I agree, but the location was a bar. Kinda normal at a bar.
Comment on Anon asks out a girl
KoboldCoterie@pawb.social 8 hours agoA better approach would be to try to pick up a woman who’s alone, offer her a drink*,
A bit of a tangent, but I really hate this. Not meaning to call you out, this is a really common recommendation for an icebreaker and it’s also reinforced by popular media and the like, but it always feels to me like the implication is that if a man wants to approach a woman, they must buy something for them as part of that process. Like it’s a transaction fee to be given a chance.
frog_brawler@lemmy.world 7 hours ago
Ibuthyr@feddit.org 6 hours ago
Yeah, I think the way it was handled in the greentext was way more natural and sincere. No idea why it’s considered creepy. Buying some random woman a drink is just cringy.
lvxferre@mander.xyz 7 hours ago
I get your reasoning, but personally I never interpreted it as a transaction fee. It’s more like a token of good will; I do something similar when I find friends in a bar, too.
The main gender problematic I see is:
- If a woman approaches a man with a drink, society immediately labels both sides as bad.
- In some cases she’d be better off approaching a bear, but she won’t know it until it’s too late.
KoboldCoterie@pawb.social 7 hours ago
In some cases she’d be better off approaching a bear, but she won’t know it until it’s too late.
Sometimes he’d be better off approaching a bear, too, and also won’t know it until it’s too late. This isn’t a gender thing, this is just a “some people are shitty” thing.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 6 hours ago
amen. god forbid we acknowledge there are shitty people in the world, and their gender is irrelevant to their shittness.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 6 hours ago
i date actively.
most women expect you to pay your way into their company. in my city they had a poll, 80% of women expected a man to pay for a nice (expensive) first date otherwise he wasn’t worth dating.
zalgotext@sh.itjust.works 5 hours ago
Do you think it’s purely just sexism, or do you think it maybe has something to do with the strategy women must employ to protect themselves from being assaulted by strangers?
KoboldCoterie@pawb.social 5 hours ago
Is the implication, then, that people with money are never dangerous individuals?
zalgotext@sh.itjust.works 5 hours ago
No, not never, but a monetary barrier probably does filter out some bad actors. Not all of course, and it probably filters out some good actors too unfortunately. But with the amount of assaults women are faced with, I understand why they feel the need to be somewhat choosy.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 5 hours ago
how does expecting a guy to buy you a $200 dinner prevent him from assaulting you?
qarbone@lemmy.world 5 hours ago
It really does ring faintly of a “poor people are dangerous” kind of note.
zalgotext@sh.itjust.works 5 hours ago
Nah you’re missing the point. The problem is that men assault women disproportionately. That’s what needs to be called out as sexism, that’s what needs addressed, that’s what needs to change.