snek_boi
@snek_boi@lemmy.ml
- Comment on How do you fight abandonment issues when people keep abandoning you 1 day ago:
In your experience, does fighting the feelings help? Answer not using your logic, but your felt experience.
Odds are, fighting doesn’t help. Otherwise you wouldn’t be here asking for help.
You hurt because you care. You care about belonging, about contributing, about being open to others. And, since you care about this, you hurt.
We can’t get rid of this kind of hurt. Would you even want to? Would you want to be indifferent to other people?
I’m not trying to be mean or brutal. I’m just trying to a place where this hurt is a meaningful part of your life and not something you keep fighting (and failing to defeat).
So what can you do? You could notice your thoughts as thoughts. You can try giving your brain a name and thanking it for informing you about the things it informs you throughout the day. This doesn’t make thoughts disappear, but it helps seeing them as thoughts and not reality.
You can also imagine that you carry your sensations, memories, moods, thoughts, images, etc. in your hands, as if you were carrying a delicate flower. This is a way to honor your life without running a way from it and also without being entirely determined by it.
Finally, you can ask yourself what kind of person you want to be, what you stand for. What are the qualities of being that you would like to adopt in your life? You can discover this intuitively by wondering what you care for. If rejection hurts, you likely value inclusion. If abandonment hurts, you likely value consistency and kindness.
The task the becomes accepting our current reality (thanking our brain for its suggestions and holding our whole life experience preciously) and taking our next step with the qualities of being that we value.
If you’re curious about this perspective, let me know and I can tell you more about it :)
- Comment on Anti-Brexit protesters in front of the Big Ben. 3 days ago:
Made a bet with a friend that the UK would be back before 2035. So I’m happy when I see a picture like this one. I need those tacos.
- Comment on Okay... so how do depressed people even have relationships? Did they get depresion after they already got into the relationship or did they actually went dating while having depression? 5 days ago:
Depression has lots of ways of manifesting.
One way of describing depression is an unwillingness to engage with life and to feel, because the person has learned that engaging or feeling will lead to pain. This is the functional contextual definition.
Another one comes from Martin Seligman, who defines it as an unwillingness to try things because the person has learned that engaging in something will lead to failure.
In either definition, the unwillingness is contextual. In other words, someone might be depressed regarding work but not their partner. Or someone might be depressed regarding their family but not their partner.
- Comment on is it really worth it 1 week ago:
Is it really worth it?Image
- Comment on is it really worth it 1 week ago:
- Comment on Avocado. Is it really so untasty or I am doing something wrong? 3 weeks ago:
Just so you know, you’re not alone. When avocados have been introduced to new markets (like the USA some time ago), people need to learn how to engage with it. People need to learn how to buy it, how to open it, how to include it in foods.
And, as you’ve heard, indeed it’s not meant to be sweet and instead it’s just like fat. And it’s very healthy fat.
I agree with what someone else said: I’d try making a simple guacamole recipe and eating the guacamole with nachos or tortillas or something like that!
Also, as someone else said, it’s totally fair if you don’t like guacamole. Some people don’t and it’s alright :)
- Comment on Attention! 3 weeks ago:
I like how they’re ”already” tracking me. I’m still trying to understand how the meaning changes with and without the quotations, but it certainly feels important or something
- Comment on telepathy 5 weeks ago:
Idk. Looks kinda painful ngl
- Comment on [deleted] 1 month ago:
Or prion diseases or parasites that invade brains.
- Comment on [deleted] 1 month ago:
Trying to figure out what post belongs where, I do think your post belongs in this community.
You didn’t break any rules.
And you posted shit (Trump) in the shit post community.
As usual, I think everything is politics and nothing is not politics. We’re always deciding what deserves attention and what not, what identities to bolster or forget, what worldviews we bolster and which we forget.
So in general I think the division between “politics” and “non-politics” is a bit like the difference between “things that can be thought of” and “things that can’t be thought of”. Everything belongs in the first category and nothing belongs in the second.
I think the more important discussion is whether your post was a shit post. And I totally see it as one.
- Comment on Anyone has videos of JD Vance getting booed? I can’t find proper booing videos, but those supposedly exist 1 month ago:
Thanks for the link. Unfortunately, in that video it’s not clear to me that those are boos. Maybe I’m missing something.
- Submitted 1 month ago to [deleted] | 22 comments
- Comment on He/him 1 month ago:
Thanks for the catch! Fixed!
- Comment on He/him 1 month ago:
Ada’s man speaks like this. Ada’s man has no pronouns. Ada’s man gave up pronouns ever since becoming Ada’s man.
At first it felt manly. After all, Ada’s man was next to Ada. And Ada only let men next to Ada.
Still, Ada’s man thinks it’s kinda weird to not be able to use pronouns.
In fact, Ada’s man sorta regrets the whole thing.
Ada’s man is often made fun of. Ada’s man has heard he speaks like cavemen. Ada’s man often feels dumb and excluded.
The worst part is work. Ada’s man had to intervene at work. Ada’s man had to redact reports at work, removing all pronouns. This made Ada’s man feel humiliated. Ada’s man was made fun of by coworkers, bosses, and customers. The caveman comment was repeated again and again.
However, over time, Ada’s man was accepted. Why? To start with, Ada’s man was a good worker. But more importantly, they (the coworkers) felt Ada’s man was in a toxic relationship with Ada. They knew Ada from Ada’s man and from Ada’s social media. And Ada sounded like an absolute pile of garbage.
Over time, the cavemen comments stopped. They referred to Ada’s man as Ada’s man. And they saw Ada’s man with pity. They just hope someday Ada’s man would be unshackled from Ada’s man’s Ada.
Months went by. Ada’s man felt the weight on Ada’s man’s shoulders. This didn’t feel like a good way to live. But Ada’s man is a man, and Ada’s man wants to be with Ada. It’s just that Ada’s man wonders if there could be a different way.
- Comment on Anon is a nice guy 1 month ago:
This kid should read Mitch Prinstein’s work. Bottom line: high-status people have worse lives, while likeable people have better lives.
- Comment on Vimeo Lays Off 'Most' of Its Staff, Allegedly Includes 'the Entire Video Team' 1 month ago:
Dropout uses Vimeo?
- Comment on [deleted] 1 month ago:
Some recommendations that have changed my life and many others’:
- Learn to WOOP, by Gabrielle Oettingen
- Learn about the Procrastination Equation and CSI-Approach, by Piers Steel
- Read and internalize A Liberated Mind by Steven C. Hayes
With what you described, some ACT values work may help.
Please let me know if you have questions :)
- Comment on how to dust properly 2 months ago:
Static is your friend.
Buy microfiber dusters and mops. Buy a couple and see if it’s enough. You want to always have clean ones available. So buy more than what you need for a single cleaning session.
For carpets, you can get a sweeper. They also use static and they’re fantastic.
- Comment on Why are fruits and berries healthy, even though they are mostly just sugar? 5 months ago:
Fiber. Fiber helps you feel full, so it is harder to over-eat fruit in comparison with chocolate bars, gummy bears, or even fruit juice.
- Comment on find 5 months ago:
So moving 😢 I’m at a loss of words
- Comment on What is a good source to read about thought experiments? 5 months ago:
To frame thought experiments and their limitations, Dave Snowden’s Cynefin and perhaps works on pragmatism, contextual functionalism, and relational frame theory, books like ACT in Context.
Now, as to thought experiments, there’s Daniel Dennet’s Intuition Pumps.
This is tangential, but maybe you’d be interested in George Lakoff’s framing. Lakoff would argue that frames are at least sometimes exactly the same thing as a thought experiment.
- Comment on [deleted] 6 months ago:
I posted a longer response but I think it didn’t get through or something.
Basically, I look at this from the point of view of Cynefin, and Estuarine Mapping. If you look at base and superstructure elements, you can look at them as ACTANTS of the system.
Whether you choose base-superstructure or Cynefin just shows that sometimes we can describe the same phenomena in different ways. And I take this idea from both Mary Midgley and Donna Haraway’s positioned knowledge.
- Comment on [deleted] 6 months ago:
How could we look at social dynamics? One way is Dave Snowden’s Cynefin. From that perspective, complex systems have actors, constructors, and constraints. The three of them are called ACTANTS. How do ACTANTS relate to base and superstructure? Well, each ACTANT of the system could be classified as base or superstructure.
Why am I saying that each ACTANT could be classified as base or superstructure? Because we should be open to the possibility that there are different ways of looking at the same thing in the world. We can look at a mountain from the north, from the south, from the base, or from the peak. Similarly, we can look at social relations as base and superstructure or as complex Cynefin systems (or other points of view!).
How do you know whether to classify ACTANTS into base and superstructure or not? Context. Use the pragmatic criterion: Is it helpful to classify the ACTANTS into base and superstructure in this particular context?
- Comment on Why is kindness often viewed as a sign of naïveté? 7 months ago:
Here’s three ideas that come up:
This reminds me of the Fool’s Choice: you either lie and keep friends or you tell the truth and lose friends.
Similarly, I suppose that people who see kindness as a sign of naiveness have not learned how hostage negotiators do their work. A good hostage negotiator will act kindly, but they’re anything but naive.
Finally, I suppose whoever is deciding to ‘walk over kind people’ has lots of fears and a fragile identity they need to protect.
Let me know if you’re interested in learning about where these ideas come from.
- Comment on Good evening I choose getting the job done. 7 months ago:
Such a diversity of vehicles in a single picture.
- Comment on RPGs that are optionally pacifist? 8 months ago:
What? Amazing! I stopped playing Baldur’s Gate because I dislike the combat. How do I avoid it?
- Comment on Is possible to learn to swim, just by reading a lot about it? 8 months ago:
My grandpa was born and raised in an industrial town that didn’t have access to pools or anything like that. He decided to learn to swim by reading a book and practicing in his living room. He would lay down on a bench or a seat and practice the motions. Every year, he’d go to a nearby town that did have a pool, and he’d sit for hours hearing how kids were taught to swim. He’d then go back to his living room and practice based on that.
So, how did he swim? Luckily, looking at him swim was something I could do with my own eyes. And just by the look of it, you’d never tell he learned on a bench.
- Comment on Was surprised by these stats 8 months ago:
After careful forensic analysis, I have concluded the entire thing was created by a single person. I call this the One Author Theory (OAT). Let me present to you OAT’s evidence.
First, notice almost every tally is similar to its immediate neighbors. They have the same color and the same thickness. This suggests the tallies were all made with the same marker and with similar techniques.
We can see similar techniques elsewhere. First, notice that each category has tallies. Then, within each category (for example shit), focus on the rightmost tallies. Notice that the tallies tend to curve in a similar way. This suggests those tallies were created under similar conditions, with a similar technique.
You may have noticed that the piss tallies are thicker and straighter than the jerk it tallies. This may suggest my One Author theory is wrong, but my theory does incorporates this fact. The fact is explained by a change in technique. Therefore, the OAT cannot stand on its own. It requires another theory to grab onto. This other theory is the Progressive Degradation of Commitment (PDC) Theory.
I will now give evidence for the PDC Theory. Notice the shit category. Its topmost row has a consistent left-to-right pattern. The tallies become smaller and smaller. They also become curved at the end. This suggests a consistent loss of commitment.
The PDC Theory appears to struggle with the jerk it category. After all, the bottom row starts with small tallies and progressively has its tallies grow tall and straight. This we shall call the Jerk It Anomaly (JIA). However, concluding that the Jerk It Anomaly (JIA) proves that the PDC Theory fails is incorrect. If one uses the PDC Theory correctly, it can actually explain the JIA.
How? First, we need to remember that the PDC Theory shouldn’t be limited to rows. We saw an example of this when PDC Theory explained piss’ thickness in relation to jerk it’s thickness. In other words, PDC Theory can scale. It can explain rows of tallies but it can also explain columns of categories. So, if we apply PDC Theory to the entire work, we can assume that the entirety of the last column (jerk it) was built under stress. The author could’ve been pressured for time. It is unlikely, but not impossible, to speculate that the author felt a sudden urge to attend to his unfinished business, be it pissing, vaping, shitting, or jerking it. In either case, the PDC Theory comes out intact.
Ultimately, the OAT uses the PDC Theory to address validity threats like the JIA. The author may have attempted to dupe us into thinking the census was representative of a population. However, the One Author Theory lets us see that the author’s work is more representative of their purposes, capabilities, and proclivities.
It’s important to notice that this does not necessarily reduce the author’s merit and the piece’s impact. Future studies could evaluate to what extent this apparent census creates a sense of community and connection in the bathroom stall goers. The author of this very analysis, for one, would very much appreciate to shit and piss (but vape and jerk it) in a bathroom stall with this apparent census.
- Comment on What are your approaches to donating? 9 months ago:
There’s actually research on this. There are groups of people that donate more than others. There are two groups of people that really matter for this: people who have protection values and people who have democratic values.
People with protection values care about themselves and their people (their family, their clan, their tribe, their religion, their nation). People with democratic values care about humans in general, regardless of their religion, nationality, what family they come from, etc.
So, who donates more money? People with democratic values.
You can check out Christian Welzel’s Freedom Rising for more on this :)
- Comment on Why are ghosts never racist? 9 months ago:
Ghosts are the creation of our minds. And it turns out that our minds are flawed machines. This was shown by someone and they won a Nobel Prize for it (Daniel Kahnemann). Turns out, that flawed machinery is precisely why ghosts aren’t racist.
When you think of something, you run a simplified simulation of the world. When you run these simulations, you don’t think about other things. For example, when people fantasize about achieving something, they usually run the simulation of having gotten the job and the money or having solved the tough problem. However, they usually don’t think about the path to achieving that goal. This is called the planning fallacy. It’s also called the Motivation Wave in Behavior Design.
Another example of these simplified simulations is the halo effect. The halo effect starts when you notice something good about someone. Maybe they’re attractive. Maybe they’re on your same team or political group or religion or whatever. The thing is that you end up building a good preconception of that person. You assume they’re kind and smart and many other positive things. Again, your mind is running a simplified simulation. Even if you notice bad stuff about the other person, you may ignore it because our mind is a flawed machine and it’s stuck with the idea that the other person is good.
So, how do simplified simulations lead to non-racist ghosts? Well, we all share an idea of what a ghost is. We tell each other ghost stories or we watch movies with ghosts in them. All of that feeds the simplified simulations we run when we think of ghosts. And we don’t include racism in those simulations.
This doesn’t mean that we can’t escape simplified simulations. This is a tough problem that many people have tried to solve in many different ways. These attempts have resulted in an arsenal of methods: psychological flexibility exercises, mental contrasting, pre-mortems, the Delphi method, red team blue team exercises, weak signal detection, etc. Notice that all of these tools try to transform our preconceptions.
Of course, a very simple way of transforming our preconceptions is to prove them wrong. I suppose in the case of non-racist ghosts, it’s a matter of creating racist ghosts. This project, however, brings up the old adage: just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
If you’re interested in simplified simulations, I recommend Lisa Feldman Barret’s books. You can also check out Daniel Kahnemann, Gary Klein, and Dave Snowden.
