Why do russian parents insist on being treated to home cooked meals?

Comments

• mrcleanup@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  There’s a lot of good thoughts here, but don’t forget the effect that rationalization as a coping mechanism has on behavior.

  For example if restaurants were so expensive growing up that they never got to go, they have the choice of feeling like they are missing out or rationalizing that what they have is better to stop wanting the things they can’t have.

  Later when there are affordable restaurants, they still carry that rationalization with them and may not even realize it. They may actually believe it at this point.

  Not saying this is the case with your parents, but this kind of thing happens all the time in every culture.

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• 01189998819991197253@infosec.pub ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Invite them over for a home served meal, Mrs. Doubtfire style lol

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• Medic8teMe@lemmy.ca ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  Perhaps they should cook for you instead. That would be a nice thing to do for thier child’s bday since they dislike restaurants so much.

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  • ieatmeat@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    They usually cook when I come over, I guess now they expect me to return the favor

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• protist@mander.xyz ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  On your birthday, you get to pick

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• itsathursday@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  There’s a common old world view that going to a restaurant is either for rich people with too much money or for stupid people that don’t know how to cook. So it’s more a class based frugality thing that then also is a comfort thing because doing something outside the norm would be to be in public and not be in a private space where everyone can be themselves and follow the usual family dynamics. Restaurants are also commonly a special occasion thing too but seems your folks don’t have the memo on that one. Devils advocate, they probably want you to save your money and want more quality time with you and give you the “opportunity” to host them as they have done for you and others in the past and probably they enjoyed doing so?

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• ickplant@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  I don’t know, man, my Russian parents go out to a restaurant for every single occasion.

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• Nemo@slrpnk.net ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  It’s more personal and shows live and care. Its special and tastes better.

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  • ieatmeat@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    I get it, but on the other hand I don’t want to spend half of my birthday in the kitchen

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    • Yaky@slrpnk.net ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

      You see Ivan, birthday is for other people to eat, drink, and have fun, not for you.

      Kinda like a big wedding in the US I guess? Bride and groom are not the ones having fun.

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  • Steve@communick.news ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    You had me until “it tasts better”.
    That’s entirely dependent on the cook. And very few home cooked meals are better than average restaurants. There’s a reason restaurants and professional cooks can make a living. If home cooking was so much better so often, nobody would bother going out to eat.

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    • Nemo@slrpnk.net ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

      I go put to eat because I can get a meal that’s almost as good as homemade with about four hours less preparation on my part. That’s why people go out to eat.

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    • Onomatopoeia@lemmy.cafe ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

      It takes very little knowledge or effort for a home cooked meal to cost 1/4 of, and taste better than, 90% of restaurants.

      And after a few years of cooking that number rises to 98%+ of restaurants.

      You can’t pay me to eat at a chain of any kind any more. At this point I have to go to a specialty place (where the entrees are $50 to $100) to eat better than I do at home.

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• Yaky@slrpnk.net ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  Are they (post-)soviet boomers? There are some cultural things that I noticed too, some amusing, some frustrating.

  • Home food is automatically better than restaurant food, as you said. Also, somehow, any burger is automatically viewed as McDonalds burger (i.e. bad)
  • Unsolicited advice and unprompted attempts to help.
  • Insistence on getting you a gift or accepting a never-requested gift. “Here’s a nice thing, it was expensive and difficult to get, you should like it”.
  • Viewing self as “a burden”. Being offered food, comfort, or accomodation is rejected because “I don’t want to impose”. Sometimes goes into “suffering builds character” mindset, which is nonsense.

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  • ieatmeat@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    Yep that pretty much hits home.

    We’re Soviet era restaurants so bad that they all prefer home cooked? Or were they unaffordable for the average citizen back then? Or was it just a social norm to cook food for your guests?

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    • Yaky@slrpnk.net ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

      AFAICT restaurants were few, expensive, and difficult to get into (i.e. not for regular people on regular basis), and the option for regular people would be stolovaya (cafeteria?) which is simple, probably mediocre food.

      So seems like if you don’t have the connections and want decent food, make it yourself.

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• lasta@piefed.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  It is custom in some cultures, including mine, to host holidays and personal events in your own home and visit friends and family in their homes when it is their turn. There may not be (or have been at the time) a good selection of restaurants, those restaurants might be expensive or exclusive, and inviting someone for a home cooked meal feels like the more personal and thoughtful thing to do. Some older generations have a hard time letting go of these customs without understanding that circumstances have changed (less family and community support, more options for eating out).

  It can be exhausting having to regularly host and clean before and after large groups of people on top of all your other responsibilities and I can’t blame anyone for wanting to celebrate in a restaurant or somewhere outside the home.

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• Solumbran@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  What does that have to do with being russian?

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  • ieatmeat@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    I get the sense that it’s very common or at least used to be common in Soviet Union to always invite your friends to your home and treat them to home made meals when there was something to celebrate. It seems that going out to restaurants used to be not an option for whatever reason, but I can only guess.

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    • West_of_West@piefed.social ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

      In Soviet Russia the restaurant is you!

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    • Onomatopoeia@lemmy.cafe ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

      That’s not uniquely Russian.

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    • ickplant@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

      You do understand that in communist Russia there were very few restaurants, and only the select few could afford to get in and eat there? Eating out wasn’t a thing at all.

      My Russian parents go out for every occasion because they would rather have someone else cook and clean. Plus the food is much more diverse and usually better cooked.

      Judging by how now in Russia there are hundreds of thousands of restaurants, I would say that not all Russian parents prefer home cooked meals. But yours do.

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  • j5906@feddit.org ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    I have many russian (+ukrainian/kazakhstan etc.) friends and in fact they have a somewhat different attitude to food and restaurants as compared to europeans.

    From my point of view they enjoy preparing food together, everyone brings something with them (salad, pickles, vodka… all of course self made), whereas in european countries I feel its more expected that the host provides the food already on the table or you go to a restaurant.

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• jerkface@lemmy.ca ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  how do you know when someone is needlessly cruel and violent to vulnerable individuals don’t worry they never stop telling you ha ha ha cool name dude

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  • ieatmeat@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    Well said, jerkface

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    • starlinguk@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

      I mean, your handle is a bit… offensive? Dumb? Idiotic?

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• ExLisper@lemmy.curiana.net ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  Very ungrateful and selfish. It’s your birthday, your deciding. If they don’t like your plans invite someone else.

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