Comment on Please dont feed the creatures 🪱

AI_toothbrush@lemmy.zip ⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

• wide_eyed_stupid@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  I have always felt bad for ‘non-practicing’ pedophiles. It must be a horribly lonely thing to go through. Not only are you universally hated, but you have desires and longings you can -never- act on, a need that can -never- be fulfilled. Add to that the isolation… it must be hell. And all because of something they can’t change. And the worst thing about it is that the hatred is so understandable. Where someone’s kids are involved, of course they won’t take any risks. Of course they’re going to lash out at anything and anyone that might be dangerous. It’s a visceral thing.

  But you’re right. This idea that every pedophile wants to rape kids is probably very damaging. Not just to the pedophiles themselves, but also the kids around them. When you push someone into a secret corner where they can’t talk to people about their issues, where they can’t be honest, can’t get help… you’ll only make sure that some of them don’t look for help, when they might have otherwise. Someone with nothing to lose is more dangerous than someone with some social net.

  Maybe I would feel different if I had kids myself, but I have always approached it from a rational point of view. Does every heterosexual guy rape women? Does every heterosexual woman rape men? Does every gay man rape men? No, of course not. So why assume that every pedophile rapes children? I am no expert, but I assume there are way more people with these feelings than we would like to know. Luckily most humans have some sort of self-control.

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  • AI_toothbrush@lemmy.zip ⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    You worded it very well. I also think that much more people have pedophilia than you would think at first. Thats one of the reasons why i think so many rich people take part in diddy and epstien parties. If you never got help, and have so much money that you feel untouchable, you will take advantage of people around you because there are no repercussions.

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• chetradley@lemm.ee ⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  You’re not far off. As a parent, the idea of someone sexualizing my kids in any way makes me seethe. Like there are people I wouldn’t let my kids be alone with for a second just because they give me bad vibes.

  But I do have to concede that it’s a psychological thing that people have, even if I wish they didn’t. I have to imagine that if anyone got to choose, then they certainly wouldn’t opt for that. I agree that the “kill your local pedo” mentality drives these people into the shadows where they won’t seek help, and may actually victimize kids. I just don’t know if I have the ability to look at someone with that mindset and be totally free of judgement, even if they do seek help.

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  • volvoxvsmarla@lemm.ee ⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    I’m a parent too, and here are my thoughts on this. I would rather knowingly live next to a pedophile - someone who outs themselves and goes to therapy - than not knowing about whether or not my neighbor has ever had such tendencies. I wouldn’t forbid them from having contact with my child, if they are sure it is not too hard for them, and obviously, keep them supervised. (I have barely ever left my child with another adult outside of the kindergarten setting though.) As was commented above, pedophilia is a valid and incredibly unfortunate, isolating and lonely sexual orientation and a disorder that can be treated, if not “cured”. I wholeheartedly agree with what you said about society’s hostile mentality driving people into the shadows and keeping them from seeking help.

    I also want to point out that the majority of minor sex offenders (sorry I can’t remember the correct term, English isn’t my first language) has no pedophilic tendencies. A lot of sexual assault happens not because of attraction but because of power, dominance, violence, control. It’s something so important to keep in mind. Your local pedo might be the nicest and most harmless guy, while some other, heterosexual and “normal” oriented person in your neighborhood might have actually assaulted a child. Not having pedophilic tendencies does not mean a person won’t commit pedophilic acts.

    In a way, my heart goes out to pedophiles. I can’t imagine how incredibly lonely it must be to have a desire for intimacy only with people who you will never, under any circumstances, be allowed to touch. You will never be able to act on your desires. You will never be allowed to live like yourself, be yourself fully. This must be hell. Even without the witch hunt. The least we can do as a society is to offer all the help and support we can get.

    (It goes without saying - fuck all sexual offenders.)

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  • AI_toothbrush@lemmy.zip ⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    I totally understand your point of view as well. You cannot expect someone to be rational when their kids or family is on the line. Its the same reason for why the victims family doesnt have a say in the sentencing of the offende.

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    • DonPiano@feddit.org ⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      That’s when you should expect it more. Mistaking what is and isn’t a threat creates danger, also for the family, that needn’t be there.

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• Oka@sopuli.xyz ⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Or you’re like me and think you’re a pedophile because you don’t like men or women sexually. I’m just asexual. Thanks therapy!

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  • AI_toothbrush@lemmy.zip ⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    Oof thats rough bur happy you go over that!

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  • Contemporarium@lemm.ee ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    Can you walk me through how you came to that conclusion? I’m gay myself and have always known do I’m not sure how t something like this happens. What made you think you were into kids in the first place?

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    • Oka@sopuli.xyz ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      Didn’t know that there were other options besides straight, gay, and bi. When I didn’t fall cleanly in one of those, I considered what other options were there. I was always unsure, but i went in a wrong direction full of guilt and depression, thinking if im not those, the only other option is…the worst. We don’t know what we don’t know.

      I never met an asexual, or a demisexual, or any other sexuality, up to this point. I may have heard the term asexual, but it was never described to me in a way that I could relate. It wasn’t until after RE-WATCHING Bojack Horseman that I actually did thorough research on the topic, and all the stars aligned. The first time watching, it just didn’t click, I knew there was an asexual character, but I didn’t connect that i could be asexual.

      I went 25 years not knowing I could be asexual. I’m 30 now. I only wish there was more representation as I grew up, but once I found out, I became the change I wanted to see, and started expressing it in my clothing, sharing with others, and helping clear up confusion.

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      • Contemporarium@lemm.ee ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

        Thanks for sharing. I’m glad you found yourself and I’m sorry you thought that about yourself for so long. Can’t imagine

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      • GaMEChld@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

        Life’s a hell of a trip man. I was 34 before getting diagnosed with ADHD, which made my entire life suddenly made sense. Oh, turns out I have narcolepsy too, and I’ve been punished for my sleep patterns and issues my entire childhood. Who knew narcolepsy isn’t necessarily how it’s portrayed in movies?

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  • Cryophilia@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    That shit makes no goddamn sense and you should feel bad for ever considering it.

    Handy flowchart for determining if you’re a pedophile

    Are you attracted to children?

    • yes: pedophile

    • no: not pedophile

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    • Oka@sopuli.xyz ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      Who hurt you?

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      • Cryophilia@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

        I have no patience for people who self-victimize.

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• JustAnotherKay@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  I remember, back in middle school, reading about this guy who requested to be on the sex offender list because he noticed as he got older that the age group he was interested wasn’t changing. He started feeling attraction in middle school, towards middle schoolers, and it never changed.

  Imagine my fear when I started feeling attraction to people in middle school lol.

  But in any case, yeah. There are some people who notice they have a gross aspect about them and they go and fuckin do something about it. I’m a narcissist. I have a superiority complex. I have all sorts of issues and I’m super honest about them and I try to fight them in my head every day.

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  • Angelusz@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    Don’t worry, the rest of us know you’re not superior, so we will hold the truth for you! But good on you for taking that bull by its horns.

    (tongue is in cheek btw)

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    • JustAnotherKay@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      The rest of us know you’re not superior

      You might be surprised, I’m actually genuinely better than…

      Wait fuck I’m doing it again aren’t I

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• shneancy@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  i’m happy to see more people having a proper think about this, and getting rid of the learnt reaction to just say “kill all pedos”. Years ago i came to the same conclusion - that ostricising and shaming people who struggle with pedophilic desires is simply not a good idea, it pushes those individuals into isolation, and could result in them bottling up their urges so desperately that one day they become too strong.

  there’s nuance in everything, and compassion is important. i’d rather have a friend who felt safe telling me about his pedophilic desires, so i could support them in therapy. than a friend too afraid to tell anyone, and fighting the unwanted desires alone

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• thebigslime@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  A decade ago I listened to an episode of This American Life about non-offending pedophiles. It was very interesting.

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• pineapplelover@lemm.ee ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Pedophilia is a quirk?

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  • HatchetHaro@pawb.social ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    it is a paraphilic disorder. a paraphilia is basically a fetish; a paraphilic disorder is a paraphilia that, if satisfied, is harmful to society or self.

    i’ve also seen some people describe it as a sexual orientation. i disagree with that, but at the same time homosexuality was considered a paraphilia a while ago, and the difference between sexuality and kink isn’t quite so well defined or researched.

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  • GaMEChld@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    Quirk - a peculiar behavioral habit.

    Ehh, I’d say it’s probably a poor fit for pedophilia. Maybe the actual act of sleeping with children could be considered a “quirk” but as a sexuality probably not.

    But if you’re talking about a My Hero Academia reference, then it’s the shittiest ability I’ve heard of!

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    • AI_toothbrush@lemmy.zip ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      Its especially bad one because most characters in mha are underage from my understanding.

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• underwire212@lemm.ee ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  I’d say pedophilia is a tad more than just a “quirk”.

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  • MTK@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    Yeah but that’s just semantics. I wouldn’t phrase it that way but in the context of the comment I don’t think this is an attempt at reducing the issue

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• HatchetHaro@pawb.social ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  this current aversion to underage sexual relations is entirely based on societal standards.

  for example, the whole talk of “pedophiles are monsters” are pretty much exclusive to the western world due to the US being on a pedophile scare craze, so much so that sitting at a playground would already give you the “child predator” label and have the police called on you.

  in the eastern world, on the other hand, it’s less prominent. it’s treated as a crime, yes, but it’s not sensationalized. as an extreme example, lolicon media is legal in Japan, and some anime is stuffed with sexualized depictions of adolescent-looking girls that happen to be like a hundred years old or something. it’s all legal, because it’s not real, and there’s way less of a scare about it.

  in ancient Greece, pederasty was socially-acceptable, where a man can enter a romantic and sexual relationship with a male youth. also, bottoming was shameful and would get you ridiculed, so any sex in pederasty was often intercrural (between the thighs). the whole thing really throws a wrench into the whole “ancient Greece was a gay haven” thing. shit was wild.

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  • Allero@lemmy.today ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

    Small yes and big no.

    Sure, there is an element of social panic that harms a lot of people in weird ways and may even worsen the trauma of CSA survivors. We need to come to a more balanced view on that particular issue.

    But that’s not the primary reason such acts are harmful. Sexual abuse of minors is treated this way because of a simple thing: adults hold systematic power and are in the position of authority over children (which must happen, otherwise parenthood and upbringing will break).

    Thus, children do not feel free to reject the interaction, even if they are not directly forced. This leads to inability to predict whether the consent was given in good consciousness or under pressure, and children are normally not interested in sexual exploration outside basic curiosity for anything at all. As a result, they get involved in highly intimate and potentially very gross activity without adequate means and power to reject it immediately, which is potentially deeply traumatic.

    As per cultures, there’s a lot of stuff that went on in different places and ages. Greece had pederasty, it also had slavery and complete patriarchy. Japanese culture is very sexually extreme and explores a lot of non-consensual sexual violence, and women are commonly targeted by perverts of all kinds etc. etc.

    Just because it was or is active somewhere doesn’t mean we should do it too.

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    • HatchetHaro@pawb.social ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

      hard agree on everything said here.

      keep in mind i’ve never stated what should or shouldn’t be. all i’ve stated is that societal standards surrounding this subject have always been different between different cultures and times.

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      • Allero@lemmy.today ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

        I see, could be misunderstanding on my end. Glad to be on the same page here!

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• azalty@jlai.lu ⁨6⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  This^ but I often badly word it 😂

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