turtlesareneat

@turtlesareneat@piefed.ca

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨[politics] ya but, at least Juneteenth still lives! herp-a-derp!⁩ ⁨⁨17⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago⁩:

  Rush Limbaugh clone #208

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Ez gg⁩ ⁨⁨18⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago⁩:

  Couple of coke hippos,

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Bee fly⁩ ⁨⁨20⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago⁩:

  It’s cute but by the tilt of the eyes we know it’s evil

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Eggy⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago⁩:

  The frog I dissected in HS science was pregnant. I hate to break it to you OP, but you’re frog pregnant. This what that looks like.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨In a alternative universe a wife said no to her husbands request⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago⁩:

  A set of $13 silicone fuck rings have me coming like I’m 15 again, highly recommend getting the toys.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Possession is 9/10 of the law!⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago⁩:

  the land of methtasia

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Thar she blows⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Long day? Dented cranium keeping you down? Well head on down to Melva’s High Tech Seances where we’ll let you kill a ghost with your own breath. Do not inhale while using the device as your own soul will be destroyed.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨ngl it gets you pretty buzzed⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Forget your coat? Just make one out of handy pressurized Asbestos!

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Some people can pull off anything⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Dr. Pedobear, Sigma Cum Laude

  Which actually sounds like a mid-70s failed pilot

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨brand new sentence⁩ ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  8 year olds are not only talking and joking about sex, they’re having it. Hell 8 year olds are committing suicide. I grew up in the 80s and we were definitely playing doctor and more, we had porn stashes in a bush in the woods somewhere (boys you know what I’m talking about). Waiting to have the talk until 14 is how you end up a grandparent before 40.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨I'm gonna ask the simplest complex question ever. What is happiness, to you?⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Wanting what you’ve got, and being accepted as your true self

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨A world full of wonders⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  At least with like, world’s largest ball of string, or tinfoil ball, it’s actually made of that. In this case it’s not really a keilbasa, it’s a statue made of fiberglass and concrete, and there are plenty of fiberglass statues bigger than this, although few look so turdlike. So it’s not the world’s largest anything and doesn’t deserve spotlights like that.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Historically that’s not how folks have met and gotten in relationships. We have had small tight-knit communities with people we see every day, and social groups much the same, and you’d constantly be exposed to people and flirt and develop a rapport before making a move. So don’t feel bad if your stranger game isn’t amazing. You weren’t really wired for it. (unless you’re gay, in which case, let’s touch peepees out back)

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Safe sex⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Dump it in his trunk, avoid the baby bump

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨I don't know about that one⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  I’m high at work right now!

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Poop!⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Yes if it’s not the oily gross toxic diarrhea like you’ve been poisoned. If it’s like, nerves or something causing your intestines to liquify, yes it’ll reabsorb the liquid (and then your blood will be full of liquid that was just diarrhea, coursing through your eyeballs and tongue and brain).

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Misaligned cabinet in apple wwdc⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  I don’t think it’s meant to be a permanent wall, that plant wouldn’t survive there, those books might be fake? I think it’s a lobby right, weren’t these backdrops all created from lobby spaces in the spaceship? So they quickly dressed it up, or rendered it in place. Either way good reasons for a bit of misalignment.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨stroke confirmed⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  IDK, walleyed, badly lit, and grotesquely ugly is how I’ll remember him.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Buzz off⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  I had more than that - a bunch of nests that didn’t die over the winters in my house’s attic when I bought it, behind the kneewalls. I must have killed thousands of wasps that summer. But then! They left their dirty wasp pheromones everywhere so wasps come back year after year trying to put new nests up. I have never had such a difficult relationship with an animal before. But that was before Argentine ants started attacking… fuck those bastards

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨What's that smell?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Balls is one of my favorite smells

  Usually

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨It's cold out.⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  Huh I came twice before realizing that IS a bear, well now I feel foolish and sleepy.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Why do businesses and other public facilities have a metal plate where the door knob should be? Is pushing open the door more sanitary or something?⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  ADA prefers them to doorknobs. Back in the day when hardware conventions started, it was to show that a place was free to walk into without a barrier, i.e. open to the public. Think about saloon doors, kind of a modernization of that. Not to mention you can open it with your back and they’re cheaper to produce/buy than knobs and handles.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨It's time⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Can I just add PCP to this list

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨There was an attempt...⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Uh what’s the french word for “antibiotic,” I need to tell a friend

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Alpha AF⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  “Your dad’s a good wrestler. But I’m better.”

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨DOGE cut 20% of APHIS the agency that protects U.S. agriculture and now the screwworm parasite that wipes out livestock has returned to the U.S⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  In fairness they’ve been spreading Northward yearly for several years, we knew they were coming and eradication efforts have been underway for a while to try to blunt it. But, with the idiots currently in charge, just assume those efforts have been botched until proven otherwise.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  And the groundwater there is going to be contaminated for thousands of years, but it was an important jet in an important war and they’ll understand.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Feather coat!⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Yes they just borrowed its skin for a while, it was happy to be involved

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Checkmate, officer!⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  If you’re not meant to dabble in addiction, why are there rehabs?

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Study Argues Big Tobacco Had Secret Role In Shaping The Ultraprocessed Foods Fed To American Children⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  It’s crucially important to raise kids with an understanding of whole food and its importance. You can’t keep them from processed food, but you can make it clear it’s a sometimes choice. Once they’re an adult and start to care about their health, they can build on the whole food foundation you gave them.

  But God, so many of us were just raised on whatever came out of a box or packet or tube.