[deleted]
You’ve already got it. The key is to compliment something that they did or chose, not something that they are.
“I love your outfit!” - Good
“You’ve got great legs!” - Bad
[deleted]
Submitted 7 hours ago by innocentzero@kbin.earth to [deleted]
Comments
TheButtonJustSpins@infosec.pub 6 hours ago
I_Fart_Glitter@lemmy.world 6 hours ago
To add to this, complementing the object, rather the person puts some distance.
“That color looks great on you!” vs “You look great in that color!”
“I love your outfit!” vs “That outfit really shows off your _____!”
TheTechnician27@lemmy.world 6 hours ago
“That outfit really shows off your _____!”
I read this as censorship bleep and not as a “fill-in-the-blank”, and I’m in knots laughing.
affenlehrer@feddit.org 5 hours ago
Where did you get those clothes from, the toilet store? - Maybe good if she knows anchorman
bigfish@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 hours ago
I tell my kids to complement people’s choices not their looks. Works both for friends and for romantic interests, though the latter you can graduate to complementing looks once you have a solid base.
valar@lemmy.ca 6 hours ago
Give components the same way you would give them to the men you complement. Doing otherwise is what makes it creepy to begin with.
Just imagine you liked your male friends hairstyle, what would you say then?
Azzu@leminal.space 7 hours ago
I don’t understand the question, you seem to already know it if you can do it for men. Just do the same.
CuddlyCassowary@lemmy.world 6 hours ago
To add to the good advice you’ve already been given… say the compliment and then let it go. Move on, change topic, whatever. The worst is when guys (or anyone) gives me a compliment and expects that to be an “opening” to a dialogue or flirting. If someone says a compliment (even if slightly awkward), but then genuinely moves on and just lets the compliment land on its own, that’s a pretty good indicator that’s all it was.
innocentzero@kbin.earth 5 hours ago
Thanks, a bunch of folks pointed it out, and I think that's something I'll certainly heed to.
ameel@lemmy.world 5 hours ago
It looks like you’re asking this question in good faith, so let me respond accordingly.
Also, since we are the internet, I should say that your mileage may vary. I’m giving you a specific answer that won’t apply to everyone and in all situations. I’m hoping you will generalise this advice and apply it carefully in your particular situation.
Here’s the issue: compliments sound creepy if people get a sense that there is going to be a follow-up that they are not interested in – like you asking them out at a later date. So your objective is to make it clear that you are NOT trying to chat them up now and that you are NOT banking up brownie points for when you do chat them up later.
Here are four tips for being/sounding less creepy when giving a compliment:
(1) Be happy for them. Assuming you really like what you’re complimenting them on, make sure you sound genuinely enthusiastic about it or impressed by it. So, for example, say something like, “I love what you’ve done with your hair! It looks really cool.” in an enthusiastic way. Don’t be excessively enthusiastic because that comes across as fake; be just a little more energetic that you might normally be.
(2) Say more words than fewer. If you were to just say, “Nice top!” they’d be wondering why you’re focusing so much on their top – which then comes across as creepy. But if you say, “I love the design of that top, it’s really well made!” this tells them you’re actually looking at their top and this is not just an excuse for you to look at their chest.
(3) Make it about how YOU feel. Unless you’re a close friend, don’t talk about their appearance in reference to what you’re complimenting them on. So don’t just say, “you look good with that haircut”. When you do that it sounds like you’re complimenting them and the haircut is just the excuse for you getting into their good books. Instead focus on the thing itself and how YOU feel about it. When you say, “I love what you’ve done with your hair!” you’re talking about YOUR feelings. Then if you add, “It looks really cool” you’re talking about the haircut specifically.
(4) When in doubt, don’t give the compliment. It’s better to be quiet than to come across as creepy. And if you give too many compliments, it feels like you’re going out of your way to notice what they are wearing (ie borderline stalking). Also, save your compliments for something that is particularly cool or different. If you compliment something that’s normal (at least to them), it comes across like you’re trying too hard or that you’re watching them too closely. Which, again, is creepy.
If you’re not comfortable with giving compliments, here are two ways you can ease into this:
(1) Do a drive-by compliment. Like if you’re walking by each other in the hallway you notice their top and say, “That green is a such a good colour!” and then you keep on walking. What you’re doing here is making it clear that there are no stakes involved in this discussion. You are not trying to transition this into a conversation or a chat-up. You’re just giving the compliment and moving on.
(2) Compliment in a group. If you compliment people when they’re on their own, it might sound like you’re trying to chat them up. But if you walk into the office where the team is sitting and see someone wearing really nice shoes, you could say in front of everyone, “I love those shoes!”. That will get everyone else to notice the shoes and, most likely, echo your compliment. Then it will become a group compliment and not one that’s coming just from you – even though you’re the one who prompted it.
(3) Practice on your male colleagues/friends first. By giving these types of compliments to men (~85% of whom will assume that you’re not trying to hit on them) you’ll get a bunch of practice and will build up your confidence. And if your female colleagues see your giving compliments to men as well, it’ll be easier for them to receive compliments from you in the future.
Sorry for the long reply, but I hope it helps!
Bottom like: it feels great to receive a genuine compliment and it feels good to give one as well. We should all get confident about giving more compliments to people of all genders.
innocentzero@kbin.earth 5 hours ago
Thanks! You're probably one of the few people in the comments who actually understood what I meant to convey. Like, I KNOW I'm not trying to be a creep. I just want the other party to feel the same. And your advice was really thorough.
adespoton@lemmy.ca 5 hours ago
One thing I’d add… present the compliment in the form of a question, inviting them to have the las word. “I like your hair. Did you do something new with it?” Or “where did you find that awesome top?”
This way, it’s not just you passing judgement on them.
Triumph@fedia.io 6 hours ago
- Be attractive
- Don't be unattractive.
ArgumentativeMonotheist@lemmy.world 5 hours ago
Not the feeeeeemales, lol. Anyway, do it casually and in earnest, like you’re just pointing something out (even if you don’t exactly know what has changed) instead of trying to ingratiate yourself with them (“did you do something to your hair? It looks great!”; “wow, your handwriting is lovely”; “damn, great X, it really compliments you”). Like, do it for good reasons and I’m sure you’ll be fine: spreading positivity and making those around you happier (without lying, ofc). And then continue the conversation.
As a straight man married into a semi-matriarchy, who was also the man of the house since the age of 15 and has mostly female friends, I can confidently tell you a compliment or two will go very far with women in all age groups, and you should try sliding one early into every convo, and also to distract them if the convo gets too deep and into territories that are gonna start an argument if you remain truthful. I literally did this yesterday with my wife’s crazier aunt before the conversation went south: “damn, that eyeliner really make your eyes pop, I got a little lost there! Hehe”. And I managed to then change the topic, lol. My wife was sitting next to me and just texted me “👌”. Just for reference, the aunty is close to or 60 so yeah, boys will be boys and girls will be girls.
buttmasterflex@piefed.social 7 hours ago
“Hey [name], I like your hair!”
“That’s a nice shirt, is it new?”
Zwuzelmaus@feddit.org 6 hours ago
“That’s a nice shirt, is it new?”
Want to have it?
“Hey [name], I like your hair!”
Want to have it?
affenlehrer@feddit.org 5 hours ago
I need your clothes, your boots and your motorcycle
schipelblorp@sh.itjust.works 5 hours ago
Let me borrow that top.
tanisnikana@lemmy.world 5 hours ago
Compliment abilities and talent and selection and awareness and navigation. Compliment personalities.
IronBird@lemmy.world 7 hours ago
yo nice hair
Pennywise@quokk.au 6 hours ago
What a lovely smile. I’d hate to see anything happen to it.
My, my… you’re absolutely floatin’ gorgeous, sweetheart.
Every time you walk into the room, the whole place gets a little darker. And I like that.
Yea, don’t do that. Try the other suggestions. :)
innocentzero@kbin.earth 5 hours ago
The advice fits the name :p
radiofreebc@lemmy.world 6 hours ago
I will be generalizing (and there are exceptions) but i am 52, have had many relationships and lovers, and the biggest thing i have learned dating women is that you need CONFIDENCE. Like ridiculous amounts of confidence.
I have seen nice, respectful guys tossed aside over and over for selfish douchebags (like me), simply because they don’t act like they own the place. The cocky idiot like me who says whatever women want to hear, usually goes home with them. Sucks, but it’s true. I have had some issues with this as i grew. The nicer i got, the less interested women were. They wanted the asshole.
When women say they want a guy who can express emotion, they are talking about only two emotions…happiness and confidence.
They don’t care about your trauma, they don’t want to hear your sob story about whatever. They’re not interested in your struggle. Women aren’t interested in men running their race. They camp out at the finish line and fuck the winner.
Men look for the most physically attractive woman. Women look for the guy every other guy is paying attention to…no matter what they’re doing. The last time i had a one night stand, i got kicked out of the bar i was in for being a complete dickhead…and a woman came right up to me outside, said i was awesome, and said she’d suck my dick if i got in a cab with her right now.
Be a winner. If you’re not first, you’re last. Women say they want sensitive, nice guys…but when does that ever work?
Never. They go home with the dickhead, and then text you to complain about how there are no good men out there.
They’re not interested in good men. Sad but true. I wish it was different, because i have so much more to offer now…but women just aren’t into nice guys, even though they say they are.
When a woman tells you they’re into nice guys…ask them about the last 10 guys they fucked. None of them are nice guys.
innocentzero@kbin.earth 5 hours ago
I AM NOT LOOKING TO DATE THEM! JESUS I THOUGHT I WAS CLEAR ABOUT THAT.
slackassassin@piefed.social 5 hours ago
Everyone hates trash poetry. If it’s actually truth or actually good poetry it doesn’t need to be told.
DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world 6 hours ago
I do not like any of the women in question or think romantically about them.
Okay, but I’m going pretend you do, because I don’t think you’d have a problem complimenting them if this were the case.
It’s always safe to compliment hair, and assuming you’re being sincere (that is, their hair isn’t a complete disaster clearly unworthy of a compliment at the time) they’ll like it.
You just need to talk to them like they’re people, not an object of your desire. If it’s going to happen, it will happen quickly and as long as you’re paying attention to them, instead of your own insecurities, you’ll see it. The biggest mistake people make is missing the clues in either direction--that they are interested or they aren’t. You haven’t “wasted time” if they aren’t interested, because as long as you don’t take it personally and get hurt about it, you just expanded your network by one.
You can’t make it happen, it happens or it doesn’t. Don’t be discouraged. You can avoid being discouraged by not obsessing over them for days or weeks before you try them. Ideally, you make an attempt within a day or two of meeting them, they already know, just like you already know. That way, if it doesn’t work, you don’t feel like you lost something. There’s no penalty for trying too soon, but waiting is a mistake.
mvilain@fedia.io 5 hours ago
I find when I complement a woman's clothing choice, they're appreciative.
"That top is beautiful. And it goes perfectly with your shoes. Was that on purpose?"
"Those dove gray pumps go great with the jeans."
Drusas@fedia.io 5 hours ago
This is not a bad thing, but if a man said those times to me, I would assume that he's gay. Even women aren't that specific when complimenting each other. They let much universally say something more like, "I love your outfit" or "I really like your shirt--where did you get it?"
Solumbran@lemmy.world 5 hours ago
This comment section manages to be even more horrifying than the question.
Why is everyone so creepy, seriously?
innocentzero@kbin.earth 5 hours ago
God this is why I asked. I don't want to come off as creepy, and honestly atp I think I'll just keep quiet than not.
ArgumentativeMonotheist@lemmy.world 5 hours ago
What does that word mean to you?
Townlately@feddit.nl 6 hours ago
I like your style, your taste in music, did you draw that amazing thing? I heard what you said in the class/meeting/cafe and it was really insightful/funny/witty. It’s awesome that you’re into XYZ, I love that too, much respect. Etc.
Bismyth@piefed.social 5 hours ago
For starters don’t call them females
innocentzero@kbin.earth 5 hours ago
Welp, sorry, english is not my first language, so sometimes my choice of words is questionable 😓