I agree, but the location was a bar. Kinda normal at a bar.
Comment on Anon asks out a girl
KoboldCoterie@pawb.social 2 weeks agoA better approach would be to try to pick up a woman who’s alone, offer her a drink*,
A bit of a tangent, but I really hate this. Not meaning to call you out, this is a really common recommendation for an icebreaker and it’s also reinforced by popular media and the like, but it always feels to me like the implication is that if a man wants to approach a woman, they must buy something for them as part of that process. Like it’s a transaction fee to be given a chance.
frog_brawler@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
lvxferre@mander.xyz 2 weeks ago
I get your reasoning, but personally I never interpreted it as a transaction fee. It’s more like a token of good will; I do something similar when I find friends in a bar, too.
The main gender problematic I see is:
- If a woman approaches a man with a drink, society immediately labels both sides as bad.
- In some cases she’d be better off approaching a bear, but she won’t know it until it’s too late.
KoboldCoterie@pawb.social 2 weeks ago
In some cases she’d be better off approaching a bear, but she won’t know it until it’s too late.
Sometimes he’d be better off approaching a bear, too, and also won’t know it until it’s too late. This isn’t a gender thing, this is just a “some people are shitty” thing.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
amen. god forbid we acknowledge there are shitty people in the world, and their gender is irrelevant to their shittness.
Ibuthyr@feddit.org 2 weeks ago
Yeah, I think the way it was handled in the greentext was way more natural and sincere. No idea why it’s considered creepy. Buying some random woman a drink is just cringy.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
i date actively.
most women expect you to pay your way into their company. in my city they had a poll, 80% of women expected a man to pay for a nice (expensive) first date otherwise he wasn’t worth dating.
lessthanluigi@lemmy.sdf.org 2 weeks ago
Can I get a link to this study, by chance?
zalgotext@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Do you think it’s purely just sexism, or do you think it maybe has something to do with the strategy women must employ to protect themselves from being assaulted by strangers?
KoboldCoterie@pawb.social 2 weeks ago
Is the implication, then, that people with money are never dangerous individuals?
zalgotext@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
No, not never, but a monetary barrier probably does filter out some bad actors. Not all of course, and it probably filters out some good actors too unfortunately. But with the amount of assaults women are faced with, I understand why they feel the need to be somewhat choosy.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
how does expecting a guy to buy you a $200 dinner prevent him from assaulting you?
qarbone@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
It really does ring faintly of a “poor people are dangerous” kind of note.
k0e3@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
Yeah, if anything, I feel like a guy paying $200 for a meal would expect something in return and might get aggressive.
zalgotext@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Nah you’re missing the point. The problem is that men assault women disproportionately. That’s what needs to be called out as sexism, that’s what needs addressed, that’s what needs to change.
lightnsfw@reddthat.com 2 weeks ago
What does buying their dinner have to do with protecting them from being assaulted? If anything the guy paying for everything is going to be more likely to expect something in return.