I find it hard to find people though. I do my regular activity and hobbies and go about my life, I make friends but they’re mostly guys. I’m also not the type to ask every cute girl out. Idk, I still got one more year at school so maybe something will happen
Comment on Anon is forever alone
RunJun@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 day ago
Anyone who is going through this, you have to try. You have to put effort into yourself and get used to rejection. It’s not fun but if it’s important to you then it’s important to show up.
I didn’t have my first kiss until 26. I have a wife and two kids. Just so you don’t think it was easy for me.
pineapplelover@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 day ago
fuckwit_mcbumcrumble@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 day ago
School is a great place to meet people organically. Talk to your class mates. Even if they’re not a girl you want to talk to maybe they know someone.
Outside of school sadly dating apps are the only way to meet people. And they’re not good.
tyler@programming.dev 1 day ago
That’s just not true. Get a hobby. There are tons of people doing activities all the time in groups all over the world. Climbing, painting, sewing, there’s hundreds of thousands of activities you can do and people in every one of those groups.
Jesus_666@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Can confirm. I met both of my girlfriends (sequential, not parallel) at meetups for a certain online community. And I wasn’t even looking; it happened organically.
Turns out that if you go where people are basically guaranteed to share at least some of your interests, it becomes much easier to find someone you gel with.
Protip: Don’t go looking to find a partner, try to make friends. If one of those friends ends up dating you, so much the better. If none do, you still made friends and that goes a long way already.
Eq0@literature.cafe 1 day ago
Personally, I found work to also be an avenue to meet friends. You already share so much time together, it’s easy to build routines and find some common interests over time. There is less risk that in other settings, so if you don’t immediately click it’s no big deal and everybody likes a mildly positive and extrovert coworker (emphasis on mildly: either you strike up a conversation or you shield them from having to take part in one). Then friends of friends is the way to expand the circle
MeThisGuy@feddit.nl 1 day ago
be the change you want to see in the world, and yourself
baines@lemmy.cafe 1 day ago
yea but have you done the sex?
Denvil@lemmy.ml 1 day ago
Idk about you all, but I do the sex SO often, I have an entire drawer full of magnum condoms because I use them so often I need a stockpile
Corridor8031@lemmy.ml 1 day ago
how did you meet?
PlasticLove@lemmy.today 1 day ago
Can’t.
I spent my whole life being told to not be a creep, don’t just go up to women they don’t want random men approaching them etc, they’re at the club for a good time with friends etc.
So that only leaves online dating and I’m not a 10/10 so never get a match.
trxxruraxvr@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Bullshit. That’s just toxic internet culture talking. You may have to put some effort in your profile, but it worked for me and I’m a 6 at best.
cows_are_underrated@feddit.org 1 day ago
From my experience online dating (as a man) is a complete waste of time. In about one year I got like 10 matches at Max and half of those didnt even had any form of somewhat decent communication.
I did put quite some effort into my profile but it didnt help anything.
Now since I switched sides I have gotten more likes in a single week than I got in a whole year just because I switched from male to female. I Am pre everything, so I dont even look remotely feminine and most of my pictures are kinda ass, but I dont really bother to make some good ones.
hoshikarakitaridia@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Been doing it for a few months now and no matches. Rejected 4 times in real life. Also, because of other preconditions my capacity for social interaction is very limited.
I hate when people say “just put in some effort”. I’m doing it, I’m giving it all I have but I did so for about 10 years now and I got nothing. I don’t hate the people that rejected me but this can’t be normal, and I’m not the only one.
I’m happy for people where it works out but I feel immense pain knowing I’m back to square one for the 4th time. And let’s not kid ourselves, 10 years going by doesn’t exactly make me more attractive.
trxxruraxvr@lemmy.world 22 hours ago
I had about 3 matches per year. I married one of them. Been together for almost 7 years now.
frostedtrailblazer@lemmy.zip 19 hours ago
Are you liking lots of people on these apps or are you very selective about how you give out likes? If you’re not very selective you’re probably being flagged as a bot and it’s putting your profile at the bottom of the stack of profiles.
Are you using friend finding apps as well? I found that on those, the expectations are way more normal. If the goal is just to meet someone cool and then there could be a relationship after then that already lowers those guardrails that the dating apps cause, from my experience.
I highly recommend changing your approach if what you are currently doing is not working. I recommend joining a running or biking group local to meet people, or even looking for speed dating events in your city.
I guarantee there are people out there that match your tempo looking for a partner as well. The caveat is putting yourself in spaces to meet these potential matches. Do you read, have any pets, or have any fun hobbies a potential partner would find attractive? If you do have any of these things, then mentioning it in your profiles and such can matter.
Someone I know that I was convinced was going to marry a body pillow, because he had multiple and every corner of his room has anime women, is currently married. I firmly believe that there is hope for anyone to find a perfect partner for them. The crux is that you might have to change what you are doing to encounter some of these people.
chunes@lemmy.world 19 hours ago
Dating sites have the data on this. Women on dating apps rate 80% of men below average. Men rate 50% of women below average. It’s not just a talking point.
trxxruraxvr@lemmy.world 19 hours ago
That is true, but being rated below average does not make it impossible to find a partner. Just more difficult. On the other hand, when being rated below average you will get less matches, but from what I hear the matches you do get are less superficial.
someacnt@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
How do you even know you are 6 at best?
manuallybreathing@lemmy.ml 1 day ago
So don’t be a creep, meet people as they are, don’t meet people expecting them to have sex with you
Work on yourself, go to therapy, get a hobby or read a book, join a reading group.
You have to be a part of a community to meet people. You can’t just hang out on the internet posting about how unfair it all is, and expect anything to magically change
take care
exasperation@lemmy.dbzer0.com 19 hours ago
I think many people can benefit from understanding how to strike up conversations with strangers generally. If you’re already comfortable making small talk in a line, with your seat neighbor at a bar or communal table at a restaurant, talking to fellow dog owners at the dog park,v or getting to know people during a meet and greet at a conference or happy hour, swinging by a new colleague’s desk just to say hi and get to know them, you’ll get a sense of what types of interactions are comfortable and flow naturally.
If you’re not comfortable approaching men, women who are with their significant others, people clearly outside your dating age range with small talk or simple conversations, it’s hard to build the skill and experience of approaching women you’d like to date if you don’t already have the foundation of approaching people you don’t want to date.
It’s also a great way to address the actual core premise of this post, that there are a lot of lonely people who could use friend making skills too.
cevn@lemmy.world 20 hours ago
Play a sport that involves girls. Met many ladies by being above average at badminton. Does require some discipline to get gud first
frostedtrailblazer@lemmy.zip 19 hours ago
I highly recommend using friend meeting apps, going to social events like running/biking clubs, or even going to a speed dating event in a city near you. There are countless perfect matches for you out there, but putting yourself in spaces to meet these people is what matters.
Those dating apps flag your account as likely a bot if you’re swiping “like” very often. These apps put you at the bottom of the ‘stack’ on these ‘like lists’ for women, so your account is literally never coming up for them to see you. If what you’re currently doing isn’t working it’s important to try something else, just you might do when out fishing.
fckreddit@lemmy.ml 1 day ago
Online dating has also been poisoned by creepy dudes. A lady I matched to on Bumble told me that when she matched to some guy and when the dude realized they lived close enough, he wanted to have a quick one night stand with her. Now, this dude was supposedly a surgeon. So, it makes things difficult for all of us, who are looking for something more stable and long term.
FridaySteve@lemmy.world 1 day ago
You’ve reduced your options to online dating or hooking up with club girls. I’d start by expanding those options.
BigBenis@lemmy.world 9 hours ago
My advice is to get off the internet and get involved with your community. Go to social events, not with the intent of finding somebody to date but with the intent of making friends and connections. Show up as yourself, don’t try to be somebody you aren’t in an attempt to impress, that’ll only mislead people.
Our society treats dating like job interviews, you get an hour tops to make a good impression on a total stranger. It works for some people who are naturally attractive whether it’s their looks or charisma and because that works for those people other people try to emulate that and get frustrated that it doesn’t work for them. Even if it does, that attraction is often superficial because it’s based on a false version of themselves.
In my experience it’s much easier for attraction to grow naturally between people who interact regularly and is more likely to last when those people are showing up as themselves from the beginning.