For all those young people trying to figure out of they are compatible and should get married …
If you can both afford it … go on an international trip together for at least two weeks.
Organizing together for something this expensive shows both how committed each other are to one another.
Spending every single day with each other figuring out how to live with each other during a complicated, sometimes difficult, but very real situations that have to be dealt with shows who each person really is and how they handle things. It gets even more revealing when you both end up in a situation where you are both tired, hungry and stressed out. Even if you are a good planner and organize every hour of a trip, not everything works out and it’s those moments that show who you really are. And the longer your trip lasts, the more these events happen and the more you see the other person because you have to rely on one another in a foreign country.
I went to Thailand with my wife after we got together (we never officially married because we just didn’t care about that). We didn’t have much money and most expensive part of the trip was the flight to get there. We stayed in hostels, huts, bungalows and shady places and spent every day fearful, hot, confused and wondering what to do next. We did it for a month and we grew to love and trust one another through some really crazy shit. That was 26 years ago and we still talk about it.
My favorite story about this was a couple we knew years ago. They took one motorcycle and went on a four month journey around North America on their honeymoon. They went as far as Alaska, the Atlantic coast, Pacific coast, gulf of Mexico and down to Panama and back. They’re still together after 60 years.
ArsonButCute@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 weeks ago
From experience: in the US especially we’re sold this idea of the nuclear family: a husband, a wife, 2.5 kids and a dog with a picketed yard. It sounds nice, when that’s how you’ve grown up and how your friends have grown up and how your parents live and how your grandparents live. We’re sold this idea, this lie, so intensely because our country wants us to be in these easy to control family units designed to enforce patriarchy.
When a man is taught his job is to be a patriarchy, to be stoic, to be the protector and provider, he forgets his own needs. When aan forgets his own needs, he unwittingly lies to those close to him, those who love him. Those who think he loves them, beyond familial tie.
These are doubly so for those of us who are neurodivergent, as were taught from birth that we must suppress our own needs so those around us will tolerate us. It doesn’t matter if I loved her or not, she loved me and that means I have a responsibility.
Anyway those are just my 2 cents, but what do I know, I’m just a late 20s divorced autistic trans woman, cishet relationships are an enigma to me.
zea_64@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 weeks ago
Even as a kid, that “ideal” seemed miserable to me. I guess I kinda see it if we adjust it to me being transbian, but it’s still not ideal. I think I’d be a lot happier in a much more communal culture, which is the opposite of the American Dream.
I’m also not monogamist, so uh, yeah, that’s very not compatible with this system.
Mac@mander.xyz 4 weeks ago
I’ve always dreamed of having large abode filled with friends and lovers where everyone pitched in and helped each other.
zea_64@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 weeks ago
waaaaannnnnnnntttttt!!! that would be amazing