I went to the gym with my sister a couple of times. She’s really serious about weight lifting. Each time we went, several men would tell her how impressed they were. Later she said that men very rarely approached her like that when she was at the gym alone. I figure that they didn’t want to seem like creeps so they were more comfortable talking to her when she was with another guy (me).
Comment on Anon trying understanding women
wizardbeard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 week ago
For anyone legitimately confused, there’s potentially two different things going on here:
There is a very small chance that she is now more attracted to him, since he’s been “screened” by someone else as an acceptable boyfriend.
What’s infinitely more likely is that now she’s more comfortable interacting with him because she feels he’s not as likely to take friendly interaction as anything more, now that he has a girlfriend.
ArbitraryValue@sh.itjust.works 1 week ago
tetris11@lemmy.ml 1 week ago
I went on a mushroom picking course with my sister once. It was very strange how people (in general, but yes mostly women) were talking to me compared to when she left early. It’s uh, yeah, it is what it is
ABasilPlant@lemmy.world 1 week ago
MonkderVierte@lemmy.ml 1 week ago
EisFrei@lemmy.world 1 week ago
“teasing me every chance she gets” sounds like there is more. On whose side is open for discussion.
curbstickle@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 week ago
Or, like so many, he’s interpreting it as teasing when its not.
My wife still browses reddit. A recent BORU was a young guy who was convinced his brother’s gf wanted to bang him. Everyone told him it was in his head, he went for it anyway…
Now his brother and gf left the family home to get a hotel, and this dumb ass - who only now saw how wrong he was - is left explaining why to the family.
Could be made up, of course. But its incredibly plausible. Lots of guys are dumb AF and either can’t pick up on any signals, or interpret everything as a signal.
So I’d personally lean towards the incredibly more likely scenario of her being friendly, and him misinterpreting it.
mnemonicmonkeys@sh.itjust.works 1 week ago
Lots of guys are dumb AF and either can’t pick up on any signals, or interpret everything as a signal.
Don’t forget that not every woman is the same. Actions that are signals for one woman aren’t signals for another
curbstickle@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 week ago
Also true.
Either way its safe to assume not interested then, not interested now.
Default_Defect@midwest.social 1 week ago
Exactly this, my former roommate used to flirt with me all of the time, but I knew she wasn’t actually into me. It’s just how she acts with her friends.
Meanwhile, a coworker that apparently was into me never acted as if she liked me as more than friends, so I treated her as a friend. I had to find out much later from a mutual friend after she assumed I must not have been interested.
For some people, the “obvious signs” aren’t signs at all. Other people think they’re telegraphing strongly enough to be seen, but aren’t.
Zexks@lemmy.world 1 week ago
Lmfao. “Very small chance” my fucking ass. This is incredibly common.
shalafi@lemmy.world 1 week ago
Whole-heartedly agree. Sometimes this site makes me feel like I’m dealing with a bunch of fat, young virgins. Yes, you’ve been screened.
My wife is mad jealous, of every woman. (Her only fault, I can deal.) Wants me to wear my ring more often.
“You know that’ll only get me more attraction?”
Machinist@lemmy.world 1 week ago
It’s funny getting middle aged and how the calculus has really changed for me. I get compliments from random women all the time due to facial hair, being bald, and dropping weight. My wife laughs her ass off but does get a tiny bit jealous. That grey in the beard does things.
Feels good, man.
JokeDeity@lemm.ee 1 week ago
Yeah, the overall stance of Lemmings is that women are perfect creatures that men shouldn’t even breathe in the direction of because we’re all just disgusting pigs and everything we do is wrong and women absolutely NEVER EVER EVER give men signals. Ever. They are not attracted to men, at all. All women want to live in a society without men and be lesbians.
Or at least that’s the impression I’ve gotten from thread after thread on Lemmy.
Gullible@sh.itjust.works 1 week ago
Only a very minor recontrextualization, it’s largely men who date nearly exclusively through apps. From what little I’ve seen, every app appears antagonistic toward (straight) men looking to date seriously, so they believe that is the way things are irl.
sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 1 week ago
Yup. It’s hard for me to tell at work whether the attention I’m getting is because I’m in a leadership position (people sucking up for promotions and whatnot) or because I’m one of the few married people and thus “safe.” Regardless, I set appropriate boundaries and it works out.
KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 week ago
since he’s been “screened” by someone else as an acceptable boyfriend.
literal parasite behavior, never do this.
Or if you do don’t do it as directly as this lmao.
MonkderVierte@lemmy.ml 1 week ago
Isn’t this instinct? People usually only notice such things after they’re pointed out.
MrSpArkle@lemmy.ca 1 week ago
I was on a dating site many years ago. Never got messaged, rarely got responses.
Met someone in real life, set my profile to “in a relationship”. Got like 5 messages within a week.
Definitely a bit of vetting going on
shasta@lemm.ee 1 week ago
You set your status on a dating app to In a Relationship instead of deactivating it. You got likes after that because you’re now passing search filters for a different demographic: nonmonogamous people
JokeDeity@lemm.ee 1 week ago
It’s weird how you’re getting more upvotes than he did when all you did was summarize what he already said in a tone like it was new information.
Cracks_InTheWalls@sh.itjust.works 1 week ago
It recontextualizes things a bit - this is not purely a function of vetting, but places him in a different (smaller) category than he was in previously on the app.