic bond first, is the core of demisexuality. And that bit about only feeling it if your partner is “sexual first”? That’s actually a specific thing called reciprosexuality. Both are widely recognized and respected parts of the Ace community.

  One thing that helps a lot of people is separating attraction from action. You can participate in sex for curiosity or romantic intimacy and still be asexual. It’s about that internal pull (or lack of it), not the act itself.

  Labels are just tools to help you navigate your own life and find your people. They are not cages you have to fit into perfectly. If calling yourself Ace or Demi feels right to you now, then it is yours to use.

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• FartMaster69@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Asexuality isn’t a diagnosis, it’s a method of self identification.

  If you feel like you identify as ace then you are.

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• homologous@piefed.blahaj.zone ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  dude im struggling with this exact same thing T_T ace has such a “strict” definition that i technically don’t fit into but the label has always felt right to me and i relate a lot to the asexual experience. but yeah what everyone else is sayin— you’re still valid and you can consider yourself whatever you want. also, labels are tools, so if they aren’t helping and are rather causing distress, then dont even worry about all that :)) (easier said than done, i know)

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• cecilkorik@lemmy.ca ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  You can be a valid Apache Attack Helicopter if you want to be. Nobody else gets to decide whether that’s valid except you. You might confuse or even mislead some people, you’ll have to be prepared for that, but before you consider whether it even matters that some people get confused or misled, you should consider why it’s any of their business in the first place, because it probably isn’t. If it is, then by all means, check whether it’s valid with them, not us.

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• Mac@mander.xyz ⁨9⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Many people have responsive desire as opposed to spontaneous desire. That’s even a common friction point in relationships.

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• saltesc@lemmy.world ⁨13⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Just ignore the labels. They’re one-size-fits-all ideas made up by strangers at some point, so you’ll never be able to properly wear any of them. They’re ultimately pointless things anyway.

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  • Jaegeras@piefed.social ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Labels help organize descriptions. They’re not always one-size-fits-all concepts. They’re only treated that way because people are fucking stupid in general.

    It is as easy to figure out who you are by: Looking up more than one source on a label. Studying yourself and your experiences and then seeing if that aligns with said label.

    If we had no labels, then there’s already people running around probably believing that they can be completely bisexual and only, strictly being attracted to one sex that they believe is slightly a fourth gender somewhere. Because again, people are fucking stupid.

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• forestbeasts@pawb.social ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Yes.

  – Frost

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• Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  I don’t see any reason you can’t be anything you want to be.

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• Live_your_lives@lemmy.world ⁨13⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  There might be a more accurate sublabel for your exact position, but so long as the label is serving well enough in it’s purpose as a communication tool and it isn’t getting in your way in other ways, then there’s no reason to fret about it.

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• oopsgodisdeadmybad@lemmy.zip ⁨13⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  I was gonna just say “yeah, that’s textbook demisexual” but at the end I see you realized that already.

  Not sure why you feel possibly invalid when it sounds like (based on this post alone) that you are the actual dictionary example.

  I’m still kinda figuring it out, but I’m thinking I’m double demi for now (not sure if there’s another word for it).

  For me I am far from completely nonsexual (basically allos’ only version of defining “asexual”), but it would only be important at all in a solid relationship (if I could even get that being demiro).

  I just don’t feel an urge to go out and “get some”, but if someone I felt familiar and safe with just landed in my lap naked, then something has a decent chance of happening.

  I consider that valid asexuality. It might be kinda “dictionary”-like too, but you don’t see a lot mentioned of people having the green and purple stripe (demiro/demisexual). Or at least I don’t.

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• wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world ⁨13⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  I mean, I’m a pet to a very sweet Master, who is ace, who is dating a boyfriend who is also ace. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone else say they have an asexual master/mistress/dominant, yet here we are. We play super rarely, but I still get off thinking about what he can do, what I’ve told him is ‘safe’, so when we are together he could just pin me down… he just usually doesn’t take the opportunity. I’m also insatiable, but I’m also demi, so I need to know someone first (decent conversation, personal details, chatting at length…), or they are involved somehow with us, in order to start to be attracted to them (‘pet, this is my friend I was telling you about…’ for example) before I start to think about banging them. If/once I hit that point though, the train ain’t stopping.

  Labels can be useful for establishing a baseline, but you don’t need to confine yourself to a rigid ‘standard’. And just because you don’t feel like you conform to what is expected, doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong or aren’t ‘valid’. Nah, anyone who says stuff like that isn’t worth your time.

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