Open Menu
AllLocalCommunitiesAbout
lotide
AllLocalCommunitiesAbout
Login

So do I kiddo

⁨485⁩ ⁨likes⁩

Submitted ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com⁩ to ⁨[deleted]⁩

https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/pictrs/image/50e4aa21-ea6d-4541-9b33-ea42bac2d633.jpeg

source

Comments

Sort:hotnewtop
  • FrowingFostek@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    That kid takes union shits. I approve.

    source
  • RecluseRamble@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Now leave your phone on the table and let’s see how long it takes then.

    source
    • SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Just did, I still got earphones bud. Took 4 songs long. But desolation row is an 11 mins song

      source
      • prole@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        That song is a banger

        source
        • -> View More Comments
    • Demdaru@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Eh, I’ve read every label on cleaning products at least thrice, just around an hour.

      source
  • jbk@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    what having a phone does to a mf

    source
    • FlyingSquid@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      People who use their phone while pooping are gross.

      Read a book that everyone else in the bathroom has been touching like we did in the old days!

      source
      • Corkyskog@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        Forget your phone, no books. Guess I am reading the chemical composition of air freshener today…

        source
        • -> View More Comments
  • Kolanaki@yiffit.net ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Maybe he’s not constipated. Maybe he just takes really long shits. Like bowl filling poos that almost come back up to touch your butt.

    source
    • HeyMrDeadMan@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      You sit on the toilet to poop, but the poop never stops coming out of your butt. You have to start flushing the toilet every two minutes to keep up. You try to pinch your butt closed but that makes your insides hurt. The poop accelerates. You call 911. The paramedics call for doctors. The doctors call for specialists. The story trends on Twitter. You turn down talk show appearances. Your septic tank fails. People form a cult. Your toilet is finished. Volunteers arrive with buckets and shovels. You are completely used to the smell. The poop accelerates. You are moved to a stepladder with a hole in the top step. The poop accelerates. The shovelers abandon the buckets and shovel directly out the window. The poop accelerates. A candlelight vigil forms around your house. One of the workers falls over and can’t free himself. The poop accelerates. A priest knocks over the stepladder and tackles you out the window. You land in the pile. The poop accelerates. The force now propels you forward and upward. Vigil goers grab at your legs. The poop ignites from their candles. The Facebook live event hits 1 million viewers. The poop accelerates. You are 30 feet in the air. The fire engulfs the vigil and your house. 60 feet. The poop accelerates. The torrent underneath you is deafening. 5 million Facebook live viewers. You try to close up shop but your butthole disintegrated long ago. 120 feet up. Your house explodes. The poop accelerates. 1000 feet. You are now tracked on radar. You try to change your angle of ascent but you should have thought of that way earlier. The poop accelerates. 4,000 feet. NORAD upgrades to DEFCON 3. Concentric circles of fire engulf your city. The poop accelerates. You have broken the sound barrier. 30,000 feet. You no longer take in enough oxygen to sustain consciousness. 60,000 feet. CNN is reporting on all the world records you’ve broken. 200,000 feet. You are no longer alive. The poop accelerates. Your body disintegrates but your poop contrail remains. NASA can no longer track you. You break the light-speed barrier and we can no longer bear witness. The poop accelerates. Forever.

      source
      • Coconut1233@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        It has been a while sice i have seen this

        source
      • Jimbo@yiffit.net ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        Keep going, I’m so close

        (Not really)

        source
      • Forne@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        This is the story of this man if he did not know how to control his power.

        source
      • EpicVision@monero.town ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        Was this written by AI? Because this would be a really funny use of AI.

        source
        • -> View More Comments
  • june@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    2 hours is a lot, but some folks do have conditions that make pooping take longer. I’m one of those people and it was always aggravating as fuck getting in trouble for pooping. I ended up just holding it all day for the most part even when it became painful.

    source
    • penquin@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      You’re not alone. I stay a minimum of 20 minutes every time with or without a phone. That’s just how it works for me.

      source
  • PunnyName@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Psyllium husk. It’ll change your life for the better.

    source
    • SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Ispaghol we call it here

      source
  • MrJameGumb@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Probably just needs more fiber

    source
  • Drusas@kbin.social ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Jesus, someone get that kid to a doctor.

    source
  • Atin@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    That kid is going to have piles the size of grapefruit.

    source
  • ATDA@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Kids a genius, figured out office jobs in elementary.

    source
  • Kill_John_Lennon@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    I seriously wish all of you slow shitters not to ever find out that you have a hemorrhoid problem.

    source
  • RatBin@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Ahh the serial killer font handwriting, truly whimsical

    source
  • Pickle_Jr@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    2hrs 15 minutes? Dang that’s a fast record!

    source
  • elvith@feddit.de ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    2h 15mins?

    Those are rookie numbers!

    source
  • Amir@lemmy.ml ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    same

    source