I appreciate how your posts are immediately recognizable, even before one sees the username.
so many guys, so many optionsš³
Submitted āØāØ13ā© āØhoursā© agoā© by āØdid_you_find_violets@lemmy.worldā© to āØ[deleted]ā©
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/07bb57f7-50fe-4207-b659-a00aa6cc404d.jpeg
Comments
lena@gregtech.eu āØ11ā© āØhoursā© ago
CIA_chatbot@lemmy.world āØ9ā© āØhoursā© ago
Hell I donāt even have to use CIA powers to spy on Violet, I just check her shit posts and I know what(who) sheās doing and where sheās at
SharkWeek@lemmy.blahaj.zone āØ4ā© āØhoursā© ago
Not helped by South Korean guys being, on average, pretty sexist and not having much stamina.
According to my friends, and thin hotel walls on occasion.
jdr@lemmy.ml āØ10ā© āØhoursā© ago
Inside you there are seven wolves
justme@lemmy.dbzer0.com āØ9ā© āØhoursā© ago
oh my God, take them out!
tired_fedora@lemmy.ml āØ10ā© āØhoursā© ago
I came here smiling, yet you made me chuckle.
CIA_chatbot@lemmy.world āØ9ā© āØhoursā© ago
ā¦.brazzers
EyIchFragDochNur@lemmy.world āØ11ā© āØhoursā© ago
Which of the wolves are you? Sure not the sheep
blimthepixie@lemmy.dbzer0.com āØ5ā© āØhoursā© ago
5ha99y@lemmus.org āØ4ā© āØhoursā© ago
Well, I am a reasonable guy (I think and hope. The global bias often makes me question myself twice) and have been on dating apps. They were all pretty silent for me. I think being not showing and interested, nothing will happen on there especially for a guy, because women are occupied by guys that are bothersome and one of them might seem fine. That is the reason why I left dating apps again. Itās nothing but a meat festival and the fight for who gets the meatā¦ The strategy between men and women is just different. Men are the bothering ones and women need to choose (which is no different than on parties or even in primitive cultures actually). But I donāt want to bother other people, I dont even want to waste my energy for that. So I just moved away again.
trxxruraxvr@lemmy.world āØ11ā© āØhoursā© ago
For good looking women I donāt think it will be much different anywhere else.
Blurntout@lemmy.ca āØ13ā© āØhoursā© ago
Got anyway to separate the chaff from the rod? š¤£
errer@lemmy.world āØ9ā© āØhoursā© ago
The art is pretty cool, who made it?
HulkSmashBurgers@reddthat.com āØ10ā© āØhoursā© ago
IRC has way more guys than women. From everything Iāve read itās not worth using for most guys. In general dating apps suck (or so Iāve heard).
Just curious are you South Korean?
did_you_find_violets@lemmy.world āØ10ā© āØhoursā© ago
no, iām Swiss
dismay3915@lemmy.world āØ8ā© āØhoursā© ago
Youāre talking about the IRC messenger?
HulkSmashBurgers@reddthat.com āØ8ā© āØhoursā© ago
No Iām using IRC as an acronym for āIf I remember correctlyā
tired_fedora@lemmy.ml āØ10ā© āØhoursā© ago
Oooooh, cool meme template!
Stinkywizzleteats@piefed.social āØ9ā© āØhoursā© ago
the worst part about dating apps is you can be as charming and attractive as you want, if you donāt pay no one will see you. pictures of me and my pets being adorable should have at least gotten me one cat lady but it was like I was in another universe by myself. bumble will give you the same 2-3 āmatchesā within 48 hours that you canāt see unless you pay.
Iām an elder millennial and I remember when I could give a girl my number, tell her I think sheās pretty and want to chat, then walk away. it was successful because itās non-intrusive. I didnāt stand around to press them. they knew what I looked like and the ball was in their court to decide what they wanted to do. how do we get back to that? Iām terrified of becoming an internet post now if I approach someone.
my ex cheated on me with a married man who had a pregnant wife and she is thriving even though she canāt keep a relationship. she just goes on these apps and it happens with no effort. meanwhile Im progressive, have a good job, own property, financially stable, I adore my family and pets, Iām traditionally attractive, and itās freaking crickets unless I pay. a relationship cant be founded like that. Iām not paying for a partner. I want to be desired because I exist as I am.
at least I get to make a cuddle puddle with my cats and dog every day so my heart is full.
to any other dudes struggling Iām with you, I canāt help, but you arenāt alone. just keep being good people. that wonāt help you find anyone but at least you can say you arenāt garbage.
Katana314@lemmy.world āØ4ā© āØhoursā© ago
My main evolution in the past decade is I donāt blame women anymore. I just blame toxic social culture and predatory dating apps.
Furbag@pawb.social āØ8ā© āØhoursā© ago
Men and women are playing fundamentally different games when on the dating apps.
Even unattractive women can go from clearing out their inbox to having 30 or 40 likes/swipes in a couple of hours, with basically no effort required on their part. If they are conventionally attractive, that number goes way up. Eventually, theyāll run dry of the pool and it will slow down significantly, but there will always be more men cycling in over time. Itās easy and effortless, but unfortunately itās not all rosy for the gals. Thereās a serious lack of quality in the hordes of horny men. If your objective was just to hook up with someone, you could easily reel in the most handsome guy who swiped on your profile, but if you want someone who is husband/partner material, you have to separate the wheat from the chaff, and thatās hard to do when opening the app sometimes feels like a chore, even if it gives you a confidence/ego boost.
For men, on the other hand, itās mostly a numbers game. Sure, you actually have to try when you do match with someone, you skim their profile and look for something to hook onto and cold open hoping that they notice and appreciate that you took the time to read about them rather than just belting out āey bby u want sum fuk?ā. But you canāt get too attached to any one potential match - not getting a response or getting ghosted is quite common. Attractive men do not have it much easier, since thereās so much noise in the system that unless you are that personās type, or an absolute unicorn, you still have to distinguish yourself through conversation and prove you are not a weirdo.
I agree with you though, paying to get your profile boosted, while obviously a good business tactic from the app devs, feels wrong and scummy. When I did it, I rationalized that I was simply paying for the service and it was not just me paying to be matched up with someone, or presenting a badge on my profile that says āI have enough expendable income to pay to be noticedā.
I think we lost something when courtship shifted from real-life engagements to online spaces. Something fundamental to the chemistry of attraction and romance.
Fredselfish@lemmy.world āØ5ā© āØhoursā© ago
Unfortunately I heard the ghosting is actually coming from the app itself. I heard horror stories were the app blocked your messages and such and vis vesa. The app today donāt want you to find someone just keep you on the app.
Stinkywizzleteats@piefed.social āØ8ā© āØhoursā© ago
oh yeah Iām totally sympathetic to women on the garbage men part. an I understand how Iām caught in that net. I donāt lump women in with my ex. sheās an individual. I really wish I would not be lumped in with Andrew Tate. like therapy said I canāt control peopleās preconceived notions and Iāll destroy myself if I try.
MountingSuspicion@reddthat.com āØ9ā© āØhoursā© ago
I know people who donāt pay and do ok on the apps. I donāt know if itās your area or your profile, but maybe try to get some feedback from women irl or online if you havenāt already. I know a lot of millennial women got off the apps a bit back, so that might also be a factor.
For what itās worth, Iāve generally only seen this sentiment from people who donāt know how to behave around women. Maybe youāre an exception, but most normal guys I know donāt have an issue with that. They may be nervous to approach, but never out of fear of being lambasted online. If this is a real concern for you, Iād suggest reading some of these posts and just not behaving in the way they have an issue with.
Stinkywizzleteats@piefed.social āØ8ā© āØhoursā© ago
my friends group was mostly girls in my 20s until I got into my last relationship. so Iām definitely not one of those guys. Iām also the son of a single mom special ed teacher and I had a sister (who unfortunately died of an overdose). womenās issues are ingrained in the fabric of my childhood. if I can get girls to talk to me I get a relationship or a friendship. Iāve never had anyone cast me out of their life so I know Iām someone people want to be around.
the no girls my age thing is real. I donāt want kids so that cuts out most girls my age that do show up. I live like 30min from a major metropolitan area but itās in the south so itās a lot of religious conservatives. we donāt mesh. the girls I see that would be a fit never respond. I know Iām attractive because I had a Myspace fanclub. thatās how I found out my ex was in to me. Iām no Henry Cavill but I donāt hurt to look at.
all the girls that were in my life are married or I lost contact. Iām not messaging a married woman out of the blue to review my dating profile. my family also has a problem with only being positive so there will be absolutely no constructive criticism from them no matter how hard they try. itās like a disease in my family. the internet has also done a number on me. my ex-cheated on me with a married man who had a pregnant wife back in 2017, I found out in 2021. having someone do that then going on the internet and seeing all the hate towards men really did a number on my confidence. Iāve been nothing but a good person and now Iām viewed as a defacto danger unless someone vouches for me. my fears come from a real place. Iām not imagining all of this and that fear isnāt an āincelā thing. I guess technically Iām an incel. also therapy can only get you so far. I need the community around me to corroborate the positive things Iām being told and there is a disconnect.
I think I just need to start speed dating so that I can actually interact with people. I got jokes and personality. all the good pictures of me doing fun things have my ex in them because we were together for 15 years. so my dating profile pictures are selfies, pictures of me and my pets, and pictures of me being a cute kid. you would figure being a progressive empathetic person would get you at least one match but I guess not.
also I donāt just swipe right on everyone so this is also a preference thing. we both have to match to talk to each other so itās a mutual thing. I probably have a bunch of girls on these apps attracted to me that Iām not attracted to. they are probably going through the same feelings Iām going through.
itās definitely not a āwomen badā situation and i refuse to lower my filter. Iām not dating a MAGAt just to be in a relationship and Iām not going to parent anyones kids.
Iām going to keep trying though and one day Iāll find my diamond. we will watch cartoons on Saturday mornings and shower each other with snuggs and hugs.