How do I get one of those jobs where I send an email and then go to a meeting then draft an email then leave work and get paid $98,000/Year and have a badge on a little cord that says senior deputy analytics coordinator supervisor of marketing and sales?

Comments

• infinitesunrise@slrpnk.net ⁨15⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Real answer: I have one of those jobs. I have no immutable advice, everyone’s mileage will vary, but some pointers:

  • After you get proficient at a skill, use it to job hop every few years. Job hopping is a great way to leap up the wage ladder.
  • Never seek out or accept an in-office position unless it’s your first job or two.
  • Avoid the FAANG / MAG7 type companies because they will chew you up and burn you out.
  • Never seek out or accept a management role of any sort. The pay to work bump is terrible and going back down looks awful on a resume.

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  • bort@sopuli.xyz ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    can confirm, and would like to add:

    • it helps a lot to understand the org and the internal politics. (this is simpler as it sounds. just be generally nice to people and try to understand what they want, and what their actual position in the org are. Then think about what your actual position in the org is, and where it could be. The most important question is: What does my boss’s boss think what value I produce for him?)

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  • Casterial@lemmy.world ⁨15⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Fellow here, I wanted to +1 job hopping. I went from $75k in 2020 to $200k in 2026 doing this. If I stayed at q company I’d need 2 promotions and with COLA 3% adjustment I’d still be short of my current wage by quite a bit. Loyalty pays with underpaying, but a sense of job security.

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  • bizarroland@lemmy.world ⁨15⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Yep, plan on changing jobs every two and a half to three and a half years.

    Be willing to lie on your resume to improve your chances of getting the specific job you’re applying for, but only lie enough that you could watch a YouTube video and fill in the gap between the absolute truth and the expectation.

    Don’t say that you understand Azure if you’ve never used a Windows computer before, but if you have run a home lab with proxmox, and they’re looking for a VMware administrator, you’re probably okay.

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  • dumples@piefed.social ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Job hopping is the best way to get better money and job title. It’s worth staying for a few years ever once in a while if you prefer the stability over the income bump. I am in my stable phase while my children are young before jumping again. I am thinking maybe 5 years or so. Unless the great job comes

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  • redsand@infosec.pub ⁨13⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    It should also be noted this guy’s boss or boss’s boss is a moron. It’s a requirement of such a position existing

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    • infinitesunrise@slrpnk.net ⁨9⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      Not true, no one member of a hierarchy need be a moron for the structure itself to generate inefficiencies. I also tend to be over-critical of my own output, when I measure it objectively against coworkers it’s often higher even if it doesn’t feel that way. Awful puritan-style work ethic.

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• Asafum@lemmy.world ⁨16⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  It’s pretty simple really, just have Dad give you a executive position in his company! Then you too can eventually become a Self Made Business Owner™©®

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  • otacon239@lemmy.world ⁨16⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    It also helps to be a soulless husk with no regard for human decency.

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• daannii@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  All nepo positions, my friend.

  😔

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• NegativeLookAhead@lemmy.ml ⁨16⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Have you tried orally interfacing with the genitals of a member of the management at your place of employment?

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  • DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world ⁨16⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    That will get you nothing, but maybe an STD.

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    • NegativeLookAhead@lemmy.ml ⁨15⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      Substantially-increased Total Dollars, yes that’s correct!

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• flamingleg@lemmy.ml ⁨13⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  i can’t speak from experience but i’m pretty sure that:

  • taking up tens of thousands of dollars of student debt makes you more appealing (less likely to expect fair conditions and pay) to employers
  • from there it’s 95% networking with people richer than you and pretending that they are cool / funny etc until you retire or kill yourself

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• radiofreebc@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Have a rich dad.

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• Pistcow@lemmy.world ⁨16⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  I just got my degree in a decent field. Try Supply Chain Management and learn pivot tables.

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  • IMALlama@lemmy.world ⁨13⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    The number of things that run on excel in the corporate world is staggering…

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    • Pistcow@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      All of it, all of it runs in Excel. If Excel somehow stopped working one day it would be worse than Judgement Day. I mean, from a business perspective being held together by rubber bands and popsicle sticks.

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  • tmyakal@infosec.pub ⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Even without a degree, supply chain and logistics is the answer. I didn’t finish college, and I’m comfortably making six figures. I literally spend five hours a day playing on my phone. No one cares, and my boss tells everyone how great I am.

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• breezeblock@lemmy.ca ⁨16⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Assistant to the Manager.

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  • REDACTED@infosec.pub ⁨10⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Assistant to manager*

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• drcobaltjedi@programming.dev ⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  The guy from my last job who ordered my firing (and thus caused everyone else in the department to quit in solidarity) has one of those jobs. Seriously, everyone in that department quit within 4 months all of them citing me getting fired as the last straw and this guy as another massive reason. None of us knew what he did/does. It seemed like after every time one of them quit he some how got a promotion. He’s head of IT and software but has no fucking clue how to use a computer and constantly fucked up even buying computers.

  Honest answer, I guess blackmail or be good friends with someone high up.

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  • rounding_error@lemmy.today ⁨10⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    head of IT and software

    Oh boyyy I had a boss a few summers ago that was like this. He was more suited to English and Medieval history and would go in depth about the topics he was passionate about.

    He may have admitted to me that he was holding the job down to make his parents happy. In one afternoon he seemed to be genuinely intrigued to learn what solid state storage looked like, which baffles me since he had a Masters in Information Technology.

    Most people didn’t really like him due to his poor social skills, but he was at least not “that kind of boss” that actively tried to fire anyone. More so, he was slightly at risk of it himself, since it was heard through the grapevine that his previous supervisor wanted him “fired for incompetence” but he ended up getting the job through sheer workplace turnover.

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    • drcobaltjedi@programming.dev ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      At least that guy had a relevant degree. Not knowing how to use it though sounds like he sucks ass in his own shitty way though. Glad you’re out of there at least.

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• Proprietary_Blend@lemmy.world ⁨15⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Hard work and stick-toitiveness

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