Always bring an Emma

Comments

• CannedYeet@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  OCRd for readability

  Hey. Giving away the hot tub. It’s a 6 seater, paid $4,200 new in 2014, jets all still work, heater works mostly. You haul. It’s around 700 lbs empty, so you’ll want a trailer and at least three guys. There’s a spigot on the back left for draining.

  One thing to know up front. The tub has developed preferences.

  I’m not trying to mislead anyone so I’m being straight with you. Starting in early 2022 it started doing things. The jets on the north side, the side facing the house, shut off when my ex-wife Cheryl would get in. Not when anyone else got in. Just her. I had two repair guys out, both said nothing was wrong with the unit. The second guy said “sometimes appliances pick up on stuff” which I didn’t really process at the time.

  By that summer she was barely using it. She said the water “felt judgmental.” I thought she was being dramatic. Then in October she sat down across from me in the tub and told me about Greg. The tub went completely still. No bubbles, no hum, the underwater light dimmed about halfway down. I’m not saying it reacted, I’m just telling you what happened in the order it happened.

  After she moved out it came back to normal mostly. Bubbles are good, heat is good. But it will not warm past 98 degrees if a woman named Emma uses it. Doesn’t matter which Emma. My sister Emma, my neighbor Emma, and the Emma who delivered a package and asked if she could test it because she was thinking about buying one. All three. 98 and it stops climbing. You can test this yourself, bring a Emma.

  Couple other things to mention. Around 2 or 3 am it sometimes cycles the jets on its own for about 40 seconds. I used to think it was a timer issue but the timer’s been unplugged since January. Also the cover remembers. I don’t really want to get into the cover.

  I’m not asking anything for it, I just want it gone. I think it would be happier somewhere new, somewhere it doesn’t have to think about Greg. If you take it. please be kind to it. It’s been through a lot. We both have.

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  • laranis@lemmy.zip ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Legend

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• comador@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  Plot twist: A lovely couple named Greg & Emma take the hothub and are found dead, floating in it a week later.

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• Endymion_Mallorn@kbin.melroy.org ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  Soo... haunted hot tub.

  Was Greg 2-timing the ex with Emma?

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  • FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Don’t slander Emma’s name with baseless conjecture please

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    • RogueBanana@piefed.zip ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      The hot tub knows everything. It does not incriminate innocent souls.

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• LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  No Emma’s, ex-wives or Greg’s around here. Sounds like a nice hot tub!

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• ShaggySnacks@lemmy.myserv.one ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  Does the hot tub do double duty as a time machine?

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  • Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Yes, but it gets snippy about the 1970s

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• TherapyGary@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  Misread the title as “enema” and was waiting for that to become relevant the whole time I was reading it

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  • snooggums@piefed.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Jets stopping must have been really confusing!

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• yakko@feddit.uk ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  I know ownership is inherently a burden, but this is mad

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• DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  Classic.

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• Treczoks@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  Have you tried exorcism?

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• hirihit640@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  Ok obviously the hot tub did not “know” the ex-wife was cheating on the husband.

  The hot tub just wanted him for themselves. So they started acting petty to the ex-wife. It was only a coincidence that the ex-wife turned out to be cheating.

  Then the ex-wife leaves. The hot tub is happy. Finally, just them and the man.

  Then the man starts talking about some “Emma”. The hot tub sees the way he talks about her. But they aren’t sure which Emma it is. So they start acting up whenever an Emma comes around.

  Pretty simply explanation if you ask me.

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• Etterra@discuss.online ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  Not Tub Trauma Machine

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