Toxic masculinity is bad. Men’s liberation is good. Look up Men’s liberation if you struggle with feeling “manly”.
Sincerely,
A Fucking Combat Infantry Vet.
(But for real, patriarchal rules are made up and the points don’t matter)
Anon tries to be a different person
Submitted 6 months ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to greentext@sh.itjust.works
https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/63d0a717-eca5-49ef-a60a-0b4b65f0e3ba.jpeg
Comments
Maggoty@lemmy.world 6 months ago
DScratch@sh.itjust.works 6 months ago
Let me jump in and hit you with: Any rule/role that is assigned to just one gender is (as far as I can tell) harmful and toxic and should be ignored. With that in mind, what does gender actually do for society? IMO: Nothing. Abolish the concept of gender.
Maggoty@lemmy.world 6 months ago
Oh absolutely.
captainlezbian@lemmy.world 6 months ago
Yeah anyone who demands masculinity of you isn’t worth your time. Focus on emotional maturity and stability, not the bullshit stoicism some people expect of men
Maggoty@lemmy.world 6 months ago
That was always just trauma. So much trauma. That was the secret sauce for that stoicism.
FatTony@lemm.ee 6 months ago
Thank you for your fucking service.
Maggoty@lemmy.world 6 months ago
Hehe, I like a little satire now and then.
ZwoofBlaf@sh.itjust.works 6 months ago
Oh interesting. I’m also a cis hetero male but very feminist and a bit queer.
For me I’ve never had this push to be masculine since I was young. I would never have been able to fit in in the army or another toxic masculine organisation. I was always OK with being different. But I was not aware of this movement. I will read more about it.
Maggoty@lemmy.world 6 months ago
Always glad to spread the idea. And it’s about more than personal masculinity, it’s about looking at the rules society puts around men too. Much like we’re trying to break the stereotypes around women in Feminism, Men’s liberation does that for us.
Taalnazi@lemmy.world 5 months ago
Glad to see you and @Maggoty@lemmy.world fighting against toxic masculinity and for breaking stereotypes, love to see it!
therealjcdenton@lemmy.zip 6 months ago
Portraying yourself as a anime kid for one
Maggoty@lemmy.world 6 months ago
Nope. Animation is just as valid as if he painted a picture of a screaming man. This right here is part of the problem men have. We can’t have expressive things without someone judging us.
therealjcdenton@lemmy.zip 6 months ago
Anime kid. A child. A cartoon. A cartoon child even
meep_launcher@lemm.ee 6 months ago
To me I see this as a classic struggle many men have in a patriarchal society. Op is constantly wanting to be “manly” through having sex, taking a “manly” job that doesn’t fit with their true self, and feels in order to be a full human they need to be extraverted and with that usually comes a domination mindset.
A great podcast for the lads here who are struggling with that is the “Man Enough” podcast. I felt so seen by it and moments where I was in tears.
Men find themselves in an awkward position of being both the victim and perpetrator of a patriarchal society.
Pulptastic@midwest.social 6 months ago
Welding is a good trade and plenty of welders are introverts. At the shop I work at, most of the welders are introverts, with one notable extrovert that nobody likes. Welding is a solitary craft due to safety constraints, it’s just you and the part in your weld cell.
You don’t need to be an extrovert to prove yourself. If you want to prove yourself, you could work on becoming a very skilled welder. Learn the methods, master them, pay attention to details, perfect your craft, learn to weld exotic materials, and your introverted self will be revered and paid handsomely for your abilities. None of that requires you to be a loud dudebrochug.
If you’re comfortable on computers, add robot welding to your repertoire. That is the hot new thing, and could make you even more money since your setups will allow you to put out even more parts with less manual labor.
AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 6 months ago
Also robot welders don’t get the health side effects of a lifetime of welding. My first job in IT was for a place that was on the front edge of robot welding in '98. We had a couple of guys that were in their 60s that could barely breathe or see that toddled around the shop floor. I found out that those guys were the “real” welders that would tell the computer guys what they needed to change in the code to get the plasma cutter to do its cut properly, etc.
EnderMB@lemmy.world 6 months ago
It just kinda sounds like OP is growing up, and a big part of that is embracing who you are, faults and all. You learn that masculinity is a stupid concept and one that is largely unattainable for many, and you also learn that outward perception often isn’t the full reality of someone’s life.
I’ve known manly guys that are struggling with demons, family men with a string of former partners that lost their virginity to a hooker in their late twenties, autistic people that embraced their lot in life and have great success, and people with millions in the bank that are struggling to get by. We’ve all got our own shit to deal with, and in the nicest possible way, no one cares about your issues. We make do, and we live with it.
some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 6 months ago
My father was very successful and read the memoire of someone he knew in business who he thought “had life figured out.” Seeing that the guy struggled internally with all the same problems we all have changed his life. His telling me that story changed mine. We’re all human; even those who seem to have a perfect life live with doubt and anxiety. It just manifests in different ways and we cope in different ways.
ZwoofBlaf@sh.itjust.works 6 months ago
Having sex with a hooker (especially if you pick a nice one that’s good at girlfriend experience) because you’re feeling left out because of not having sex is not a bad idea IMO. It can really break open this barrier that otherwise keeps growing bigger and bigger.
Not really as a means of “justifying your masculinity”. But just for not putting it on a pedestal so much and normalising it. There’s nothing wrong with that IMO.
AlexisFR@jlai.lu 6 months ago
I’m at this point at 30, despite living alone, having a stable job and not overweight or particularly unattractive.
Maybe I’ll have to try that, just for the experience to know how it feels. But I’m still heavily hesitant due the ethics of it.
legality wise, I live 20 minutes from the German border, so that is not an issue, but I have no clue how to search and find a reputable, ethical brothel.
ZwoofBlaf@sh.itjust.works 6 months ago
Good idea! I think it will help you feel more relaxed about it.
There isn’t really an ethical issue if you pick her well. I usually go for independent girls. In fact I was even in a relationship with one and I am 100% sure she was doing it fully voluntarily and even liked the work (we sometimes spoke about doing something else and she wasn’t too interested).
Of course there are some forced girls but this is mainly in the more dodgy brothels. I mean really you will know when you set foot in there.
What I could recommend is going to a “Sauna club”. It’s a German phenomenon where you just go into a sauna kinda place wearing one of those towel coats, and you can eat there and relax in the pool and there’s a whole load of working girls around. You can chat with them and pick one you like. It’s less forced than a normal brothel where the girls just come and shake your hand and you have to decide immediately. The good thing about having more time is that you can also mention it’s your first time and see how she reacts. If she makes you feel comfortable you will have a better time. I have had some of my best times in those places. Also, don’t forget you can ‘pull out’ (pun intended any time). You don’t even have to go the whole way the first time if you’re not comfortable. Just go as far as you feel good. You still have to pay the full amount of course. But I’m guessing money is not really the problem.
Another thing I do a lot is to pick girls that work from home independently. Where I live there are some forums where the girls are active too and you can just tell by the way they respond and the reviews from other customers, which are nice. I tend to go to regular girls while I’m not in a relationship (or when I’m in a poly one) so they know me and I know them.
But anyway, one thing I want to stress to you: I felt also awkward about doing this the first time. But now I regret not doing it earlier. Life is too short not to enjoy it. Sex is fun. I don’t care about how “my first time” came to pass, it doesn’t matter at all. Most people’s first times are in fact not too great, usually a haze of drink and stumbling around.
Anyway if I can give you more advice let me know. I was also a late virgin. And even though I did this I am still having a hard time chatting up girls. It will probably not solve all your problems but it will make you feel much less ‘left out’. At least it did for me.
cyr0catdrag0nz@sh.itjust.works 6 months ago
This isn’t funny or memorable, this is just kinda sad. Let introverts be comfy!
ZwoofBlaf@sh.itjust.works 6 months ago
Not all introverts want to be isolated though, a lot of of us struggle with inclusion.
macisr@sh.itjust.works 6 months ago
No discipline, no being consistent on anything.
psud@aussie.zone 6 months ago
Ah yes. What every boy needs is discipline. Every boy is improved by choosing a thing and sticking to it
Have you considered that everyone else in the world might not be identical to you?
morphballganon@lemmy.world 6 months ago
So glad I live in a blue state so I don’t get held to muggle standards
Thcdenton@lemmy.world 6 months ago
Lived in a blue state and still dealt with that shit.
Gullible@sh.itjust.works 6 months ago
I’m sorry you had to deal with depression but congratulations on conquering it!
Dagwood222@lemm.ee 6 months ago
There are actual sex therapists who specialize in this kind of thing.
flango@lemmy.eco.br 6 months ago
Book suggestion to face this times : My universities - Gorky.
AlexisFR@jlai.lu 6 months ago
Where is the rest of the story ?
Godort@lemm.ee 6 months ago
Dude is out there trying new things and getting experience. Once he stops looking for approval from everyone he’ll be much happier
Tylerdurdon@lemmy.world 6 months ago
Yep. It’s good to step out of your comfort zone and learn something new. Will you always succeed? Of course not, but the journey will teach you something about yourself.
InternetCitizen2@lemmy.world 6 months ago
He’ll discover he was never lost. Simply had to march to the beat of his own drum.
Honytawk@lemmy.zip 6 months ago
The problem is that he doesn’t always follow through.
He should at least try it. He can always quit later.