Sometime tomorrow, you’re going to take a shit. If you are lucky, ot won’t be in your pants.
I need divine guidance, Lemmy. What is my destiny?
Submitted 1 day ago by reader@lemmy.zip to [deleted]
Comments
DoubleDongle@lemmy.world 1 day ago
CIA_chatbot@lemmy.world 1 day ago
You will find love in a small, hidden away black site in Liberia. Your eyes will meet across the water-boarding room and it will be love at first sight.
Then your love will betray you because they were actually an undercover Russian spy and you fell for it! They pumped you for secrets for years! You’ll then find your self on the run from hit squads in Bucharest but you’ll escape because of your training and dedication to regime change in the search for oil.
Finally, on your deathbed, surrounded by children and grandchildren, you’ll notice that the hospice nurse is your old flame, the Russian spy. She injects your IV with cyanide and you die painfully because you let your guard down AGAIN!
REDACTED@infosec.pub 20 hours ago
Generate taxes
gastroglizzy@piefed.social 1 day ago
Drink plenty of water. Have a balanced diet. Have a regular sleep schedule. Stretch every day, ideally by doing yoga. Exercise regularly. Practice mindful meditation. Learn to cook. Learn to sew. Read books. Develop skills.
Knowledge is power; be dangerous.
db2@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Do a barrel roll
Frenchgeek@lemmy.ml 1 day ago
You fetch butter.
prplghsts@fedinsfw.app 16 hours ago
To be the very best, like no one ever was
DonkeyStar@lemmy.world 13 hours ago
I thought this was a Ouija post, and I was already trying to figure out how to get enough people to spell OnlyFans.
Assassassin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 day ago
Be gay, do crime
DeadDigger@lemmy.zip 1 day ago
It’s crab sorry
KaRunChiy@fedia.io 1 day ago
Diahrrea, and a lot of it. Don't eat at that restaurant this weekend
bacon_pdp@lemmy.world 1 day ago
If we told you; then you would fail to do the work required to achieve it but it will make you extremely happy about everything you had to do.
Thatuserguy@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Uh let’s see…it says here…uh, cantaloupe? Good luck deciphering that one I guess, buddy
Gutek8134@lemmy.world 1 day ago
!askjesus@hilariouschaos.com
dsilverz@catodon.rocks 1 day ago
Destiny tell us about this recurring story that must unfold.
Every living being is fated to experience it, so behold!
Any day now, we'll feel a sudden touch so cold and bold:
The invisible hands will take no silver and no gold.
Her timeless deal means only our soul can be sold:
"Fate who hath me so bitterly near,
Thou stareth me till my uttermost fear,
Won't thou spareth me over another year?"
(We must never forget our ultimate, shared destiny. Vita Mori oportet. Memento Mori.)
!lemmyshitpost@lemmy.world
QuantumEraser@fedia.io 1 day ago
extrapolating from existing lemmy users, your destiny is likely to use linux, hate AI, and take estrogen