Well atp, it’s just genetics and hormones, which isn’t really her fault either lol
Comment on She only wanted the ring bros
Hello_there@fedia.io 1 day ago
The fun part is when you are involved and it still happens
cm0002@infosec.pub 1 day ago
wizardbeard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 day ago
Long as it’s still the man’s fault for desiring intimacy, am I right or am I right ladies?
The assumption that it’s always a neglectful husband causing marital issues is incredibly demoralizing, especially when the response to “but what if it isn’t a neglectful husband” is this sort of thing. Just more reasons why the man is the one being unreasonable.
Look, no man is “owed” their wife’s affections or physical intimacy. But it is often an important piece of an adult romantic relationship, and it’s not unreasonable for a member of that relationship to have some feelings about things changing over time, or suddenly for that matter.
sneakypersimmon@lemmy.today 14 hours ago
The fault isn’t with desiring intimacy. Do you think women never desire intimacy? Do you think married women who have brought life into the world never want intimacy?
Men also can’t expect their wives to be open and available for sex if there isn’t a level of respect. Not being involved with child rearing and the house is showing his wife that he doesn’t care to help. That he doesn’t care enough about HER to be willing to help. THAT is usually a key part in not feeling loved and in turn killing the intimacy.
wizardbeard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 13 hours ago
Please reread the chain of comments. This is specifically about situations where there is respect, involvement with child rearing, and with household running/chores/etc.
a_non_monotonic_function@lemmy.world 20 hours ago
Holy fuck, this thread is a circle jerk of “God, I know her vagina was stitched shut and she cant get enough calories but, damn it, I wanna fuck after she rocks the kid to sleep.”
It isn’t her fucking feelings you divorce demanding loser.
wizardbeard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 13 hours ago
That is a complete and total strawman. No one has said anything about such clearly unreasonable shit like wanting sex immediately after a newborn, or while the woman is recovering/post-partum/etc.
How is anyone supposed to have a calm and respectful conversation about this stuff when the moment you even brush up against it slightly, the “men are all horrible awful pigs and it’s all their fault” brigade comes out in full force?
I’m sorry so very many people have encountered so many god awful men as they have. I am, as best as I can, doing what I can to not be one of them.
And there are still intimacy issues in my relationship. Am I not allowed to talk about this because so many men have been awful that it’s just verboten? Fuck everything about that.
sneakypersimmon@lemmy.today 14 hours ago
It’s really gross in here.
Is it so shocking that there are many different reasons that a woman may not want sex as often after having a baby?
Men in here acting like women are punishing them by withholding sex ffs.
shawn1122@sh.itjust.works 21 hours ago
It is not always the mans fault but men don’t have the same needs when it comes to maintaining a long term sexual relationship.
Women generally need to feel a sense of emotional security, trust and connection for a long term relationship to thrive, especially in the bedroom. Men would like this too, but they don’t necessarily need it to continue a sexual relationship.
Unfortunately in many (perhaps most) relationships women do feel that a disproportionate share of household and childcare duties fall on them, which erodes at those core foundations of a healthy long term relationship.
Is it all on men to work this out? No. But if they want to take an active approach to maintaining the health of their relationship, meeting their partners emotional needs has the highest likelihood is doing that and keeping the bedroom alive.
wizardbeard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 hours ago
I think your point about differing needs is really the core of all of the friction. At least when we’re not talking about the worthless kind of husband demanding shit and not actually being present etc.
I can only speak for myself, but the presence or lack of physical intimacy has a massive effect on whether or not I feel: valued, appreciated, or desired in a relationship. Lack makes me start thinking things like “Am I your partner, or just the provider^tm^? Do you actually want me around when I’m not providing value, doing things for you? Is this a job or a relationship? Are you no longer attracted to me? Do you even really want to be near me, spend time with me?”
And note I keep using the phrase “physical intimacy”. I’m not a prude, if I meant sex I’d say it directly. That’s part, but not all of it.
When we potato on the couch, has it literally been months since my partner sat next to or leaned on me? Are they literally sitting on the opposite side, as far as they can possibly get away? Ok, is it a “I don’t feel safe” thing? No, they’ll sit with me when I ask, or when I go to them, but never of their own accord.
Stuff like that builds up over time, and personally, when I talk about stuff like this I’m talking patterns of behaviour over years, not “wah wah I couldn’t get the nookie when she was trying to figure out how to get a newborn to sleep through the night”.
So it’s infuriating when the horde comes out to insist the only reason there could possibly be problems is if the guy is a shitpile, and that there’s always layers upon layers for why it’s never okay for a man to feel anything about a lack of physical intimacy. For fucks sake I do my part, I do everything I can to meet her emotional and other needs. Am I not allowed to feel like I’m being treated as a roommate rather than a partner? Am I not allowed to feel like I’m not desired? What about my own emotional needs? No, because so many shitpile men exist I guess.
ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 hours ago
I wish I could be that picky lol, if I had to feel safe, understood, and appreciated I’d still be a virgin lmao. If I ever told a woman “no I want to feel safe, understood, and appreciated” I’d be called an incel. At best she’d get the ick and ghost me, at the most generous interpretation because “if I need that from her how am I going to provide it to her” (but I honestly think it’s because desiring “safety and understanding” isn’t “manly” and “appreciation” “what do you mean…patriarchy…women are the ones who aren’t appreciated…yadda yadda.” Sort of the same deal as the classic “I want a sensitive man who cries” and then the second you do she loses any semblance of respect for you as a person.)
captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
Is affection a thing that even exists?
Psionicsickness@reddthat.com 2 hours ago
No. So stop wishing for it and do something productive.
protist@retrofed.com 1 day ago
If that’s your perspective, is anyone ever responsible for anything? Or is it all just genetics and hormones
GargleBlaster@feddit.org 1 day ago
What stupid take.
If your hormones tell you to punch someone you should be reasonable enough not to do it.
If your hormones make you not horny, you shouldn’t force yourself to have sex.
Those are two totally different things.
a_non_monotonic_function@lemmy.world 11 hours ago
What stupid take.
If your hormones tell you to punch someone you should be reasonable enough not to do it.
Can you name the punching hormone for me? My degree is in a more technical field, so I was under the impression that they regulated tissues and organs.
Korhaka@sopuli.xyz 1 day ago
So it’s his fault or it’s not her fault?
a_non_monotonic_function@lemmy.world 20 hours ago
It doesn’t sound like you were actually involved.
Or you don’t understand what the mother’s body goes through.
sneakypersimmon@lemmy.today 14 hours ago
We’ve got men in here confused as to why women get more time off after giving birth.
a_non_monotonic_function@lemmy.world 11 hours ago
Probably pissed that they also don’t get a “vacation.”
sneakypersimmon@lemmy.today 14 hours ago
Oh no you put the “nice” coins into your wife and she didn’t give you sex like a vending machine??
Soulg@ani.social 10 hours ago
You need therapy, and probably to get out of the basement and interact with people outside