hoshikarakitaridia
@hoshikarakitaridia@lemmy.world
- Comment on what are the grievances with the "male loneliness epidemic"? 1 day ago:
Cis man here.
It’s an issue. It comes in lots of different colors and flavors but it all stems from social issues.
There’s lots of reasons, some men were never taught about social relationships, men tend to generally be less interested in social interaction thus giving them less experience, some men are ostracized when talking about their social struggles, and these are on top of preexisting environmental factors and preexisting mental conditions.
At this point it’s important to say: it’s not a contest for genders. Trans people have it hard, nb people have it hard women have it hard. It’s just that this is one of the rare times men’s struggles are not addressed properly.
I can tell you I probably have about 50 men in my life that I ko and wo are nice but if I had to talk to a man about my struggles socially, there are 2 men.
Now couple this with the fact 90% of men I had deeper conversations with told me they are struggling with depression and some of them having suicidal ideations, it is fair to assume we have a problem.
For me, the depression is always exacerbated by social isolation. It makes sense - not getting some feedback from other people can get you into crazy headspaces and there are thinking patterms that literally make you hurt yourself just to make it stop.
There’s another aspect: we are social creatures and as soon as you don’t get enough “social exposure” it’s harder to learn social cues and “get the vibe”, and other people notice. So the more you isolate, the harder preceding social interaction become and the harder it is, which in turn incentivizes isolating. A vicious cycle.
Now not everyone has these issues and I would never say that it’s the most important issue in our current society but every time I hear suicide statistics by gender it really puts into perspective that we should get to know those people who we have failed.
One thing I also wanna address is the idea that “men are never taught how to socialize”, because I think it implies a lot of things. First, I’m sure a lot of men are not, but a good number of men are. I was for example. It didn’t help, but that was never the issue for me. Second, it implies men want to be taught. I spoke to a group of 2 men and 2 women with mental disabilities about if they ever considered complete social isolation. The men said yes and the women said no. I think this is really significant and can give insight into why this is affecting men more than other genders. I would infer from this that women always see the benefit in social interaction, and men pursue social interactions rather as a means to an end. This might be a stretch but this supported by other observations of friends and family.
This topic is really important and I hope it gets talked about more - for the benefit of everyone who wants to see people become happier. The men affected by loneliness, as well as the people who deal with them.
- Comment on Milliamp-hours per hour 4 days ago:
So it would be
mAh / h => mA
Then?
- Comment on Milliamp-hours per hour 4 days ago:
mA / h / h = mAh / h^2
That’s one hell of a measurement unit.
- Comment on It might actually be less than 3 5 days ago:
Actually it’s 4, the voices say I am a useful asset.
- Comment on A lengthy discussion was had 1 week ago:
- Comment on [mod reminder] Please read the rules 1 week ago:
That’s one hell of a bad faith question. This is rules to a shitpost community, chill out and if you actually have a question ask it in a genuine way lol.
- Comment on AI art 1 week ago:
Wrong community.
- Comment on Steam had already shown its true face, GOG and itch.io are fighting censorship alone. 3 weeks ago:
Yeah unlike other big companies, Valve still has some trust to rely on. Let’s wait for what they’re saying and doing first.
Also, the quickest path to success will always be to reignin the payment processors. Which should be a no-brainer anyway; they should have no influence on content decisions.
- Comment on Itch.io Re-indexes free NSFW content, are in ongoing discussions with payment processors to re-introduce paid content 3 weeks ago:
Honestly I’m really happy with how itch.io is handling it. Making sure they still get their money, but quickly reintroducing the games, and telling us the exact reason why they had to disable those games in the first place. Great management.
- Comment on Hideo Kojima has "learned so many ways to kill people" 3 weeks ago:
He looks so proud as well in the picture. Iconic.
- Comment on Battlefield 6 won't cost $80, but EA aren't ruling out future price hikes "to capture the full spectrum of pricing" 3 weeks ago:
I enjoyed 3 and 4. After that it was just a very drawn out crescendo.
- Comment on [deleted] 4 weeks ago:
Digging under the racism, still searching for the funny.
- Comment on Does anyone else find it suspicious that there wasn't any criticism on here about Stop Killing Games until after it hit 1.4M signatures? 5 weeks ago:
There’s also a threshold where Industry Groups will start astroturfing. Especially when it comes to worker’s rights or consumer’s rights.
- Comment on Personal Responsibility 5 weeks ago:
The grades one pisses me off.
I’ve seen so many people become disillusioned with university because their professors were bad and the grading was absolutely inconsistent. To say it’s that simple is a gut punch to them and it drives me insane.
- Comment on Deserved honestly 1 month ago:
Yeah that is the weirdest way to flirt. If she touches you, that’s more clear but touching your food is not really understood as a display of affection.
- Comment on School legend 1 month ago:
But not as big as th-
I’m sorry
- Comment on How did Diddy get off with so much? 1 month ago:
Yes. As much as I hate Diddy, the big charges were very hard to prove and one could say this outcome speaks highly of the jury’s regard for a just outcome, and proves they put feelings aside.
Feelings are valid, but you are supposed to leave your feelings at the front of the courthouse, otherwise verdicts would be very volatile and trials would be an indictment on the person, and not what they did.
- Comment on [deleted] 2 months ago:
Depends on how long I think. If it was just 5min that’s fine, if it’s more than that it’s at least weird and at most a dick move.
- Comment on Dream on 2 months ago:
Nice
- Comment on Was my ex really sorry/guilty? 2 months ago:
Echoing the rest of the comments here: as soon as he knew you were 13, for him to continue dating you is fucked up.
Also for him to blame you for making him date you is absolutely bizarre and stupid. HE decides whom to date.
And now to answer your question: I can only assume he doesn’t feel sorry. I could believe he might feel guilty but that’s because he realizes how fucked up the whole thing is. I can’t say for sure, and I don’t think he really tries to reflect, otherwise he wouldn’t even have gone that far.
- Comment on Baldur’s Gate 4 may happen eventually, but not with Larian Studios 2 months ago:
That is so stupid it makes me mad.
WotC and Hasbro are truly the Dalton’s of tabletop gaming.
- Comment on [deleted] 2 months ago:
To me it sounds like something other than depression, however it doesn’t matter because you are clearly right, these are extremely unhealthy thinking patterns and it is a symptom of maybe bigger issues you need to address.
And it is true, everyone deserves love and there’s nothing about you that makes you categorically undesirable. Just some things specific people like or don’t like about you.
You should consider talking to a therapist, or at least someone who is not involved with you day-to-day but understands you. Having someone reality check your thoughts, especially those ones, can be extremely helpful to get a better frame of reference against those toxic thoughts, that are often times not rooted in reality.g
- Comment on How do you get over a breakup with someone who was (and is) also a very close friend? 2 months ago:
You too, it sounds like you got this on your own already even if it’s difficult, but if you need to talk you can hit me up anytime:)
- Comment on How do you get over a breakup with someone who was (and is) also a very close friend? 2 months ago:
Sounds like you’re going through a lot.
First off,what other have told you is the best basic advice. There’s nothing you can do and you have to assume she won’t change her mind. You also said you are 23 and you feel like you are being childish. That’s absolutely not true, if someone broke up at 30 or 40 or 50 or whatever with a long time friend it would be just as rough. This situation is hard, and there’s no learning unfortunately and no preparation, it just sucks.
And that is what I would say as well: it’s fucked up. It sucks. It’s fine to feel betrayed and sad and angry and lonely. It’s very fair to feel that way, because you lost something important. It’s ok to not feel ok and it’s normal to be so moved by something so hard.
Maybe there’s something to say for changing your routine a bit. Finding other friends circles that she is not involved in, trying new hobbies and everything. That way you have something new to think about and other people to talk to - this might help with her being around parties every now and again.
Also make sure you take care of yourself, start building up a new routine.
It could be beneficial to talk to her when your feelings towards her are not as strong anymore, but it will always be awkward and there’s nothing to expect from it. It will just be a conversation and who knows where it goes.
These are all steps that can help you move on, but of course there is no handbook for breakups so this could look very different for everyone.
Although I haven’t been in your situation it sounds really rough and I’m sorry you have to go through this. I’m sure you’ll find someone else who loves you and will stick around.
- Comment on Just a reminder... (with thanks to Ice Cube) 2 months ago:
(Okay)
- Comment on DDoSecrets publishes 410 GB of heap dumps, hacked from TeleMessage's archive server 3 months ago:
Yikes
- Comment on [deleted] 3 months ago:
Is it normal I still feel bad even though I’m trying to do good and redeem myself?
Yes it is. People hold on to regrets for a whole host of reasons. Some more understandable than others.
But being good is not a value. It doesn’t stay up or down and it doesn’t get “remedied” in the traditional way. The amount of caring for others you do is awesome.
And yet, not saying no is an extremely unhealthy habit. Everyone has boundaries, and other people don’t realize how things drain your energy if you don’t say no. If you’re not looking out for yourself, who is?
The things in your list, almost all of them are nice in theory, but in practice they can run you into the ground.
- battling your instincts and personality
- feeling very guilty about every little mistake
- doing odd jobs no matter the person or task or how much energy you have
- not saying no
Look at this list. This looks almost self-destructive. It’s a testament to you that you are able to survive considering all these habits, but this is way past noble.
Please say no if you feel you need to, never agree if you you really don’t want to, only do odd jobs if they are appropriate, extend some grace for all of your mistakes and never suppress your personality. These are selfish things, but you are the only one who can be selfish for you, so look out for yourself.
- Comment on [deleted] 3 months ago:
It’s good to reflect on things, but you are beating yourself down for it. That’s never appropriate, especially because people like you, who are self aware and want the best for others, are very much needed in this world.
Let’s say whatever you did that ended the marriage was bad, and they’d both be together if you didn’t do it.
You were 6. Even if you intended this, how the hell is a 6 year old gonna be able to grasp the consequences of their actions. People can do really bad things at any age, but at such a young age, most of the things that happen because of your actions are out of you hands.
Do other people blame you for it? Because that is fucked up. They should know better. You are already reflecting, but blaming literally never helps anyone. And that goes for yourself as well, don’t blame yourself, no matter what you did. You can take responsibility and try to repair the damage to the degree you can, but never blame yourself for not doing things that you are unable to do. Do your best, and that’s all you can do. Mistakes are par for the course.
Marriages are made of 2 people. You are not part of that marriage, even if you are part of the family. If your sole actions managed to split the marriage, that suggests so much else was going wrong. Did they trust each other enough? Why were they not able to handle whatever their child did? How come they didn’t make up again after whatever you did, or they didn’t at least try? See how many avenues those two have to fix it? But they didn’t. That’s not on anyone else, but them. A working marriage extends a truckload of trust, grace, and love to each other, and I suspect, even if your actions rocked the boat, that boat was a nut shell with fish sized holes in it. There’s no other way your actions could lead to this. Your actions might have been the match, but look at the barrels of gasoline that fueled the fire. At that point, there’s so many things that can destroy the marriage, because the marriage was very shakey in the first place.
Trying to think of the worst things you could have done to lead your parents to part, there’s nothing a 6 year can do that makes them responsible for it. Please don’t beat yourself down - the amount of self reflection you do leads me to think you are an awesome human being and people around you should be grateful for how much you care for them.
TL;DR There’s no way in hell you were or are responsible for what happened to your parents marriage, no matter what you did.
- Comment on Tity more tity, the Greed is sickening 3 months ago:
Aww they’re growing up to be a gold digger
- Comment on Stellar Blade's devs would like you to know you don't need a PSN account on PC as they work on the region lock problem 3 months ago:
Friend of mine was looking forward to this one and he was so sad when he read it has denuvo.
