Anon is a nice guy

Comments

• workerONE@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Smart people are reluctant to express confidence because they are better able to understand all the ways they may be wrong. Unintelligent or uninformed people are more likely to be confident. Listeners get much more satisfaction listening to confident people

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  • tyler@programming.dev ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    While true, veritasium is terrible and fakes science experiments for advertisements. You shouldn’t support him.

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    • Fawkes@lemmy.zip ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      This is the first I’m hearing of this, usually it’s the opposite. Care to provide justification and evidence?

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  • derry@midwest.social ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    Dunning Kruger effect I believe

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• southsamurai@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  The key is figuring out when to use assertiveness vs aggressiveness vs gentleness. And, to learn how to do the first two while being respectful and the third while still insisting on at least basic respect.

  It ain’t fucking easy. But it is true that assertiveness shifts behavior, as does aggression. People respond to both, and often in ways that seem the same on the surface. But aggression only results in hidden ill feelings, so it’s not usually good to use it if you aren’t fully sure it’s the right stance to take.

  Learning that judgement is not a fun experience.

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• gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  What you’re describing is the concept of positive and negative agents, and consequently of positive, negative, and intelligent relations. Let me explain:

  Any fucking sane person would appreciate being treated nice and treat the other person likewise. It’s basic “rewarding” behavior. To make others treat you well, you reward them when they do so by treating them well likewise. This is called a “positive” agent because there’s a positive correlation between how they get treated and how they treat others.

  However, as your post points out accurately, that’s not at all how most people react. Most people, when you’re being a douchebag to them, start respecting you more (paradoxically) and treat you better. That’s called a “negative” agent because there’s a negative correlation between how you treat them and how they treat you. In other words, if you treat them worse, they treat you better; and the other way around.

  Now comes the concept of the intelligent agent, which is a mixture of the first two. Basically, assuming you want to be treated well, you’d treat others differently depending on whether they’re positive agents or negative agents. If they’re positive agents, you treat them well so they treat you nicely too. If they’re negative agents, you treat them like the piece of shit they are so they respect you and treat you well. So, you gotta switch flexibly depending on the other person.

  Hope that clears things up :D

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  • yum@lemmy.eco.br ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    Nope. I think you made it worse to me

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    • UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

      I think https://@gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.de has it a bit off, because he sees the individuals as positive or negative agents. I’d say it’s positive or negative social situations.

      If you’re playing dodgeball, the point of the game is to hit other people with a ball. That’s the situation you’re in and your social reward is in playing the game.

      By contrast, if you start flinging food at a wedding, you do not get the same social rewards. The point of a wedding is not to physically dominate your peers.

      In OP’s Greentext, you’ve got a kid who is in aggressive, jockular friend circles where verbal sparing is expected and rewarded. Greentext would not be rewarded if he behaved the same way with his mom.

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  • LittleBorat3@lemmy.world ⁨19⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    That’s what I do but often people treat me like I am the perpetrator.

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    • Shayeta@feddit.org ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      This is where DARVO comes into play.

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• WanderWisley@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  It’s better to be alone than to be around people who make you feel alone.

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• lessthanluigi@lemmy.sdf.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Sounds like Fake and Gay news! But I can see where this half-truth posts is getting at. You can also be nice and assertive when you need to be.

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• partial_accumen@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  one day get super pissed off

  This was the moment anon decided that their own value was greater than the perceived versions anon had manufactured in his head about those other people. He was confident he was worth more than those manufactured constructs. Everything after that were expressions of that confidence he had in himself.

  Confidence is attractive. Now it can go two ways though:

  • Benevolent confidence - where you are kindhearted and you wish to build others up because you see no risk to yourself in doing so.
  • Malicious confidence - where you tear others down because you see everyone a risk to yourself.

  Both can lead to success by varying definitions of the word, but I know when I get to the end of my life I’d much rather hae arrived there on a path of benevolence.

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• MantisToboggon@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Sounds like your mom was a trick ass ho that did you wrong.

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• Psythik@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  I noticed this too. People like me a lot more when I roast them with confidence, and then laugh in their face about it instead of apologizing or saying “I’m just kidding”. You can get away with saying a lot if you say it with a smile. Of course this only works if the other person is smiling too. Be mean with a smile, but don’t burn too deep and attack their insecurities.

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  • LH0ezVT@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    I think the key is having some nice verbal sparring. And like with sparring, both parties accept that it’s just for fun and nobody is supposed to get hurt. That’s why it very easily flips from being funny to being mean if one party doesn’t adhere to the unwritten rules.

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• XaetaCore@lemmy.neondystopia.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  Society does not like yes man, some times a little resistance gives you authenticity

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• Pacattack57@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  The answer is because 90% of the people you meet are sheep. They’re not gonna take shit from another ship but get a wolf in the room and they are quick to fall in line and shut up.

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  • MachineFab812@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    I downvoted at-first, but I just explained this to my son yesterday. Over 90% of us are sheep, and over half of that are just sheep who are concerned primarilly with the social-status and evident power/autority of anyone who tries to give them directions, no matter how correct or absurdly-wrong the directions. They actively despise the notion of thinking for themselves.

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• nutsack@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  op still doesn’t know the difference between being nice and being a pussy. had an experience and learned nothing

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  • festnt@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    that was a good psychological evaluation

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    • nutsack@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

      thanks

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• snek_boi@lemmy.ml ⁨2⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  This kid should read Mitch Prinstein’s work. Bottom line: high-status people have worse lives, while likeable people have better lives.

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