The fragility is part of the narcissism. You don’t get one without the other. In the end, narcissism is an extreme projection of insecurity, which is why “narcissistic rage” is a thing.
Why do narcissists have such fragile egos?
Submitted 1 day ago by TheReanuKeeves@lemmy.world to [deleted]
Comments
stoly@lemmy.world 1 day ago
HowlsSophie@lemmy.world 1 day ago
They are deeply insecure, ashamed, alone, anxious, and afraid. They CANNOT be faced with others confirming their worst fear: that something is deeply and terribly wrong with them. They’re basically emotionally disabled and can’t empathize, work together as a team, or be genuine. They completely lack accountability ir responsibility. In close relationships, they suck the life out of people the most because it makes them feel better about themselves and they choose this tactic in these relationships because that person is least likely to leave them.
As a therapist, I’ve seen one, maybe two clinical narcissists. The one I remember best only came to therapy to get recognition for doing so but had NO insight into the nature of his issues.
coolmultitool@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Cause they only focus on themselves? If that gets attacked, it’s an attack on their only asset. When your focus lies on a spectrum of interests other than yourself, you keep an overview and your overall self worth. I dunno.
TranquilTurbulence@lemmy.zip 1 day ago
Hmmm… That gives me an idea.
I know someone who might be a narcissist. Maybe I could exploit this vulnerability to expose him. You know, just to test my suspicions. Could just say something that mildly challenges his ego and see how he responds. If he menages to keep his cool like a normal person, then my hypothesis was wrong and I don’t have to be so suspicious of him any more.
Photuris@lemmy.ml 1 day ago
Careful. Skillful Narcissists can be quite adept at keeping their cool in public (to maintain their positive public image) while simultaneously planning their complete and total revenge on you - smear campaign, sabotaging relationships, setting up traps, lobbing false accusations, messing with your employment, messing with your spouse, vexatious lawsuits, the works.
If you play with a Narcissist, be prepared to go ALL THE WAY when you dance with them. Complete and total WARFARE.
Really, unless you have some compelling reason to do so, the only winning move is not to play.
cornshark@lemmy.world 15 hours ago
What are you hoping to achieve? If you don’t like this person and they make you feel tense, unworthy, and like you’re walking on eggshells, you don’t need to “prove” they’re a narcissist. Even if they’re just an asshole, the solution is the same. Stop talking to them and leave.
handsoffmydata@lemmy.zip 21 hours ago
Conducting experiments on people to test suspicions sounds like something a sociopath would do so maybe your friend is in good company /s
Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 1 day ago
I’m with Photuris, it’s a much more complicated game than you might expect, and they’ve been playing it their whole lives.
Rule #1 is to preserve your image at all times. Which means not flipping out in public.
Rule #2 is that everything is someone else’s fault. Which means if you call them out in public, they will cry and ask why you are so mean to them. Instant sympathy, and you look like the asshole, and assuming you yourself are not a narcissist, you’ll probably feel like an asshole too.
Most likely, if they really are a narcissist, you’ll try your test, think they aren’t, and look really bad in front of everyone.
almino@bolha.forum 1 day ago
Isn’t the whole point of being narcissist?
Their ego and their self esteem are so fragile and low that they have to be mean to protect it at all costs.
There’s a little bit of pleasure in doing narcissist things. But the main point is to protect the fragile self.
Nemo@slrpnk.net 1 day ago
Because narcissism is, at the core, intolerance of anything but the self.
yesman@lemmy.world 1 day ago
I feel like it’s OK to demonize narcissism in ways that would be unacceptable ableism if you were talking about other neurodivergents or personality disorders.
It’s just as blanket and vague as calling someone an asshole.
It’s become such a pop-psych phenomena, I think it’s time for clinical people to abandon the term to pop culture. When a diagnosis becomes an insult, it’s time for a new term.
shalafi@lemmy.world 1 day ago
I’m sick to fucking death of the word being tossed at anyone acting an ass. My mother had NPD, only person I’ve been close to that certainly had it. Got on r/raisedbynarcissists and it was a bunch of whiny little bitches whose parents were merely selfish, and sometime only occasionally.
stoly@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Narcissism is not neurodivergence, it is a personality disorder. There is a great difference between them.
Peruvian_Skies@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
The reason is simple: all the main symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder involve behavior which is harmful to others.
In this, it is different from most forms of neurodivergence. Like psychopathy, it is a kind of antisocial personality disorder, in the sense that people who have it are harmful to society. Autism, ADHD, bipolar, BPD and even schizophrenia do not necessarily cause the sufferer to become harmful to others - in fact, the person afflicted with these conditions often harms themselves on an attempt not to inconvenience others, and only harms others unintentionally, while the narcissist does so intentionally and deliberately. People don’t demonize narcissists. Narcissism demonizes narcissists, and people recognize that.
Apytele@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
Tbh I think creating new terms just muddles medical records over time because now when you go into a field you have to learn not just a disorder, but also everything it’s been called throughout the last 50-100 years in case you’re going through the records of a patient older that 50-70 years old. I think the public needs to be better educated on these things.
ShellMonkey@lemmy.socdojo.com 1 day ago
How dare you imply my ego is fragile?! Don’t question me!
Pudutr0n@feddit.cl 1 day ago
Are you making fun of me?!
Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Sorry for not being perfect enough for you! I don’t know why you say such horrible things to me!
CobblerScholar@lemmy.world 1 day ago
A narcissist sees the rest of the world as inferior to them their perception of reality is all derivative of this opinion. When confronted with objective reality disputing that they don’t just react to the singular confrontation. Because their psuedo superiority underlines everything they think about any evidence they are wrong begins to dismantle every opinion they have. Now being forced to consider the entire way they perceive reality is flawed its easier to get angry and confrontational instead of reevaluating their worldview
Waraugh@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 day ago
My experience with a clinically diagnosed narcissist, which is very rare considering, was with an ex I spent/wasted seven years of my life with, and subtly different from what you said. She saw everyone else as superior but unjustly so. Everyone that wasn’t serving her interests was an enemy. The insecurities of feeling inferior to everybody manifested in a projection of superiority but under it all it was just a mask to protect her fragile ego. She would do anything and everything, in the moment of her current environment to get what she wanted. She only cared about anyone in so much as they validated her desire of inflated self worth, her own children included. There was a sliver of hope after a few years of therapy but as real as the temporary empathetic soul briefly emerged all it took was a light switch moment and suddenly, like a light switch, that just became another momentary blip to then be used as an additional tool in her toolbox to socially destroy anyone that wronged her. Even after grey rocking her for over two years, following our seven year relationship, did I start getting left alone (luckily her kids weren’t mine, still feel for them but they are trying a master class in manipulation and strategic mood swings). I’m sure she got distracted with her next victim and I no longer fed her need for control enough so she lost focus but it was the most miserable decade of my forty odd years on this earth. I love her, or who I thought she was anyway, it still hurts thinking back but it was never really her, who I thought she was didn’t exist.
owenfromcanada@lemmy.ca 1 day ago
I expect the causation is the other way around. Someone with a fragile ego may become narcissistic to protect themselves.
shalafi@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Jesus. I wonder if that’s what happened to my mother. Never understood how her two siblings were so smart and successful and she was, frankly, a dipshit. Being the youngest and clearly the dumbest must have had an impact.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 23 hours ago
Most people here dont’ seem to understand what narcissism is.
Go back to the myth. It’s not about feelings or egos. It’s about reflections. The key feature of a narcissist that most posts here are missing… the narcissist has no self. They only exist/validate themselves through how others see them. This is why it is their ego is so fragile. Because their ego entirely consists of how others perceive them. They have no separation of their own reality vs others perception. Their internal life is entirely consists of how others see them and without the constant affirmation from other people they cease to be. Hence why they can never be alone, and tend to form co-dependent relationships and be highly focused on image, not substance.
This is also why they are socially skilled. They mirror other people and that mirroring is generally considered flattering to most people. But if the mirror breaks down, or the subject upsets the positive feedback loop the narcissist has to reject/destroy them.
Non-narcissists have a self-image that is composed of a mix of how others see them and how they see themselves. Narcissists don’t have the ability to see themselves independent of others perceptions of them. That’s why normal people can shrug off someone not liking them or upsetting them… because they have something else to compare it to. A narcissist doesn’t.