Is it weird that I cringe whenever someone calls my name and I avoid using peoples names when talking to them?

Submitted ⁨⁨11⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨early_riser@lemmy.world⁩ to ⁨[deleted]⁩

It’s not a childhood trauma thing. I had a decent upbringing. I’ve been like this all my life. I’ll talk about people using their name to others when the named person isn’t around, but I avoid using their name as a vocative to their face.

Same thing with people using my name. I don’t mind people summoning me by calling my name, but I cringe when people use my name as a vocative in front of me. I also get oddly angry when people I don’t know and have no intention of establishing a relationship with use my name.

I worked in a call center and we had the usual opening “thank you for calling _____ my name is early_riser, how can I help you?” I assumed the unspoken rule was that I’m giving my name so the client can later refer to me in complaints or commendations, not because I want to establish anything more than a client-employee relationship. Also, I always use “sir” or “ma’am” when addressing clients, and hope they reciprocate that respect.

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Nemo@slrpnk.net ⁨9⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
It might be weird, but you’re not alone, I’m the same way.

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Tja@programming.dev ⁨10⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Extroverts (and/or salespeople) use the name of their conversation partner a lot, as a way of connecting, I guess.

I’m the opposite I don’t care who you are, don’t ask who I am, we are here for business transaction xyz, let’s get it done and be on our way.

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agent_nycto@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Idk seems like egg behavior

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- palordrolap@fedia.io ⁨10⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Identifying this as egg behaviour might be egg behaviour.
  
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  - agent_nycto@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Sorry, should have prefaced that, it seems like egg behavior non derogatory.
    
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nimpnin@sopuli.xyz ⁨10⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Definitely weird but ultimately doesn’t make a difference

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Nightsoul@lemmy.world ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
I think it’s because we primarily use someone’s name to get that persons attention or to pay attention, for better or worse. If you are already invested in what’s going on and someone uses your name it almost feels like an unnecessary call out.

I feel like this could be a deep dive yt essay, because I wonder if it’s like this in other cultures and we deviated or it’s like that everywhere.

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BillyClark@piefed.social ⁨9⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
For most people, their own name is one of their favorite sounds in the world. If my friends didn’t call me by my name, I wouldn’t think we were as close of friends.

If you know somebody’s name, it’s really good and normal to greet them using their name. Even if you only say their name during the greeting, it will improve relationships and moods with just that. It’s so important that I would even recommend that you “fake it ‘till you make it” in this case. Even if it feels awkward, start greeting people in person by saying something like, “Hi Steve,” or whatever similar greeting feels comfortable to you.

You can use people’s names more that that, but it’s a skill how to use names without being too weird. So if you’re not used to it, start with greetings.

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- early_riser@lemmy.world ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  I’m blind, which I could have mentioned in the OP for extra context but eh. People often greet me without telling me who they are, or even making it clear I’m the one they’re greeting.
  
  Remembering names, as I understand it, is a very visual thing. Humans use visual cues to tell people apart. I don’t have that option, and there’s no polite way for me to say “hi, who are you again?” When I have the chance I’ll tell people to identify themselves when saying hello to me, and ideally also remind me how I know them if they see me out and about as opposed to wherever I first met them.
  
  If I only have to interact with you over a single day, I can pretty easily use things like clothing, hair and skin tone to differentiate people, but one change of clothes later and you’re a stranger. Over time I can match voices to names but it’s not as quick as the visual method. Odor is another big one, if they use perfume or body spray, if they smoke, or if they cook in a way that produces distinct odors.
  
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  - BillyClark@piefed.social ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    I suspect that blindness changes the rules and expectations by quite a lot, so most of my advice would fly out of the window.
    
    However, I do personally have a problem with remembering names, and so I have one bit of advice that I think is relevant.
    
    there’s no polite way for me to say “hi, who are you again?”
    
    My advice is that, if you think you have, say, a 60% chance of getting their name right, just say that name. If you get their name wrong, they’ll probably correct you, but if you’re anything like me, when you think it’s 60%, the odds are actually much higher.
    
    That is actually what I do, personally, as a person who is bad with names. I realized that I used to mentally punish myself when I messed up a person’s name, but conversely, when somebody else messed up my name, I didn’t care and immediately forgave them. Basically, I was holding myself to an insane standard that I didn’t hold anybody else to.
    
    So, instead, if I think I more likely than not know the name, then I say it. I’ve only had one person get upset with me in all the time I’ve been doing this. It’s a person who I used to run into fairly frequently, like once every couple of months, but I seemed to have a mental block on his name specifically, and I simply couldn’t remember it no matter what I did.
    
    My only other advice is to be careful about letting people know you can identify them by odor. It depends on the odor and the person, but some people could probably be offended by that.
    
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gandalf_der_12te@feddit.org ⁨9⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
yeah i get that, honestly i’ve had the same thing for a lot of my life. turns out it’s just because my name doesn’t really fit me at all, i got to legally change it eventually, now i like being called by my new name :3

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fleem@piefed.zeromedia.vip ⁨10⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
i dont like people using my full, un-abbreviated name, it is a dead sure sign they don’t know me at all. When i use peoples names it always feels like im talking down to them?

I do like to use names that i make up for people, little nick-names (if they accept them and they stick)

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