Doug
@Doug@piefed.social
average man by day, average man by night. / you get more points being on lemmy than you do on reddit / movie enthusiast / formerly /u/doug on reddit
- Comment on Charlie Kirk strikes (is stricken) once again. 4 days ago:
Where is his grave, anyway? In case I’m in the area and need a bathroom.
- Comment on Winning isn’t everything 4 days ago:
can’t a guy get his ears pierced in piece without the constant barrage of canvassers? one place, i tells ya, signed up for a great deal on piercings— 3rd one free they said— I get in the chair and after the first one? by god. A TIMESHARE presentation.
- Comment on DLSS5 slander 1 week ago:
Entombed or on rails, you’re riding with me.
- Comment on Thanks, doc 1 week ago:
mirtazapine undid like a year of weight loss progress in under two months and then some; put me back up to the most I’ve ever weighed. I’m off it now and in a better place, but now I gotta get back to it. and the anal fissure doesn’t help ‘cause now I can’t bike anymore until that shit goes away, which has been taking forever to get fully treated.
now it’s boring, accessible treadmills for me and calorie counting all over again. 7 pounds down, 30 more to go.
I wish I didn’t hate exercise so much.
- Comment on Congratulations 3 weeks ago:
Time to switch hobbies and get slightly further learning the new one than I ever did the old one before leveling up and switching again.
- Comment on That would be petrifying 3 weeks ago:
And you can’t uninstall them.
- Comment on The Bane Of My Existence 3 weeks ago:
Some celebrities I just knew in advance were not going to embrace age as they get older and were going to fuck themselves up.
He was one of them.
- Comment on Forever relics 4 weeks ago:
I used to have a box of one-off tools I didn’t know what they went to, but devoting a day to the use of a label maker, determining which adapter went with which thing, and writing up a file of what’s in what box, was one of my greatest feats. I haven’t had to dig through a box for something in years.
My minimalist self loves it. Now I have more room for more useless shit.
- Comment on Delicious 2 months ago:
the reward of pizza flavor overwrites the punishment of pain
- Comment on Seafood!!! 2 months ago:
I’m on the sea food diet: I see food, I eat it— which doesn’t help restrict myself to the sea food diet.
- Comment on They'll try to stop you. Don't let them. 2 months ago:
To vomit in the salad bar, turn to page 172
To vomit in the outdoor patio, turn to page 6
- Comment on Sprout 🌱 3 months ago:
Leaves of two, whoop dee doo!
- Comment on The Math Has Been Did 3 months ago:
I feel dead inside whenever I see anything in a store with this combination of art and wit.
I mean I just feel dead inside all the time, but also when I see stuff like this.
- Comment on Weird 3 months ago:
Make sure to lie about how old you are elsewhere so as to blur the digital footprint you’re leaving. My estranged twin taught me that when we grew up in Alaska.
- Comment on Weird 3 months ago:
Most of my friends are considerably younger than me, it’s great; I get to die first and have them mourn me vs. the other way around.
Suckerrrrrrrrs
- Comment on Hell yeah brother! 3 months ago:
you have my consent to crank that hog all you want.
I’m a bit curious how one’s motorcycle gets them erect, but I suppose with a bit of vibration, anything’s possible.
- Comment on outsmarted 3 months ago:
I had a roommate once ask me to come with him to buy a $40 table he found off Craigslist.
We show up, they show him the table.
“k I’m all ready to take this home, the thing is… I only have $20.”Motherfucker brought me in just to help pressure them into his haggling.
I mean yes it worked, but I was so goddamn uncomfortable. I have no idea what happened to him/we haven’t kept in touch, but it sadly wouldn’t surprise me if he was some god awful CEO. - Comment on sad clown noises 3 months ago:
Me: You want my help in haunting this conservative suburbia? Take my hand! Let me down there! It: Well it’s more nuanced than that, for one thing you die, Me: Bud I’m dead already. It: Very violently… Me: thanks for priming me! It: …fuck off. If you want it, it’s not as tasty. You gotta be afraid of me for this thing to work. Me: YOU FINICKY CHICKENSHIT!
- Comment on Dead 4 months ago:
don’t worry they made a sequel
- Comment on wise posting 4 months ago:
- Comment on Why are they different shapes? 5 months ago:
Hello my name is Doug, I’m 40+ years old and I’m a fucking idiot.
I mean I guess part of me knew, I have been to Subway and watched them slice the fucking bread. But when I see baguettes at the store I think “hm, just like Olive Garden, I can make tiny baguette slices!” I don’t think “yeah time to make some killer sandwiches.”
…I’m going to blame my autism for this one. It probably isn’t true, but I’m gonna blame it anyway.
- Comment on outdoor activities 5 months ago:
Well they’re not just gonna discard the extra tube.
You want a genital tube, you’re gonna have to be happy with a butthole tube, or just one really long genital tube.
- Comment on outdoor activities 5 months ago:
Yeah I’m trying to think how you would “fix” this. Maybe put a faux-building around the tubes so you’re sliding down a toppling skyscraper?
- Comment on outdoor activities 5 months ago:
Kong Ko-Ko Kong Ko-Kong Ko-Kong Titty Titty (repeat)
- Comment on [deleted] 5 months ago:
✅ = 👦🧒🤳📲
- Comment on [deleted] 5 months ago:
✅ = 🥱👌👈😒
❌ = 😩🍑🍆😤 - Comment on 9 miles over the speed limit 5 months ago:
Anytime I’d make eye contact with a cop car I get pulled over.
I’ve learned it’s much easier to just release the caltrops and flip ‘em off if I see anything ski-rack-ish on top.
anyways g2g. court summons.
- Comment on is this dune? 5 months ago:
my worm, it’s attractedddddddddd! NNNNNNGH. SPICE MY DUNES.
- Comment on is this dune? 5 months ago:
Flow that spice right into my b-hole nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngh
- Comment on The Meatstorm 5 months ago:
Don’t fuck this up for me, Sally.
