What’s wrong with three day old pizza?
Impressive
Submitted 2 weeks ago by Return_of_Chippy@lemmy.world to [deleted]
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/7911b48a-73b5-4c53-864d-5c5f9a824495.jpeg
Comments
Proprietary_Blend@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Mok98@feddit.it 2 weeks ago
Something serious since it got to being three day old without anyone eating it
db2@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Have I got a life hack for you. Overbuy when a) it’s got an unbelievably good deal or b) someone else like your employer is buying. Freeze the leftover slices individually on a rack. Vacuum seal them individually and return them to the freezer.
Reheat on demand using an air fryer or the covered pan method.
Proprietary_Blend@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I guess she sucks at making pizza
cadekat@pawb.social 2 weeks ago
To which I reply, “Grandma, it’s 2026, you can’t be sexist anymore. Anal sex is for everyone!”
daggermoon@piefed.world 2 weeks ago
I want to get pegged so bad.
plyth@feddit.org 2 weeks ago
She didn’t specify which anal sex.
cadekat@pawb.social 2 weeks ago
There are lesbian couples that enjoy anal.
Viceversa@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
But how she’s sexist? 🤔
IAmNorRealTakeYourMeds@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
she assumed anal was just for women
laranis@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
Fastest way to a man’s heart is through the what now?
takeda@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
Pegging, of course.
daggermoon@piefed.world 2 weeks ago
My grandma never said that.
IAmNorRealTakeYourMeds@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
live long enough to become the grandma who says that
daggermoon@piefed.world 2 weeks ago
Grandpa in my case if I ever planned on having kids, which I don’t. I plan to get a vasectomy.
myyass@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
This is kind of like the feet thing. Girlfriend asks, what color do you want me to paint my toe nails? Uh, whatever you want. Another one says I’m going to make my feet look pretty for you. Uh, you do you. Another one is like I want to massage your feet; I’m good, no thank you.
echodot@feddit.uk 2 weeks ago
Jesus, could you leave some for the rest of us.
myyass@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
lmao, you can have them all. Please, I’ll even pay you.
daggermoon@piefed.world 2 weeks ago
Paint it black. Black is the color of everything that is, as it exists in my world. I think i’d most like to suck on toe nails painted black.
myyass@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Hey I don’t kink shame, have at it
ccunning@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Ooooh…THAT precious recipe…
Yeah - I didn’t think that one was a secret…
LeftReddit2@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
deleted by dark forces
RickyRigatoni@piefed.zip 2 weeks ago
Anal sex isn’t even impressive anymore. Gotta do sounding to even have a bitch of a chance.
W98BSoD@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
Another friend of mine, a kid from school, his older brother in the Navy said how guys in the Middle East jack off different than we do here. This brother was stationed in some camel country where the public market sells what could be fancy letter openers. Each fancy tool is just a thin rod of pol¬ished brass or silver, maybe as long as your hand, with a big tip at one end, ei¬ther a big metal ball or the kind of fan¬cy carved handle you’d see on a sword. This Navy brother says how Arab guys get their dick hard and then insert this metal rod inside the whole length of their boner. They jack off with the rod inside, and it makes getting off so much better. More intense.
It’s this big brother who travels around the world, sending back French phrases. Russian phrases. Helpful jack-off tips.
After this, the little brother, one day he doesn’t show up at school. That night, he calls to ask if I’ll pick up his homework for the next couple weeks. Because he’s in the hospital.
He’s got to share a room with old people getting their guts worked on. He says how they all have to share the same television. All he’s got for privacy is a curtain. His folks don’t come and visit. On the phone, he says how right now his folks could just kill his big brother in the Navy.
On the phone, the kid says how-the day before-he was just a little stoned. At home in his bedroom, he was flopped on the bed. He was lighting a candle and flipping through some old porno magazines, getting ready to beat off. This is after he’s heard from his Navy brother. That helpful hint about how Arabs beat off. The kid looks around for something that might do the job. A ballpoint pen’s too big. A pencil’s too big and rough. But dripped down the side of the candle, there’s a thin, smooth ridge of wax that just might work. With just the tip of one finger, this kid snaps the long ridge of wax off the candle. He rolls it smooth between the palms of his hands. Long and smooth and thin.
Stoned and horny, he slips it down inside, deeper and deeper into the piss slit of his boner. With a good hank of the wax still poking out the top, he gets to work.
Even now, he says those Arab guys are pretty damn smart. They’ve totally reinvented jacking off. Flat on his back in bed, things are getting so good, this kid can’t keep track of the wax. He’s one good squeeze from shooting his wad when the wax isn’t sticking out anymore.
The thin wax rod, it’s slipped inside. All the way inside. So deep inside he can’t even feel the lump of it inside his piss tube.
From downstairs, his mom shouts it’s supper time. She says to come down, right now. This wax kid and the carrot kid are different people, but we all live pretty much the same life.
It’s after dinner when the kid’s guts start to hurt. It’s wax, so he figured it would just melt inside him and he’d pee it out. Now his back hurts. His kid¬neys. He can’t stand straight.
This kid talking on the phone from his hospital bed, in the background you can hear bells ding, people scream¬ing. Game shows.
The X-rays show the truth, some¬thing long and thin, bent double inside his bladder. This long, thin V inside him, it’s collecting all the minerals in his piss. It’s getting bigger and rougher, coated with crystals of calci¬um, it’s bumping around, ripping up the soft lining of his bladder, blocking his piss from getting out. His kidneys are backed up. What little that leaks out his dick is red with blood.
This kid and his folks, his whole fam¬ily, them looking at the black X-ray with the doctor and the nurses stand¬ing there, the big V of wax glowing white for everybody to see, he has to tell the truth. The way Arabs get off. What his big brother wrote him from the Navy.
On the phone, right now, he starts to cry.
They paid for the bladder operation with his college fund. One stupid mis¬take, and now he’ll never be a lawyer.
Sticking stuff inside yourself. Stick¬ing yourself inside stuff. A candle in your dick or your head in a noose, we knew it was going to be big trouble.
anotherwhiskyformisterbukowski.com/guts-by-chuck-…
hemko@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
I should leave some walls of text unread
Zwiebel@feddit.org 2 weeks ago
Flared base, people, flared base.
tetris11@feddit.uk 2 weeks ago
I was getting palahniuk vibes from the first paragraph, glad I stopped reading and jumped to the end
hansolo@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
I ain’t read something like this since I had a hotmail address and my uncle on AOL sent me shit.
sicarius@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I got three lines in and recognised chucks work. That’s was a weird book.
Skullgrid@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I remember reading guts but not this story
Waterpumpee@lemmus.org 2 weeks ago
On the other hand, mentioning that on a first date has an effect.
Aqivex@fedinsfw.app 2 weeks ago
One should never engage in sounding as an escape for the ennui of life.
Once it gets old the only next step is to try to fill the hole in your life by filling all the holes at once. Then when that doesn’t work you gotta work in electrification, macabre-sex circus acts, and hand holding.
Even more after that.
It never ends, and the slippery slope isn’t your bum like every fella thinks, it’s your pee hole.
This is a cautionary tale.
fuzzzerd@programming.dev 2 weeks ago
Instance name checks out.
M137@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
To a lot of people, including me, anal has never been “impressive” or of any interest at all.
minfapper@piefed.social 2 weeks ago
Can someone be kind enough to explain to old person what sounding is? The youth’s lingo moves to fast for me.
RickyRigatoni@piefed.zip 2 weeks ago
Putting things up the peehole.
daggermoon@piefed.world 2 weeks ago
I’d prefer the anal.