Doug

@Doug@piefed.social

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Hell yeah brother!⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago⁩:

  you have my consent to crank that hog all you want.

  I’m a bit curious how one’s motorcycle gets them erect, but I suppose with a bit of vibration, anything’s possible.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨outsmarted⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  I had a roommate once ask me to come with him to buy a $40 table he found off Craigslist.

  We show up, they show him the table.
  “k I’m all ready to take this home, the thing is… I only have $20.”

  Motherfucker brought me in just to help pressure them into his haggling.
  I mean yes it worked, but I was so goddamn uncomfortable. I have no idea what happened to him/we haven’t kept in touch, but it sadly wouldn’t surprise me if he was some god awful CEO.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨sad clown noises⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago⁩:

  Me: You want my help in haunting this conservative suburbia? Take my hand! Let me down there! It: Well it’s more nuanced than that, for one thing you die, Me: Bud I’m dead already. It: Very violently… Me: thanks for priming me! It: …fuck off. If you want it, it’s not as tasty. You gotta be afraid of me for this thing to work. Me: YOU FINICKY CHICKENSHIT!

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Dead⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago⁩:

  don’t worry they made a sequel

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨wise posting⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Image

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Why are they different shapes?⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Hello my name is Doug, I’m 40+ years old and I’m a fucking idiot.

  I mean I guess part of me knew, I have been to Subway and watched them slice the fucking bread. But when I see baguettes at the store I think “hm, just like Olive Garden, I can make tiny baguette slices!” I don’t think “yeah time to make some killer sandwiches.”

  …I’m going to blame my autism for this one. It probably isn’t true, but I’m gonna blame it anyway.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨outdoor activities⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Well they’re not just gonna discard the extra tube.

  You want a genital tube, you’re gonna have to be happy with a butthole tube, or just one really long genital tube.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨outdoor activities⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Yeah I’m trying to think how you would “fix” this. Maybe put a faux-building around the tubes so you’re sliding down a toppling skyscraper?

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨outdoor activities⁩ ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩:

  Kong Ko-Ko Kong Ko-Kong Ko-Kong Titty Titty (repeat)

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨[deleted]⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago⁩:

  ✅ = 👦🧒🤳📲

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨[deleted]⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago⁩:

  ✅ = 🥱👌👈😒
  ❌ = 😩🍑🍆😤

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨9 miles over the speed limit⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago⁩:

  Anytime I’d make eye contact with a cop car I get pulled over.

  I’ve learned it’s much easier to just release the caltrops and flip ‘em off if I see anything ski-rack-ish on top.

  anyways g2g. court summons.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨is this dune?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago⁩:

  my worm, it’s attractedddddddddd! NNNNNNGH. SPICE MY DUNES.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨is this dune?⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago⁩:

  Flow that spice right into my b-hole nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngh

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨The Meatstorm⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago⁩:

  Don’t fuck this up for me, Sally.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Suspicious⁩ ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨month⁩ ago⁩:

  It’s just a box that so happens to let you proceed if the string supplied in its field is your password. There’s no question mark involved so it’s not a question.

  Dab on it, your honor.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨What would you call the genre of this song? It is common in a handful of indie games⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  Instrumental trip-hop.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨*stares*⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  me seeing the scraper dev tug off the card scanner after I’m done

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨How much brainrot can you handle⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  As long as it doesn’t make the employees’ day harder/they had a head’s up, then uhhh rock on 🤙

  I had to stop so may “pranks” as an usher at the movie theater because they were too disruptive.

  One guy came in and was cool about it, “what’s the deadest hour I can do something in your lobby? we won’t hurt anyone and just want to be silly.” and we let him; he just dressed up like a pigeon and pecked at popcorn people would spill, sometimes out of shock when they saw him.

  This one looks pretty harmless/the employees were chill with it based on one of the being silly enough to try and kick ‘em.

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Ok... i need this.⁩ ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  what a shitpost

• ⁨Comment⁩ on ⁨Little Surprise 🎥⁩ ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩:

  His brother did worse things than pot, he’d be fine with it.