How do you make friends online?

Submitted ⁨⁨17⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨TeaWithDani@lemmy.world⁩ to ⁨[deleted]⁩

It never really occurred to me I might just not have those specific social skills nailed down. 😅 Because irl, I have plenty of ease chatting people up and making new friends. Same with dating or professional networking, it all comes naturally in person.

But online, in writing, it’s so awkward for me. I see folks make long term friendships just hanging out in group chats or discord servers. Meanwhile, I manage to just get into arguments and not really manage to share anything interesting about myself otherwise. I might just not be finding my people, but who knows where that is right?

Anyone got pro tips for making friends in text chats or forums?

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Dookieman12@piefed.social ⁨16⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Take jokes seriously. Put words in people’s mouths. Make wild accusations. Make sweeping generalizations. Be obtuse. Grossly oversimplify. Refuse to empathize. And, most importantly, don’t consider new ideas and never change your mind.

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- TeaWithDani@lemmy.world ⁨16⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Oh I have been doing that! Why did you say it would work for me? Are you out to get me? All these comments are the same. UGH! I should have known it all came down to this one thing. I don’t understand why people struggle with this. I’ll keep doing the same then.
  
  /s lol
  
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  - Dookieman12@piefed.social ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Yeah, you’re getting it! With that attitude, you’ll have friends in no time!
    
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HubertManne@piefed.social ⁨16⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
I don’t feel I make real friends online like the way you do in real life. there is just not enough skin in game no pun intended. The closer physically (in space) you are to someone you know the harder it is to be friends but also the closer the friendship.

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- FireRetardant@lemmy.world ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  I grew up with a girl whom was chronically online and she typically had much stronger friendships with her online friends than her IRL ones. It works differently for different people. Now she has more balance and has even flown to other countries to visit online friends.
  
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- TeaWithDani@lemmy.world ⁨15⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  I always wondered how much impact that has on interactions. It’s like road rage, people in cars are just way more aggressive than someone you meet on foot or even on a bike. You’ll never see people argue irl like they do online… but I still wonder how to avoid that overall and keep things positive?
  
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  - FireRetardant@lemmy.world ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    
    you’ll never see people argue IRL like they do online
    
    You haven’t met me or my friends and family. Just yesterday i got into an argument with my dad about AWD systems on an SUV i recently researched and purchased meanwhile he knew nothing about that specific system. We usually call it off before it gets to the “nice opinion asshole, go jerk off in your echo chamber” level.
    
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Sunny@slrpnk.net ⁨9⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
You absolutely can! I played Dayz for over 12 years, and have met counltess people during that time some of which i still play games with today. Its a great game to get to know people if thats what you’re looking for. However the learning curve for the game is steeper than others.

If youre not aware Dayz is open world, zombie apocalyptic game. The great part about the game lies in communication, you have to talk via voice comms, otherwise you’re very likely to get shot on the spot… The game can absolutely be infuriating at times, but personally it is the game i have the most fun memories from. Nothing beats the adrenaline kick when you and your friends get into a firefight and have to fight to not die.

Best of luck if you try it out. If you want to have a look at some gameplay before trying, check out TheRunningmanZ on YT.

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- TeaWithDani@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  I played it when standalone came out. I enjoyed the feeling it gave you of walking out alone in the woods, orienting yourself on landmarks and stuff. Mostly avoided players and did my thing though lol
  
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f1error@lemmy.world ⁨15⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
You… you can make friends???

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- TeaWithDani@lemmy.world ⁨15⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Right? Friends? In this economy?
  
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missingno@fedia.io ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Play niche indie/retro multiplayer games, join a community small and tight-knit enough that everybody knows everybody, so you can easily become a regular in the scene.

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Drbreen@sh.itjust.works ⁨16⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
I don’t even know how to make friends irl. Even on a gaming discord channel, I’ll see people in the voice chat playing a game I’m playing and be like, ‘If I go in there, what am I going to say? I have nothing to say. I don’t even know these people. Fuck it, I’m not going in there. I’m going to play on my own, fuck them, those fucking assholes.’

And then nothing changes.

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- TeaWithDani@lemmy.world ⁨15⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Bitchin other people for no reason is a great bonding experience. lol
  
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  - Drbreen@sh.itjust.works ⁨15⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Lol the only way.
    
    I must say, the decent into absurdity in my comment was supposed to be comical which may not have translated so well but the former half is 100% true.
    
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cRazi_man@europe.pub ⁨15⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
I’ve only managed to make it work a handful of times.

There needs to be a connection to something IRL from the online community. Maybe you like the same music, hobby or even playing games (that might be online but it is a “doing” action in person).

Communities like Lemmy/Reddit are particularly bad for this since they’re predicated on anonymous sharing and not really keeping you in touch with a group of repeat contacts.

You must have enough free time to end up online and shoot the shit in a direct conversation. Maybe an online chat or voice chat or Discord or something. You can’t really make friends easily with asynchronous contact.

I saw a comment about friendship long ago and I have never been able to find it again. It said something like: to be friends you must share at least two things out of this list: stage in life, physical proximity, common interest, shared predicament (e.g. job)… There were a couple of other factors I can’t remember, but the more I think about it this seems to hold true.

Eventually the connection you make needs to be bigger than how you meet. If you meet while playing DotA, and then you stop playing DotA, is there still any glue that holds you together that would push you to keeping connected through a different medium?

I’ve tried to make efforts to make friends a few times online. People on Lemmy even express interest in a social chat group and I made one. No one ever joined. Well, one person did but lost interest in a couple of days. Good luck in your endevours. Share tips if you succeed.

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warm@kbin.earth ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Making friends through text can be hard. Obviously you want to be in a space where people share the same interest as you, as a common interest you can discuss.

If you play video games, it's a lot easier the break that ground. Chatting to people in-game is a good way to make friends as you always have a bounce back topic as you learn more about each other.

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- FireRetardant@lemmy.world ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  The games can be hit or miss depending how serious it gets. I personally haven’t been on discord as much cause my friends are gaming and doing call outs and clearly focused on that meanwhile id rather actually catch up, shoot the shit and stuff. Its lame getting old.
  
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adespoton@lemmy.ca ⁨16⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
In forums and chats, go places where you can ask questions as much as you can tell people why they’re wrong.

The way to make friends with people is to listen to them.

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- TeaWithDani@lemmy.world ⁨15⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Yeah, questions are always less confrontational. It’s also a good equalizer, especially if you show you aren’t scared to appear foolish. Puts people at ease I think. Gives them the space to explain their thinking rather than defend themselves.
  
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edgemaster72@lemmy.world ⁨13⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
idk but I will trade you because of the two I am certainly more adept at online friendship

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MentalEdge@sopuli.xyz ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
I’ve only managed it accidentally.

But usually the pattern is contacting/getting contacted due to some matter that needs discussing. The source for that can be needing some pointers on using someone elses code, or providing feedback on how someone moderates, etc.

For me it’s usually come from participating more extensively. Engaging in community building such as my modding titanfall and hosting northstar servers. Starting a bunch of lemmy communities.

Then, once something gives you a reason to go a couple back and forths into an exchange, and there is mutual interest, it just keeps going. After that you can pick up with the same skillset you’d use with someone you’ve met in person.

The difference is that you’ll need to keep it going by deliberately reviving the conversation now and then. That won’t happen by running into the person face to face or some similar contexy the way it might work with a coworker or someone in your social circle.

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trashcroissant@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨17⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Same tbh. I don’t have any tips but would love to learn! I’m also awful at keeping long distance friendships unless they’re okay to just exchange memes every day.

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- cRazi_man@europe.pub ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  
  unless they’re okay to just exchange memes every day
  
  Dude… Be my friend!! In fact, if it’s going to be a daily stream of quality memes then that’s more marriage material for me, let’s go!
  
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- TeaWithDani@lemmy.world ⁨15⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Something tells me, this will be an ongoing theme in the comments. Let’s all do our best! :)
  
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