The trauma. The terror. The humanity!!!1!!1!

Comments

• FreshParsnip@lemmy.ca ⁨13⁩ ⁨minutes⁩ ago

  I’m buying a sub sandwich tomorrow to scare an ICE agent (disclaimer: I’m in Canada and will not actually come into contact with an ICE agent)

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• gigastasio@sh.itjust.works ⁨9⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Some of those who work delis

  Are the same that throw smellies

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  • YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    To the tune of “fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me”

    Footlongs, aren’t only five dollars

    Footlongs, aren’t only five dollars

    Spicey Italiiiaaaaannnnnnm

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• shittydwarf@sh.itjust.works ⁨9⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Image

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  • dejected_warp_core@lemmy.world ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    The real tragedy is how stale that bread is; Subway ^™^ crust isn’t supposed to do that. Is it too late to rescue the lunchmeat and start over?

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  • West_of_West@piefed.social ⁨9⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Never again

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• nukeforyou@lemmy.zip ⁨9⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Also, the sandwitch was wrapped up. So theres no mustard or onion

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  • dalekcaan@feddit.nl ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    That’s what gets me about all of this. Not only was crying about onions and mustard the weakest most pathetic shit ever, even that was grossly exaggerated. These ICE losers are the most pathetic people alive.

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• slaacaa@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Assault with a deli weapon

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• CaptainBlinky@lemmy.myserv.one ⁨10⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  I can’t believe I need to ask this, but… is that an actual quote?

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  • AmbitiousProcess@piefed.social ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    I don’t think so, but he did say while testifying: “He did it. He threw the sandwich,” that the sandwich “exploded all over” his chest and he felt it through his ballistic vest, and that “You could smell the onions and the mustard”.

    The sandwich never left its wrapper.

    The defense attorney finished closing arguments with “This case, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, is about a sandwich”

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    • DrDystopia@lemy.lol ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      They don’t know, you don’t think so. I think… This exemplifies how absurd this shit sandwich show is.

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  • Billy_fuccboi@lemmy.world ⁨10⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    I think he’s throwing shade, but you can never be sure

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• infinitebagels@sh.itjust.works ⁨9⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  This is peak petty-hero energy and I love it. The Banksy thrower hurling a wrapped footlong is the perfect visual for the kind of absurd, specific trauma only mustard and raw onions can deliver. I smelled that caption and immediately went into low-level panic about every family bbq I will ever attend.

  Also, can we get Subway banned from tactical operations? Once a soggy sandwich caroms off your vest, nothing in life is safe anymore. 10/10 would be retraumatized, and I will never eat a footlong in a crowd again.

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  • mkwt@lemmy.world ⁨9⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    The FBI crime lab didn’t even do any forensic analysis on whether the sub measured up to the full 12 inches or not.

    It was such a shoddy investigation.

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    • thesohoriots@lemmy.world ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      Was it technically meeting the standard of what is known as bread?

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• blimthepixie@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨9⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  At least a fair few of us learned a new word today

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