Submitted 1 day ago by Hirohito@fedinsfw.app to [deleted]
Is it basic human nature to have double standards?
Every single person I know well has a double standard for something. Such as “I don’t need to improve my driving but everyone else sure does” or a “do as I say not as I do” rule, etc. Though certainly some more than other. This leads me to believe all people do it in some way.
Is it simply human nature?
“We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their behaviour.”
― Stephen M.R. Covey
Fun fact no one other than you can know your intentions.
If you never check in and see if your actions align with your intentions you delulu kachow 👉💨
the element that is missed here is that people judge you via their interpretation of your behavior.
two different folks can see the same action in completely different ways.
He’s right, but I’m sure there are better people to quote on the subject
I’ve only heard the quote, never the attribution. I looked the quote up to attribute it, but I really don’t know who Stephen is. Hopefully not someone too horrible…?
Have you ever met someone like the people you want everyone to act like? I have. Many times. They are usually either SUPER neurotic or very rigid and extremely unforgiving of themselves when they don’t meet their own standards. Everyone bitches about them or pathologizes them. So no it’s not human nature because humans are not a monolith with default behaviors.
Oi boy!
The very short answer is: yes. Usually it’s called psychological biases and literally everyone has them - even people who are studying them daily, to be very clear. They just become way more self aware.
The reason is simple: our brains are gooey, bad calculators - but awesome pattern recognizers. Even if there are no patterns.
This leads to things we observe to be “clear” to us - but our own behavior needs a lot of mental effort to be observed by one self.
Just think about a normal dialogue and try to think about your body language, tone of voice, body odor, social appearance and all the other micro information you’re sending out - while talking.
It’s less about a double standard and more about what we evaluate about ourselves ehwne not investing additional effort.
You have way more context about your own actions, so it’s much easier to justify yourself than random strangers that you know nothing about.
Likely. Some people do it massively while others minorly. Im sure there are a few things im a hypocrite on but I can’t recall them atm. The old do as I say not as I do thing.
Oh! Oh! Another good one to know is the Fundamental Attribution Error. That’s the double standard whereby people explain their own behavior in terms of extrinsic influences and pressures on themselves, so that even if they do bad things, it’s not their own fault. They had little choice, you see. But, in contrast, we can’t see the extrinsic influences and pressures on other people, so we explain their bad behavior as the result of intrinsic factors, i.e. they’re bad people.
My favorite one of these is when people lie to me and tell me it’s because of systematic oppression FORCED them to lie to me…. lol
Well, that explains a lot about why everyone gets all up in arms when you judge others by the same standards you use for yourself. Surely, I’m the only victim of the system, right? It was specifically designed to hold me down.
Standards:
Do they taste good
Can I eat them
Yeah, it’s probs a good thing in my case
The driving one is called the Lake Wobegon Effect. When everybody rates themselves as above-average at something, like driving, that’s definitionally impossible. The name comes from the segment, the News from Lake Wobegon, on the radio show A Prairie Home Companion, which Garrison Keillor would always sign off, “That’s the news from Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.”
But yes, it’s so common that the phenomenon has a name.
Yeah but I know I suck. And I’m still better than the lady doing 25 in the lane next to the fast lane of a 10 lane freeway. .
If there were no double standards then there would be no standards at all
Absolutely, yes.
Short answer: Yes.
Long answer: Hopelessly true for the general population, but I’ve overcome it through self-examination and reflection because I’m special.
bro that sounds cringe
That’s sarcasm, it’s a joke on themselves
Read this in Subliminal by Leonard Mlodinow: human brains are biased towards optimism, but also, to value own decisions above others’. Baggage from thousands of years ago, but it’s there.
The highest standard is the standard we hold others to. I try holding myself to the same standard, and continually fall short. Teaches a hell of a lot of empathy and humility though
We judge Ourselves by our Intentions
We judge Others by their Results
Everyone will be a hypocrite eventually, it’s the ones that don’t care about hypocrisy that you want to stay away from.
some folks openly embrace it and see absolutely nothing wrong with it in themselves, because they are special.
Yup, we always treat ourselves differently than others.
I heard from the psychoanalyst I've been consulting with, that it's something expected from the human psychê (something about the unsolvable conflict between Id, Ego and Superego, as the psychoanalyst is aligned with the Freudian way of psychoanalysis).
And, then, we look at the Nature we came from and belong to, and... isn't the double standards something inherent to the very predator-prey dynamics? An owl mercilessly hunts and eats a mouse, yet she evolved mechanisms to camouflage herself before the tree bark, so other species don't cause her harm. She avoids being hunted, but she hunts.
Furher zooming out, this can also be observed throughout cosmos somehow. Poetically speaking, when a star collapses in her own gravitational field and develops a singularity, she tries to win the tug-of-war when faced by another singularity. She doesn't want to be pulled and consumed by other matter, but she wants to pull and consume matter.
If we go transcendental, Yaodabaoh is trying to dictate and have a creation submissive to his whims, in this timeless effort not to compromise his Yang pole and submit himself to the Yin pole of Cosmic Mother Goddess (Sophia). Similarly, one (especially one aligned with Demiurge and his archons) could find "double standards" at the fact that She had split from him (Demiurge as Her syzygy) seeking to be independent from him, yet She (IMHO, reasonably) doesn't want him to fulfill his independence through his cosmic creation (because this harms Her own independence).
The very fabric of existence and "non-existence" (the timeless transcendental aka "the pleroma") reek of double standards, so it seems.
!nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
Isn’t that jungian, not freudian?
No, at least not when it comes to the id, ego and superego:
In psychoanalytic theory, the id, ego, and superego are three distinct, interacting agents in the psychic apparatus, outlined in Sigmund Freud's structural model of the psyche.(Wikipedia)
I meet a lot of people who want an honest relationship, but also date around a lot while looking and will go on dates with several other people while still trying things with someone else and that never made sense to me. If you’re looking for an honest, monogamous relationship it makes more sense to me to try dating 1 person at a time. If they are worth a 2nd date id say they are worth giving a fair shot and not seeing 3 other people on first dates before that 2nd date ever happens.
In my experience I’m the weird one for this view and most people tend to date and sleep around until a commited relationship starts out of that mess and one party puts their foot down on the other seeing other people for dates.
dating isn’t being being in a relationship. you date until you find someone you want to be in a relationship with.
they are two separate states.
See thats what i don’t get. I don’t want to date or sleep around without an emotional attachment and a certain level of trust. Like if my genitials are going inside someone i gotta be able to trust them. I have very little sexual desire to someone I’m not romantically/emotionally attracted to. We have to be able to have conversations about safe sex and what to do if an “accident” happens.
I also don’t get how you can manage seeing multiple people on multiple dates. When i get a crush thats the only person i want to think about. Even if I had a date with another girl thats my type, the first girl being on my mind would rob my attention from the other date and i feel like its not always a fair mindset for me. As i said I know I’m the weird one here but its just never made sense to me.
If i like someone enough for a 2nd date I have no interest in seeing others. At that point i wouldn’t consider it a relationship but both parties giving each other a fair shot by not going on other dates seems like a reasonable level of commitment for someone you’re fond of. I just think the mindset of “maybe I’ll like the next one more than this one” isn’t helpful and could be a red flag, what if that kind of behavior never stops and they are constantly on dating apps waiting for something better to come along?
FreshParsnip@lemmy.ca 7 hours ago
Yes, I believe it is. I think everyone is a bit of a hypocrite by default and we all ought to strive to apply the same rules to ourselves as we do to others