I have always felt bad for ânon-practicingâ pedophiles. It must be a horribly lonely thing to go through. Not only are you universally hated, but you have desires and longings you can -never- act on, a need that can -never- be fulfilled. Add to that the isolation⊠it must be hell. And all because of something they canât change. And the worst thing about it is that the hatred is so understandable. Where someoneâs kids are involved, of course they wonât take any risks. Of course theyâre going to lash out at anything and anyone that might be dangerous. Itâs a visceral thing.
But youâre right. This idea that every pedophile wants to rape kids is probably very damaging. Not just to the pedophiles themselves, but also the kids around them. When you push someone into a secret corner where they canât talk to people about their issues, where they canât be honest, canât get help⊠youâll only make sure that some of them donât look for help, when they might have otherwise. Someone with nothing to lose is more dangerous than someone with some social net.
Maybe I would feel different if I had kids myself, but I have always approached it from a rational point of view. Does every heterosexual guy rape women? Does every heterosexual woman rape men? Does every gay man rape men? No, of course not. So why assume that every pedophile rapes children? I am no expert, but I assume there are way more people with these feelings than we would like to know. Luckily most humans have some sort of self-control.
chetradley@lemm.ee âš4â© âšweeksâ© ago
Youâre not far off. As a parent, the idea of someone sexualizing my kids in any way makes me seethe. Like there are people I wouldnât let my kids be alone with for a second just because they give me bad vibes.
But I do have to concede that itâs a psychological thing that people have, even if I wish they didnât. I have to imagine that if anyone got to choose, then they certainly wouldnât opt for that. I agree that the âkill your local pedoâ mentality drives these people into the shadows where they wonât seek help, and may actually victimize kids. I just donât know if I have the ability to look at someone with that mindset and be totally free of judgement, even if they do seek help.
volvoxvsmarla@lemm.ee âš4â© âšweeksâ© ago
Iâm a parent too, and here are my thoughts on this. I would rather knowingly live next to a pedophile - someone who outs themselves and goes to therapy - than not knowing about whether or not my neighbor has ever had such tendencies. I wouldnât forbid them from having contact with my child, if they are sure it is not too hard for them, and obviously, keep them supervised. (I have barely ever left my child with another adult outside of the kindergarten setting though.) As was commented above, pedophilia is a valid and incredibly unfortunate, isolating and lonely sexual orientation and a disorder that can be treated, if not âcuredâ. I wholeheartedly agree with what you said about societyâs hostile mentality driving people into the shadows and keeping them from seeking help.
I also want to point out that the majority of minor sex offenders (sorry I canât remember the correct term, English isnât my first language) has no pedophilic tendencies. A lot of sexual assault happens not because of attraction but because of power, dominance, violence, control. Itâs something so important to keep in mind. Your local pedo might be the nicest and most harmless guy, while some other, heterosexual and ânormalâ oriented person in your neighborhood might have actually assaulted a child. Not having pedophilic tendencies does not mean a person wonât commit pedophilic acts.
In a way, my heart goes out to pedophiles. I canât imagine how incredibly lonely it must be to have a desire for intimacy only with people who you will never, under any circumstances, be allowed to touch. You will never be able to act on your desires. You will never be allowed to live like yourself, be yourself fully. This must be hell. Even without the witch hunt. The least we can do as a society is to offer all the help and support we can get.
(It goes without saying - fuck all sexual offenders.)
AI_toothbrush@lemmy.zip âš4â© âšweeksâ© ago
I totally understand your point of view as well. You cannot expect someone to be rational when their kids or family is on the line. Its the same reason for why the victims family doesnt have a say in the sentencing of the offende.
DonPiano@feddit.org âš3â© âšweeksâ© ago
Thatâs when you should expect it more. Mistaking what is and isnât a threat creates danger, also for the family, that neednât be there.