Doug
@Doug@piefed.social
average man by day, average man by night. / you get more points being on lemmy than you do on reddit / movie enthusiast / formerly /u/doug on reddit
- Comment on Sprout 🌱 1 day ago:
Leaves of two, whoop dee doo!
- Comment on The Math Has Been Did 1 week ago:
I feel dead inside whenever I see anything in a store with this combination of art and wit.
I mean I just feel dead inside all the time, but also when I see stuff like this.
- Comment on Weird 1 week ago:
Make sure to lie about how old you are elsewhere so as to blur the digital footprint you’re leaving. My estranged twin taught me that when we grew up in Alaska.
- Comment on Weird 1 week ago:
Most of my friends are considerably younger than me, it’s great; I get to die first and have them mourn me vs. the other way around.
Suckerrrrrrrrs
- Comment on Hell yeah brother! 3 weeks ago:
you have my consent to crank that hog all you want.
I’m a bit curious how one’s motorcycle gets them erect, but I suppose with a bit of vibration, anything’s possible.
- Comment on outsmarted 3 weeks ago:
I had a roommate once ask me to come with him to buy a $40 table he found off Craigslist.
We show up, they show him the table.
“k I’m all ready to take this home, the thing is… I only have $20.”Motherfucker brought me in just to help pressure them into his haggling.
I mean yes it worked, but I was so goddamn uncomfortable. I have no idea what happened to him/we haven’t kept in touch, but it sadly wouldn’t surprise me if he was some god awful CEO. - Comment on sad clown noises 3 weeks ago:
Me: You want my help in haunting this conservative suburbia? Take my hand! Let me down there! It: Well it’s more nuanced than that, for one thing you die, Me: Bud I’m dead already. It: Very violently… Me: thanks for priming me! It: …fuck off. If you want it, it’s not as tasty. You gotta be afraid of me for this thing to work. Me: YOU FINICKY CHICKENSHIT!
- Comment on Dead 3 weeks ago:
don’t worry they made a sequel
- Comment on wise posting 1 month ago:
- Comment on Why are they different shapes? 1 month ago:
Hello my name is Doug, I’m 40+ years old and I’m a fucking idiot.
I mean I guess part of me knew, I have been to Subway and watched them slice the fucking bread. But when I see baguettes at the store I think “hm, just like Olive Garden, I can make tiny baguette slices!” I don’t think “yeah time to make some killer sandwiches.”
…I’m going to blame my autism for this one. It probably isn’t true, but I’m gonna blame it anyway.
- Comment on outdoor activities 1 month ago:
Well they’re not just gonna discard the extra tube.
You want a genital tube, you’re gonna have to be happy with a butthole tube, or just one really long genital tube.
- Comment on outdoor activities 1 month ago:
Yeah I’m trying to think how you would “fix” this. Maybe put a faux-building around the tubes so you’re sliding down a toppling skyscraper?
- Comment on outdoor activities 1 month ago:
Kong Ko-Ko Kong Ko-Kong Ko-Kong Titty Titty (repeat)
- Comment on [deleted] 2 months ago:
✅ = 👦🧒🤳📲
- Comment on [deleted] 2 months ago:
✅ = 🥱👌👈😒
❌ = 😩🍑🍆😤 - Comment on 9 miles over the speed limit 2 months ago:
Anytime I’d make eye contact with a cop car I get pulled over.
I’ve learned it’s much easier to just release the caltrops and flip ‘em off if I see anything ski-rack-ish on top.
anyways g2g. court summons.
- Comment on is this dune? 2 months ago:
my worm, it’s attractedddddddddd! NNNNNNGH. SPICE MY DUNES.
- Comment on is this dune? 2 months ago:
Flow that spice right into my b-hole nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngh
- Comment on The Meatstorm 2 months ago:
Don’t fuck this up for me, Sally.
- Comment on Suspicious 2 months ago:
It’s just a box that so happens to let you proceed if the string supplied in its field is your password. There’s no question mark involved so it’s not a question.
Dab on it, your honor.
- Comment on What would you call the genre of this song? It is common in a handful of indie games 2 months ago:
Instrumental trip-hop.
- Comment on *stares* 2 months ago:
me seeing the scraper dev tug off the card scanner after I’m done
- Comment on How much brainrot can you handle 2 months ago:
As long as it doesn’t make the employees’ day harder/they had a head’s up, then uhhh rock on 🤙
I had to stop so may “pranks” as an usher at the movie theater because they were too disruptive.
One guy came in and was cool about it, “what’s the deadest hour I can do something in your lobby? we won’t hurt anyone and just want to be silly.” and we let him; he just dressed up like a pigeon and pecked at popcorn people would spill, sometimes out of shock when they saw him.
This one looks pretty harmless/the employees were chill with it based on one of the being silly enough to try and kick ‘em.
- Comment on Ok... i need this. 2 months ago:
what a shitpost
- Comment on Little Surprise 🎥 3 months ago:
His brother did worse things than pot, he’d be fine with it.
